In the Beginning, GAUSS created Number Theory. And Number Theory was without form, and unordered, for though there was a set of natural numbers, subtraction had not yet been defined. And ignorance was on the face of the NSF.

And GAUSS said, Let there be light; and there was Ross. And GAUSS divided the darkness from the light, and the Darkness he called un-dolphin-safe tuna. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

And GAUSS said, Let there be rigor in the midst of the holes, and let it divide the valid proofs from the bullshit inductions. And GAUSS called rigor Heaven. And GAUSS placed the rigor that was Heaven under the rule of Shapiro . And the evening and the morning were the second day.

And GAUSS said, Let the holes under one rigor be gathered into one place (in Doctor Shapiro's pocket), and let the valid, slick proof appear; and it was so. And GAUSS said, Let the proofs bring forth problem sets, and the numericals yield conjectures, and the conjectures yield theorems of a kind, and it was so. And the evening and the morning were the third day.

And GAUSS made two great lights; The greater light to rule over Shapiro and the lesser light to rule over the Asian mafia. And the greater light He called Dave Pollack and the lesser light he called Jon Bloom. And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

And GAUSS so said, Let the holes bring forth abundantly students (and let the converse too be true), the fowl that might fly down from the holes in he midst of the rigor. And GAUSS blessed them all. Yea, even those that crawled back into their holes before their appointed times, though not those that failed to crawl out of their holes for lecture, saying: Be fruitful and multiply, and watch my arithmetic. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

And GAUSS said, Let Us make counselors in Our own image, after Our likeness, and let them have domination over the students and over the proofs and over every cretin wombat that crepeth within the program.

So GAUSS created the counselors; from His own pre-image mapped He them; male and female He created them.

And GAUSS saw that everything He had made and beheld was consistent, saying, Ah, good enough. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

And on the seventh day GAUSS ended his complete works, and GAUSS blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it, because henceforth the J.C.'s would do all the work.

And this was the history of rigor and the earth when they were created, when GAUSS made them, before any generator of the field had grown, but a mist went up from the earth and watered the whole face of the ground field.

And GAUSS formed Man of the Clay of the Riverbed, and breathed unto his nostrils the breath of life; and the Man of Clay became a living being. And Man of Clay was good.