Today I woke up feeling heavy and aching from the workout I attempted the night before. I wrote for
hours this morning and when I hopped online there was no mail. I read all the club posts and sit in
envy of the openess- the feelings poured over the computer like thick honey. The love and dedication
gives me hope that this world is no as cold and nasty as i feel in the lateness of a dark night. My
candlelight flickering along my naked skin as I pop myself with a rubber ban- damn I hate quitting
smoking. It is getting to the point to where I think about masturbation 24/7. My meditation is not
helping. I promised myself I would not come online and get so worked up anymore. Everytime I see
Him, I gasp without knowing. He will not take any subs. And all my crushes on feisty little subs go
nowhere of course. Yea, I know- I have a real life relationship but he is tired and he is not wanting me
anymore. I can tell these things. And the more he does not want me, the more I want to get my whip
out and demand he fuck me. I can't though. I struggle because I want to overpower him but at the same time why can't I find someone to overpower me. I would give it to Him/Her. And I would submit with everything in me. My pussy is wet again just from the thought. And if I had better words beside wet and throbbing, it would give more justice to the torture between my legs right now. I said I would not touch myself, I vowed. But even crossing my legs sends a tingle through my body. As I look down at my tanktop, I can see my breasts peeking out and if I saw this on another woman I would beg her- let me suckle you and bite those big brown nipples. God- I feel as though I might cum just typing.
We went over to your father's last night and i was dreading it. We go over and play nice. They have
no clue what i am about and i guess maybe that is for the best. i can tell when i am in that mood- i
purposefully wore that tight tanktop and the curves of my breasts were easily seen. There is no
chance that i am attractive to your father- he is an old man and well, not my type. But i caught him
eyeing me. i would playfully bend over. You, on the otherhand, never looked. *sighs*
We got home and you went to bed. i sat on the sofa feeling sorry for myself. Before i knew it, i was
pouring candlewax on my breasts. i prayed you would wake up and fuck me. You didn't. The pain
burned through me. And i fondled my nipples. i peeled off the cooled wax and threw it on the floor.
Again, i poured. i stuck my hand in my shorts. i wanted you to wake up and catch me. i wanted to be
punished. You wouldn't though. i cried silently and pulled down my shorts. i shook my head madly as
i fought with myself. And in the end, i poured the hot wax onto my smooth pussy lips. i sat frozen for
a few minutes. Before i knew it i came. Then, i fell asleep.
It was one of those days. i had writer's block. i wanted cigarettes and chocolate in a bad way.
But more than anything i wanted to feel alive. i wanted Someone to walk into my studio and
fuck me like i have never known. It has been 2 weeks of my fantasies. There is not a Domme
bone in my body today. i want to be spread and hurt. i want to be pounded by cock.
As much as i love pussy, i am craving cock in a bad way. And i am craving pain.
The other night of candlewax only intensified my need. Today i have continued to pop
myself with the rubber ban everytime cigs come to mind. This is not helping.
The teasing between my legs is killing me.
i am home alone. i tried to fill my time by cleaning the place. i read for a few
hours. As the sun settled into the land, i laid on the grass. The tickling of the blades along my calves
made me giggle. The breeze lifted my shirt a bit and a small shiver found my spine. Instantly, my
nipples responded. i ran my smooth palm along my neck and down my chest. i was aroused. i
thought of him, gone. i thought of my first Mistress. i thought of countless fantasies online. i thought of
the policeman neighbor fucking me while i ate out his wife. i thought of fucking someone with my
tongue. i brushed my inner thigh lightly. Cars passed by and this excited me.
The policemnan neighbor came out and i watched his tight ass. i turned over on my belly and
watched as he cut the grass. i began slowly moving my hips and within 2 minutes i was dry humping
the ground. A small rock was lodged under me and scraping my nipple hard and that was enough
pain- enough for me to cum wildly. Right there, in the yard, by myself- again.
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