I can't be sure of what happened exactly to make her leave. I don't think I'll ever be sure. I can't even remember if I asked her why. But I do remember the day she left me...and I'll never ever forget it.

******
"Taylor stop it!" She jogs away from me, her long auburn hair flowing behind her. I chase after her at a slightly quicker pace. She giggles lightly as she ran faster. We reach my house in no time and collapse on the steps.

"I got you!" I cry breathlessly as I envelope her in my arms. She fits so perfect, it's like she's made for them.

"No fair! You cheated." I turn to her and smile. She flutters her long eyelashes and smiles that coy little "girl" smile. I love when she does that.

"I did not," I retort, "you did." I'm not exactly coated with wit, but she laughs anyway. I know she's laughing at me, but I don't mind. She always laughs at my jokes, no matter how bad they are. Sometimes, I'm not even telling a joke, but she laughs anyway. I don't tell her it's not a joke, because I know she's trying to make me feel better, and it always works.
*****

and i think you*re so mean
i think we should try
i think i could need this in my life
and i think i*m scared
i think too much
i know it*s wrong
and that*s a problem i*m feelin

I wonder if she still loves me, or thinks about me. I wonder if she even remembers me. Just the thought of her forgetting is enough to make me shudder, because I know I'll never forget.

*****
"Taaaaylor!" She says my name like a little kid. I squirt her lightly with the hose again. The cold water spots her pale yellow tank top and I smile. She's so beautiful. I run to her and tickle her sides. She sqeals with delight and we both fall to the ground.

The grass is wet from the water still running from the hose, but neither of us seems to notice, and even if we do, neither of us cares. We're so happy, nothing can break our trance. We have our own special little world that no one can touch. Our bubble protects us, and no one else cares.

"Taylor...stop...please..." she shrieks between laughing fits. I love to tickle her, but I stop anyway. I love to pinch her cheeks too. She doesn't like that though, so I don't do it much.

"I Love You Baby." I cup her face and kiss her gently. She knows I love her, but I always tell her anyway...just to be sure. I don't wanna give her a chance to forget. She smiles. I love her smile.
*****

if you*re gone
maybe it*s time to come home
there*s an awful lot of breathing room
but i can hardly move
if you*re gone
baby you need to come home, come home
there*s a little bit of something me
in everything in you

Sometimes, I take a break from remembering to have a life. But I mean, wow, it's still so hard, after so long. After so long, I still have so many questions. I wish she was here to answer them.

*****
"I Love You."

"I know. I Love You too." I smile. I love to hear her say it. I want her to say it over and over till I'm sick of her voice. I don't think that could ever really happen, but it would be fun to try. She reaches over and smoothes out my eyebrow. She's always doing little things like that. I wipe a drop of juice from the orange she's eating off of her lip. She smiles. I start to hum a few notes from one of her favorite songs. She loves when I sing to her. She smiles again.
*****

i bet you*re hard to get over
i bet the moon just won*t shine
i bet my hands i can stay here
i bet you mean more than you mind
and i think you*re so mean
i think we should try
i think i could need this in my life
and i think i*m just scared
that i know too much
i can*t relate
and that*s a problem i*m dealin

Her smile. That's what I can remember most. She loved to smile, and I loved it when she smiled. I think I'd give just about anything to see her smile again.

*****
"Why baby?" The tears are prickling behind my eyes. What is she talking about?

"Taylor I have to go." I search her eyes for some sign of emotion; regret, sorrow, love, hate, anything. I find nothing. Her eyes are so vacant and blank, it frightens me. I don't understand, why is she doing this?

"Please baby, don't do this to me..." I trail off. A few stray tears are carving a course down the side of my face now. I don't know what to do or say to her anymore. The pain is incredibile.

"I have to...We can't keep this up."

"Keep what up?" I'm full of questions and I'm praying she's full of the answers.

"This is too much for both of us. You know as well as I that we can't do it anymore."

"No I don't...I don't know that." I'm just about a half-step from sobbing now. I don't know what she's talking about. I think she's talking about my career. Doesn't she know she means more to me than life itself? Doesn't she understand? I search her eyes once more for a sign. They are blank as ever.

She leans over and kisses me on the lips. One soft, sweet, final kiss. Just as I break down in sobs, she turns and walks down the block and around the corner. My heart wants to jump out of my chest and chase her. It wants to grab her arm and make her look at me. It wants to pick her up and spin her in circles forever. It wants to make her say "I love you." But my mind knows to let her go. Her decisions are always final, and it will only cause more pain. So I drop hopelessly to my knees on the wet grass and cry for what seems like a lifetime.
*****

if you*re gone
maybe it*s time to come home
theres an awful lot of breathing room
but i can hardly move
if you*re gone
baby you need to come home, come hom
there*s a little bit of somethimg me
in everything in you

I know she turned that corner and cried. I never doubt that. I know she loved me, and I know she felt the pain too. That pain that seemed to cut me to pieces. I know all of that. But I don't know why she did it.

I wish I knew where she was now. It's three years later. I've never stopped thinking about her. Sometimes I think I see her, in the store or at the park. But it's never her. I wonder where she went, or what she's doing now. And everynight, when I pray that she's okay and that everything is going good for her; I wonder if she still loves me...because I still love her. And I always will.

i think you*re so mean
i think we should try
i think i could need this in my life
and i think i*m scared
do i talk too much?
i know it*s wrong
it*s a problem i*m dealin
if you*re gone
maybe it*s time to come home
well there*s an awful lot of breathing room
but i can hardly move
well if you*re gone
baby you need to come home, come home
there*s a little bit of something me
in everything in you

**lyrical credit: Matchbox 20 - "If You're Gone"

thats what friends are for
* breathe again *