“Me? The stupid one? Oh no, you’ve got this all wrong” I said with annoyance. How could he be calling ME stupid? JC was clearly the stupid one. JC was the one who was tinkering around with his and my emotions, too blind to realize there was nothing but false hope in what he is dreaming so desperately about.

“OK, Beth, hear me out, what if you and JC were together? I mean, what if things worked out and you could be happy with him? What if you realize he’s whats been missing from your life and he’s what you need to be content?” Justin questioned

“First off don’t talk to me about relationships, in every one you’ve ever been in the girl has cheated on you or dumped your ass, your NOT the one to be telling people about happiness and the road that leads to it, and secondly I dont like playing the what if game, asking questions about things that have no answers gets you nowhere, it just makes things more complicated then they already are.”

His face turned five shades of red and then into a nice crimsony-fuchsia. When I saw his reaction I immediately wished I could have taken back what I had just said to him because it was downright cruel.

“Sorry” was the only word I could spit out. I was met with an evil glare from him and to be quite honest I didn’t really expect anything other that that. I didn’t mean to be so bitchy, it just came out.

And then came the silence. Only this silence was not like the one JC and I experience, it was another type of silence. This was silence of the unknown. X-Silence if you will. This silence was caused because two people were standing in front of each other and neither wanted to be in the situation, but they couldn’t find the words to get away from it. It was a silence that would last until an outside force broke it.

Our eyes told entire stories at the exact moment. His eyes were full of vengeance, I could tell by his boyhood adolescent glare that his instincts were telling him he wanted to crush me for putting down his ego. My eyes on the other hand were simply asking for forgiveness.

You know what, fuck the forgiveness. I’m tired that I’m always expected to be the person that is the wrong doer, the person who everything gets blamed upon and the person who is always the burden of the situation. At this point I just would like to say one thing to every single person I know- FUCK YOU.

There is no better phrase that can capture the absolute meaning of my feelings other than that and I’m extremely sorry it has come to this point. I have to deal with nothing but false hope and stupidity everywhere I go and I don’t think I have the brain capacity to handle it anymore.

I’m going to be brutally honest and go out on a limb here- I don’t know what people expect from me anymore and I don’t want to deal with this garbage that is secretly disguised and then handed to me on what everybody else in the world thinks is a silver platter.

There is no JC and I and when Justin, JC and everybody else who thinks there is a relationship in progress gets a reality based grip they will come to the terms I have set and get on with their insignificant “boy-band pop bubble-gum” filled life.

I look down at the floor.

I close my eyes.

I pray to the God that I have no faith in that Justin will suddenly disappear.

I look up.

I realize why I lost my faith in God in the first place because Justin is still standing there, with his arms folded across his chest, with his angry eyes staring directly into mine.

Still the silence remained. I think the overall theme of my life is silence because everywhere I go it seems to loom around me and cause a great deal of awkwardness.

It is unbelievable how long two people can directly stare at each other without uttering a single word.

The phone rings.

I am saved.

I look at him and then glance at the phone.

“Get out, I have more important stuff to worry about” I said while still looking at the phone

He gave me a look as if I was a cold bitch, which I already know I am. He turned around and slowly walked out. I let out a sigh of relief and picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

Chapter 4