I wish to educate and inform people of CFIDS. I know what it's like to suffer with this un-caring disease. I am a teen suffering with CFIDS and FMS, as well as NMH. I can tell you first-hand that I would not wish this disease on my worst enemy. There are times that I hurt so bad that I cannot get out of bed, I feel as if I'm glued there. I was homebound sophomore year and at times unable to walk, because of the extreme pain.
Being a teen is difficult enough, with the emotions and hormones and all the other fun stuff we go through, but try being a teen with CFIDS/FMS/and NMH. Not fun at all. I moved the end of my eighth grade year, less then a year later I became sick. I've been dealing with this for five years now, and I have only been diagnosed for two years. For three years, yes THREE years I went to every doctor imaginable, was poked, prodded, evaluated and stuck with needles countless times, I've been on numerous amounts and types of medications. Been mis-diagnosed twice and I've been to three psychologists. It's been hell, putting it plain and simple.
At times, I thought "Maybe I'm dying, maybe I really am very sick and the doctors are just afraid to tell me." I'd have nightmares, I wouldn't leave my house, I would cry in my mother's arms, telling her to "Make it go away." Which she couldn't do. I finally get a diagnoses, just to find out that there's NO cure and that it's CHRONIC, I'm stuck with this thing the rest of my life. There were times I blamed God. I blamed my parents for making me move. I started to believe perhaps it was 'all in my head'. I lost faith and interest in everybody and everything. I isolated myself and became a hermit, my only friend and connection to the outside world was my computer and the internet. I withdrew from reality, resorting to talking to my dogs and the walls.
I have been cursed and blessed with this disease. Without being sick, I may never have discovered my hidden talent and passion for writing. It all started out as just throwing my emotions on paper to get it out, then it turned into poetry. And now I write poetry, short stories, and have a few novels coming along. I hope to be a published author in the future.
If I had not moved and gotten sick, I may never have met my friends or found the support. My family could not have been more supportive, my mother especially. She was taking care of me, working part-time and going to college for her nursing degree. Never giving up on me and never giving up on her dream of being an R.N. I'll never be able to repay her. I know I can be a pain and complain and seem lazy, but without my family I would not have made it this far.
I have lost friends and frightened people away, I'm not contagious, they just were afraid or tired of my complaining, but my very close friends stick by me through the crying, laughing, and my silliness. They are the sunshine in my life. God has played a big role, I do believe that "Everything has a reason", I still wonder about that. But I see the good that's come out of this illness. And the old saying "What doesn't kill you, can only make you stronger" couldn't be more true. I may be a little behind the rest of the teens my age, but I have a much more mature outlook on life. I realize how precious it really is.
I still struggle in school, but I have caring people all around me that try to help. I have been accepted to the college of my choice, still debating on whether I should wait on going away to college, or attending community college, but whatever choice I make, I'm sure things will work out.I used to be an A/B honor's student, I am now happy if I receive a C. It is very difficult to attend, sit, and learn in class. I know that whatever happens in my future, I will try to make the best of it. I am still scared, I won't lie to you. And at times in school I break down, and I have anxiety attacks, but I get over them and "FIGHT" I won't let CFIDS rule my life and I hope that others in my situation won't either. Although we all know how easy it is to let the BAD/negative outweigh the GOOD/positive
Flutter back over to...
CFIDS/FMS page
My Main Page
BUTTERFLY BORDERS and BACKGROUNDS
