Internet Junkie Support Group

10. You know Bill Gates's full name.
9. Your butt imprint is permanently etched into your computer chair.
8. When you can't find something in real life like your car keys you get frustrated and wonder why you can't just hit file find.
7. You think "Freshair" is an addon for Windows.
6. You speak fluent Klingon.
5. You get at least 10 emails a day from friends you have never met.
4. You think that the graphics in your kitchen are awesome.
3. You pick up girl friends in chatrooms.
2. You feel faint when ever walking further than your bathroom or refrigerator.
1. You have x-ray vision from staring at the screen to long.

The second step to your recovery is to realize your condition. There are two types of computer junkies, the semi-Junkie and the hardcore-Junkie. The semi-Junkie needs to get out more and talk to real people(vidoe confrencing does not count). If the semiJunkie follows a slowprogressive plan of withdraw from their computer and spends more time with living objects he or she should be ok in a matter of weeks.

I. Open a window and let some fresh air into your computer room.(A window is NOT a computer program. It is a glass sheet that "Sunlight" comes through).
II. Instead of eating lunch at your computer go out and meet people. Eat at resteraunts, pubs, ect.
III. Learn to do a physical activity like basketball, instead of playing games over the net.

If you are a hardcore-Junkie or if you know a hardcore-Junkie then beware it is very hard to stop. A hardcore-Junkie is often afraid of the outdoors. Ease them out slowly, put a plant next there computer desk. In extreme cases you can even use virtual nature like a virtual forest. Try to avoid chat rooms and email at all costs. Another good trick is to have them drink lots of fluid then they'll have to go the bathroom more often, slowly detaching them from the their computer. WARNING! DO NOT!! try the liqiud method on extreme cases of hardcore=Junkies otherwise they might hold it until it is to late. If the computer is damaged then the hardcore-Junkie will go into shock and it could be quite dangerous.

Here are some letters emailed to us by our clients
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Dear I.J.S.

Hi I need help. I am slowly breaking away from the computer, but all my virtual friends are begging me to stay. My girlfriend is telling me she will have to break up with me if I cant chat two her at least an hour a day. I don't know what to do?

Hang in their. Just keep reducing the time you spend on the computer. Don't worry about your computer friends. Find some real friends. In short, Go out there and "GET A LIFE."Dear I.J.S.

Thankyou my eyes are opened. Until now I thought that a wav. was only a sound file. Now I am surfing the ocean waves every day. I look a round and say "Wow I never knew the sky was Blue in the day time." I can have a girlfriend now with out having to worry if she is actualy a guy. Thankyou I.J.S.

I don't know what to do I want to get away from the computer, but it has become a force calling me. It sometimes feels like its watching me. I try to leave it locked in my computer cabinet but then I get paniced and pull out my laptop. It feels as if it is possesing me. I once tried to smash it with a hammer but I couldn't bring myself to do it. What should I do?

Dear, Mr. Bagens

The computer is a truly powerful thing, and it can't be destroyed by your hands or ours. There are evil words on your computer "One thing to rule them all. One thing to blind them. One thing to get them all. And in the darkness Windows. But it can behidden. You can't just stick it away some where its power is to great. You must get rid of it.

__________________________________________________________________________________________ ps. We are aware of the Irany of having a internet site devoted to helping people get off the internet.