Gotta Run Happy 4th
July 7, 99
Well, it is hard to believe how time is flying only 4 months from today and I hopefully will be holding you in my arms. I got presents from your dad today and he is coming this weekend for a visit. I swear my emotions are on the worst roller coaster ride ever. Everyone is telling me I should just pack up and head off the Washington however I want to wait, I want to make sure this is really right.
You are really getting to be a wiggle worm, though you need to learn I need to sleep some also. I remember seeing Susan coming in from all nighters with Little Susie when she was a few weeks old, oh how I wish I had not teased her as much as I did. I am already looking like a zombie now and I have 4 more months to go before it will be crying waking me up instead of kicking.
I wish that you Dad was here I really needed to cuddle with, hmmm well not just anyone to cuddle just one certain Doug Ross.
Love ya Little One
Aug 9, 99
I can not believe it has been a month, well updates I measured 27 weeks, right on schedule. I had another US, and you still are being stubborn and are measuring back on track with 27 weeks 4 days (should be 2 but this is fine). The main reason we got another US is cause your Daddy was here for this US and prenatal visit, actually he has been here for a week and 3 days now, and just left on the plane back to Washington 3 hours ago. That is another reason I had not been writing as much. I have put the house up for sale with the stipulation that I will not move out till Dec 1. You may ask why I do not go to Washington right now, well lets see where to begin.
Ok, a week and 4 days ago, I was working in the ER as normal. I was just sitting at the front desk chatting with Conni, Lynette, and Halah, and Lynda when in comes this man with a arm full of boxes stacked about 5 feet high. Well before I could get out of the way or anyone could say anything someone bumped into him and the boxes came tumbling down right onto Lynda and me. Lynda managed to still help me get out of the way, and I was not hurt physically however my body was more than scared it was scared to death and the stress caused contractions to start almost immediatley. Well, Lynnette saw the first grimace and yelled for a chair and took me to an exam room and in came Greene. I just was so scared as the contractions were quit strong and my only thought was I could loose you. I told Mark to call Doug, I needed him I was scared. Lynette had already called for the OB and was giving me a shot of tributline, which then did slow the contractions down, and I was sent upstairs to the OB to stay in L&D for the next 3 days. Well I was also given some medicine to sleep, and 6 hours later when I awoke there was Doug, the look on his face was one I had not seen he was terrified and yet so happy to see me awake. He then explained that Little One must have had other ideas and even though my body wanted to go in labor Little One did not. I started to cry just hearing his voice, and well the tributline was already giving me the shakes so I just sat there and cried and told your Dad how glad I was that he was there. Then in came Dr Harison (apparently Doug pushed the nurses button when I woke and I did not know it) and told me that I was still having some minor contractions which was caused by the box that had hit me in the back. I had not even realized that a box had hit me, and to top it off these boxes were filled with reams of paper for the copier so about 25 pounds of paper no wonder my back hurt, I thought it was the meds. Well then Dr Harison went on to tell us that I was not dilating and though the contractions were strong and still coming a little that the cervix looked great and was not progressing, not to mention Little One was not even near position to be born. Doug just sat there and said Thank God, and then asked questions, many which I wanted to ask however I was glad he was asking as I could not talk to well, and still felt horrid from the trib and the sedative. Dr Harison said she was going to slowly stop the trib over the next day and make sure no more contractions would come back. Doug then asked if he could just bunk in my room and Dr Harison said of course. However then she said that she would prefer, if I would do nothing but rest and no other visitors for the next 24 hours, otherwise the ER would probably not be staffed as they would all be here checking on there favorite nurse. Doug said that he would make sure I rested. Well I did get Doug kicked out a couple times to go eat, and update everyone of how I was doing, during that time my mom stayed with me, she told me I should go with Doug, he really loved me no doubt and I agreed. However 2 days later when I was seeing Dr Harison I asked her if I would be ok to move to Washington and she told me I should not plan on any more travel than necessary, till you were born in November. You should have seen the look on your Dads face, I then told him that yes I wanted to be with him and would go to Washington. So now I have the house up for sale and I am getting back on my feet. I am feeling much better no more contractions though I get to have NST (non stress tests) every 2 weeks till you are born. August 22nd I am aloud to go back to work if I have no more contractions though, I will be restricted to desk duty and this time the paper guy promised only 2 boxes max at a time when he carries them in the building. So for the next couple weeks you get to hear me talk about how boring life is, and how I have nothing to do as I am suppose to be on limited activity. Me Limited activity? Well I will do my best, as I would like to make it till mid October at least. Being born 2-4 weeks early is one thing, however I do not want to go through a micro preemie stage, though you are actually probably just above micro preemie stage, which is 2 pounds and under.
Love Ya Little One
Aug 12, 99
Well, day 3 of prisoner of my own home, though this is really not too bad, lets see mark came over the night your Dad left and brought Chinese from my favorite restaurant. We chatted and he shared some stories about Rachael when Jenn was pregnant with her, and how fast she is growing up. He then told me that if I ever gave him another scare that I would have to pay for his therapy, I thought I would laugh myself into labor.
Day 2 Conni came over and brought one of her famous homemade casseroles, and she brought over some of her baby layettes that her Little one had long ago outgrew.
Day 3 Lizzy came over and she brought a meal, also. I finally got her to give in and admit I will be getting meals and visits daily from everyone. I guess I will not have to make any trips to the market. She told me all I needed to do was let anyone know and they would get me anything I wanted. Needless to say I was in tears I could not believe how everyone was helping. However then again maybe I could believe this, since in all the years I had worked there everyone loved to help each other.
Well, it is getting late so I am going to take a nap.
Love ya
Aug 21, 99
Just got home from Dr Harison and got a clean bill of health no more contractions no meds, and so I can go back to work. I think my long distance bill will be sad though since I was spending 3 hours a day on the phone to Doug cause I was bored and wanted to hear his voice. Though I am limited to only working at the desk I can at least do triage and volunteer in the clinic some again. Doug, is concerned about me going back to work, however says he knows that I would not do it if I felt there was a problem.
Well in 24 hours I will be at work and get to talk to people more than just the few hour visit to check in on me. Yeah!!!
Sept 5, 99
32 Weeks today, and only 8 more weeks to go. Well I am now officially on 2-week appointments and I look like a house. I am scared to think what I will look like in 8 more weeks. I have not had any offers on the house yet and not too many people are interested cause it is so close the L. Well, I guess I will wait and see Doug assures me that it does not matter if it sells as he can afford much more with his new job. He told me that he will now have more time to spend with us cause he only works M-F and an occasional Saturday he says he never thought he would enjoy a practice however he is. Well, I am glad that he will have time for us at least, but I still think he misses the ER.
Gotta run or well waddle Love Ya
Sept 15,99
Well had another appt and everything is right on schedule. The NST looked great no more contractions and you are responding like you should. Mark, just asked me how much I would want to rent the house? I had not thought of renting however I guess that way I could always have a place to come back to here in Chicago. I told him $1200.00 a month he said that would be fine and his lease is up in Jan so that gives me one extra month if I want to stay. So at least now my house is settled and I know mark will not destroy the house. Well, at least I do not think so.
Talked to you Dad on videoconference today, he is looking so excited and told me how much he missed us. He has a flight for November 3rd and it comes in at 3:15 p.m. in the afternoon and he can stay for 4 weeks, which should give us enough time to get everything packed and say goodbye and make sure that you are ok. At least we well get to have your 1st Thanksgiving with my family, and then Mom has promised to come to Washington for Christmas. I think she still does not trust Doug and is really worried about me leaving family with a new baby and going out west.
Well, got to get ready and head to work.
Love Ya Little One
Sept 17,99
I think I am still in shock. Yesterday, we got a call in of a 4 car pile up, we were getting 4 traumas, one was a child however he seem to be fine but we need checked out. Both of his parents were in critical condition though. Then of course we swung (well not me) into action and I started to beep Carter and Benton (who had just left about an hour ago for lunch) to come back 911. About 10 minutes later the first victim came in and when I turned around I saw that it was Carla I nearly jumped out of my seat. I then saw a paramedic carrying Baby Reese in her arms. I took them into Exam 3 and then asked the paramedic if there had been a black man in the car also (I knew Benton had been going to go to lunch with Carla and Reese). She then confirmed he was in the second squad and was very serious. I sat Reese down and took off his coat which when I did a few pieces of glass fell out of his coat. So I then took him down to his diaper so I could make sure all the glass was out of his clothes. The paramedic then said that the other driver of the other car had been drunk and had walked away without a scratch and was being held by the police. I sat there with a crying Reese and got him calmed down and Dr Parker (the new Peds attending) came in to look him over. He said that he looked fine and thank goodness for a good car seat it saved his life. He then asked if I was ok and I said I am fine, just that Reese's parents are very critical and with pregnancy hormones I could not keep the old straight face nurse composure. Dr Parker said he understood, then picked up Reese and offered to take him to the Nursery till someone could pick him up. I said Thanks and told him that his Aunt should be there soon to get him that we had called her. I then walked back to my desk, and Lynda reminded me I was not suppose to be lifting or doing anything but sitting and doing triage. I said I knew but I just could not help myself. Then I finally asked the question I could read in her eyes, how were Carla and Benton? Lynda looked at me with tears and said let's go take a break. When we go into the break room she broke down and let a small tear slip and said that Carla was in surgery and was very critical she had 3 broken ribs, a skull fracture and a tear in her liver and a ruptured spleen. However Dr Romano thought she would have a full recovery. Benton she said they were still working on, Carter and Greene were not giving up he had a skull fracture also, and numerous other internal injuries and had crashed 4 times and was on the 5th time. They could not even get him stabilized enough to make it to surgery. They do not think his outlook looks very good. I sat there and could not believe it, how could this happen? Lynda asked if I was ok or if I wanted some water, she told me that she knew I had not been real good friends with him but she did not want to see me stressed this far in the pregnancy with everything I had going on already.
Mark Greene and his never give up attitude I knew that all to well, if it had not been for his taking extreme measures when I tried to take my life, I would not be here now. I just hope that Mark will be able to pull off another miracle. I went into the trauma and of course Mark gave me a look of what are you doing here. I could see the machines indicating there was no real hope, I asked how long to Chunny and she said it had been 45 mins since he went into the current Vtach. They got 2 normal rhythms and in a matter of 30 seconds he was back into Vtach. Mark looked into Benton's eyes and then stopped and stopped Carter from administering CPR and said no that his pupils were fixed. I just stood there and took a deep breath I could not believe that Peter Benton was dead. I asked if Corday knew he was even here, and Chunny said no that she was in surgery doing an appendectomy from earlier. I told Mark I would go talk to her, Mark said thanks and then just stared. Needless to say the ER was very silent for the rest of the day, with the exception of the patients. Benton's sister came and got Reese and I told her how sorry I was and let me know if she needed anything. The funeral is in 3 days, Mark keeps going over things to see if he could have done anything else, and Carter looks like a lost puppy, everyone is at a loss to say anything.
Well that is about it. I love you Little One and I am glad you are here, in 6 weeks I will be able to focus on your life and try to forget about death.
Your Mom, Carol
Sept 23, 99
Benton's funeral was very nice, even though it rained. Jeanie was there with Benton's sister who was looking like she had not slept in days since his death. Reese was adorable as always and I am not even sure if he understood what was happening. Carla is out of the ICU and should be out of the hospital by next week.
Doug asked if I was ok with the stress of having a friend die, I told him I am fine, however I will be better when he gets to Chicago and we can be together again. He assured me that he would be there Nov 3rd no matter what. The thought of seeing him coming off the plane Nov 3rd brought a smile to my face. I know now that Doug will always be there and is truly dedicated to us.
Oct 1, 99
Panic time, geesh I think this should be my battle cry for this pregnancy. Well, I was sitting at work today and realized that you were not moving much, I know that as you get closer to the due date that movement is less. However, this did not keep me from worrying. I excused myself from the desk, and then went into exam room 4 where we had a doppler and checked for your heartbeat, which was there as loud as can be, at a rate of 148 a min. Well, Corday walks in and said she saw the look of worry on my face and was wondering what was going on. I confided in her that I was just being paranoid. I told her I had a NST today at 4pm up on OB however with the less movement I wanted to check now. She said she could not blame me about being careful. We talked a little more about her new relationship with Mark and how she was doing with Benton's death. Well, then Lizzy put me on the spot and asked if I was going to the Lamaze class for the working Mom to be this coming Saturday that was 8 hrs and who would be my coach. I umm well finally said no I was thinking about not taking the class and hoping that Little One would not make an appearance till after November 3rd at 3:15pm. Lizzy finally talked me into the class and she is going to be my coach in case Doug is not here, I think this will be fine, however you best not get any ideas. We have gone this far only 34 days and then you can be born.
Got to go now Love You Little One
