Here’s how to shop for a computer — and deal with the jargon that’s involved.

 

Hey kid, wanna getta computer? You got lotsa choices, and they keep changing.

How computers changed

The definition of “computer” has changed.

Before 1940, computers were human. Dictionaries said a “computer” was “a person who computes.” If you could add, subtract, multiply, and divide quickly, in your head, you were called “a good computer.” Astronomers hired computers who computed the positions of heavenly bodies.

In the 1940’s, engineers invented giant electronic machines that could compute fast, so a “computer” meant “a giant electronic machine that can compute fast.” The typical computer was huge (consuming a whole room), weighed several tons, and cost millions of dollars. During World War 2, American engineers built computers to do ballistics (figure out how to aim a rocket to bomb Germans), while German engineers built computers to figure out how to bomb Americans back.

In the 1950’s, computers got slightly cheaper. Big companies bought them to do accounting and other clerical tasks, such as alphabetizing and looking up customer records. A “computer” meant “a machine that can do intellectual tasks, such as math and clerical stuff.”

In the 1960’s, engineers figured out how to make electronics be smaller and cheaper. That led to smaller computers, called minicomputers. In the 1970’s, engineers invented even smaller computers, called microcomputers. By the end of the 1970’s, you could buy all 3 sizes of computers:

The typical big company owned a maxicomputer; but each department also had its own minicomputer (to handle the department’s special needs), and each clerk had a
personal microcomputer (to do specialized work but also play games). A microcomputer used mainly by just one person is called a personal computer (PC).

Nowadays, the typical company is run by a collection of microcomputers, all communicating with each other, because that collection costs less than buying a maxicomputer or minicomputers. “Maxicomputers” and “minicomputers” have become obsolete, and those terms aren’t used anymore. The typical computer is a microcomputer costing between $100 and $2,000.

Now computers do many kinds of intellectual tasks, so the definition of “computer” has become “a machine that can do intellectual tasks.” Popular intellectual tasks include math, clerical organizing (alphabetizing & looking up records), playing games, editing your writing, communicating with folks living far away,  and controlling other machines.

If your employer bought a computer many years ago and refuses to replace it with something more modern (because switching takes too much effort), the polite way to describe your anger is to say that you’re stuck using a legacy system, because your employer’s computer is a legacy handed down from folks who preceded you: a legacy system is an outdated computer system.

Embedded computers

If a computer hides inside a machine and controls it, the computer is called hidden and embedded. It’s called an embedded system.

For example, a computer’s embedded in your digital watch, microwave oven, pocket calculator, home thermostat, car dashboard, videogame machine, and advanced sex toys. There’s even an embedded computer in your bed, if you bought a massager.

Such a computer dedicates its entire life to performing just one task (such as “telling the time” or “controlling the oven”), so it’s also called a dedicated computer and a dedicated controller. Most such computers can be made for under $10 each — after the manufacturer has spent many thousands of dollars to research how to make them. If you meet a person whose career is “developing embedded systems”, that person invents computers that hide inside other devices.

The typical cell phone includes an embedded computer. If that computer is advanced, the phone is called smart, so it’s a smartphone. Now most cell phones are smartphones, but you can still buy 3 kinds of cell phones:

If a computer isn’t hidden, it’s visible.

This book explains how to buy & use visible computers. It also explains how to buy & use smartphones, so you can become a smarty, not just a plain phony.

 

To build a complete computer system, you need hardware, software, and liveware.

Hardware

Computer equipment is called hardware because it’s built from wires, screws, and other parts you can buy in hardware & electronics stores. Cynics say it’s called “hardware” because it’s hard to fix and because, when you try to buy hardware, you can get screwed and go nuts.

The computer’s parts are called its components. You want several kinds of computer components.

Output A component showing you the answer is called an output device. The most popular output devices are:

Input A component letting you give the computer a command is called an input device. The most popular input device is a keyboard, which resembles a typewriter’s keyboard.

Another input device is a mouse (a little box you slide across your desk, to move a pointer that’s on your screen). Instead of a mouse, you can use a touchpad (a pad your finger rubs across) or touch-sensitive screen (touchscreen), which looks like an ordinary screen but can sense where your finger taps the screen.

Your computer system can also include a microphone (so you can talk & sing to the computer), a camera (so the computer can see what you and your environment look like), and an optical scanner (a special camera that looks at a sheet of paper and copies its info into the computer). If the optical scanner hides inside a printer, the printer is called an all-in-one printer and can imitate a Xerox copying machine. Some all-in-one printers can also imitate a fax machine.

Input devices and output devices are both called I/O devices. Computerists sing “I/O, I/O, it’s off to work I go!”

Processor The component that thinks is the processor. The computer’s main processor is called the
central processing unit (CPU). The most popular kind of processor is a microprocessor chip (little square onto which is stamped a fancy electric circuit).

Memory Components that remember are called memory.

The most popular memory is made of memory chips (little squares that can retain a magnetic or electric charge). Another kind of memory is a disk (a rotating circular platter that holds a code made of scratches or magnetic charges). Disks are slower than memory chips but have more capacity (can hold more info).

Why those 3? For a computer to do useful thinking, you need all 3 of those types of hardware:

A computer without memory is as useless as a person who says, “I had a great idea but can’t remember it.” A computer without an input/output system is as useless as a person who says, “I had a great idea and remember it but won’t tell you, and I also won’t listen to anything you say.”

When you’re buying a computer, check all 3 types and make sure they’re good. This book explains how to judge them.

Communication A component letting the
computer communicate with other computers is called a communication device.

The most popular communication device is a modulator/demodulator (modem, pronounced “Moe dem”), which is a box that connects your computer to a phone system (or to a cable-TV system). Another communication device is a router (pronounced so it rhymes with “chowder”), which lets several computers share routes to a modem (or to a similar device).

System unit The computer’s main box is the system unit, in which hide the processor, memory, and many other electronics. The system unit’s outer surface is the case.

Cables A cable (insulated bunch of wires) can connect one component to another.

The most popular kind of cable is the Universal Serial Bus cable (USB cable). For example, a USB cable typically runs from the printer to the system unit.

Software

The info the computer deals with is called software, because you can’t feel it: it flows through the computer’s circuits as coded pulses of electricity.

Some software sits in your computer’s memory (in memory chips or disks). When your computer is turned on, software flows into & out of your computer’s memory, through the computer’s wires.

For example:

Hardware consists of physical objects. You can hold them in your hand; you can feel hardware. You can’t feel software, which is just information, an abstract concept, though you can feel the disks or memory chips it comes on.

The info you put into the computer is called input. What the computer puts out (onto your screen & printer) is called output.

If you feed the computer wrong software — wrong facts or wrong instructions — the computer will print wrong answers. Wrong stuff is called garbage. If you feed the computer some garbage, the computer spits out garbage answers. When a computer gives wrong answers (wrong output), it’s usually because somebody fed it wrong input. So if a computer prints wrong answers, the computer might not be broken; it might just have been fed wrong data or programs. If you tell a technician to fix it, the technician might reply, “Hey, the computer’s fine! Don’t blame the computer! It’s your fault for feeding it garbage! If you put garbage in, you get garbage out!” That principle is called “garbage in, garbage out” (which is abbreviated GIGO, pronounced “guy go”, as a woman says on a bad date). The technician will say, “It’s just a case of GIGO”.

Your computer wants 2 kinds of software:

Your computer wants 3 kinds of programs:

When you buy a computer, the advertised price usually includes the important hardware, the BIOS, the OS, and applets (little apps that accomplish a little), but you must pay extra to add apps that are bigger & better.

Apps that are crappy (because they consist mainly of just ads) are called crapps. Too many computers are full of crapps.

When you buy a computer, you’ll cry, because it typically comes full of crapplets (little apps that are crapps).

 

Liveware

How good is a computer system? That depends on the quality of 3 wares:

The liveware is called the user or operator. That’s you!

If you’re stupid, your colleagues will call you a meathead (because your head is made of bad meat instead of wires). You’ll also be called meatware, wetware (because your brain is wetter than a computer’s), and jellyware (because your brain cells are jiggly, like jelly).

For example, if you make a mistake and try to blame the computer, your boss can say:

Your boss can also write:

Here’s when that jargon began:

Summary

For a complete computer system, you need all 3 wares: the hardware (equipment), software (info), and liveware (people).

Beware of the 3 wares! You can spend lots to buy hardware (and repair it), buy software (and improve it), and hire helpers (and train them). Make sure you’ve budgeted for all 3 wares!

Congrats! Now you know the 3 ways that buying a computer can suck up your money. Yes, buying a computer can suck.

 

Like people, computers come in many shapes & sizes. A computer’s size & shape is called its form factor. Here are the 4 most popular form factors, listed from smallest to biggest:

“Screen size” is measured diagonally (from the top-left corner to the bottom-right corner of the glass).

Let’s look at the details.…

Smartphone

A smartphone can make phone calls and is small enough to fit in your pocket. Its screen is touch-sensitive: it knows where you touched it.

In the United States, most people use smartphones by Apple (which is American) or Samsung (which is Korean and means “3 stars” in Korean).

If a smartphone’s screen is bigger than average, so it’s almost as big as a tablet, the smartphone is called a phablet (because it’s a phone tablet and, if you like big phones, you think it’s phabulous!). The most popular phablets are Samsung’s Galaxy Note 10 and Samsung’s Galaxy S20.

Tablet

A tablet computer is bigger than a smartphone, so its screen is easier to read and type on. It can’t fit in your pocket, but it can fit in your pair of hands (though it works better on your desk). If it can fit in just one hand, it’s called a handheld computer.

Since a tablet computer can’t make phone calls, it’s cheaper than a smartphone, and it’s safer to give to young kids to play on. Tablet computers are popular among kids, car passengers, and delivery drivers (such as UPS and FedEx).

The most famous tablet computer is Apple’s iPad, which uses the iPadOS operating system.

Some tablet computers use Android instead of iPadOS. Popular Android tablet computers are Samsung’s Galaxy Tab and Walmart’s Onn.

Microsoft’s Surface tablet uses the Windows operating system.

If a tablet’s main purpose is to read electronic books (ebooks), it’s called an ebook reader (or e-reader). The most popular e-readers are Barnes & Noble’s Nook (which uses Android) and Amazon’s Fire (which uses a variant of Android).

Laptop

A laptop computer is bigger than a tablet, so its screen is even easier to read. The laptop computer includes a keyboard (like a typewriter), which is much easier to type on than trying to type on the screen. That’s the main advantage of a laptop computer over smartphone or tablet: easier typing!

When you look at a typical laptop computer, you see mainly the screen plus the keyboard The keyboard is attached to the screen by a hinge. Having a hinge is called a clamshell design, since opening and closing the laptop is like opening and closing a clam’s shell. Open the laptop to use it; close the laptop to transport it.

Most of the electronics (such as the processor and the memory) hide inside the keyboard, not in the screen.

A typical laptop computer (15.6-inch screen) is also called a notebook computer, since it’s about the size of a student’s notebook.

A laptop’s keyboard includes a touchpad. The laptop’s screen might be a touchscreen or might be too stupid to know where you touched.

The laptop’s price does not include a mouse, but you’ll want to attach one.

The typical good laptop computer includes the Windows operating system and is made by Lenovo (which is based in Hong Kong, Beijing, Singapore, and North Carolina). Other popular Windows laptop computers are made by Hewlett-Packard (HP) and Dell.

Cheap laptops, popular in schools (because they’re cheap), are called Chromebooks. They use Google’s Chrome OS instead of Windows.

Apple’s laptops are called MacBooks and use macOS.

If you’re not sure which is better for you — laptop or tablet — you can try this compromise:

Smartphones, tablets, and laptops are all called
portable computers and mobile devices that let you do mobile computing, because they’re easy to carry around (using just one arm) and contain batteries (so you can use them even when you’re not near an electrical socket).

Desktop

If a computer is too big to carry in one arm but still small enough to fit on a desk, it’s called a desktop computer.

It resembles a laptop computer but has these differences:

Where are most of the electronics, such as the processor and the memory? In a laptop computer, they’re hidden in the keyboard, but in a desktop computer they’re hidden elsewhere.

If the electronics are hidden in the screen (behind the screen’s glass), the system is called an all-in-one computer. The most popular manufacturers of all-in-one computers are Hewlett-Packard (HP) and Dell.

If the electronics are hidden in a separate box instead, that box is called the system unit. That box is easier to open than a smartphone, tablet, laptop, or all-in-one computer, so you can easily modify its electronics to achieve fancier abilities, such as handling more data and playing faster games. Its price might not include a screen.

Which form factor to buy

Which form factor should you buy? That depends on your priorities. Here are the grades, from A (which is the best) to F:

Notice that for each form factor, the “AVERAGE” grade is approximately C. That’s why each form factor is still being used.

Which form factor is best for you? That depends on your priorities.

Since I was stupid enough to write this book, I had to buy all 4 form factors, to try them out. Each form factor has its own joys — and its own form of hell.

 

Instead of buying a big computer, the typical big company buys many little computers and lets them communicate with each other, to form a network.

If the computers communicate with each other through cables of wires, the network is called hard-wired. If the computers communicate with each other by using radio waves instead, the network is called wireless.

If the network’s computers are all in the same building, the network is called a local-area network (LAN). If the computers are farther apart, the network is called a wide-area network (WAN).

Each computer in the network is called a node.

A special person (the network supervisor) manages the network by controlling the network’s main computer (the server). Ordinary folks (users) sit at the network’s lesser computers (workstations), which all communicate with the server.

The most famous wide-area network is the Internet. It began in the 1950’s as a small network (a few universities communicating with each other) but later expanded dramatically, so now it includes millions of computers all over the world; most of the world’s visible computers are part of the Internet. When you buy a typical computer, it communicates with the Internet wirelessly (using radio waves) or through an ordinary phone line (called dial-up) or through a speeded-up phone line called a digital-subscriber line (DSL) or through a cable-TV line (called cable). An ordinary phone line (dial-up) is ridiculously slow; the other methods (wireless, DSL, and cable) are reasonably fast and called broadband. So if a computerist says “I want broadband,” the computerist wants fast Internet access, not a band of female musicians!

You can mix technologies. For example, the typical laptop computer communicates with the Internet by sending a radio wave (wirelessly) to a little box, called a wireless router (usually pronounced so the “rou” rhymes with “cow”), which then passes the signal to the rest of the Internet by using cable or DSL, with the help of a converter box called a modulator/demodulator (modem, pronounced “Moe dem”). You can buy a wireless router (and modem) for your home or office.

When the wireless router is turned on (and attached to a modem), it creates a wireless access point (WAP), which is also called a hot spot. While you’re traveling with your laptop computer, you can use the hot spots that are in many coffeehouses, restaurants, public libraries, and other public locations. You can use them even while you’re driving by in your car; that’s called wardriving.

Who makes computers?

IBM & Lenovo

The most famous computer manufacturer has been IBM, which stands for International Business Machines Corporation.

Too often, it also stood for “Incredibly Boring Machines”, “Inertia Breeds Mediocrity”, “International Big Mother”, “Imperialism By Marketing”, “Idolized By Management”, “Incompetents Becoming Managers”, “Intolerant of Beards & Mustaches”, “It Baffles Me”, “It’s a Big Mess”, and “It’s Better Manually”. But those negative comments apply just to IBM’s past: in the 1990’s IBM switched; it became open-minded and friendly.

IBM is based in the town of Armonk, New York.

During the 1950’s, 1960’s, and 1970’s, IBM was famous for selling huge computers (called maxicomputers or mainframes or powerful servers).

Later, IBM started selling small computers also. IBM’s first successful small computer was a desktop computer called the IBM Personal Computer (IBM PC). Then other companies made imitations, called IBM-compatible computers or
IBM PC clones. Now most desktop and laptop computers are IBM-compatible.

Recently, IBM’s stopped making cheap computers for consumers: instead, IBM sells just expensive computers (powerful servers) to big businesses. For example, IBM used to make a laptop computer called the ThinkPad, but IBM sold its ThinkPad division to Lenovo (which is mainly in Hong Kong but recently created a headquarters office in North Carolina, to look American). IBM is in 120 countries. The country having the most IBM employees is India, not the United States.

HP

A California company called Hewlett-Packard (HP) has made more computers than any other company. It’s made many kinds of computers: powerful servers, tower computers, laptop computers, tablet computers, and hidden computers. Most of them were sold under the name “HP”; others were sold under the names “Compaq” and “Palm” which are companies that Hewlett-Packard acquired. Many of HP’s computers are sold in chain stores such Best Buy, Staples, and Walmart. In 2015, HP split into 2 companies:

Dell

A Texas company called Dell sold computers through mail-order but now also sells computers through chain stores (such as Staples and Best Buy). It mainly makes desktop computers and laptop computers, though it dabbles in other kinds of computers also. Dell used to have a reputation for high quality, but now Dell’s computers are unexceptional or problematic.

Gateway & Acer

An Iowa company called Gateway was famous for selling desktop computers through mail-order. Gateway acquired a company called “eMachines”, which was famous for selling desktop computers cheaply through chain stores, especially Best Buy and Circuit City. Gateway sells computers through mail order & stores. Gateway moved from Iowa to South Dakota but now is headquartered in California. The entire Gateway company was bought by a Taiwan company called Acer.

Asian laptops

Many companies in Asia make laptop computers. The most famous are Acer (from Taiwan), Asus (from Taiwan and means “Pegasus but let’s begin with A”), and Lenovo (mainly from Hong Kong, though headquartered in North Carolina). Japanese companies (Sony & Toshiba) used to make laptop computers but quit in 2016.

White-box computers

Many tiny computer stores build their own “generic” tower computers by throwing together parts from many suppliers. Such an unbranded computer is called a
white-box computer, since the system unit is a typically a plain white metal box that has no manufacturer’s name written on it.

Apple

A California company called Apple makes the iPhone (a smartphone), the iPad (a tablet computer), and  Macintosh (Mac) computers (laptops & all-in-ones). They’re all beautiful to look at, creatively designed, fun & easy to use, reliable, and come with good free help at Apple stores and by phone. Apple’s Mac computers are particularly popular among graphic artists and magazine publishers.

Alas, Apple’s computers cost more than the competition, and Apple’s computers aren’t completely compatible with other computers: if you buy an Apple computer, you must learn to do things differently and buy different accessories for it.

What’s popular?

Here’s the surprising truth.

For “normal” computers (meaning laptop & desktop), Lenovo is strongest:

Since percentages bob up and down by 2% each month, I’ve rounded all those percentages to the nearest 2%.

For tablet computers, Apple is strongest:

For smartphones, Samsung is strongest:

On average, computer prices dropped 3% per month. That price decline was in effect from the 1940’s through 2019, though it was interrupted in 2020 by the Covid-19 pandemic, a shortage of chips & truckers, international trade tariffs, and an increased demand by home-schooled kids. I hope the price drop resumes.

Here’s how that drop of 3% per month would affect you.…

Suppose for a particular computer item the average price charged by dealers is $100. Next month, that item’s average price will probably drop 3%, to $97. After two months, its average price will have dropped about 3% again, so its price will be 97% of $97, which is $94.09.

Here’s how the math works out:

Therefore:

The typical computer system costs about $1000 (by the time you get done paying for all the extras & accessories). Here’s what the math looks like for a $1000 system:

Does that mean computer stores will be selling lots of computers for $10 twelve years from now? No! Instead, computer stores will still be selling computers for about $1000, but those $1000 systems will be much fancier than the systems sold today. By comparison, today’s systems will look primitive — much too primitive to run the programs-of-the-future — so they’ll be sold off as old, quaint, primitive junk in garage sales.

Find that hard to believe? To become a believer in rapidly dropping prices, just try this experiment: walk into a garage sale today, and you’ll see computer systems selling for $10 that sold for $1000 twelve years ago!

So the longer you wait to buy a computer, the less you’ll pay. But the longer you wait, the longer you’ll be deprived of having a computer, and the further behind you’ll be in computerizing your life and becoming a computer expert. Don’t wait. Begin your new computerized life now!

 

Computers are like drugs: you begin by spending just a little on them but soon get so excited by the experience — and so hooked — that you wind up spending more and more to feed your habit.

Computerists use the same lingo as druggies: to buy a computer, you go to a dealer; and when you finally start using your computer, you’re called a user.

Drugs differ from computers in just one way: if you’re into drugs, people call you a “washout”; but if you’re into computers, people say you’ll have a “wonderful career” — and they’re right!

As a computer pusher, you can make lots of dough, but just if instead of calling yourself a “pusher” you call yourself a computer consultant. Yes, a computer consultant is a person who gives computer advice to other victims — and pushes them into buying more computers!

A computer consultant who gives free help seems kind, but the truth is revealed in these lines of Tom Lehrer’s song,“The Old Dope Peddler”:

Your marriage

The computer will fascinate you. It’ll seduce you to spend more time with it. You’ll fall in love with it. You’ll start buying it presents: exotic foods (expensive programs to munch on) and expensive jewels (a printer and fancier speakers).

Then the computer will demand you give it more. While you enjoy an exciting orgy with your computer and think it’s the most joyous thing that ever happened to you, suddenly the computer will demand you buy it more memory. It’ll refuse to continue the orgy until you agree to its demand. And you’ll agree — eagerly!

The computer’s a demanding lover. You’ll feel married to it.

I wanted to call this book “The Sexual Guide to Computers” and put a photo of my computer wife and me on the cover; but since some communities dislike mixed marriages, I had to play cool and say just “Secret” Guide to Computers. But here’s the real secret: this book’s about sex.

If you marry a computer but already married a human, your human spouse will call you a “bigamist” and feel jealous of the computer. Your marriage to that human can deteriorate into divorce.

Several women got divorced because they took my computer course. Their husbands had 2 complaints:

To prevent such marital problems, coax your spouse to play a game on the computer. Your spouse will get hooked on the game, become as addicted to the computer as you, enjoy blabbing about the computer with you, and encourage you spend money on your habit. Sociologists call that technological progress.

Why buy a computer?

The average American has 3 goals: to make money, have fun, and “become a better person”. Making money is called business; having fun is pleasure; and becoming a better person is personal development. The computer will help you do all 3: improve your business, increase your pleasure, and help you become a better person.

The reasons why people buy computers are emotional:

Hassles

When you buy a computer, you’ll have lots of hassles.

Repairs Since a complete computer system includes so many parts (CPU, ROM, RAM, disks, keyboard, screen, mouse, printer, stereo speakers, modem, microphone, scanner, network card, software, etc.), at least one of them won’t work properly, and you must fix it.

Instructions You won’t completely understand the instructions for your hardware & software, so you’ll ask your friends & me for help. You try getting help from manufacturers and dealers; but if your question’s long-winded, their answers will be curt.

If the dealer who sold you the computer is honest, he’ll say:

Most dealers aren’t that candid.

Programs If you try writing your own programs, you’ll discover Murphy’s law: no matter how long you think a program will take to write, it will take you longer. If you’re wiser and try to buy a finished program from somebody else, you’ll find the program works worse than advertised, its manual is missing or unintelligible, and you must modify the program to meet your personal needs.

Data entry If you figure out how to use the program, your next torture is to type the data you want the program to process. The typing is sheer drudgery, but you must do it.

Worthwhile? Those headaches are just the beginning of what can become an extended nightmare. Buying a computer starts by being exciting but quickly becomes nerve-racking.

Eventually, you’ll pass that nerve-racking transition stage and be thrilled. That painful transition is worth the effort if you plan to use the computer a lot. If you plan to use a computer just occasionally, you’d be better off not buying a computer at all: continue doing your work manually.

Promises Salespeople wanting you to buy fancy hardware or software say “it will be great”, but computer stuff never turns out as good as promised.

For example, here’s the tale of the woman who was married 3 times but remained a virgin:

Here’s the story of the programmer who died and went to Heaven’s gate, guarded by St. Peter, who let the programmer choose between Heaven and Hell:

 

A computer has several parts. Smartphones and tablets are simple, but bigger computers are more confusing. Let’s look at the biggest types.

Tower computer’s parts

A tower computer’s main part is the box called the system unit, which is a tower that’s 15 inches tall (and 15 inches from front to back) but just 7 inches wide.

7 cables Out of the system unit’s rear come 7 cables.

One of those cables is the power cord. It goes to a source of electricity (the electrical outlet socket in the room’s wall — or a power strip connected to that outlet). That cable feeds power to the computer.

One cable goes to the keyboard, which looks like a typewriter’s keyboard. To send a message to the computer, type the message on the keyboard. A standard computer keyboard contains 104 keys, which let you type all the letters of the alphabet, all the digits, all the punctuation symbols, and other symbols too. Some of the keys are for editing: they help you edit what you typed.

One cable goes to the monitor, which looks like a TV set: it contains a screen that shows the words you typed, the computer’s answers, and pictures.

One cable goes to the mouse, which is a small box about the size of a pack of cigarettes. If you slide the mouse across your desk, an arrow moves across your monitor’s screen; so to move the screen’s arrow, slide the mouse! To manipulate an object on the monitor’s screen, slide the mouse until the screen’s arrow moves to that object; then press the mouse’s left button.

One cable goes to the printer, which is a box that prints on paper.

One cable goes to stereo speakers, so the computer can produce sound effects, play music, sing, and talk to you!

The final cable goes toward other computers (or a modem), to form a network (such as the Internet). That cable is called a network cable. If you’re accessing the Internet by dial-up, the network cable is an ordinary phone line (which goes to your wall’s phone jack); if you’re accessing the Internet by broadband instead, the network cable is a fattened phone line, called an Ethernet cable, which goes to a modem.

Altogether, the typical tower computer includes:

Advertised price When you buy a tower computer, the advertised price includes most of those items: it typically includes the system unit, computer keyboard, mouse, and pair of stereo speakers. But the printer is usually excluded from the advertised price: it costs extra.

Does the advertised price include the monitor? To find out, read the ad carefully!

If you’re lucky, the ad says
“monitor included”. If the ad says “monitor optional” instead, the monitor is not included in the advertised price and costs extra.

Extras If your computer is extra-fancy, 3 extra cables come out of the system unit:

Summary In a typical tower computer, the main box is called the system unit, from which cables run out to other computer devices, called external peripherals, such as the keyboard, monitor, mouse, printer, speakers, and — if your system is fancy — a microphone, scanner, and digital camera.

Ports On the system unit’s back wall, you’ll see many sockets to plug cables into. Each of those sockets is called a port. Here’s what the 11 most important ports look like (on a traditional tower computer):

Traditionally, all those ports are on the system unit’s back wall; but if your system unit is modern, some of those ports are on the system unit’s front wall instead, so you can reach them more easily.

Unfortunately, the speaker jack has the same shape as the microphone jack. Make sure you don’t mix them up! If you accidentally plug a speaker into the microphone jack, you’ll hear a loud buzz!

The phone jack has the same shape as the modem port, but many computers still work even if you mix up those ports.

All the other ports are safer: they have different shapes to prevent mix-ups.

A connector (a port or a cable’s end) that has pins sticking out of it is called male (because the pins look like little penises). A connector that has holes instead is called female (because it’s eager to have a male connector plugged into it).

Setup Setting up the computer is easy! Just plug the cables into the components and ports, and you’re done!

Inside the system unit

The system unit is a magical box you’ll probably never need to open. But someday, you’ll get curious about what’s inside.

How to peek Here’s how to peek inside the system unit (of a tower computer or traditional desktop computer).

Make sure the computer’s turned off.

Remove the screws from the 4 corners of the system unit’s back wall. Notice how big those screws are. Remove any other screws that size from the back wall’s edges.

Then remove the system unit’s cover:

Finally, peek into the system unit and admire the goodies within! To be safe, avoid touching them.

Circuit boards Inside the system unit, you see several green plastic boards, called circuit boards (because they have electric circuits on tjhem). On each circuit board, you see many black rectangular objects, called chips: each chip contains a miniature electronic circuit inside!

Mobo The biggest circuit board is called the motherboard (or, more briefly, mobo). It’s about the size of sheet of paper (8½" ´ 11"). In the typical desktop computer (which is a tower), the mobo is vertical, attached to the tower’s right edge.

CPU On the mobo, the biggest chip is the one that does most of the thinking. That chip is called the central processing unit (CPU). It’s also called the microprocessor. A standard computer uses a brand of microprocessor called a Pentium, manufactured by an intelligent California company called Intel. Modern Pentiums are called Core.

In big, ancient computers, the thinking is done by a gigantic collection of chips working together, instead of a single microprocessor chip. That collection is called the processor. The term microprocessor was invented by folks amazed that a processor could be made small enough to fit on a single chip.

Expansion cards Besides the motherboard, the system unit contains smaller circuit boards (called expansion cards) that snap into slots in the motherboard.

The most important expansion card is the video card. It manages the monitor. It includes the video port, which attaches to the cable that comes from the monitor.

Another expansion card is the sound card. It manages the stereo speakers and microphone and attaches to the cables that comes from them.

Another expansion card is the modem (pronounced “mode em”). It manages phone signals and attaches to cables that come from the phone and the phone jack.

If your computer is part of a local-area network, your computer includes a network interface card (NIC), which attaches to the network cable that comes from the network’s other computers.

The keyboard does not have its own expansion card. Instead, the keyboard’s cable plugs directly into the motherboard.

Memory The 4 most popular kinds of memory are
ROM chips, RAM chips, flash memory, and hard disks.

ROM chips remember info permanently. Even if you turn off the computer’s power, ROM chips continue to remember what they’ve been told. The info in the ROM chips cannot be destroyed or edited. The most important ROM chips are on the motherboard.

RAM chips remember info temporarily. They’re electronic scratchpads that the CPU uses to store temporary reminders. For example, they remember what problem the computer’s working on at the moment. They get erased when you switch to a different computer problem or turn the computer off.

Flash memory combines the best features of ROM and RAM:

Flash memory has great capacity (it holds more info than ROM or RAM) but works slower. Flash memory is called a flash drive or solid-state drive (SSD) when it’s in a normal computer (but not when it’s in a cell phone).

Hard disks can hold even more info than flash memory and cost less but work slower. They’re in old computers (invented before flash memory) and in computers for big businesses (who want to store more info than flash memory can hold).

Older types of memory, which have become less popular, are floppy disks, compact disks (CD), and digital versatile disks (DVD).

Power supply The power cord comes from your room’s wall and goes into the back of the system unit. Look inside the system unit, at the back wall, where the power cord goes in. There you see, inside the system unit, a big metal box, called the
power supply.

The power supply is an AC/DC transformer: it converts the alternating current (coming from your office’s wall) to the direct current that your computer requires.

Laptop computer’s parts

The typical laptop computer uses a clamshell design: it opens, like a clamshell, to reveal 2 parts:

The laptop computer can get power from its built-in battery; but if you plug the computer into a wall’s electrical outlet, the computer will use the wall’s power instead while the battery recharges.

Once the computer gets electrical power, you can operate the computer without attaching anything to it. But the computer includes ports to let you attach optional extras. To its USB ports, you can attach a mouse (to use instead of the awkward built-in touchpad) and printer. You can use the computer’s other ports to attach headphones (to use instead of the built-in speakers) and network cables.

 

To buy a computer device (smartphone, tablet, laptop, or desktop), where should you go? You have many choices. Enjoy the hunt!

Stores

If you live near a Best Buy store, go there first, because:

After visiting Best Buy, visit other stores.

Micro Center is a popular chain of 25 superstores (in Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, Georgia, Ohio, Michigan, Illinois, Minnesota, Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, Texas, and California).

Mail order

Sometimes you can find lower prices on the Internet, from those dealers and also directly from the manufacturers (such as HP and Lenovo). State & federal laws keep changing about whether mail-order sales are subject to sales tax.

Before buying mail-order, ask whether the product’s in stock, how long the dealer will take to fill your order, how it will ship, and what the shipping charge is: many dealers overcharge! Since products are improved often, check whether the dealer is selling you the newest version.

Price changes

Each week, prices change, especially on Sundays, as advertised in Sunday newspapers. Bigger discounts are available near holidays & celebrations (Presidents Day, July 4, Thanksgiving, Christmas, back-to-school, and graduation). When a manufacturer (such as Apple) announces a new version of a product, the previous version drops in price.

What’s missing?

Before you pay, find out what the price does not include. Examples:

Protect yourself

Some dealers offer price-protection: after you buy, if you find the same product at a lower price within 30 days, your dealer will refund the difference.

Before you buy, ask questions about the product’s abilities, to make sure it will do what you expect. Tell the dealer what hardware and software you own, and ask the dealer whether the product’s compatible with your system.

The typical product comes in a cardboard box. On the box’s back (or on some other side), you’ll usually see a list of the system requirements. That’s a list of what hardware and software you must already own to make that product work with your computer.

Use your credit card

Pay by credit card rather than a check.

Read the fine print

When reading an ad, make sure you read the fine print at the bottom of the ad. It contains many disclaimers, which admit that the deal isn’t quite as good as the rest of the ad implies.

Asterisk In the middle of an ad, next to an exciting price or feature or warranty, you’ll often see an asterisk (*). The asterisk means: “for details, read the fine print at the bottom of the ad”. That fine print contains disclaimers that will disappoint you. In long multipage ads, the fine print is often buried at the bottom of just one of the ad’s pages, far away from the page where the asterisk appeared, in the hope that you won’t notice the fine print.

So if you see what looks like a great deal, but the deal has an asterisk next to it, the asterisk means “the deal is not really as great as we imply”.

Fine-print phrases In many computer ads, the fine print contains these phrases.…

Request discounts

To encourage a store to give you a discount, mention low prices from competitors and agree to buy many items at once. Say that if you don’t get a discount, you’ll shop elsewhere. Many stores do price-matching: they’ll match the price of any other local store, though not the prices of mail-order dealers. Some stores let salespeople give 10% discounts, which are subtracted from the salesperson’s commission.

Some suppliers (such as Apple and Microsoft) give educational discounts to schools, teachers, and some college students. To find out whether you can get educational discounts, ask those suppliers, your town’s computer stores, and your school’s administrators.