Chapter 11

"Mistakes I've made in this life/ I can't say why or when/ But the thing that's strange is you only live once/ I'll never look back again…" ~Hanson ("Dying To Be Alive")

Nick rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands, trying to figure out if he was really sick or if he had gotten hit by a truck the night before.

"How are you feeling?" Sara asked, feeling like she hadn't slept in weeks.

"What happened?"

"You had quite a night last night." Nick silently prompted her to continue. "You were screaming again, Nick. All you did was scream and cry. Every time I left you, you'd get worse, so I stayed to keep you somewhat calm."

"I'm so sorry," Nick choked out.

"Don't be," she whispered, placing a kiss on his forehead.

The past few weeks had been bad for the par. Nick was continually getting worse while Sara sat there patiently and cared for him. True, Nick had his good days- today being one of them- where he would ask her questions and talk to her and hold conversations. Then there were the bad days; days often when Nick was bedridden, despondent, and what seemed like a shell of a human with nothing inside. It were the bad days when Sara would talk to him, play him videos of family parties, show him pictures of when they first started dating…

People would call to find out how he was doing or just out of pity. Jane and Bob Carter visited once a week to check up on their son. Aaron and Leslie would drop by whenever their schedule allowed, but in the months since Nick's health took a negative turn, they'd only have visited once.

Naturally, the fans were concerned, and the house was continually filled with flowers. There were a few crazed fans who held vigils, but once the reality that there was no cure hit them, the candle flames went out and they left.

Nick noticed the glazed look in Sara's eyes and used most of his energy to reach for her hand. She smiled at his effort to comfort her. Nick's efforts were well intended, but it made her long for the old days when they'd do nothing but hold each other all day long or the first kiss they shared as an official couple.

Not knowing wheat Sara was thinking scared Nick. He knew she was scared and trying to stay strong for him, but both knew that if things got much worse, Nick would have to be hospitalized.

"Are you up for a little breakfast?" Sara inquired.

"Yeah," Nick said, "sounds good."

"Name it and I'll bring it right up."

"Whatever you pick is fine by me."

Sara took his hand and placed it to her lips. "I'll be right back. Don't run off now," she teased.

"I'll try not to," Nick joked. The truth was, Nick hadn't left his room in the past two weeks. A few minutes later, the phone rang and Sara came back with breakfast and a phone in hand.

"It's for you," Sara said as she helped Nick sit up. Nick motioned that he didn't want the call. "No, I think you'll want to take this one."

Nick pressed a button and guided the phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey buddy. What's going on?" a chipper Brian sounded on the other end. "How're you feeling?"

"A little better," Nick fibbed.

"Um, Leigh and I are going to be in the area. Are you up for a few visitors?" Brian asked.

"Sure, us, yeah. That'd be nice," Nick replied, mentally kicking himself. "I'm gonna let Sara handle this one thought. Hold on."

Brian listened as e heard Nick drop the phone and go into a coughing fit.

"Is he always that bad?" Brian asked as Sara picked up.

"Today's a good day too," Sara remarked as she took the conversation to another room.

"Sara, I need the truth," Brian said while mentally bracing himself. "How's he doing?"

"Honestly?" Nick heard Sara say, "not good. He hasn't left his room for over two weeks. He gets so tired from holding a conversation. Brian, I'm at my wit's end. I don't know what to do for him." Sara's voice broke softly and he could hear her crying quietly. It was the first time Nick had heard her cry over the topic. She was always so bright and happy that he just assumed she accepted it. "It breaks my heart to watch tapes of him dancing and laughing. Oh God, Brian, I can't tell you how much it hurts to see it on days when he just lays there."

Brian rubbed his stinging eyes and tried to digest what had just been said. Could this be the same Nick who would run around and play basketball?

"How are you holding up?" Brian asked. "With the baby and all."

"It looks like I'll carry to term," Sara said softly. "But if Nick gets much worse, I'll talk to the doctor for an inducement."

"Is that safe for either one of you?" Brian asked.

"Do we really have a choice at this point? I want Nick to see our baby before…" Sara's voice trailed. "This is so hard Brian. I don't think I can handle being strong for the two of us."

"Oh Sara," Brian sighed, wanting more than anything to reach through the phone and hug her. "I don't know what to tell you."

Sara wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "Just visit. Please? I don't know how much longer he's going to remain awake or conscious."

"Let him rest. Can we drop by in a few hours?"

"That'd be nice."

In a softer tone, Brian continued. "Would it be OK if we picked up Jane, Bob, and whoever else?"

Sara suffered a small smile. "Sounds good."

"Um, I think Howie's close by visiting someone. Do you want me to call?"

"Please?"

"It's all set then. We'll be right there."

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