I just feel lost...and blah, and my body feels so heavy like I'm sinking into the ground..lately I haven't even been able to escape..I try reading but I get confused, I try going on-line and it's busy. I want a 'real life' and I'm finally starting to get one, I just pray that my illness doesn't jump in and mess things up.
Do any PWC's out there have the same problem-like when you meet a new person, male or female, and you don't know how muchyou should tell about yourself, or should you tell them about your illness. I find that it frightens people off, with the 'emotional baggage' as they call it. I feel the need to tell, almost to warn people, so they know what they are dealing with. As I say "You are willing to love me or care about me, but you must be equally willing to love and care about all of me, which includes my shadow" People don't know how to react very well to that statement. I feel as though, if I tell them NOW and they run away or leave, I will be less hurt. Where as if I wait for them to see me during a flare-up when I'm very sick, that I will become attached to them emotionally and it will hurt more if they decide they don't want me and mine.
I am told "Don't tell everyone your problems, when you first meet them." But when I'm asked "What do you do? Where do you go?" How will I tell them without revealing my illness. "Why don't you go out alot?" "I don't have the energy to, I'm always tired..etc..""Why?!" and then from there it just leads into the dreaded conversation, anway. So anyone that does suffer from a chronic illness, or anything please give me your perspective on this.
I have flare-ups which last a few months then I get a month of energy and WOW I'm a real human being, feeling healthy and happy. But then I use the energy up and don't know what to do with myself and then I go back there and stay stuck. You think it's finally OVER..and BAM it's back! This flare-up has been exceptionally long..due to my grieving for Kristy, my first year of college and all the stress that goes along with it.
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