>>Chapter 10<<

Journal,

Everything that’s been going on, everything that’s been building up has led me to this one answer. Now I know the answer is so cliché and I never thought it could happen to a person like me but it has. There are too many things that are convincing me that this answer is final. It’s so permanent nothing could turn me back from it at this point.

The definition of suicide is the act or an instance of taking one's own life voluntarily and intentionally.

The run was nice but unfortunately everybody’s life must come to an end at some point and I feel that this is the time for my ending.

Calista

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Journal,

Misery is very unbearable in my state. I am content in saying that I am the most miserable person that I know. It sickens me that nothing can pull me from my misery right now, and I am stuck to deal with it alone.

I am a horrible person for breaking the heart of the single person that loved me entirely. I am horrible for letting them down and not being around to help with their problems. I am horrible for thinking that they would always be there and I am horrible for taking my time with them for granted. If only I had know what the outcome of the relationship was going to be like I would have done everything differently. But that’s the thing with life, it doesn’t say what’s ahead of you, but it sure as hell likes to remind you of your past.

I opened up the transparent orange container and I lined up the remaining 17 of my mothers Prednisone 2OMG tablets. I studied the pills, ran my fingers over the grainy pale orange surfaces. I thought of how just by eating them the misery would quickly come to a silent end. But I didn’t do it.

I didn’t do it because as much as I wanted the misery to end, I knew that something, somewhere, sometime down the road my life would be worth living.

I didn’t do it because I had more courage then the person who did it before me. The person who ended everything to abruptly, to hastily to realize what was going on. The person I had loved with every amount of an emotion I had in me.

I will miss Calista dearly, but in time, I truly believe I will prosper. I will thrive and I will become what both of us dreamed to be. I will be satisfied with what my future holds for me, and although it will be unpredictable to see what it is, I will be appreciative because at least it is there.

Joey

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