Death of the Insane, Life of the Mundane
My life, My story, My Shit.
I know that I told you about myself on the front page. However, what most of you don't know is
I'm a pretty fucked up guy.
Everyone thinks I'm this big, fat, Chris Farley comedian, and I'm always in a good mood because I like to joke around and be a wiseguy. No one really knows about me. No one really knows that for 2 and a half years, I was obsessed with one girl, and that my life was crushed when I realized that I never had a shot. No one knew that about 3 months later, I'm still pissed off about it. No one knows that the other night, I put on Local H, put on "No Problem," and just started crying. Nobody knows that my parents are breathing down my neck about everything that I say or do. Nobody knows that my life is so chaotic right now that the other night, I wondered if I made a difference. That night, I thought "Is my life really worth living?" I thought about it. I decided it was. No one knows how glad I am that I made that descision. No one knows that I am a fucked up guy. But, in the end, I have friends that care, and I am thankful that I do.
Like my friend eric, I've been writing poetry for a long while... Here are some of my best.
across the lake
as i look across the lake, i see your face
and you smile, but i know it's fake
your fabricated love has gotten me down
your friendship doesn't mean shit to me
2 years have gone by, and i look across the lake.
i see you with another guy
i should be that other guy
am i not good enough for you?
FUCK YOU!
you say i screwed everything up for myself
you think i'm shy, but if i
wanted to do something to you, i
would have done it by now.
things have started to go my way,
you can't look at me from across the lake
cause your eyes are black....
bring me down again....
Clique
these words come to me in a dream
a dream a can no longer remember
the black eyes shining like a beam
it made me feel exclusive, like a member
like two lights brightening my death
if you didn't know better, you'd kill me in a breath
but in a way you have
you've cut me in half
what i know, and what i don't want to know.
you laugh at my problems, my problems are real
i'm not superficial like you, but sometimes, i wish i was
i wish i was synthetic, wish i wasn't pathetic
you put me down, all i had left was my family
but even they're starting to turn on me.
my memory has failed me, i can't remember your face
is it better that way?
maybe someday i'll forget about you, but, probably not.
i'll never forget you,
so don't fucking forget me.
It's time
so, we’ve come to a crossroad now,
what’s to the right and left is anyones guess.
but straight up the middle is the truth,
it’s time to cut the shit,
it’s time to talk,
it’s time.
life on this side of chaos,
looking back at me,
gazing upon lies,
you’ll never hear my cries.
what do i want?
what do i need?
just 5 minutes,
to talk, to laugh,
to point and stare,
it’s time.
for the first time in a while,
i cried, at the beauty of simplicity.
life of the mundane,
death of the insane.
Finish
as i close my eyes, i open them in the midst of sleep
the end is signifying the culmination of creation
it has to end, it has to end.
just once, i want to feel a sense of love
maybe if i die, i’d get what i want
i don’t wanna be another statistic
“teen suicide is up this year”
i don’t wanna be a part of a trend
i just wanna exit stage left
there is no encore, just the dimming of the lights,
and then my audience forgets about my hard work
infuse the system with nicotine,
hop up the system on caffiene
stimulating the boring
intimadating the strong
all in all, life has been good,
all in all, it hasn’t been that great
it’s always been, follow the leader,
it’s always been, get in line
just wanna lash out
against this world of contridictions
i tend to overcomplicate the simple
and ignore the truth
the eyes of perception
have been closing doors in my face
my life is flashing before your eyes
it’s all over.
Alright. Chances are, you've read these poems, and you're thinking: "Wow. Tom's pathetic" and/or "I hope he's not talking about me in these poems." Well, I'm not pathetic, and the people I am talking about in the poems already know who they are. If you were a subject, I would have told you in advance. As you can see, I have posted a new poem, called "finish." I'm done writing, hence the title "finish." So, if any of you want to talk to me about life or anything, check me out on AOL Instant Messager. My name is Siva4. So, keep it real, and keep in touch.
