Part One : Paintings and Reflections

Intro

If there ever was a time when I thought I was truly in love, it was when I first met Kathie. I was at a loss of words after seeing her for the first time. She inspired me. You see, I'm a painter. I gain my inspiration from others. I've never been inspired by anyone before like I was inspired by Kathie. For the past four years, I've painted some amazing pictures while thinking of her. She could be seen somewhere in everyone of my paintings.

All my efforts to win her over have failed, much like my efforts to get my paintings noticed. No one wants to see the work of a love-struck teenager. I always receive the same replies from art dealers, like, "Mr. Logan, it's just not what we are looking for," or, "J.R., why don't you come back when you've had more experience."

I didn't let my rejections get to me. I tried to always remain high spirited. I spent a lot of time dreaming that I lived in one of my paintings. It is on a beach. The tides are turning and the sun is glistening on the wet sand. Sea gulls are soaring over a girl sunbathing. If you look hard enough, you can see that the girl is Kathie. The painting is a beautiful sight, but could never compare to Kathie herself. If I lived in that painting, I would build us a boat so that we could sail off into the sunset together.

I could never tell Kathie all this because I felt that she would just laugh at me or think I'm obsessed with her. We were friends, but I really wanted more. She took the paintings I gave her as a friendly gesture, nothing more. She didn't know I wanted to sweep her off her feet. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to give her the world, if only I could. I could always paint pictures of us together, but they would just be paintings, nothing more.

Chapter One

The summer soon ended and I had to go back to school yet again. I had another year of hell to go through. I didn't really have anyone I would consider a close friend. I had a few buddies, but I could never really talk to any of them. They all thought I spent too much time painting and dreaming of Kathie.

I was walking down the hall after lunch and Kathie came up to me. I had tried to avoid her for most of the day, mainly because I always became extremely nervous around her.

"Hi J.R." Kathie said.

"Hey."

"How was your summer?"

"Good. How about yours?"

"Not bad. You barely called me."

"Yeah, sorry, I kept busy," I really was having trouble talking to her. I didn't want to say the wrong thing. We chatted for a while, but then she said that she had to get going. As I watched her walk away, Freddie sneaked up behind me and knocked my books out of my hands.

"Dude, get over her already," he said.

"Dick."

"Don't get pissed."

"You knock my shit all over the floor and then tell me not to get pissed."

"Sorry."

"What do you want?"

"I wanted to know if you want to cut next period and go to Burger King with Billy, Steve, and me."

That was just what I needed, hanging out with the biggest screw-ups in the school. Freddie walks around like he owns the place, like the entire town is his own fucking utopia. Billy is going to drink himself to death. People should just call him Keg. And Steve, he's way too into movies, it's all he ever talks about. Do you think I really care what ratio a movie is represented as when it's letterboxed on laserdisc?

"I'm not going to cut a class on the first day of school," I told Freddie, not wanting to tell him the real reason I didn't want to go.

"Okay, it's your loss."

"And I'm okay with that."

I went on with my daily routine for many weeks, I would pine after Kathie, yet avoid her as much as possible. I'm just pathetic that way. I became pretty close with this kid named Stuart. We got along because he loved Caitlin as much as I loved Kathie.

"When are you going to make a move on Kathie?" he asked.

"Soon. What about you and Caitlin?"

"I can't do anything."

"Why not?"

"She's dating Freddie."

"Wait, I thought that her cousin Amy was dating Freddie?"

"She is too."

I thought about telling Amy. She deserved better than Freddie. I should know, we used to date. Then again, it was none of my business.

"Damn, not only is Freddie dating two girls, he's dating cousins. That's smooth. I wonder how long he can keep that up?"

"Knowing Freddie, I give it a year."

Stuart and I both began to laugh. It was reassuring that there was someone else out there who was just as pitiful as I was. Actually, he was probably a little more pitiful than I was, but who's keeping track?

Chapter Two

Stuart was one of the of the many interesting people I had met. I cannot remember every event that happened over the course of that year, but I'll never forget the day I met Niles. Nothing could have prepared me for the first encounter.

I was in the art room, packing up a few paintings I brought in. Niles walked into the class with a confused look on his face.

"This isn't the math lab," he said.

"I know that."

"So what are you doing here?" he asked me.

"Packing up some paintings. What are you doing here?"

"I was going to the math lab."

Niles then started to look around the room, staring at all my paintings.

"Did you paint all these?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you paint?"

"Because I can."

"That's cool," Niles replied. He then stopped at one painting and stared at it for a long period of time. "Hey, isn't that Kathie?"

"You could tell?"

"Well, it looks just like her. Are you obsessed with her or something?"

"Obsessed? No. I believe the correct word is love. I'm in love with her."

"Does she love you back?"

"No, well, not yet."

"Then it isn't love, it's an obsession."

"Who the hell are you to tell me what my feelings towards Kathie are?"

"I'm Niles."

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

"I don't know, should it?"

At this point, I couldn't figure out if this guy was playing mind games with me or just the biggest fucking idiot alive. He wasn't making any sense. I couldn't figure out if he was doing so deliberately.

"Look, if you don't mind, I would like to get back to packing so I can get out of here."

"Can I help?"

"I can handle it myself."

"I'm sure you can, but I'm not talking about your sex life, bro. I'm talking about helping you pack up your paintings."

I couldn't help but laugh. This guy was nuts. I ended up letting him help me. It was very interesting talking to him. Half the words that came out of his mouth made no sense, but the other half was so insightful. He told me that I should just be open with Kathie, or just accept being friends with her. At least that what I think he meant. He said something to the extent of: "Dude, you can't have your ice cream and fuck it too."

Chapter Three

That spring, I decided to go on a school trip to Washington DC. I figured it was time to become more social. The trip would give me a chance to meet more people. The only set back was that the school scheduled the trip on the same weekend as the Junior Prom. I didn't have the nerve to ask Kathie and I definitely couldn't take seeing her there with someone else, so it was better that I didn't go at all.

The only person I really knew well who was also on the trip was Stuart. He brought along his friend Vanessa. I wondered how a nerdy kid like Stuart managed to become friends with someone like her. I don't want to sound mean, but most girls who were as attractive as she was, would have an "I'm too good for you" attitude.

Most of the trip was dull, I really didn't care for the sights. I did have a lot of fun in the hotel rooms each night. We shared a floor with a group of kids from Arkansas. I met a guy named Ray, who just followed around two girls named Sandy and Ann. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was in love with one of the two. It was the same way I looked at Kathie.

One night, after having a few drinks, I started telling Ray my whole story.

"You should have asked her to the prom," Ray told me.

"I know, but I was too afraid of being turned down."

"How are you ever going to find out if she likes you if you don't say something? You can't let it eat you up inside. Trust me, I know. I have a situation like yours with one of the girls on this trip. I told her I like her, but she just wants to be friends."

"Yeah, that Ann chick, right?"

"No you have the names confused, her name is Sandy."

"But isn't Ann that cute brunette? That's the one you're in love with."

"Yes, that's Ann, but she's my best friend, I love Sandy."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

I saw the conversation was going nowhere, so I said I had to go back to my room. I walked inside to saw Vanessa and Stuart talking and having a few drinks. Stuart had too many and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He ended up spending the rest of the night in there. Meanwhile, Vanessa and I starting talking. The talking lead to kissing. I enjoyed having someone in my arms, but I couldn't stop thinking about Kathie. At the same time, I could tell that Vanessa wasn't that into it. I just couldn't figure out why. We stopped what we were doing and agreed never to bring it up again and if it ever was brought up, I would blame it on the alcohol.

Chapter Four

I was ready to tell Kathie how I felt. But when I returned home, I found out a few things I didn't want to know . Freddie had thrown a huge post prom party. At that party, Kathie got together with Steve. They became the third cutest couple in our class, behind Freddie and Caitlin, and Freddie and Amy. My plans to confess my feelings were squashed. I had to continue to hide my feelings and sulk around like the pathetic, suffering artist that I was.

There was one very humorous story I heard about the party, Billy was so wasted that he went and got a tattoo. The word "KEG" was now permanently on his side. He decided it was a fitting nickname and had everyone call him Keg from then on. It was like he read my mind.

Chapter Five

After a few weeks, I became worried that Kathie and Steve were becoming one of those couples who lasted throughout high school. I had to know if they were getting serious or not. I went to the best source to find out, Kathie's best friend and my ex-girlfriend, Amy.

"Are they getting serious?" I asked Amy.

"Why do you want to know?"

"You know as well as I do that I've been infatuated with her for a long time, even while we were dating."

"I know, but I wanted to hear you say it."

"Will you tell me or not?"

"No, they are not getting serious. She plans to break up with him soon."

"That's great. Do you think I have a chance with her?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe is good. How about I give her a painting?"

"That might work. It certainly worked for me."

"Thanks Amy, I won't forget this."

I was really happy that I was able to maintain a friendship with Amy after we broke up. I also appreciated her helping me out like this. I wanted to tell Amy about Freddie also dating her cousin, but I didn't want to upset her. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and left.

Chapter Six

I went straight home to pick out a painting to give to Kathie. For some reason, none of them seemed good enough. I took out my painting equipment and started work on a new painting. Usually, it takes me weeks to finish a painting, but I was determined to do this one in a day.

Around seven in the evening, the phone rang.

"Hi, it's Amy," she said, sounding upset.

"What's wrong?"

"Kathie was driving home from Steve's house and got in a car accident."

My heart started racing.

"Is she okay?"

"I know you really care about her. You should come see her tonight at the hospital. If you don't, you might not get another chance."

"What are you talking about?"

"They don't think she'll make it through the night."

I couldn't think straight or even attempt to speak. I hung up the phone. I couldn't comprehend what my life would be like without Kathie. I didn't think I could handle seeing her in the hospital. The only thing I could do was paint. I was unsure what I was painting, my hands were doing all the work, I only held them steady.

Part Two : Foreshadowing

Chapter One

J.R. worked frantically to finish the painting. It was quite different than his other paintings. Usually, he would try to hide Kathie somewhere in the picture, but not this time. Kathie was the main focus the picture. It was a portrait of her. To J.R., it was a shrine. Instead of signing it, he wrote, "To my beginning, to my end, to my angel, when she shall ascend."

After writing that message on the picture, J.R. raised a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. If he couldn't be with Kathie in life, then he would be with her in death.

Instantly, J.R. was on a beach. The tides were turning and the sun was glistening on the wet sand. Sea gulls were soaring above, yet something was missing. Kathie wasn't there. J.R. began to cry as he came to the realization that he did not pass on to paradise. He was now in a place that was, in his mind, worse than hell, an eternity without Kathie.

Meanwhile, back on the earthly plane, Kathie amazed the doctors by recovering from the injuries she sustained in the car accident. She was not completely healed and needed a wheelchair to get around. Kathie wasn't depressed about the prospect of not being able to walk for a month or two. She was alive, and that was all that really mattered.

Chapter Two

After a few weeks in the recovery ward, Kathie was allowed to return home. Amy was at Kathie's house, waiting for her to return.

"Did I miss anything?" Kathie asked as she wheeled herself up to Amy.

"J.R.'s dead."

"How did it happen?" she asked, surprised by the news.

"He killed himself."

"Why?"

"He didn't want to live without you."

"That was a little caustic, he couldn't have waited to see if I would be okay?"

"Kathie, do you know how much he cared about you?"

"I knew he had a crush on me, but..."

"Come inside, I want to show you something."

Kathie and Amy went into Kathie's room, which was filled with paintings.

"J.R.'s parents gave them to me. I figured you should have them," Amy said.

"Why should I have them?"

"You're in every one of them."

Kathie's eyes filled with tears as she looked through the paintings and saw that someone had cared that much about her. The tears ran down her smiling face, as she sw herself in everyone one of the pictures J.R. had painted.

"I'll leave you alone now," Amy said as she left the room.

Kathie sat in her room crying. Ten minutes later, her brother walked in.

"Why are you so upset?" He asked.

Kathie's only reply was, "I love him."

The love J.R. always wanted, was now available, but inaccessible to him. Kathie wished that he was still alive. She wanted to tell him how much she cared about him. Kathie knew that she should move on, seeing how J.R. was dead, but she couldn't. Kathie didn't want this love to die.

Part Three : Once More, Less Than Afterwards

Chapter One

Since Kathie was in the hospital at the time, she missed J.R.'s funeral. Needless to say, it was a very nice funeral. The pictures Kathie now had in her possession were all displayed around the coffin. J.R. would have enjoyed seeing so many people looking at his work. The one thing he wouldn't have enjoyed was the amount of people who came to the funeral and acted like they were always close to him. Everyone was there, Stuart, Vanessa, Amy, Caitlin, Freddie, Keg, Steve, and of course, Niles. For some odd reason, Niles convinced J.R.'s parents to let him deliver the eulogy.

Niles walked up to the podium, adjusted the microphone, and began to speak, "This is a very sad day for everyone present," Niles paused for a second, then continued, "Actually, not as sad as the night J.R. actually offed himself, but close enough. Anyway, we will all miss him greatly. Wait, is 'greatly' a word? Never mind, I'm getting off track here. What I want to say is, J.R. wasn't able to find what he wanted in this world, let's pray he found it in the next. If he didn't, well then, he's pretty much fucked."

The priest kicked Niles off after he made that last comment. Niles took a bow and exited the church. A few minutes later, he walked back in and said, "I was half hoping J.R. would walk in during this and say that it all was a misunderstanding. I guess life can't imitate literature."

Chapter Two

Kathie wished she had been able to attend J.R.'s funeral. Words could not describe how much she missed him. Ironically, a picture probably could, yet J.R. wasn't there to paint it.

Kathie had trouble getting around school in a wheelchair. Her classes were at different ends of the school, she had to constantly go back and forth. By the end of her first week back, she could barely move her arms because they were so sore from pushing the wheels. On top of that, Amy wasn't talking to her anymore because she blamed her for J.R.'s death.

Kathie couldn't get any worse. That was until Steve went over to her house.

"I need to talk to you," Steve said.

"What about?" Kathie replied.

"I want you back."

"Steve, it's over between us."

"Why does it have to be over?"

"I have feelings for someone else."

"Who?"

"J.R."

"Have you read the paper, or turned on the news, or maybe just listened to what people are talking about in school? J.R. is dead. He killed himself."

"He killed himself for me."

"That just makes him stupid."

"No, that just makes me stupid."

"Kathie, you didn't give a damn about him before. Now, there's no point caring about him. You belong with me."

"Not anymore."

Kathie told Steve to get out of her house. She didn't want him in her life anymore. She didn't care about him or anyone else anymore. The only person she wanted to be with was J.R.

Chapter Three

Let's shift the focus of this tale for a little bit. J.R. was still on the beach he created in his painting. He spent his days lying around, having nothing better to do. Early on, J.R. tried to find a way off the beach, but all his attempts failed. The sand seemed to continue on forever. It was frightening how real the beach had become. There was high tide and low tide, the temperature always changed, and garbage and other discarded materials always washed ashore.

One day, a few pieces of wood floated to land. These pieces of wood gave J.R. an idea. He collected all the wood he could find, along with some other materials. J.R. used what he could to build a boat. He had no clue where the seas would take him, but he had to find out for himself. J.R. wanted to leave the beach.

Within what would be the earthly equivalent of a few weeks, J.R. finished his makeshift boat and was ready to set sail. The only problems were that he had fears of what was out there, instead of going out himself, he decided to have a practice run.

Using a set of watercolors and a piece of cardboard that floated onto the beach, J.R. painted a picture. It was on a beach at sundown. The orange sun overlooked the high tide. There was a small boat floating of into the sunset. J.R. and Kathie were on the boat. He signed it Trevor Chance. The "Chance" meant that he hoped his boat and the painting came back okay and "Trevor" was just a name he liked.

J.R. placed the painting on the boat and let it sail off. The boat eventually returned, but without the painting.

Interlude

Kathie couldn't understand why there was a painting on her doorstep that Monday morning. It was a picture of her and J.R. sailing off into the sunset. The painting was signed Trevor Chance. Kathie didn't know what it meant. She figured it was a sick joke. She assumed the only person who would do something like this was Niles. She asked him about it, but he did not know what she was talking about. Niles was even more clueless than usual.

Chapter Four

J.R. decided to go in the boat himself, the painting had to have gone somewhere and he wanted to know where. He climbed into the boat and rowed off into the sea. The vast ocean slowly became more of a river. J.R. noticed that all the sites surrounding him were other pictures he had painted. He stopped to check each one, just in case Kathie happened to be there. Of course, she wasn't. J.R. soon came upon the portrait of Kathie that he had paint right before he took his own life. He picked it up and placed it on the boat, then continued down the river. The colors and the scenery began to fade away until J.R. was engulfed in nothing. The sight of blankness was too much for J.R. to handle. Everywhere he looked, he didn't see anything. Only a great poet could accurately describe what it was like. Trying to comprehend it could drive a person insane. J.R. was lucky that he only passed out.

Chapter Five

Kathie was now able to walk on her own, no longer needing a wheel chair. To celebrate this, a few of her friends threw Kathie a beach party. Kathie would have preferred a small gathering of her friends instead of a large party, yet she still gratefully accepted.

Everyone was sitting by the bonfire, drinking and laughing. Every so often, one of the guys and one of the girls would go off to another part of the beach to be by themselves.

Niles got up and announced to the group, "I've got to take a piss." He walked over to the water, paused for a moment, then shouted, "Shit, there's a dead body floating here." Niles was wrong, it wasn't a dead body. J.R. was alive, for the first time in a while.

They all sat silent as J.R. walked up to them and asked to speak to Kathie privately.

"J.R., I don't know what to say."

"I can't seem to find the words either," he said with a huge smile across his face.

"How could you come back?"

"I don't know the answer to that question. I prefer to think, how could I not come back? That answer is simple, because you're here."

J.R. and Kathie's lips met in a gentle kiss, a kiss seemed to explain everything, yet failed to speak for itself. J.R. loved Kathie and she loved him back, so there was only one thing left to gain a picture prefect happy ending.

"Kathie, marry me."

"But we're still in high school."

"After we graduate, will you marry me?"

"Yes."

That summer, they were married on the beach at sundown. The orange sun overlooked the high tide. There was a small boat floating of into the sunset. J.R. and Kathie were on the boat.

Part Four : The Future Cries For Yesterday's Sorrows

Chapter One

J.R. and Kathie could have lived happily ever after, but that would be too easy. Their story was just beginning. A few months after marrying Kathie, one of J.R.'s paintings caught the eyes of an art dealer. This guy loved J.R.'s work. Two years later, J.R. and Kathie were living the good life in Los Angeles. His paintings were selling for thousands of dollars. J.R. had overcome one of the great tragedies of being an artist. Most painters' works do not gain value until after the artist died. J.R. died and then returned to collect the benefits. He was a lucky one.

J.R. even had his own art gallery. The center attraction was a painting he had done of Kathie the night he found out he was going to have his own gallery. J.R. surprised Kathie with the good news by filling the bedroom with red roses. She walked in to see them and J.R. wearing a black tuxedo. He took Kathie out to the finest restaurant in the area. The meal was followed up with a slow walk on the beach. J.R. and Kathie reached one point on the beach where a canvass was set up with some painting tools. J.R. painted Kathie standing under the moonlight.

That picture could, without a doubt, be called the most beautiful picture he had ever painted. Many people offered money for it, but J.R. would never sell it. He said it would be like selling his soul.

Chapter Two

The painting did not show the dark shadow looming over J.R.'s soul. At night, J.R. was plagued with nightmares of his death and the afterwards. In every dream each night, it became harder and harder for J.R. to return to Kathie.

J.R. didn't like even going to sleep, fearing the nightmares would return. He spent as much time as he could painting and running the gallery.

One evening at the gallery, a mysterious woman walked in. She was dressed in all black, emitting a feeling of coldness. Her face remained emotionless as she observed J.R.'s paintings.

"Look ma'am, we're closing soon. I'm going to have to ask you to leave," J.R. said to the woman.

"What was it like for you?" she replied.

"What was what like for me?"

"The afterworld, what was it like for you?"

"How do you know I was there?"

"Your paintings told me."

"My paintings talked to you?" J.R. asked sarcastically.

"Did I say they talked to me, no, I said they told me. Those are two completely different things."

"What do you want?"

"I need you to answer a few questions for me."

"Like what?"

"Did you ever consider the pain you caused others when you killed yourself? Do you know how you affected the people in your life? Or were you just acting selfishly?"

"I know I hurt a lot of people, but I'm alive, it's okay now."

"Are you sure it is?"

"Yes."

"I think you'll change your mind soon."

"Why is that?"

"You are going to suffer the way you caused others to suffer. You will continue to suffer until you give up the most important thing in your life."

"I'm not going to give up Kathie."

"So be it."

"You really think you can make me suffer?"

"Not me. You'll bring it upon yourself."

With that comment, the woman left the gallery. J.R. didn't want to believe what she said, but some how he did.

Chapter Three

Kathie dismissed what J.R. told her. She was shocked that he would even believe it. Yet when Stuart came to visit, it made perfect sense to him. J.R. showed him the gallery and then they went to a bar for a couple of drinks. Stuart rambled on about how he loved the rain. J.R. told him that it didn't rain much in Los Angeles.

"I wish Kathie would support on this. It doesn't seem that far fetched. I mean, I died and came back. This is pretty small compared to that."

"Kathie doesn't want to believe it, that's all."

"I'm glad you do."

"I'm your best friend, I have to believe you."

"Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Where you upset when I killed myself?"

"Yeah, I was pretty shaken up. I couldn't figure out why you had to kill yourself, but that's over now, you're alive again."

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright."

J.R. and Stuart had a few more drinks and then decided to take off. They walked across the street to J.R.'s car.

"Shit, I left my keys in the bar," J.R. said.

"Relax, I'll get them."

Stuart ran back into the bar. He came out waving them in the air, along with two more bottles of beer. As Stuart ran across the street, a car turned the corner and ran right into him. J.R. ran to him. Stuart wasn't breathing. The guy got out of his car, apologized, and ran to go call an ambulance and the police. J.R. could not hear his apology. All he could hear was the same thought, over and over again, " Was this how Stuart felt when I died?"

It started to rain that night. The rain continued throughout Stuart's funeral. Chalk that one up on the irony scoreboard.

Chapter Four

J.R. needed more time to get his thoughts in order. He and Kathie had not been getting along that well. They fought over everything. In so many words, the honeymoon was over. J.R. wanted Kathie to support him. Kathie wanted J.R. to stop thinking that he was "cursed." J.R. didn't want to lose Kathie over this. He went through too much to lose it all. J.R. convinced her to stay at her brother's house back in Jersey for a while. Kathie told J.R. not call her until he came to his senses and stopped believing he was cursed. After she left, J.R. had a feeling that something bad was going to happen, only he thought it would be Kathie walking out of his life and not coming back. J.R. wasn't going to lose her. He ran to the subway station, hoping to catch Kathie before she left. The place was empty when J.R. got there. That wasn't unusual, it was after midnight. He couldn't see Kathie anywhere. J.R. looked at the schedule, the last train left a half hour ago and the next one was arriving in a few minutes.

J.R. then heard a faint cry, "Hello, is somewhere there?" It was Kathie.

"Kathie, where are you?" J.R. shouted.

"I'm down here, my leg is caught on the track."

J.R. jumped off the platform and onto the tracks to help Kathie.

"What happened to you?" he asked as he tried to free her leg.

"I slipped and fell down here."

"You're lucky you didn't hit the third rail, you would have been fried."

"J.R., we can talk luck later. Help me."

J.R. continued to try to free Kathie's leg. They could both hear the subway train coming. J.R. freed Kathie and lifted her up to the platform. He jumped up himself, just as the train went past. J.R.'s hand smashed against the speeding train. All the bones in his hands shattered. Kathie rushed J.R. to the hospital. The doctor put J.R.'s hand in a cast. He said the hand would heal and look normal, but J.R. would probably lose use of all the fingers. J.R. would never paint again.

Chapter Five

Months later, J.R. had the cast taken off. He couldn't paint anymore, even though he tried every day. He had lost the passion and he had lost the skill. He then realized what that lady meant about losing the most important thing in his life, it was his painting skills, not Kathie. J.R. didn't know what to do, except have a talk with Kathie.

"Look Kathie, everybody fits into the world somehow. We all have our own place where we fit in. I lost mine when I broke my hand. I don't know where I belong anymore."

"You belong here, with me."

"I'm not sure about that right now. I have to find myself again. I need to know where I belong. I have to go alone. When I find myself, I'll return. I'll miss you."

Kathie tried to talk J.R. out of it, but he wouldn't change his mind. J.R. packed some clothes in an old backpack and took some money out of the bank. He stepped outside the house and walked to the bus station. J.R. stepped onto a bus and took a seat. He looked out the window and stared at the sight of Los Angeles, thinking that he might never see them again. J.R. saw the sign that read: You Are Now Leaving Los Angeles. He knew one day he would return. One day he would see Kathie again. One day he would see the sights of Los Angeles again. J.R. knew it would be one great day. One era in his life had ended, another had begun. It is a whole new adventure. J.R. would miss Kathie, but he would see her again, one day.

Part Five : Epilogue

Around seven in the evening, the phone rang.

"Hi, it's Amy," she said, sounding upset.

"This is J.R. What's wrong?" I replied.

"Kathie was driving home from Steve's house and got in a car accident."

My heart started racing.

"Is she okay?"

"I know you really care about her. You should come see her tonight at the hospital. If you don't, you might not get another chance."

"What are you talking about?"

"They don't think she'll make it through the night."

I couldn't think straight or even attempt to speak. I hung up the phone. I couldn't comprehend what my life would be without Kathie. I didn't think I could handle seeing her in the hospital. The only thing I could do was paint. I was unsure what I was painting, my hands were doing all the work, I only held them steady.

When I was finished, I took a step back to see what I had painted. It had to have been the most interesting painting I had ever done. I couldn't figure out where all those images of killing myself, coming back, making it big, not being able to paint, and all that other stuff came from. I could never deal with losing my ability to paint.

I signed the painting and came to new realization. I didn't love Kathie. I knew that she was not the love of my life, maybe in some other lifetime, but not this one. I tried to maintain the friendship we did have, but I never wanted more. I visited Kathie in the hospital a few times and gave her a couple paintings to cheer her up. I knew Kathie would be okay.

The oddest thing of all was that I always thought becoming famous would be my greatest accomplishment. I was wrong. When I was twenty-five years old, my wife, Rachel, gave birth to my daughter, Angel. From early on I could tell that she would take after me and be a painter.

The End.