I feel lost
hopeless
betrayed
my body is like a cage
not letting me free
my soul is deep down
my mind, is wandering
I want to be living my life again
not waiting...
I sit and wallow in depression
I dream of being me
I see a glimmer of light from the window
but a shadow extinguishes hope
Once again I'm shrouded in darkness
in pain, in blahness, in need
HELP ME, I feel I'm slipping from this world
to a world all my own, into a language only I comprehend
inside are forgotten dreams, desires, and hope
PLEASE wake me from this nightmare
I'm in despair and scared
It's holding me prisoner
in my own body
won't let me fly
has clipped my wings
the flowers have withered and died.
I'm closed up inside
my eyes glazed over
stuck in this thick 'fog'
pain coursis my body
with fire and pierces me with knives.
Like ivy covering an abandoned house
I'm meak and scared as a tiny voiceless mouse
trying to look within
but it's cloudy and jumbled inside
all my energy is spent screaming and crying.
I try to run
I know I can't hide
my pleas seem unheard, ignored, denied
I fall on my knees
and cry out to God
You don't notice her
as she shuffles through the halls.
She's a whisper on the wind,
camaflouged against the brick walls.
You wonder what's she's thinking
what she does in her spare time,
you are curious as to why
she sleeps in class and cries.
Perhaps her life's unhappy
-NOT at ALL
Maybe she feels lost
-Somewhat, yes.
You wonder if she's hiding
-More likely dreaming.
Could she have suffered a great loss?
-Most likely.
Is it heartbreak?
-NO......
Did she do wrong, make a mistake?
-I don't think so...
You yearn to approach her and ask her what is wrong....
-Be CAUTIOUS, you may get more than you wanted to hear.
But will she reveal?
-You could ask
What causes the way she feels?
-Go ahead, you know you want to know.
You say "Hello"
-She smiles, her eyes seem to shine.
"Hi." she answers in reply.
You sit down and talk and she begins to tell,
She says, "I'm not quite so well."
She says, "I am sick. Don't worry you can't catch this disease from me."
You nod. "You seem interested, listen to me please." You nod again.
"I was blessed," she looks up and grins. "With this disease."
she says sarcastically.
"Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue(syndrome)
Cause me to feel misunderstood and alone.
NO-it's not serious.
A Challenge-Yes!
Hard to understand-EXTREMELY!
Sometimes can't get out of bed
and despair runs through my head."
"I am tired, depressed, and in pain.
My concentration is minimal
my memory is bad
my life seems like a thick fog
and I'm extremely mad."
"I WILL fight
I will struggle
I won't let this THING
bring me down."
"Sometimes I complain
I warn you "Don't be around."
I am irritable, hurting, and weak.
But I could feel brand new,
just next week.
There's ups and downs.
I'm on a merry-go-round.
It's a chronic condition-like a shadow
a part of me till the end.
Sometimes it can be a friend."
"I've learned much about life
and I've discovered my talent
to touch and reach with my words.
I cherish each person who brings me light.
I am an injured bird,
but with patience and love
I can hold your wing and be a complete Dove."
You stand up and give her a hug.
"Thank you for listening" she says with tear-stained eyes.
"If you ever need me, I"ll listen, help, I will try."
She turns and walks on.
The mystery solved-no longer a Shadow, but a Whisper On the Wind.
Understood, by her inspiring Song.
I'm sick of being sick
and scared to wonder
how or why..
Don't you see when my
eyes cloud over with tears
in my voice don't you
recognize the fear?
Can't you see my
hands as they tremble
and my heart beats aloud
Are you blind to the pain
you see creasing my face.
Are you deaf to the
worry in my cry.
I glance around
and see love and
concern on your faces...
But I feel so weak
and lonely inside.
Her dreams lie dormant
at the bottom of her soul
her heart continues seeking
a firmer stronghold
she feels it all slipping
and sliding away
the words never eluded
always were easy to say
inspiration taunts
and silence abounds
tears cloud my reason
and it's a lonely sound
lend me an ear
to unburden my mind
give me a shoulder
I need to cry.
My eyes are glazed over
they sparkle no more
and hope is a stranger
outside my locked door.
I need to start living
and leave my fears behind
take hold of my life
out of this monster's grasp
It may have my body
but it'll never take my mind
my heart is still mine
and somwhere deep down
my hopes and dreams still shine.
Why does it feel
so lonely inside
why won't the world
just let me quietly hide.
I feel like an outsider
who is peering in.
I am at a point in my life
where nothing makes sense
all I was taught that was the truth
all I ever believed in, is not there
there is no light embracing me
only darkness...I am in
'the dark night of the soul'
I am wandering lost
I seek to face the woman
inside of me...to embrace her
to come to terms and live
with the dark cloud
that hovers over my life.
I seek the cleansing rain
to shower me and give me release
yet I fear that same rain
that brings pain to my body
and darkens my mood.
The rainbow in my sky
is fading and so far away
I long to feel energized
I try to touch the sun's rays.
To reach high in the sky
but alas, I am burned.
Luna, is the only one
who gives me solace
and brings me peace.
where do I go
when the storm begins
dark clouds gather
will you let me in?
the thunder crashes
the lightning dashes
across the threatening sky
I haven't the appetite
for even a mere bird
and I'm so very weak
and everything hurts
no doctor of mine can heal
nor medication to cure
mom's kisses cannot fix it
sometimes it feels so surreal
I feel as though I'm an
onlooker to the life that
they say is mine...
I look in the mirror
and a stranger stares back
bedraggled hair
dark circles under her eyes
pale, dim skin
her eyes lack the sparkle
no lust nor that hunger for life.
Pain slashes and burns me
aches seize my limbs
with every passing memory
of loved ones lost
grief sets in
depression numbs me
lonliness poses as a friend
and insomnia fills my nights
with deep, frightful thoughts to no end.
I am so scared and I do not
know how much more
I can endure...
Take me during
my peaceful slumber
let the angels call me
and let the light embrace me
take away my pain
take away the hurt
take away the tears
that sting and burn
take away all feeling
make me stoic and cold
mold me into something
I was never meant to be
do what you will
just take me please.
Wandering aimlessly
listelessly in a world
moving so fast
in a blink of an eye
I cannot even
catch my breath
how long can I last?
A butterfly
so strong, yet tender.
They aren't afraid to cry,
aren't afraid of weather.
They grow from a tiny creature,
into a living flower.
Some people are like butterflies
Have to learn life the hard way.
They are fragile, but hold a strong heart.
They keep strong for those around,
but no one's around when they just let go.
Let the tears freely flow.
I have a friend who I believe
is a butterfly.
She's tender, fragile, with a great big heart.
But then there's a part,
that needs understanding and love.
Sometimes she just needs a shoulder to cry upon.
"My wing is broken"
she whispers unto the wind.
Looking down at the
bruised, battered, torn,
tattered, worn wing
she weeps into it. The wind answers..
"You still have your other wing.
Courage, hope and faith, weave
together in a rainbow of pure love,
to form a new more brilliant wing.
No one can take away your
inner beauty and strength"
I tell this broken butterfly that
although she thinks she can take
on the world, to just break down and cry.
Be that gentle butterfly.
Let someone for but a moment,
hold her in their strong embrace.
If she listens to her heart and
the wind, she'd realize that
she is no longer a butterfly
with a broken wing...
but a beautiful living flower-
to be nurtured and cared for.
Why can't life be simple
like when I was a young child
why can't I turn back
the hands of cruel time?
Why do innocent ones
have to suffer so
I'm sick of excuses
I NEED to know!
Why does my body
twist in pain
I remember when I
used to enjoy the rain.
I remember when
all I did was smile
why does it feel like
it's been a long while.
I cannot keep up
I am weighed down
not just emotionally
but physically
I feel as though I'm
sinking into the ground
...one baby step...
I move foward
...two steps back...
I follow the
schedule and procedure
day to day
hoping that they'll
find a way
...two baby steps...
I move foward
...three steps back...
a mountain of stress
lays before me
I know I must climb
...three baby steps...
I climb up
...four steps slide down...
I grow weary
of the fight
the ache intensifies
the thundering emotions
crash into my heart
...four baby steps...
I move foward
...I freeze...
I am frozen
in place and all
the world speeds by me
like a cartoon character
I run, but am held back
...frozen in time...
As you can probably see the recurring emotions of loneliness and hopelessness, melancholy, pain, and depression-bad flare-up can do that to you. But in the midst of darkness I have found a safe haven, FIBROLAND in AOL a beautiful fantasy world created by and for others that suffer Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I feel blessed to have found them and to be welcomed in their land with open arms. This is a poem I wrote regarding the Healing Waterfall found there.
Oh Healing Waterfall
your gentle touch upon
our weariness is like the
calming hand of a mother
to her child, soothing away
the pain and revitalizing
and energizing the senses.
Or the gentle caress
of a lover...who's soft
whisper is heard upon
the wind and in our
ears and felt in our hearts.
What would happen
were I to disappear
beneath the your surface?
Would you heal the hurt
erase the pain
wipe away the tears?
Be a comfort to all
in Fibroland, Healing
Falls of Water.
I watch as you
sparkle and rush down
you seem to be laughing
at the jagged rocks of pain
as you smoothen them into a
place to sit and ponder.
Flutter back over to...
CFIDS/FMS page
My Main Page
ELIZABETH's BACKGROUNDS
