Name: Beefcake the Mighty

Instrument: Bass

Age: How Rude!

Home planet: Cholesterol

Favorite color: Blowfly blue

Favorite TV show: Man Glance

Favorite movie: Terms of Endearment (or anything with Meryl Streep)

Last book read: Ulysses, James Joyce

Last book written: New Testament

Hobbies: Turd surfing, golf, onanism, peeping

Last raped orifice: The famous 17th island hole at Sawgrass, or Dan Feather

Favorite celebrity: Paul Lynde

When I get mad: I "take 10" - count to ten for a timeout

Dream or Goal: To one day be known as "The white Gary Coleman"

Philosophy: "If at first you don't succeed, take sleeping pills"

Accomplishments: My work with NAMBLA

What shames me: My work with NAMBLA

On dates I like to: Apologize

Quote:

"I only wish that you, the peons, the lowly zit-ridden scum of outcast prepubescence so recklessly misspending the treasures of youth could truly understand my utter disdain for you as I look out from my lofty perch of immeasurable fame and opulence"

Beefcake is 299 tons of unadulterated sensitivity. "Certainly the bass is the gentlest of all instruments...especially at full volume." Invented music by stretching dinosaur guts across the Grand Canyon.