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AIM | please?
Ahora Seca
Who knows.
HAHAHA
Okay, so this time I was Sean Astin (mikey from The Goonies) and I was living in some nice suburban house, and it was my birthday. I drank a 40 and smashed it on the street. A cop came looking for me. I learned how to jump 30 feet in the air and hid on my roof for awhile. Later on my birthday party was over, and I was talking to Alanis Morrisette. We got along very well and she gave me her number.
At this point the dream was over and I started to have a dream about being a bouncer on The Simpsons. I was letting all the kids of Springfield into a demolition derby, and got to learn what their real names are—Millhouse is only Millhouse on the show. In real life his name is Steeplejack MacTumblerstein (?!?). Soon I got bored of that and, in my dream, tried to go back to the first dream I had to see if I could hook up with Alanis Morrisette, but it didn’t happen. I got kind of mad that I couldn’t recreate the first dream so I beat up a cop with a brick.
Now your computer can talk dirty to you on those cold, lonely nights.
William Academy
A neato Factory Records-esque-sounding band who brings much happiness times.
Swank
Funny because I met this chic on some naughty website and I had seen her web page before. Lainey is a nice person. Dear god someone please help me.
Archive of Showbiz Pizza’s Animatronic Robot Band Music
The doctor said putting this on my website will bring me some closure on that horrible night at Showbiz Pizza at Billy Rixon’s birthday party in 1983. Watching those robots was so traumatizing.
There are some dudes you just want to whip silly. Like this guy. What’s his damage? Reading this guy’s page makes me glad I’m not him:
“The Beatles, after 40 years still have Satan's power behind them. Before The Beatles, music was innocent. There was not any loud music or music with evil lyrics. Music was pure and Christian. The Beatles with "pagan skins" and electric guitars polluted the Earth.”
Blood and Guts—doomationtoys
Please to explain it vasil?
Well, to make a long story short, it’s that time of year when 24yearold guys make themselves cocoons and hang from the rain gutter for a few weeks. Don’t laugh. One day your body will go through changes, just as mine has. You’ll have more hair in your swimsuit area. Yes.
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And let me just say that tonite's Simpsons was so extraordinarily funny that it totally made my day. nite, i mean. granpa drives? LOL LMAO and so forth.
”Yeah, there’s a picture of me in dark eye makeup and wearing a Prada suit in the August 2001 issue of Maxim.”
I hate new jersey a lot. nah. it’s alright. no, i change my mind again. i wish it was brooklyn.
HITLER CATS!!!!!
check it
labels TV
huh? It’s not working for me. there’s sposed to be videos by ladytron, notwist, stereo total, and more but I don’t see anything? maybe it’s that awful neighbor of mine and his eyelashy voodoo doll.
the faint ‘agenda suicide’
It’s funny because I used to have a class next to the library.
Q. How many catalogers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Ummm... AACR2r doesn't say. We'd better check the LCRIs to see what the Library of Congress does.
Cliff Hates You More
The whole mess is the best. Here’s a caption for those whose mouse done broke when granma used it to good-humoredly punish the dog for eating the last Stork Chocolate Reisen: “Appleton City recycles its mutants. I prefer shoving glass bottle shards down their throats and using them as bloody pińatas. One time I saw a fucking pirate ship following me down the road in my rear view mirror, but every time I turned around to look at it, it turned into a Dairy Queen and it kept fucking doing that until I fell asleep and woke up in the back of a police van wearing nothing but elbow pads. I hate pirate ships and I hate Dairy Queen and I hate you.
-Raiders of the Lost Ark
-Hamburglar’s Revenge
-Don Rickels’ Mystery Adventure
-and some game where the label is worn off but it looks like you throw dildos at E.T. until he passes out.
Oh, some Christian kid links the bible to the spice girl. You know, I really don’t care what this page is about because Mike just called me and said I was sleepwalking and freaked out his roommate.
Dig that crazy indierock eyecandy. or lack thereof. I’m the dude in the black shirt who looks like he’s going to hork. there’s Mike and Michelle, Kiki, and the rest I couldn’t care less about.
JEOMK
Hi. I’ve created this comic? called Field and Stream? You can see it by clicking here and here.
To: “Pee-Wee Herman” pw@pwplayhouse.net
From: “King of Cartoons” king@cartoons.puppetland.gov
Subject: Re: Randy, plans for Sat, etc.
Date: Wed, 21 July 1991 09:22:34 -0500
Hi Pee-Wee,
Thanks for getting back to me, hope all is well. I sincerely hope that Pterry gets over his bout of hepatitis soon. As for Randy, I would like to help you out but the Puppetland Criminal Code, 2C: 13-1 strictly prohibits any sort of lewd behavior, and is punishable by up to 30 days in a juvenile detention facility. Maybe this will finally “scare Randy straight!” J I would like to give Randy a break, but as you know my legitimacy as a patriarch is failing, and members of the Puppetland Socialist Workers Party are just itching for a reason to bring me down. In today’s PL Times, there is even talk of the PSWP and Local 139 forming a popular front against me! Needless to say, my plate is full and the shit is going to hit the fan.
As for my weekly visit on Saturday, I will unfortunately not be able to attend. We are receiving a delegation from the UN Council on Puppets and Cartoons. Even if this were not happening this weekend, we are upgrading the Puppetland Government Communications Network and Wang says my projector will not work with Windows 2000. Therefore I will not be able to show cartoons at this time. Wang says that he hopes by next week I will be able to present cartoons as a power point presentation.
Given that Randy will be in jail, Pterry has taken ill, Chairy is being reupholstered, and that socialite cow accidentally urinated on Magic Screen, why not take a personal day? Why not take in one of those adult movies you’re always going on and on about? What harm could it do?
Anyway, please keep me posted. I will talk to the prosecutor and try to bust Randy’s offence down to a disorderly person’s offense, but I can’t make any promises.
Take care,
King of Cartoons
may day
I’m going to be on Shipmates even if it kills me. Shipmates, best dating show ever? Didja see that one with the poor pizza guy getting sassed out by the tubby angry white girl with the big hair? Dude that was awesome. He said things like “I don’t run with no ho’s,” and “Yo, the only raw food I eat is cold cuts.”
I already have a catch phrase worked out:
"Hey! Who do I gotta blow to get a drink around here?"
See next column for proof that I’ll definitely be on that show.
Thank you for interest in coming aboard Shipmates.
The show is a unique combination of a relationship/dating show and a reality series. On Shipmates, two strangers meet for the first time aboard a Carnival Cruise Lines ship and spend three days and two nights on an exotic date visiting romantic ports-of-call.
With our cameras following their every move, the show offers a voyeuristic look into the real-life adventures of these couples -- even going behind closed doors to show some of their private, in-room video moments.
Watch for the premiere of SHIPMATES this August.
Transvestite fantasizes about being handicapped and/or having hooks for hands.
Fuckin weirdo.
oh and there is, for lack of a better term, hooks-for-hands fetish fanfiction: "Brenda is a 17 year old who has both arms amputated above the elbow due to disease. She explains the difficulty in adjusting to her devastating handicap and acceptance of her two hooks. She falls in love with a boy who finds her hooks her most attractive asset."
Michael Kelly’s Page of Misery
This is the third chair I’ve ruined by laughing until I peed my pants. I swear, if this happens again I’m going to get one of those cloister bags that dudes wear at baseball games. Hey, thanks a lot for Korsakovs and Cyberspunk.
Put off your igloo project until at least September.
 I am Mr Do.I am sedentary by nature, enjoying passive entertainment, eating when the mood takes me, and playing with my food. I try to avoid conflict, but when I'm angered, I can be a devil - if you force me to fight, I will crush you. With apples. What Video Game Character Are You? |
I’m learning all these neat laws in Criminal Law class. For example, those retards with blue lights underneath their cars are breaking the law.
turn up speaker
The Official Ninja Webpage: REAL ultimate power!!!!
"Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time."
I recently saw a skit on Saturday Night Live where this prestigious bank was late to get a domain name registered, and the only name left was http://clownpenis.fart. I then did some research and found some more domain names still available:
--http://www.divorcehorse.com
--http://www.BashCarrottopWithABoard.com
--http://www.HooksForHands.org
--http://www.GeriatricNymphos.com
and so on. you see the pattern here.
Urban Exploration
I want so bad to explore abandoned foofera and ballyhoo industrial ruins. Apparently Woody Guthrie once stayed in the sanitorium near my house that they tore down to build some corporate office park. This is one good thing the situationists gave us--psychogeography. here are two good sites:
Zone-Tour : Database of Urban Exploration
Photographers in some European state explore factories and such, mostly Marshall Plan-era structures. check it.
Dark Passage
Female artist explores abandoned hospitals and other places.
i was able to subdue those teenage girls who hacked my site, with cigarettes, and the chance of more cigarettes to come.
OMG PARTY PICS LOL!!
omg I cant wait til I get to college so I can go to parties lol!!!
98degreez!
woohoo drew is such a hottie hehe lol!
SMURFS!!!
omg remember smurfs? hehe im so like smurfette and greg and cindi and tyler and brandon and josh and cody and dylan and tucker and dakota and brandi and candi and todd all say so (I HEART YOU GUYS 4EVR!!!)!!
there was some kind of treachery involving a particular girl who spied on people for the army. molly curin was going through some files and this girl saw her go thrugh some files. I was molly. I was in high school and I was constantly late for something. I had 15 minutes to get to class somewhere and I kept being late. I went to the bathroom and there was a polite old Japanese man and the two robots from MST3K. the robots were not wearing pants. they were all washing their hands. I was playing with the robots by hoarding the hand soap and they did not think it was funny. suddenly my family moved to the country. it was nice, though we lived next to a redneck stereotype family who had a wrecked car in the yard which was in view of my mom’s kitchen window. she asked me to go over there and ask them to wrap the back bumper in electrical tape. I spent a few minutes trying to get up the courage to go over there and ask them to do it. there was a giant swampy puddle separating our houses and somehow my family and I were over on the other side, my family was some kind of good Christian family from the early eighties and we had a contest to jump over the muck. I won. there was some kind of thing involved with the band JChurch I finally did and I got in my car to go over there and instead I drove around the block to discover where we were living. I found a field in which it was ok to hunt and play paint ball, which convinced me I had to get a gun. also I turned down a street which I guessed would lead to our house but halfway down it was blocked off and a cemetery was built in it’s path, saying to use the detour by going along the abandoned railroad tracks, which were twisty and winding to the right. at the end of the railroad tracks was this house decorated in broken tile and outside was a nice old guy in khaki shorts and white hair standing in front of his house. I went up to him saying I recobgnized him from TV that he was this curator of this museum of outsider art. he showed me around, into this back room where he had a 7’x7’ mural done by some local latino artist, which had a sky blue background and was something about someone sitting at a coffee table and fishing, the fish on the end of his line had a box around it with some scritpt letters in Spanish, there was a bottle of apple juice under the table. the gallery was also a general store and some couple was buying hand soap, he “threw in the Jets to Brazil” record for free. he sold candles that were square, thje size of small books. that smelled or were made from corn and berries. I said I’d remember him and come back frequently. I drove back to the neighbor’s house and went to confront them about their wrecked car. instead I somehow transformed myself into some kind of robot cartoon superhero and was able to cut the scene and when it came back from commercial I was able to have taken the car and spiffed it up to be some futuristic batmobile and I had repaired the bumper at the expense of using my own eyeball. I made a ball of metal using one of my own eyes and someone came in the room as I was coldly playing toss with this ball. sooner or later I was watching a cartoon, I was a lil kid, of this very scene being played out, only it was skin instead of metal and the robot me was in trouble, someone needed to save me.
Toilet madness. Multicultural Meeting Area. Intentionally funny grammar.
The Spoiled Brat Network
The dude who makes micromusic’s website. DMX KREW.
Past Gothic Babe of the Week Index 2001
It’s funny that most gothic babes are blargs and meltys.
--this one is hot cos she's sitting on a bag of cheetos (sic)
--NO
--next stop: STOP N SHOP
--eh, alright
--awww
--no, i just ate
--she thinks she's in Strawberry Switchblade
--hot nipple action
Goths. Yeah I mean, whatever, do y’all thang. But why does it seem that every goth’s picture you ever see on the internet, like, they get all dressed up and then hang around in their bedrooms or in front of ShopRite?
--The Invention of Capitalism : Classical Political Economy and the Secret History of Primitive Accumulation by Michael Perelman
--Songs in A Minor by Alicia Keys
--Apples to Apples Game by Out of the Box Publishing LLC
--Linksys BEFSR41 Etherfast 4-Port Cable/DSL Router by Linksys
In other words, pictures of every female robot to grace the screen. HAHA, sorry!
Helper Monkeys
Their logo is a handicapped sign with a monkey on it’s crotch (?!) and the first picture shows a small simian patting Richard Kern on the shoulder and saying, “You know, we make a really great team!”
I Made This in One Hour
My frat bro Josh got ripped to tits drunk and saw this hanging on a pole in times square somewhere when he was scooping the bars for some action the other week since he just got a new tan and phat silver necklace. Haha, sorry! I’ve got polaroids.
”I’ll see you later! Your father and I are going to a dog show in New Brunswick and then we’re going to go buy a pick up truck.”
The new fad these days for them teenagers is to deprive themselves of oxygen and pass out in class. In my day, the wackiest fad was to climb on top of the bathroom stall and take a dump from 5 feet in the air. As Ray Davies sang, “where have all the good times gone?”
Save The Kittens
Kid getting hit in the face with a basketball
Guido
Also on that site you can see the flash video for ass n titties by dj assault, oh and this.
I know reading about people’s dreams are boring. But check it: I dreamt that Pterry from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse was flying across the valley and he was the sign of the apocolypse.
In Japan, boy bands have 6 members and acknowledge Kraftwerk. In AMERICA boy bands wear pants and aren’t ironically entertaing. enter YATTA.
GO HERE NOW
Even better is this FLASH TAKE ON THE SAME SONG WITH LOTS OF FUN.
This is what makes life in the 21st century so great.
I had a dream I was living in Jesus’ beach house. Me, his helper, and some other guys. Jesus was making me a tuna fish sandwich and these people kept wandering in, like customers, wanting sandwiches. I felt bad for Jesus because he was patiently making my sandwich and he had all these other people’s sandwiches to make. I felt odd about just standing there and not helping so I asked Jesus what I could do to help. He told me to wash the dishes. I ate the sandwich and it had way too many onion pieces. Later, I took Jesus aside and told him something about the house was really bugging me, that the house was somehow not very authentic. He said he understood, and recommended I go live in this other house down the street. All the time Jesus was a real great guy, like someone you’d say is the nicest guy you ever met. I reluctantly accepted Jesus’ offer to move me, and so I got on the bus to go down the street. The bus was typical of a NYC Subway car—a lot of blacks and Latinos, and a few business-guys. This blonde, cocky young business guy kept talking loudly about how he wanted a shower and a blowjob. The bus driver told him to get the hell off her bus but he stayed on. A few minutes later he said it again and I tried to be witty and say something to him, but whatever I said came out lame. So I was embarrassed. Later I got to my new house and found it real boring. It was in downtown Philly and I remembered how much I disliked Philly. The rest is a bit hazy. Jesus came by to visit and he gave me a fruit basket. He asked how I was doing, and gave me the ring from Lord of the Rings. A lot of people came by and threw a party in my new house. I was watching a movie with some people, one of which was the blonde business guy. We became pals. He had a Charles Nelson Reiley puppet. I took some new friends outside and used the ring to create a forest. Everyone was romping through the forest and being happy as little kids. I then used the ring to rebuild Atlantic City as a historical-looking waterfront tourist area like the South Street Sea Port. The lead singer of Erasure was doing trapeze stunt work on the ropes of a big ship. Later Jesus turned on the TV and we watched footage of ABBA and the robots from Star Wars riding the NYC Subway in the early 1980s. Music by Stereolab and The Faint.
Let this page explain a little something about Japanese food: “I was scolded well by a grandmother when I did Ochazuke of being steaming rice when I was small that it ‘luxuriant!’A thing of the rice that the leftovers cooled down as for Ochazuke is a habit of my hooch.”
(!!!!!!!)
CraneAccidents Dot Com
All you never really cared to know about cranes in accidents. Not the bird, the big thing with the arm that lifts things. Though crane-bird accidents are pretty friggin’ funny. I like the pictures such as this one and this one.
SALOMON SMITH BARNEY’S FRAUD!
If you read Harper’s you always see this link in the classifieds. Kooky guy. Kooky in a way that’s too boring to paraphrase here.
I swear to christ i'm never drinking milk again because I feel as bloated as when Bea Arthur ate the blueberry gum when she toured Willy Wonka's choco factory.
A huge collection of 60’s and 70’s anarchist / situationist / leftist / art school student writings. Lots of romanticism and indecipherable ballyhoo, but fun and critical…notable entries include kenneth rexroth on henry miller and other stuff that will make you feel smarter after half an hour.
SCIENCE HAS CLONED A CAT
--Bea Arthur ain’t so bad. She’s pretty innoculous.
--Venus Fly Trap is long dead.
”this punk dared steppin
practiced hard, his shit threatened.
got a quick lesson.”
The Ruthless Thugsta Page
Tribute to the late great Easy E. Vote for your favorite Easy E collab. (You want to vote for a sandwich like me, but you pick NWA instead).
Genuine hip hop jewelry, gold teeth, iced out medalion. Hey, if you found $2,600 in the street you could get yourself a set of platinum teeth. This is so awesome. They not only have a lay-away policy but explicity warn against stolen credit cards.
PS. The models are hideous.
See?
Hilarious Linda Barry Comic at Salon.Com
You know that besides the comics, salon.com is crap. Why does that David Horowitz bastard have a career?
Anyway, check this comic. It involves a letter, heartbreak, toiletbreak, and its the best ever.
Bobby Burgess' Diaryland Entry
I never talked to this guy but for some reason he cracks my shit up everyday.
Girl #1: What’chall got in that bag? Snacks?
Girl #2: Nah, nigga got to do laundry n shit. It’s laundry detergant.
G1: Aww yeah, I hear that.
G2: Mmm-hmm!
My pal works there and says they have a real bad mouse problem. There indeed was mouse scat all over the reception desk.
SCAT!
You know, that fey guy on 3rd Rock from the Sun that everyone hates. I was him and planning a trip to Canada and London on some kind of Atari 2600 or something. It looked a lot like Tron. Canada and England were represented by picnic tables. I was trying to calculate the shortest route but kept getting the numbers wrong. "Oh, you ssssstupid computerrrrrr!" I said.
U! S! A! (woop-woop!)
You must click this link with the sound on.
Vasil writes: "a funny story about this is that there's this guy that works a few cubicles down from me. and i know he has his email program set to automatically preview the mails he gets. (a silly thing to do) so right after he left for lunch yesterday i sent him the HTML i copied and pasted from this page and instantly heard the sound coming out of his cubicle. haha!! this opens a whole world of possibilities!"
Thanks Vasil!!!!
Santarchy!
The internet is a beautiful thing. A BUNCHA SANTY CLAUSES HAVE RIOTS. Check out the SF Police Report, and please make note of the little-person Santy drinking Pine-Sol.
Thanks again, Vasil! Why not just make my whole goddang page for me?
I was totally tanked at Enids last night when this rad dude walked by and i shouted, "HEY! YOU LOOK LIKE A BLACK ALAN GINSBERG!!" He did, booooshy beard and everything. How fucking obnoxious of me. Next time I see that Cornell West-lookin dude I'm gonna buy him a drink.
Name of a mix-CD I'm making for a pal.
I was taking advantage of happy hour when I decided to go use my voucher at Beacon's Closet. I said to this random person standing there, "Maybe it's the beer talking, but does this jacket fit me?" She said yeah and I said thanks.
Later in line I said to her, "Maybe it's the beer talking but do you want to go meet with my pal Alisa and some guy maybe for a drink with me to get a drink eh?" She said no and I said ok. But I went outside and she said she changed her mind. So off we went to Union Pool. I got me a new pal.
And you thought that kind of thing only happened on TV!
A key chain magically appared on my dresser. It says "26 April--King George VI Marries 1923; Chernobyl Nuclear Disaster 1986; I was born!"
So you get it now? It's a birthday keychain! Let's see what the back says, I'll intersperse it with my nonsense talk: "People born on this day are dab hands in the kitchen. (Dab hands???) They have a love of all living things (NO.). Very capable with their finances. ()They make devoted companions (So that's like, a sandwich, right?)"
Some nonsense drawrings? Best is Sickness Mouse! and Killer Mermaid.
Friend Bear
Most fun waste-of-time.
I forget the name and where it is, but don't ever go there. You'll regret it for sure. What a horrible place.
*Da' Ruckus - Check It
*France Gall - (that one song that everyone covers)
*Cornelius - (the whole new album)
*Salt N Peppa - Push It
*Headcoats - Hatred Ridicule and Contempt
*Marsha Gee - Peanut Duck
*James Kochalka Superstar - Monkey vs. Robot
*Richard Pryor - That one bit where he makes fun of the guy who speaks Chinese and has a stuttering problem and then goes on and talks about how black people are different than chinese people. For example, Chinese guys are named Ken, while Black guys are named Richard.
Thanks Vasil!
my sister's flabby, tubby tabby is getting a sex change operation because it's getting urinary tract infections and the vet says this is what you do. hey, you should totally like call my sister next week and tell her you're from a feline pharmaceutical company and you are selling a simple pill that ends feline unrinary tract infections without the need of a sex change.
hideous baby
Snark Bite's 50 Most Hideous People
I like that Lucy Liu made the list: "Thinks kissing Calista Flockhart makes her "edgy," when Calista was just looking for a tongue down her throat to help her barf lunch."
Calista Flockhart went to my school. They are erecting a statue of her, and have bronze plaques on the bathrooms in which she horked her grease truck food.
I'm scared of skeletons.
Also, I want to bash CarrotTop with a board.
I've been hooked on this band like forever. Electronic music guys with bushy mooostaches and jeri curls would make, mixed with 70's elevator music.
Kenny Rogers classic glitter iron on last one
"THIS IS MY LAST KENNY ROGERS IRON ON." Just making sure you guys know. This iron on might not be here when the economy turns around. Act NOW.
The dastardly Hamburglar will do anything to get his hands on some tasty burgers.
Lotto Program
"Are you just GUESSING at those lotto numbers?" Good lord, what are you thinking?
(JIM CARREY) Hideous Socks
The lead character, whatever that hobbit's name is. He looked like Hitler.
"All Your Bass Are Belong to Us"
I was originally attracted by the fact that she has pictures "of girls what gots no clothes on" but there's more than that. Like thrift store cook books and odd food packaging and whatnot. So it's like, visit for the porn, stay for the cute packages of Haw Flakes.
McDonalds Halloween '98
Of these four guys I could probably beat up all but Mr. Big Mac. I'd steal their costumes to commit crimes like loitering in laundromats and sneaking into fast food industry trade shows and stuff like that.
Fancy Dress Costumes for Adults
I ordered the Hamburglar costume TO WEAR ON A JOB INTERVIEW.
The Utah Baby Namer
"An online help for parents looking for that distinctive name that says 'I'm a Utah Mormon!'"
Mission of Burma
Wow, they're still around, and rocking NYC soon apparently. MOB is like my favorite band ever. Yes.
"AARRRRRGH!!!"
"Fun" Section of Pravda (English Edition)
Mix bad english with formerly state-controlled newspaper and a squiggle of humor and you get this. Let's see here... "FOUR-LEGGED THIEF HAS SHOPPING CENTRE IN CHAOS
A British shopping centre in Glenrothes has been in a state of alert since July due to the dare-devil acts of a four-legged thief, yet to be captured."
it sure does.
sassy toronto vixen.
Macros2000
I WAS VERY HAPPY WHEN MY ISSUE OF MACROS2000 ARIVED IN THE MAIL it was only $1 and it's just as funny.
Robot Movies
I mean, yeah, some pictures of these induce fun sometimes, you know, whatever. oh i never know with you people and your animal kingdom ways. piss off, postie!
i was temping at some law firm. i was in the basement with the kitchen grease and broken desks and whatnot--you know, the usual sub-sub-basement stuff at a giant law firm--when all of the sudden a cockroach crawled on me. i panicked and it sort of fell off. i threw a bottle at it.
Mix Bruce Lee with a Java drum machine and you get the best kung fu movie ever.
Noam Chomsky Archive
Great resource for america's leading public intellecutal who you know about already. Even though he's being a dick about the 9/11 thing.
Robocore
Do you need a reason other than the name to click? I didn't. I have no idea what's beyond this link.
he needs a name. and some arms.
Young Pakastani guys in the UK mix US black slang with cockney and Pakistanese. J.K. Galbraith and Alexander Hague never had a better interviewer. He apparently had a TV show with special guest appearances by Travis and Supergrass.
Free Williamsburg
Their hipster's handbook is way funny, if a bit dated now.
I found this on the subway. If you are on your back with a crippling disease and have bad luck, Mrs. Williams reads Indians (South-Asians? Native Americans? A mystery for sure!) and Jesus helps you. Jesus + Indians = Good Luck.
"We thank you Mrs. Williams for removing our evil spells and money."
I don't believe I've ever read a more useless interview with someone as great as Nina Hagen.
Someone on AIM told me my web page doesn't make sense and I assume people know what I'm talking about when they don't have a clue. Arg, these stupid emo goth kids or whatever wouldn't know funny if I fished my typewriter out of the bathtub and threw it at them!
scanner/copier/printer; electric toothbrush; underpants; fake moustaches; gin and tonic cologne; spongebob plastic toy maker; tonic shaker; tic tacs; and so on.
boo-yeah!
Dr. Worst-Cat-Ever says, "Merry Xmas, you miserable wretches! *meowwrr!*"
"I AM SORRY FOR EATING EVERYTHING AND RUINING XMAS AGAIN I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF." That's ok Uncle Sheds-n-Sleeps let's go to chinese restaurant and pick up everything with chopstick.Not my best rap ever.
horseballs
my, that's...unexpected. hm.
pigmy horses for the blind, in the house
"Some horses enjoy sleeping in beds. However, just like a dog, once the horse has been allowed in bed, they may insist upon joining their owner, pawing at the floor and winnying until you pick them up. Many miniature horses will quietly lie down at the foot of the bed to sleep, while some prefer to lie flat with a pillow. Just like people, miniature horses can snore and drool when sleeping."
laura p. mcsister
My rockin' sister's web page. I have some stuff on there.
"Myopia in the name of the weak is no more defensible than myopia in the name of the strong. Like jingoists who consider any effort to understand terrorists immoral, on the grounds that to understand is to endorse, these hard-liners disdain complexity. They point out that the actions of various mass murderers must be 'contextualized,' yet refuse to consider any context or reason for the actions of Americans. If we are to understand Islamic fundamentalism, must we not also trouble ourselves to understand America, this freedom loving, brutal, tolerant, shortsighted, selfish, benerous, trigger happy, dumb, glorious, fat headed powerhouse."
Tell it like it is!
Psycho Techno Hypno Kitten Snake
HAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Moblies Disco
Hmm. Can't explain this too well. It's a Finnish virtual disco. You become this little person and walk around and talk to other little people in a disco. "Okei, okei... eteenpäin"
JUST WAIT HERE
fantastically illustrated comic teaching their kids about why their parents go to the methadone clinic. "Why is heroin so expensive?"
I saw her, or at least I thought it was her. At the risk of it not being her, I gave her a dirty look anyway.
How brilliant is this guy? good lord!
Shiro Taniguchi - HOT SPACE RELAX
Awesome japanese something or another. Be careful in business situations: "YOU COULD DOWNROAD OR SHOOTING MY WORK PRIVATLY. USEING THEN AS BUSINESS SITUATION IS PROHIBITED."
I had a dream I was Chevy Chase and I played bass for Spinal Tap. We were playing some benefit concert on my parents' deck.
The dream also involved Superman teaching me how to dig for boardgames in my backyard, the dog from Blue's Clues having rabies, and this old chinese woman singing hip-hop about puzzles. I woke up feeling exhausted.
makers poster i tried to sell on ebay. odd, nobody wanted it. hm.
i stole this html from Mister Pants. Msr. Pants, you are a better man than I.