>>Chapter 8<<
Journal,
Right now I’m hurting because it feels like I have more regrets than dreams. I’m supposed to be dreaming about the love of my life and how wonderful everything should be. But instead I’m regretting losing the love of my life because I couldn’t maintain a wonderful situation even if it was handed to me in a nicely wrapped gift basket.
I’m tired of all this pain and I’m tired of how depressing my life turned out to be. Right now it feels I have no concept of time other then it’s progressing so slow it feels like its going backwards. It’s like I wake up and from that point forward in the day I mourn for myself. I see a happy couple on TV and I want to cry, my mom calls and tells me I need a boyfriend and I have the urge to vomit. I’m getting to a point of such melancholia that simple happy things like flowers and singing birds make me want to hurt something just so it can be as miserable and disconsolate as I am.
I can’t find any way to end this misery. I’m alone and I didn’t know it was going to be so hard. I didn’t know you could actually fear independence. But here I am, scared shitless over something the world I live in was founded upon.
Calista
