>>Chapter 7<<
Journal,
I keep saying I need to get over this devastation but it’s so damn hard.
He keeps my mind captivated and it’s humanly impossible for me to stop thinking about him. It’s something not worth to think about at all and it’s horrible because it keeps on replaying and replaying in my mind. Make it stop. For the love of God make it stop.
Sorry to cut this short but the phone is ringing.
Calista
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Journal,
I bet your dying to know who that was on the phone.
Don’t get your hopes up. It was my mom.
My mom thinks I spend too much time alone. If only she knew the truth.
I spend ALL my time alone. All my time is spent with me… sulking in self made misery, wishing I could take myself back to the past… if only for a moment.
I don’t think anybody can understand this sick feeling I have in my stomach because of him. I just want the world to stop so I can find one person to share this feeling with. One person to tell me they’ve been through the same situation. One person to reassure me that my life will be ok, that things will get better.
But I hope I find that person soon because everyday I wake up hoping that I just may spontaneously combust at any given moment and it will all be over, and then, when I'm in a place other then here, maybe I could teach myself to be happy again.
I’m not getting my hopes up too high. Every time I get my hopes up to a above-atmospheric level they only get pushed down further then what seems to be the seventh layer of hell.
Calista
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Journal,
I don’t want to be alone anymore and I don’t know what to do about it.
You see, I don’t want to be with any random person because with them I would feel incomplete.
I just want Joey, but these days that seems like too much to ask for.
I will never find another person that measures up to him so I’m not even going to bother to start looking.
I’m either going to be with him or be alone.
I will tell you this though; this alone thing is killing me from inside.
Also, I’m deathly afraid of this loneliness.
And if he doesn’t realize that he needs me just as much as I need him soon, I’m going to go completely insane and do something I’ll regret.
It’s sick and sad when it seems to yourself that you’re showing severe signs of manic depression.
Calista
