Chapter 19
"Now I can't sing a love song/ Like the way it's meant to be/ Well I guess I'm not that good any more/ But baby that's just me..." ~Bon Jovi
Numbly, Sara sat
in the pew of the church as the funeral service began. She was sitting with
her family on one side, the Carters on the other. Sara held Michael closely,
almost as if it were Nick himself in her arms. She could still feel his ghostly
touch, the way he wrapped his arms around her and the way he was her shield
from the world. Now, without him, she felt more alone than she ever had before.
"Now to give Nick's eulogy, we call upon Miss Sara Galen."
Sara was caught somewhat off guard, even though she knew it was coming. She
handed Michael to her mother, stood, took a deep breath, and with shaky limbs,
she walked to the pulpit and looked out at the assembled friends and family.
Sara gulped. The last time she was in front of a group of people this large
was when she was 14...
"I can't do it," Sara had said as she shakily
closed the curtain she was looking out and into the filled auditorium. It was
her high school's annual talent showcase, and Sara had decided to
sing at Nick's encouragement. But now, as she looked out into the
crowd of her peers, all hope seemed lost. "Where's Nick?"
she asked. "He should be here by now."
"Calm down, Sara," her friend Danny had told her. "He's
probably here and doesn't want to make you nervous." She
gave her friend an uneasy look. "You'll be fine."
"Easy for you to say. You won't have the entire student
body looking only at you."
They were interrupted by the introduction Sara had written for the MC to read.
"Our first performer is Sara Galen. Sara is a member of the chorus,
and also the select and elite choruses as well. In her spare time, Sara enjoys
spending time with her friends, and would like to dedicate this performance
of Mariah Carey's 'Hero' to someone in particular-
Nick, who has been there for Sara since day one. Now, without further ado, Harrison
High School proudly presents Sara Galen singing 'Hero'."
The opening chords to 'Hero' sounded and Sara almost fell
over. She wasn't sure if she could sing for all these people by herself
without Nick. But it was too late: the music paused, giving Sara her cue to
begin.
"Th... There's a hero," she began in a
timid voice, "if you look inside your heart/ you don't have
to be afraid of who you are." It was amazing to Sara the way that
the auditorium became silent enough to hear a pin drop as she continued singing.
"There's an answer/ If you reach into your soul/ And the
sorrow that you know will melt away..." She was perplexed.
Sara never knew that she could have this authority over an audience like this.
It was a feeling she definitely liked.
"But then a hero comes along/ With the strength to carry on/ And you
cast your fears aside/ And you know you can survive/ So when you feel like hope
is gone/ Look inside you and be strong/ And you'll finally see the
truth/ That a hero lies in you..."
By now, all Sara could think about was Nick and if he was witness to her performance.
She knew he would be proud. She could see Danny in the wings smiling and the
other performers following suit during the musical interlude between verses.
She was aware of a slight commotion on the other side of the stage, but didn't
think anything of it until she went to sing her next verse.
"It's a long..." Sara began but was suddenly
aware that it wasn't just her singing. She lifted her eyes to see
Nick, of all people, standing on stage with a microphone, singing the second
verse as he walked towards her. Nick made a point to sing the next part of the
song looking directly into her eyes.
"You can find love/ If you search within yourself/ And the emptiness
you felt will disappear..."
The priest cleared his throat to bring Sara back to reality. She was clearly
in her own little world.
Sara bit back a sob and bit her lip. When she calmed herself, she began again.
"I'm sorry," she started. "I just remembered
something Nick did a few years ago that hit home." Sara paused to
regain her composure and looked out into the congregated mourners again. Some
were crying. Some were staring straight ahead. Some, Sara could tell, were lost
in a flashback like the one she was entrapped in a few moments before. "I'm
supposed to tell all of you how great a person Nick Carter was and how he touched
everyone here...but I can't do that. I can't tell
you how great he was because you all knew different pieces of him. Some of you
knew him as a neighbor. Some of you knew him as a cousin. Some of you knew him
as your son, or brother, or band mate. But Nick was different to me. He wasn't
just all of those things. He was so much more." Sara paused, unsure
of what to say next. "Nick was... different in the respect
that he didn't go to a normal school or do normal things for someone
his age. But that's what made him so special. Nick had this knack
for combining everything he had learned and sharing it in a new light that you
never thought about." Once again, Sara paused and drew a shaky breath,
pushing the memory of something she and Nick did aside for now. "The
one thing I'll always remember about Nick was his smile. Whenever
he smiled..." Tears started to roll down Sara's
cheeks. She could no longer contain her pain. "Whenever he smiled,
it seemed like everything was right with the world. God did I live for those
smiles..." To Sara, it felt like she was coming up empty.
She had so much to tell everyone about her Nick, but so little at the same time.
"Nick Carter wasn't just one thing to everyone. But to me,
he'll always be my playmate, my partner in crime, my shoulder to cry
on, the arms I could always leap into. My lover. My best friend. And now..."
Sara paused and bit back another sob in order to regain her composure. "A
nd now my guardian angel. I love you Nick." And with that, Sara left
the podium and went into the arms of the waiting Jane, who as expected was beyond
grieving. The two women embraced, each crying into the other.
Jane was the first to speak. "Thank you. Nick would be proud."
"It was my honor."
There was a short pause before Jane spoke again. "I've always
considered you as my daughter."
That made Sara cry harder. "Thank you."
The two finally broke their embrace and returned to their seats hand in hand.
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