Cliff: : rapping My name is Cliff,
brother of Joe.
I got me some crack.
I want me some hoes!

Cliff: : They hate it when you do this. shoots gun at cops!

Cooper: : You can't sing show tunes and be depressed! !
Matt: : after he gets caught singing a show tune by Cooper Oh fuck me!
Cooper: : What were you just doing?
Matt: : What? Nothing!
Cooper: : Oh no, don't tell me nothing, you were just singing a show tune!
Matt: : You're crazy, I'd never do that.
Cooper: : You can't be suicidal if you're singing show tunes!
Matt: : I am suicidal.
Cooper: : You're not even depressed!
Matt: : Of course I'm depressed, look at me hunches over I'm very fucking depressed.
Cooper : : You fucking poser!
Matt: : loses his accent Hey man, I'm not a fucking...
Cooper: : You're not even British!

Cliff: : Come on man! Just kick me in the junk! !

Cliff: : Do you guys ever get really horny?
Cooper: : Depends where you're going with this.

Cliff: : I really shouldn't be driving, I have a suspended license.
Cooper: : Really? For what?
Cliff: : Attempted vehicular manslaughter... whatever the FUCK that means!

Cooper: : Young man! Where have you been? I was up all night worried sick. Do you know what time it is?
Josh: : I LOVE college. I love everything about it. The people, the freedom. This room. This chair. Look at this chair!
Cooper: : You had sex last night didn't you?
Josh: : That's a nice shirt.

Cooper: : I can hear my heartbeat through my penis! !

Zeke: : This is my brother's Ritalin. Ritalin's good for studying math or science, just don't try to write English papers on it or it won't make any sense. Enjoy that.

Cliff': : Whoa. Which one of you painted this?
Rachel: : Uhh... I did.
Cliff: : It's soooo smooth.

Buckley: : If you see that guy, kick him in the balls! !

handing back a trophy
Cooper: : Here's your dildo.

Cooper: : I need my Jimmy!
Josh: : No Jimmy, repeat: no Jimmy.

Cliff': : who wants to do a bong... how about you!

Cliff: : Zeke!
Zeke: : terrified Cliff!
Cliff: : How you been man? I haven't seen you since high school!
Zeke: : I-I thought you were dead.
Cliff: : No! But about THIS close though!

Josh: : It was so easy. I mean, I didn't have to do anything. To make it happen. It was just like. "Time for sex. We're gonna have sex now. Prepare for sex." !

Josh: : I'm not gonna commit suicide, if that's what you're thinking.
Cooper: : Aw come on Josh, you're fucked anyway. At least this way, one of us comes out on top.
Josh: : Then you kill yourself.
Cooper: : Naw, I just couldn't see that working.

Cooper: : My father's right. I'm a fuck-up. I'm a total fuck-up. You may be having this little holiday in Fuck-up Land, but I live here permanently. !
Cooper: : You know what my dad does for a living? He cleans toilets. Yeah, he own this whole, toilet cleaning company and it's big. It's huge. And he's an incredible... asshole! chuckles Yeah I call him Flushles, the Toilet Cleaning Clown... !

Matt: : singing My words in my sperm, spewing forth my tragic... What the fuck do you two what?
Josh: : Are you a musician?
Cooper: : Are you in a band?
Matt: : Kiss... My... Arse.
Josh: : What?
Josh and Cooper look at each other puzzled
'Matt: : That's the name of the bleeding band.
Josh: : Oh, you're gonna be playing the big pre-finals party.
Matt: : Yeah, that's right - if I'm still around.
Cooper : : What do you mean?
Matt: : And who the fuck are you? Fucking Kurt Loader! shouting WOULD YOU PISS OFF AND SHUT MY FUCKING DOOR! Josh and Cooper hurriedly close the door, but remain in the room Piss off!
Josh: : Oh, Piss off
Cooper: : On the way out of the room What the fuck does piss off mean?

Josh is about to drink yellow liquid
Cliff: : That one's not beer! !

Josh: : There's only one thing that can save you now.
Cooper : : What? Valium?
Josh: : No, studying! You need to study.
Cooper: : What? You're insane!