>>Chapter 3<<
Journal,
Right now I think I take back every bad thought I’ve had about love. I mean, I think love is to life and sunshine is to plants. Without love, people never would prosper, we would just go through the same old boring, mindless routine every day.
I’d like to think that when the smoke clears Joey and I will end up together. I think we would have beautiful children.
I think I’m becoming too obsessive over something that isn’t there. I still don’t know what he wants from me, he hasn’t made that clear at all.
I think I should call him because I still haven’t done that.
I don’t know what to say. I think I’m scared but I don’t know what of. Maybe I’m scared of being broken again. They say people don’t make the same mistakes twice but what if I’m an exception to that rule? What if they totally omitted me from that statement when it came into existence?
I think I don’t want to be broken again. Joey always treated me as if I was a porcelain doll. At first, he kept me close at all times and treated me like I was very fragile and attended to me all the time like a perfect boyfriend should. Then I was placed behind other priorities and was going further and further from his concerns, the man I loved was shelving me. Eventually, I was broken because I was still so fragile and he was being so rough with my emotions. When you put roughness and fragility together the outcome is bound to be a bad one, and unfortunately in the end I broke.
I think I’m undeniably scared of breaking again. I think I’m a little scared of attempting love again.
I think I think too much.
Calista
