Building Noah's Ark Today
The Lord spoke to Noah and said:
'In six months I'm going to make it rain,
until the whole earth is covered with water,
and all the evil people are destroyed.
But I want to save a few good people and,
two of every kind of living thing on the planet.
I am commanding you, Noah, to build an Ark.'
In a flash of lightning....
He delivered the specifications for the Ark.
'Okay' said Noah,
trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
'Six months! It starts to rain' thundered the Lord
'You had better have the Ark completed,
or learn to swim for a very long time'.
Six months passed...the skies clouded...rain began to fall,
The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping,
and there was no Ark.
Noah shouted: 'Lord, please forgive me!..I did my best,
but there were big problems!
First, I had to get a building permit
for the construction project,
and your plans didn't meet code requirements.
So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans.
Then I got into a big fight over whether or not
the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.
Then my neighbour objected,
saying he didn't want an Ark in his backyard
he claimed I was violating zoning laws,
so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
because there was ban on cutting trees,
so as to save the Spotted Owl.
I had to convince the Forestry & Wildlife Commission that I needed the wood
to save the owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls....
so, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike.
I had to negotiate a settlement with Labour Relations Board,
before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer.
Now we have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
Then I started gathering up the animals, and got sued by an animal rights group.
They objected to me taking only 2 of each kind.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the Ministry of Enviroment
notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark
without filing an enviromental impact statement on your proposed flood.
They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no
jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being.
Then the Armed Forces Corporation of Engineers
wanted a map
of the proposed new flood plain.
I sent them a Globe.....
Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from
the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.....
as to how many ethnic groups I'm suppose to hire.
The Tax Department has seized all my assets,
claiming that I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country.
I really don't think I can
finish the Ark for at least another 5 years!!'
wailed Noah
The sky began to clear......
The sun began to shine......
A rainbow arched across the sky......
Noah looked up, wiped his tears, smiled and said:
'You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?'
Sadly the Lord replied:
'No, the government already has'
~*~author unknown~*~
Twas the Night Before Christmas
Click here to e-mail this page to a Friend
Visit ICQ Top 100
My ICQ Greetings*~*
Sign Our Guest-Book *~*
View Our Site
kstevens@worldchat.com