The Beach
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Sung to the tune of "Gilligan's Island"
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale A tale of a silly flick That started off in a childish way And took a downturn quick The lead was a mighty cute young boy Who in Gilbert Grape could act But a script this lame frees him from blame So we’ll cut him some slack He starts with a didactic voiceover “Society is trash” Then sets off to an unknown beach With a girl with a nice ass The beach is a hippie commune with white sand, games and free pot And no one seems to mind that there’s No medicine, beer or plot Our hero tries to win the girl He kills a rubber shark He then goes nuts, what can only be A screenwriter’s lark For his lunacy is meaningless (But it lets him growl and glare) He snaps right back to his old self And we’re supposed to care Is The Beach intended to show us That deep down, man’s a beast? You can learn that if you saw a Jerry Springer show last week Its tacked-on happy ending Refutes all that came before This low-rent Lord of the Flies is a Misguided, confused bore Our tale is done, I recommend You miss this by a mile You’ll berate yourself if you spend time Here on DiCaprio's Isle - Jared O’Connor |
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All Content © 1997, 1998, 1999 Jared O'Connor and Michael Baker