IS THIS THE END OF HARDCORE???
Wow kids, its been a trip hasn’t it. Now that the Tan-man has left HBK, and I am in college, the last bastions of hope are gone. This place will truly turn into a hell hole filled with stupid 15 year olds, doofuses in the front and back who can’t read a damn computer screen, and of course, lines on drive-thru up the wazzooo and back again. Well… Um… SHIT! It was already like that. Only now the funny is gone. What’s the point of enduring the HBK if you can’t laugh about it? In my 2+ years at the HBK, I can fondly say that this was the best part. Yea customers suck ass, but that’s why we have the website, to mock them in hopes that they find the page and regret telling people to go work at Toys R Us, or calling a certain Drive-Thru master an asshole, leaving that person to instruct the customer to “Bite my ass!” Oops, the 2nd one was a personal memory. ^^kekekeke^^ Without our advanced infrastructure of chaos and plotting against the powers that be (*COUGHdebbieCOUGH*), what is the fun? Now, without the old school crew, I’m definitely looking elsewhere for a job this summer. My dream job is right up the block from me… we have an Electronics Boutique. SCORE! I can be the sarcastic video game salesman. That would fuffill one of my boyhood dreams. Or I can work at the ‘Burg. Even tho it’s a shit hole, they have 2 DDR machines. Granted I’d blow all my check playing DDR MAX just to keep groovin’ with Be For U and Sobakasu/Freckles, but like I wouldn’t anyway ^^. Shit… I gotta get back in shape for the summer DDR rush. Its been a while since I’ve been on a machine, so I’ll need to practice some bar tricks. O, also, since this is all I can think about now, I have a girlfriend. Lenore is my chibi kanojo! DAISUKI!!!!!!!!!!! Added bonus, I’m teaching her the ways of DDR, AND she’s short. Therefore, it’d be easy to matrix walk over her on a freestyle ^^. We still have to learn how to do the doubles synched, like some of those kewl videos at www.ddrfreak.com! Ok, since I’ve gotten off subject, here’s some off topic tips for all of y’all:
McGlynnding’s Tips of Love and DDR:
1: Always give it your all. Go all out! Make some |337 sexy moves on DDR to impress the girls, then swoon them. Hard to do at the ‘Burg, since there are mostly cheap ho’s and trailer trash, works best at Great Adventure ^^. Make yourself look awesome, then the chicks will get interested. I had better turn it down tho… lest my chibi attacks all the other girls ^^. They wouldn’t stand a chance.
2: Variate from the norm! Have fun, love and DDR are like the 2 best things in life. Make it seem that way. Try something new to impress a crowd or your kanojo. Hell, mix the two together. Bring your ‘gal up there to slow dance on doubles Silent Hill, tango to La Senorita, or have a sword fight to Sobakasu/Freckles.
3: Its not there to grab! Be it the bar or your kanojo! Bar huggers, with the exception of the A-Team, suk. Also, keep your PDA (public displays of affection) down. No one wants to see that. Besides, there will be time later for that ^^. ALL NIGHT LONG!
4: Know your limits. Don’t go farther than its possible at the time. Give it time, and don’t get discouraged! Things don’t happen right away! DDR kids remember how long it took them to pass Paranoia. It will take even longer to… well… you know. Pass MAX 300, what did u think I was hinting at…
5: Use props. Always good for at least a laugh ^^! Then there’s ladders, right Alan?
Freak of the Week
Another week (or 4), another freak. Hard to name one this week. However, only one comes to mind on TCNJ campus when I talk of freaks. Its the pirate. Since this may be my last chance to do this, I must bash the pirate whenever possible. Well, that works pretty well for beginners. Thanx to Zuet99 for the awesome photoshop job. Also, remember kids, ninjas kill pirates. Especially with guitars. Like so:
See, what I said last week was true. Sine I have |337 ninja training, I can kill pirates with ease. They stand no chance against me in combat. See how even his pirate gun can’t be used! Ninjas flip out ALL the time and kill things. Chopping heads off is just part of the job. Besides, only pirates are stooped enough to hide their treasure in a cave in Canada.
Thus, the pirate who teaches at TCNJ will be the freak of the week. CANADA! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU IDIOT!
One Last Note
In case I never get this chance again…
Past Freaks
The author of the Hardcore section has not given me a new one yet. . . but here is a repeat of Ten things i hate about drive thru.
10. People who think we are garbage men! We don’t want to throw out your empty McDonalds cups or Snapple* bottles. On another note, we give people cup carriers to carry their cups, not to be given back to us. Is it so hard to keep it till you get home?
9.People who count their money for you! It’s patronizing to assume we can’t count because we work in fast food. If we couldn’t count, why do we work on cash? Think about it people.
8.People who pay in small change! What did you do, steal a piggy bank? When somebody pays with a plastic baggie filled with nickels and dimes for $8 worth of food, it’s just bothersome. My personal record is $11 in quarters, but I’m sure others have received more annoying payments.
7. People who use drive thru for really small orders! I mean does it take so much to get out of your car enter HBK and buy a cheeseburger or a soda. Here’s a hint: you’ll complain that it takes a few minutes to get your one or two items, but it would take you almost no time at all if you went inside. Especially on a 15 year old DT.
6. People whit foreign accents! Sometimes, it’s not bothersome, but if you just got off the boat, wait until you learn English to use DT. I wish I could remember how many fights and over rings were caused by a mutual misunderstanding due to our inability to understand you, and their ability to understand us.
5. Smokers! It’s gross and smelly and rude as hell. ‘Nuff said.
4. People with cell phones! Most people with cell phones are very rude and don’t even acknowledge our existence. There has been one case reported by “stone cold” Michelle Austin” where somebody actually told the person on the phone to “please wait.” However, that is 1 in about 17,000.
3. Parents who spoil their kids. We don’t care if little Jhonny and Suzie want Pokemon, I wuz glad we didn’t have Scooby Doo, just to try and unspoiled some brats. Parents! I beg you, teach your kids that you can’t always get what you want! this is why I hate capitalism! Right Comrades?
2. People who ask us, “Is everything in there?” I could understand that if Nick were bumping, but would we give it to you if we didn’t’ at least think everything was in there. People are also very bichy about Ranch dip. I think there is some mind altering addictive drug in there. Good thing I don’t like Ranch!
1. The Big One! I hate people who think we’re not Burger King! We are not McDonalds, so we don’t have McNuggets or Breakfast Bagels or Big Macs. We don’t biggie size like wendy’s, nor do we have . . . ice cream. I wish I had a dollar for every person that asks for ice cream, I’d buy the HBK! Please people, read the menu! We don’t have Happy Meals or Dollar Deals.
*the bad talk about Snapple was written in by the author of the Hardcore section. I Love Snapple.