Chapter 12
"Do
you remember not long ago?/ When we used to live for the nighttime/ Cherish
each moment/ Now we don't live we exist/ We just run through our lives/ So alone/
That's why you've got to hold me…" ~Savage Garden ("Hold Me")
Howie had excused himself from the room. Seeing Nick lying so helpless brought
back the anguish filled memories of his own sister's struggle. Silently, Howie
rubbed his hands over his face as if in total disbelief. His eyes began to water
and his vision blurred. Howie placed his head in his hands as tears started
to form streams down his face.
He felt an arm being placed around him. He turned his face and saw Brian looking
almost as he had moments before. The two men embraced each other. Howie lost
all control and sobbed into Brian's shoulder unashamedly.
Brian wiped his own eyes hastily. Sara was right: Nick had gotten much worse
from the last time he had visited. The last time Brian and Nick talked for hours
while Nick cleaned out the pool. He seemed so normal back then that Brian almost
forgot his friend was sick…
That was far from the scenario now. Nick had tired quickly and exhausted himself
with all the excitement. It seemed that he was simply overwhelmed. In the pit
of his stomach, Brian knew that things were going to get much worse before it
ended.
Sara slipped out of the bedroom, leaving Leighanne to talk to Nick. Leighanne
was one of Sara's confidants: someone Sara called on for anything from a simple
call hello to advice to anything else. Leighanne had been told about almost
everything. The two women had a special bond before, but ever since Sara had
turned to Leighanne as a friend, the bond had turned unbreakable.
"Maybe it's best if I stop taking my meds," Nick said weakly.
"But don't you want to see your baby? What about Sara?" Leighanne
said incredulously as she was taken aback.
"I know!" Nick said in frustration. "That's why I haven't stopped."
Leighanne fell completely silent as a result of the shock and terror that was
now running through her. "Please, Leighanne, don't tell Sara?" Nick
asked her timidly. "I don't want her to worry. She worries enough without
this."
There was a soft knock on the door and Jane and Bob Carter stuck their heads
in the door.
"Hi, Honey. How are you feeling?" Jane asked going over to the bed
where her son lay.
"I'm OK, Mom. Stop worrying so much."
"I'm your mother. It's my job to worry."
"Tell her she'd fired, Nick. She needs a new hobby anyway," Bob said
in a teasing manner.
Nick suddenly felt very overwhelmed. He felt like he was a tiny baby who only
wanted to sleep. These people were staring at him, making him more and more
self-conscious. This was one feeling that Nick knew he didn't enjoy.
Upon seeing the look of discomfort on Nick's face, Leighanne cleared her throat.
"If you'll excuse me, I've got to go see if Sara needs help with anything."
She gave Nick's hand a reassuring squeeze.
"Please, Leighanne? Don't tell?" Nick asked.
"I won't," Leighanne said as she exited the room.
Down in the kitchen, Howie was sitting at the center island while Brian helped
Sara prepare snack trays.
"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Howie asked.
"Nope. I think we're OK," Sara said as she placed the celery sticks
in the tray. "But if you really want you can get a few apples out of the
fridge and use the apple corer thingy." There was a silence as the three
continued to put everything together.
Sara stopped and looked at both Brian and Howie. She fought with herself before
opening her mouth. "Do you think I'm right?"
Howie was perplexed. "About what?"
"Not putting Nick in the hospital."
"Why do you ask?"
"He's got full blown AIDS," Sara told them while finally admitting
the fact to herself. "We've passed the point of no return and with the
baby on its way…"
"What did the doctor say?" Brian asked.
Sara shook her head. "It's up to me."
"How long…" Howie trailed, "How much longer does Nick have?"
Sara swallowed hard. "Two, three months…"
Brian, Howie and Sara sat in a silence filled with disbelief. None of them knew
what to say. All three wanted what was best for Nick, but also wanted him to
be comfortable.
During the silence, Howie's mind started to whirl with memories. The memories
of the scrawny twelve year old proclaiming that he was "gonna live forever."
"But Nick," Howie had tried to reason, "nobody lives forever."
"Superman does."
"Nick, you're not Superman…"
Howie shook his head to clear the memory, but echoes of Nick's proclamation
of living forever rang in his ears instead.
* * *
Everybody finally left after seven o'clock, leaving the house eerily quiet.
Nick had fallen asleep over two hours ago from the stress of it all, leaving
Sara virtually alone in the house.
She started to fix up a few trinkets on a table when her eyes brushed a familiar
picture frame. Sara smiled as she picked up the picture and ran her hand over
the glass protecting it.
It was the time when Sara felt completely carefree and having Nick beside her
only added to the excitement. Normally the fourth of July was no big deal, but
after being deprived of each other for almost two months, Sara and Nick only
wanted to spend time with each other. The record company didn't see it that
way and scheduled a performance that evening. After the show however, the Boys
were permitted to do whatever they liked as a reward for working so hard. Nick
and Sara saw it as an opportunity to be together.
"Come on, Nick," Sara said as she pulled him towards a secluded place
towards the lake where they could still see the fireworks.
"We're gonna miss it," Nick whined as he was pulled under a large
weeping willow tree.
"No we're not," Sara said as she playfully swatted him.
Nick placed his
arms around her waist and pulled her in close to him. Sara, in turn, placed
her arms around his neck and played with the hair at the base of his hairline.
The two 17 year olds stood looking at each other for a few moments before being
interrupted by the fireworks.
"Happy Fourth of July," Nick whispered as he watched Sara watch the
fireworks.
Sara removed her gaze from the night sky and refocused on Nick as she smiled.
Nick pulled her close enough where their noses were centimeters apart and looking
directly into each other's eyes. A sudden burst of light from a camera brought
the two back down onto solid earth.
"Gotcha!" Aaron said as he darted off with his camera in hand.
Sara laughed lightly as Nick let his grip around her loosen, the moment lost,
as he went searching with his eyes for his brother.
"Let him go," Sara urged as she made herself comfortable in his arms
again. "You can get revenge later."
Nick looked from the crowd to Sara and back to the crowd.
"You want to let him get away with that?" Nick asked her.
"For now," Sara said with a twinkle in her eye. "I've got water
balloons in my bag we can get him with later." Nick looked at her skeptically.
"What? You think that after dating you for this long I haven't picked up
a thing or two?"
"I'm sure you have," Nick said returning her look.
* * *
Sara brushed her hand against picture. She could still feel the warmth of the
night, the strength she felt from Nick, and the freedom he allowed her. It was
a far cry from where she was now, but the picture Aaron had snapped summed up
their relationship.
Reluctantly, Sara placed the picture back on the table where it had been and
started to walk back towards the kitchen to finish cleaning up. She opened a
window just enough to get a little fresh air in the house. A sudden familiar
humidity washed over Sara and she clearly saw the image of the picture in front
of her. Reaching forwards shakily, Sara closed the window and headed up to bed.
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