How did we get to this point? Well, let's go back and look at the mileposts. It used to be the only place you could go to learn such vocabulary was the military. Apparently profanity used to be a classified secret weapon to be used only in preparation for and the staging of war. Okay, we know that isn't true... swearing is as old as the hills our ancestors used to swear at when they were dragging something home. It actually wouldn't surprise me if man invented "bad language" about the same time he invented tools... to mash his thumbs with. It kind of makes you wonder what Neanderthal man shouted when he was gored by a wooly mammoth. Unfortunately, it adds nothing to the argument. The point is that up until a very recent time, profanity had a very specific niche in our culture. It was the great unmentionable... not for mixed company, and you definitely didn't do it in front of the kids. Nowadays, it's the rare individual who doesn't swear at his kids. By comparison, could you picture Ward Cleaver saying, "Wally, I want you to go upstairs and pick up all the s*** in your room?"
I'm not going to sit here and tell you that the world was just wonderful before people starting belting out curse words on television. Rudeness, violence and inhumanity have been part of society since before we had a society. I'm sure the nomadic tribes of Western Europe were flipping each other off, or its equivalent when one of them sucked all the marrow out of the squirrel's femur before anyone else got a turn. What I am telling you is that society as a whole has suffered since there was a general loosening of the moral conduct code. The message got across that if enough people misbehave in a certain way, that behavior will eventually be mainstreamed. It probably got an early lesson from Prohibition. I very seriously doubt there is much of an argument to be made regarding the virtues of alcohol, but enough people wanted to alter their consciousness, so the government capitulated. Unfortunately, while statutes are on the books to prevent the abuse of alcohol especially among those below the age of consent, no such protections exist to deter the abuse of profanity. The closest we come is the MPAA rating system, but that's only as effective as the seventeen year old manning the box office, and does nothing about the stream of obscenity flowing into the American household through the internet, cable TV, and over the airwaves.
I am, by no means an alarmist. I do not advocate censorship of any form amongst adults. That being said, I must call attention to the fact that such items as the "V-chip" are not a form of censorship, but a mechanism for maintaining parental control. I find it ironic that at the same time people are shouting to hold parents accountable for the grave misdeeds of their progeny, they fight to strip them of their ability to govern the influences to which their off-spring are exposed. Gone are the days of the twenty-four, seven housewives who could monitor their kids viewing habits. Heck, I grew up with that and it still didn't keep me from watching "Soap" against my parents wishes. Granted, so far I haven't grown up to be a homicidal maniac, but that could be due as much to the clear message that I got from such prohibitions; these were not people to emulate.
What we are faced with now is a latch key, I'm exhausted when I get home, I can't find the remote, are you still living here, did your mother call, dual income, two cars in the shop, one half hour quality time quagmire. You can't keep track of your sunglasses, what makes you think you can keep track of your child's influences. Before I lose my point, let me get back to it. If we are to accept that the two-income household is the reality of the day, then we have to accept that technology is the only thing we can rely on to maintain our wishes in our absence. The sad truth is that children today are learning the "F" word at an earlier and earlier age, and to make matters worse, the parents are finding out when their kids correctly conjugate the second person, imperative command to them. Unfortunately, accessibility is only part of the problem. More often it's a matter of self-control. I got started in the profanity game a little late in life, compared with my contemporaries. While they had all the subtleties and nuances down by the sixth grade, I really didn't even begin using them until I was in junior high, and hadn't gotten comfortable with it until late in my sophomore year in high school. There are still a couple of obscenities I have trouble saying, and go to great lengths to avoid people who do. What is more to the point is that I had to be out of college for two years before I used any of them in front of my parents, and to this day, I don't think they've ever heard me use the "F" word. It's not so much out of fear, although that had a lot to do with it early on, rather it was more about respect. I think what we have nowadays is a case of reaping what we've sown.
As I alluded to earlier, the parents of today seem to be more inclined to resort to profanity in disciplining their children. "You little s***, what the f*** were you thinking?" and so forth. If we want our kids to show restraint, we're going to have to show some first. If you slip up, don't let yourself slide on the mistaken notion they didn't notice. Take time out from your ire and apologize. "I'm sorry I said that. It was completely inappropriate and uncalled for. The fact that I lost my temper is no excuse, and I hope you can forgive me. However, that does not change the fact that what you did was wrong, and I still have to punish you." It will add some much needed integrity to the proceedings, and may keep you from the next "logical" step. Once you lose control of your language, losing control of your fists doesn't require that much of a stretch, and bruises are a little harder to take back than words.
Now for the thought that really is gonna get me some e-mail. Of all the ideas that have come along to ease the burden on contemporary parents, I think day care has to be one of the worst. It sounds okay at first, warehousing your kids for eight hours, but then you start to break it down into its components and you come up with, 1. giving you child a strong separation anxiety complex at an early age, 2. placing them in an environment where they get about as much individual attention as an m&m (ever notice how many misshapen peanut m&m's make it into a bag), 3. subjecting them to peer pressure before they can even pronounce, "bad influence," and 4. perpetually reminding them they are nothing but a burden that has kept you from getting that promotion because you and your spouse are constantly juggling and squabbling over who's going to pick them up or find someone who will. Is it any wonder that little Joey with the "s*** happens " bumper sticker on his lunch box is having more of an influence on your little angel than you are? He has the time, and he can wait you out.
I also find myself saddened by the fact that a blue streak has become an acceptable replacement for a sharp wit. It seems that all a comedian has to do is interlace vulgarity, obscenity and profanity in as every other word, and he could get laughs reading from "Democracy in America." Have we exhausted all the human foibles so that now there is nothing new to laugh at? Are we headed for a day when movies that make it to broadcast TV will be ten minutes long, including credits, after they edit out all the unsuitable material? Or will we reach a point, we are already rapidly approaching, where anything goes? As much as I like "NYPD Blue," I have to admit I am less than pleased with what it augers for the future of television. I can remember a stark chill going up my back in the early nineteen eighties, the first time I heard a profanity uttered on television. Oddly enough, it was the same episode of M*A*S*H I referred to in an earlier article. Just as a South Korean officer is about to take a North Korean woman away to be interrogated and executed, Hawkeye takes an ill-conceived step forward, calling the officer the male progeny of a female dog, causing the surrounding soldiers to draw down on him. Whether it was the drama of the situation, or the shock of the language, I can't be sure, but that moment has stuck with me.
Now that I've said all this, it's time to back away a little. I'm not saying that profanity does not have a place. There are some jokes that will not work without the double meaning many such words provide (one about Mickey Mouse, on the phone with his attorney leaps to mind). They can be used to drive home the importance of an instruction or admonition, and in moments of extreme duress they can be a great release, but doesn't the casual use of these words lessen their impact and effectiveness? What does the ready acceptance of course language say about us as a culture? Are we the grinning, drooling, toothless morons we have steadfastly denied being to our European counterparts. Could we actually see the day when there would be a demand for a director's cut of "Harlem Nights?" On that day, may I suggest that the President begin any future speeches with, "My fellow dip s***s?"
