Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

Nebraska Maple Lamentes and the Jungle Tower of Death, Part III

Somewhere in the Amazon Jungle, A Few Hours Later

Nebraska Maple Lamentes led the little expedition to the Jungle Tower of Death. Her Uncle Mackie followed with the map that would lead them to the Lost Treasure of the Mayatec. Ex-reporter Scotty Sherman followed him. Eugie Bredner and Mr. Foley, the former house musicians of the Buttery Club, continued to exhaust Eugie's supply of film and scare most of the animals in the jungle with her bright flash. Perpetually bickering acting team Hilary Booth and Jeff Singer brought up the rear.

"That's Miss Hilary Booth," Hilary reminded the announcer. "How much further is this Jungle Tower of yours," she called up to Maple and her uncle. "My feet hurt and I'm faint with thirst and hunger."

"We're almost there," Nebraska Maple called back. She was talking with her uncle and Scotty. "How did you lose your job at the Pittsburgh Daily News, Scotty? The announcer keeps calling you Betty's ex-partner."

Scotty sighed. "I got fired, and it's my own darn fault. I was taking money from some of the Daily News' advertisers to pay for a fund for Dr. Comwell's invention. Betty wasn't too happy when she found out where the money was coming from. She really admires Dr. Comwell. I guess I'm kind of a drifter now. I worked in radio and on the stage, but I couldn't find any jobs. What I really want is my job at the Daily News back, and it wouldn't hurt to have Betty back, either."

Nebraska Maple was chopping down the small trees and bushes that blocked their way through the tropical forest. All of a sudden they arrived in a clearing. A thick and almost as high wall surrounded a high brick tower. The part of the wall that was closest to them looked as if someone introduced nitro to glycerin in front of it. A Nazi vehicle could be seen in the courtyard surrounding the tower, along with three small Great Mayatec Lizards and one old man. The old man was studying one of the blossoming trees in the courtyard. He petted the Lizards and sometimes fed them leaves and roots.

Maple's group tiptoed past the contented lizards. Uncle Mackie tapped the old man on the shoulder. "Pardon me, Sir, but what are you doing here? You could get caught by the Nazis, not to mentioned made into a meal by all these Great Mayatec Lizards." One of the Lizards snapped at Uncle Mackie and he ran behind the tree and quaked with fear.

"There's no need to worry about the lizards," the old man reassured them, "Gertie and I convinced them that eating grass and leaves is much better for their digestion than eating meat, and better for their health, too. They won't harm you unless you try to harm them."

Scotty frowned. "Gertie? Who's Gertie?"

The old man beamed. "Oh, she's my friend. She's studying the ancient Mayonnaise tribe, or whatever they were called. I'm a botanist. I study jungle flowers and trees. After all, they'll be here after all those ancient civilizations are gone."

A woman's voice could be heard from around one side of the Tower. "Tom, who's that I hear? Come along, May!" A tall redhead in her late fifties or early sixties emerged. She was followed by a tremendous Great Mayatec Lizard that wagged its tail and opened its eyes very wide, as if it were a hungry dog. The reptile surprised the group by actually standing on its hind legs and appearing to beg for food. The woman fed it a leaf, which it ate part of and then brought to the smaller Lizards to finish off. The older woman watched the Lizards with some satisfaction and then turned to address the assembled group. "If you're all with those...those heathens at the top of the tower," she spat, "you can go right back to Berlin and Munich where you came from and leave Tom and May and I alone to do our work!"

Maple's jaw nearly hit the ground. "Mama," she asked in shock, "is that you? I thought you disappeared with the rest of your troop fifteen years ago during that exhibition to Brazil!"

"The Nazis found out about the research we were doing and killed my group, but I managed to hide from them. I'm researching the Mayatec and helping May keep thieves away from the treasure." She embraced Maple. Uncle Mackie watched mother and daughter, delighted to see his sister and her only child reunited. "I never thought I'd see you again, Junior."

Hilary separated the two women. "This is all nice and well, but could you tell us how you managed to turn that bloodthirsty, carnivorous reptile into a vegetarian house pet?"

May snapped angrily at Hilary and Gertie held her back. "You insulted May. She doesn't like being called carnivorous."

"Don't feel too bad, May," Jeff grinned, "Hilary insults me all the time." May appeared to understand Jeff. She shuffled up to him and rubbed her muzzle against his legs. Jeff petted her and she purred like a kitten.

Nebraska Maple dragged her mother away from the Lizard. "Mama," she said, "the Nazis are holding two friends of ours prisoner in the Tower, and they may have something very important that belongs to one of my friends as well."

"May, Tom, and I tried to stop them from entering the tower, Junior," Gertie admitted, "but it just wasn't possible. There's a lot more of them than there are of us. May's all in a snit because they stepped in her nest on mistake. None of the eggs were broken, but she's afraid that they won't turn out right. They killed her mate, too. The poor dear's heartbroken. Great Mayatec Lizards mate for life."

"They may kill my mate if I don't get in that Tower," Maple wailed. "Mama," she said, "can you tell us how to get past all the booty traps in there? There's always booty traps in these fortresses and temples of doom and stuff."

"You mean booby traps? I suppose I can help you. The Nazis don't seem to think Tom and I am of much use. They don't take kindly to older people, which is probably why they left us alone."

A gunshot suddenly rang out and Nebraska Maple heard the sound of an all-too-familiar voice as humans and Great Mayatec Lizards scattered. "Why, hello, Miss and Mrs. Lamentes," Holstrom purred. "Fancy seeing both of you here."

"Holstrom!" shouted Maple.

"Kurt," Gertie murmured, "I knew that you'd sell your own grandmother for a chance at the Sunstone, but working with the Nazis just to get your hands on it..."

"Save it, Mrs. Lamentes," Holstrom snarled. "Who do you think ordered the death of your exploring friends?"

"Your superior," Gertie calmly said. "I know you don't have the guts to commit mass murder. The Professor does, though. He's the head of your organization."

Holstrom pointed a gun at Gertie. Maple gasped. "Smart, Mrs. Lamentes. It's nice to see that brains and beauty run in the family." He gestured behind him. "I'd like you to come with me, Miss and Mrs. Lamentes. Or you've seen the last of your two gentlemen friends and the offspring of Mrs. Lamentes' pet Mayatec Lizard."

Scotty and Ol' Tom stood by the blossoming tree with their hands in the air. Two men aimed pistols at their backs. "How much longer do I have to keep hands up like this? They're beginning to feel kind of tingly," Tom asked. The large man that felled Dr. Comwell in his lab two weeks before now carried May's three squirming babies. They bit at the man with their little teeth, but he ignored them.

"We'll never go with you," Maple exclaimed. "What do you take us for, quitters?"

Gertie placed one controlling hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Let me handle this, Junior." She turned to Holstrom. "Kurt, we'll do what you say..."

"MAMA!" screamed Maple in shock.

"...On the condition that no one lays a hand on any of us, including May's children."

Holstrom lowered his gun and called to his men in German. They also lowered their guns. "Done."

-------------------------------------------------------

Nebraska Maple, Gertie, Tom, and Scotty climbed the steep stone steps that led to the top of the Tower of Death. Gertie gave them instructions on avoiding the traps laid in the stonework. Holstrom's largest thug still clutched the three Lizards. Maple stayed close to her mother.

"Uncle Mackie escaped with my friends Eugie and Foley and those two actors who got lost back at Nowhere, Hilary...ahem, MISS Hilary Booth and Jeff Singer. I saw them run behind the Tower. Is there a back door?" Maple jumped over a wire stretched across the steps, and the others followed suit.

"Yes," her parent answered, "and it leads straight into the treasure room. The treasure room is under the Tower of Death," she explained as she ducked an axe that swung overhead. "That's why no one, including Holstrom and his Professor, has been able to find it. According to an ancient biography of King Bonoruru, the Tower was built as a decoy to keep treasure hunters at bay."

"I hope they're all right," Maple fretted.

"Don't worry, Junior dear. They have May with them. She's normally as gentle as a canary, but she's very fierce when someone threatens her beloved children. The little ones and Tom and I are the only family she has." She smiled as the group made their way around a boulder that just barely missed smashing into them. "She's grown attached to that Jeff Singer. He certainly has a way with women."

Gertie and Nebraska Maple were the first to reach the top of the Tower. They heard voices coming from behind the stone door that blocked their view.

"What do you think of that, my dear?" said one deep, smooth, slimy voice. "You'll become my bride, I'll have Mr. Holstrom and that meddling Miss Nebraska Maple Lamentes discreetly disposed of, and the two of us will join Hitler in ruling the world."

"I want no part of your plan, your organization, or you, you horrible Nazi," shrieked Betty Robertsfield. There was the distinct sound of a slap and the slight ping of something metal. "I'll marry you, Master," said Betty's gentle voice in the same dull monotone that Victor spoke in earlier, "and rule the planet with you."

"Let Miss Robertsfield go!" gasped Victor Comwell's normally dignified tongue. "It's my invention and the mystical powers of the Sunstone that you're truly after. My new radio is powerful enough to allow you to broadcast your Nazi propaganda to every corner of the globe. The Sunstone will make all the people in every country on Earth fall under Hitler's spell, just like it made every tribe in the Amazon fall under the spell of the Mayatec."

"You know where the Sunstone is, Comwell," snarled the voice. "My men saw you and Miss Lamentes steal Bonoruru's map from Mr. Holstrom's Tent. I want to know exactly where in the Tower of Death it's hidden."

"I don't know," Victor firmly said. "Maple has the map. You'll have to ask her. I was unable to get a clear view of the document before she went to retrieve the others from the ceremony and I tried to relieve you of your vehicle."

The man barked something in excellent German. "Tell me where Bonoruru hid the Sunstone, Comwell, or this whip will bite into your back so deep that it'll take all the king's horses and all the king's men to pull it out again."

There was the sound of spitting and an angry "Never! I would never tell you where the Sunstone is, even if I was aware of its exact location!"

Maple couldn't stand it any longer. They're going to torture Victor! Poor Scotty looked like he was going through enough torture as it was, listening to Betty agree to marry the man who was presumably the Professor, Holstrom's invisible superior. She and Scotty threw themselves against the door, which fell down with a loud boom.

Victor was bound to a wall on her left. He was stripped to the waist. The weary scientist craned his neck to figure out what made the noise. Betty stood on the other side of the room. Her clothes were tattered and her face was bland. She wore a metal collar similar to the ones used on Victor and the Yorkomalians around her delicate neck.

The biggest surprise was the man holding the whip. He was a big fellow with short black hair and a face that looked like it belonged on a beat-up bulldog. He wore an obviously expensive and tasteful silk suit.

Gertie pushed past her daughter. "Rollie Pruitt, I should have know that you would be involved with this. You don't even possess what few scruples Kurt has left. You're all money and no heart."

Maple got to her feet as everyone else made their way into the room. "You're a respected businessman! You do accounting for companies with bucks to burn."

"I'm still doing that, Miss Lamentes. After all, what company nowadays has more bucks to burn, as you say, than Hitler's Nazi enterprises? They're winning the war in Europe, you know."

"So far," Maple reminded him. "The war ain't over till everyone's gone home."

Another door fell opened on the other side of the room and flattened Pruitt's men. A familiar Great Mayatec Lizard shuffled over to Gertie and licked her leg. "Hello, everyone," exclaimed Hilary Booth as she emerged with an armful of gems, "we found a very large treasure under the Tower of Death. There are gemstones in this cache the size of the Rock of Gibraltar! Mackie used one to break open the handcuffs." Hilary pulled one particularly large, glittering yellow stone out of her armful while Eugie, Uncle Mackie, Jeff, and Foley huffed and puffed under the weight of a big chest of gold. "This one would look particularly nice set in a pendant, don't you think? Or maybe I could find a good jeweler to cut it and create a fine pair of earrings..."

Pruitt snatched the gem out of her hand. "You'll do no such thing, Mrs. Singer. The Sunstone isn't meant for cutting. It's meant to help individuals rule the world."

Hilary's eyes blazed and Jeff ducked behind the chest. "How many times to I have to say it? MY NAME IS MISS HILARY BOOTH, with one L! I am not Hilly, Hildy, Hildagarde, Holly, Hadelaide, or Mrs. Singer!" She saw her ex-husband sneaking out of the Tower. "Don't even try it, Jeffrey Singer."

Pruitt squinted at her. "Oh, now I remember you, Mrs. Singer. You were in 'Razzle Dazzle' with that wonderful actress Grace Cavendish. I'm rather glad you dropped out of the show. Her acting in that part improved on yours a million times over."

Hilary looked like a volcano about to erupt. "You asked for it, buster!" She dropped the gems and decked Pruitt with such a ferocious left hook that he let go of the Sunstone and hit the floor. Maple, Scotty, Gertie, and Mackie all went after the precious rock, but Holstrom got to it before any of them. He scooped it into his hands and made for the door.

"No," screamed Mackie, Gertie, and Scotty in unison. "Don't take it out of the Tower!"

"It'll do the world no good buried in the Amazon Jungle," he said. His hands shook as he backed onto the steps. He pointed his gun at the crowd in general. "Nobody moves unless I say so! You," he pointed the gun at Scotty, "you're a big guy. Help me get Comwell's radio out of here."

Scotty wasn't listening. He walked up to Betty and gently pried the metal strip away from her person. She fell into his arms in a daze and he passionately kissed her. "I love you, Betty Robertsfield."

"I love you too, Scotty Sherman. Thank you for rescuing me!" Hilary huffed, the other women sighed, and Eugie offered Foley her handkerchief, which he gratefully accepted.

"What about me?" whined Holstrom, incensed that he was losing everyone's attention. "I'm the bad guy with the Sunstone." He turned his gun on Victor. "What about you, Nebraska," he asked the gaping explorer. "How'd you like to rule the world with me? I'll rebuild your Buttery Club for you. You could have beautiful clothes, lots of money, and men who would fall at your feet and swoon at your voice. Or," he put his finger on the trigger, "you could be the wife of a scientist with no money and no life outside of his work. Victor Comwell cares about nothing but his research. You need more than that, Nebraska."

"Oh," Maple said sarcastically, "so it's Nebraska now? You called me Miss Lamentes the night you ordered your goons to make the stage of the Buttery Club into extra crispy night at Smokehouse Joe's and then tried to throatal me." The young woman and her mother hurried across the room and over to the captive scientist, whom they untied and steadied. "Holstrom, I had all that once and, frankly, I prefer a scientist with no money and no life outside of his work," she turned to Victor, who gave her a tired smile, "and his wife to be."

Old Tom handed Victor his shirt. "Put that on, sir. You'll catch your death of cold standing around with a bare chest!"

Holstrom held the Sunstone tighter to his breast. "Well, if you don't want to rule the world with me, I'll rule it alone! It can't be that hard, once I figure out a way to get rid of Hitler. So long, suckers!" He nodded at Maple. "So long, Nebraska Maple Lamentes. We might have really had something."

Maple pulled Victor closer to her. "I have all I need right here."

He ran down the steps and Mackie ran after him. "Uh, Holstrom, there's something that I really need to tell you about the Sunstone..."

A sudden rumbling and flash of light drew everyone's attention. Eugie put up her hands. "It wasn't me," she claimed. "My camera is finally out of film and I'm not hungry at all." Foley shook his head. He opened his mouth, but another rumbling sound interrupted him.

Gertie grabbed her daughter, who grabbed her scientist. "That's what we were trying to tell Holstrom!"

"The fool didn't understand," Pruitt growled. "The Sunstone and the rest of the treasure is under Bonoruru's Curse. It can't leave the Tower or the Tower will collapse!"

A voice echoed through the Tower. "This Tower will fall to the ground in twenty seconds. This would be a good time for anyone remaining in the building to evacuate through the Exit signs on your right and left as you're leaving the Tower. Please leave the Tower in as orderly a fashion as possible. Thank you for visiting the Jungle Tower of Death. Come back soon!"

The Nazis went berserk, running right and left and jumping out windows and saying prayers and accusing each other of being the one who encouraged Holstrom and Pruitt to go after the Sunstone. Gertie led her daughter and Dr. Comwell down the steps and even managed to out run the Statue of Liberty sized boulder that chased them out of the Tower of Death.

The first things to emerge into the peaceful sun of the late afternoon were three figures, one of them balding, two red-haired. They toppled head over heels into a soft patch of grass. They were joined by three more figures, one old, two younger and loudly accusing each other of having the not so-brilliant idea to remove the treasure from its hiding spot in the first place. Three more figures, two large and strong and one small and pretty, rushed out of the building as another rumble dislodged the roof. A plump figure and a thin figure tumbled out next. They were the last folks to escape the Tower before the entire structure crumbled before the eyes of the people who now lay tangled in the grass.

Gertie took head count. "We're missing Mackie, Holstrom, May, and her little ones."

Pruitt suddenly leaped off the grass like a Mexican jumping bean. "I don't know about the mother, but I think I found her brats!" One of May's offspring was clinging to Pruitt's behind.

Gertie pulled the lizard off and nodded at the other two small lizards. They squatted on the area Pruitt just vacated and snapped their tiny jaws. "Well, I wouldn't be too happy if someone sat on me, either."

Mackie showed up with fifty Azurian warriors and the Venezuelan authorities. "I told the Azurian chief to call the local police station from my tent before we left," Mackie told the group on the grass.

May shuffled out from around the other side, chasing Holstrom, who still held the Sunstone and his gun. "Could somebody get this overgrown iguana away from me?" he screamed.

"Here, May!" called Gertie. She made kissing noises at the creature and May immediately trotted to the human that she knew best. She nuzzled Gertie and checked her children to make sure that they weren't hurt.

"I'll handle Holstrom," Maple insisted. She clenched both fists and walked up to him and grabbed the Sunstone. "No one should have their hands on this thing. It's too powerful." She took a spear from one of the Azurian warriors and heaved it against the Sunstone. It cracked. "This is for the Buttery Club!" She thrust the spear again. Crack number two appeared. "This is for Victor!" She thrust it once more. "This is for Mama and Uncle Mackie! And this," she heaved the spear as hard as she could into the Sunstone, "is for ME!" The stone dissolved into tiny particles as Maple panted and Victor reached down and took her in his arms.

Scotty picked up the tiny pieces of rock and threw them into a near-by river. "Maple's right," he added. "That's how Bonoruru fell out of power in the first place and brought down the entire Mayatec race with him. The Sunstone allowed him to wield too much power, and all of his generals turned against him. They were in the middle of a civil war when the Conquistadors showed up and took over everything."

Gertie nodded as she and Tom fed May and her brood. "The legends say that the Sunstone allowed the Mayatecians to absorb tribes into their culture for centuries by simply making them listen to what they had to say and no one else."

"I think Bonoruru realized what he did, though," Mackie said. "That's why he left the map and the will and testament. He willed the Sunstone to whomever would keep it out of the hands of someone like him who would abuse its magic."

Betty shivered. "Can you imagine what the Earth would have been like if Hitler really did get his hands on that gem? The world as we know it would vanish in a matter of months."

Hilary frowned at Nebraska Maple as Holstrom and Pruitt were led away by the Venezuelan authorities. "There's still one thing I want to know."

Jeff raised his eyebrows. "One thing?"

"Mrs. Lamentes, why do insist upon referring to Nebraska as 'Junior'?"

Gertie smiled. "That's her name, Gertrude Maple Lamentes. She's named after me."

Nebraska Maple rolled her eyes. "I like Nebraska better, Mama."

"The cat you owned for twenty years was named Nebraska!"

Tom looked up in surprise. "You named your daughter after her cat?"

Everyone burst out laughing and Maple blushed. "I have fond memories of that cat."

Victor held Nebraska Maple, or Gertrude Maple, whatever, more tightly. "I believe it's time to depart this place," he said. "It's growing darker and I have no desire to make come face to face with a Great Mayatec Lizard that has not been domesticated."

Everyone walked out of the area arm in arm. Gertie and Tom, however, stayed behind with May and her babies. Nebraska Maple left Victor for a moment and returned to the courtyard.

"Mama," she said, "aren't you going to come with us? Victor and I are probably going back to the States after this. I'm going to try to re-build the Buttery Club and Victor's going to continue with his work."

"My work's here, Junior, and so is Tom's. I haven't discovered all the secrets of the Mayatec yet, and May and her children need me. They're too tame to survive in the wild." She hugged her daughter. "The next time you're in Venezuela, drop me a line. Maybe we can go on a treasure hunt, like in the old days."

Maple shook her head. "Oh, no, Mama. The old days are over. I'm going to settle down at the Buttery Club, and I mean it this time." She hugged her mother one last time and rejoined Victor, who sat on a stump and waited for her.

"Victor," Maple said, "I've been meaning to ask you something. What was the big deal about your invention? It just looked like a radio to me."

"What you saw, Nebraska Maple, was no ordinary radio, but a radio so powerful that it could reach three times the audience of a normal AM wave."

"Wow," Nebraska admired. "That sounds really swell."

"Yeah," Victor said with a dreamy grin, "I called it FM. Do you think it'll ever catch on?"

Maple leaned her head on Victor's shoulder. "Nahh."

-------------------------------------------------------

Victor Comstock ducked into the writer's room. "Maple, you're due on the air now!"

Maple nodded. "Sure thing, Victor. Betty," she added to the harried writer, "think about what I said, huh? I really think that this would make a swell counterplace to 'Amazon Andy'."

She joined Victor in the hallway. He was gathering his coat and hat to leave, as usual. "Where are you off to, Mr. Comstock?"

"Washington DC. I have a proposal about a new type of radio to take to the US government."

"And what would that be?"

"FM channels. The signal is stronger than AM channels, and it covers a larger range." Maple stood speechless as he headed out the door.

The End

WENN Spoofs

Back to Nebraska Maple Lamentes and the Jungle Tower of Death, Part II!
Back to the Fanfiction Library!