A Farmer And His Pigs

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the mud when they're pregnant. The farmer hangs up and gives this some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemenation means that he has to impregnate the pigs himself. So he loads all the pigs into the truck and drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning, he wakes up and looks out at the pigs. Seeing they are still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them all in the truck again, drives them to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. Morning comes, he wakes up but cannot even raise himself up to look out the window at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. "No", she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."