!!Quotes!!

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.
Constipated people don't give a crap
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
F.B. I. - Female Body Inspector
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Gravity Is A Myth... The Earth Sucks
Hell Yes I’m Drunk, I’m No Stunt Driver!
Horn Broke, Watch For Finger!
HOOKD ON FONIX REELY WURKD FER MEEE
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I Bet I Can Stop Gambling!
I Brake For Hallucinations
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
I do what the voices in my head tell me to
I Love Cats, They Taste Like Chicken!
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
I May Be Fat But You're Ugly And I Can Diet!
I smile because I have absolutely no idea what's going on
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I Owe, I Owe, So Off To Work I Go!
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!
If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling
If you usually don't succeed on the first try - SKYDIVING is not for you!
If at first you don't succeed, try again.....then give up
I Tried To Drown My Troubles But She Learned How To Swim!
I Know You Are But What Am I?
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
If You Don’t Like The Way I Drive, Stay Off The Sidewalk!
Illiterate? Write for help
Keep Honking - I'm reloading my shotgun...
Laugh At Your Problems... Everyone Else Does!
Lead, Follow, Or Get Out Of The Way!
LSD... Melts in your Mind, Not in your Hands
My IQ Test Came Back Negative
No one is listening until you make a mistake
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
You Can Pick Your Friends, You Can Pick Your Nose.... But You Can't Pick Your Friend's Nose!
Blonde's T-Shirt: TGIF - Tits Go In Front
Fighting For Peace Is Like Screwing For Virginity
Eat Shit, A Million Flies Can’t Be Wrong!
Grab ‘Em By The Balls And Their Hearts And Minds Will Follow!
How’s My Driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT
I Love Animals - They're Delicious!
I Love Every Bone In Your Body - Especially Mine!
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut!
If you drink, don't park, accidents cause people
If You Smoke After Sex, You’re Doing It Too Fast!
INSTANT ASSHOLE - JUST ADD ALCOHOL
Just Do Me
My Girl Can't Wrestle But You Oughta See Her Box!
Nuke The Gay Whales For Jesus!
Please tell your pants it's not polite to point
Remember my name 'cause you'll be screaming it later!
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. YES is the answer.
Take Me Drunk I'm Home
Thank you for pot smoking
The Enterprise is like Toilet Paper. It's always circling Uranus looking for Klingons to wipe out!
The Word Of The Day Is Legs... Spread The Word
To all you virgins, thanks for nothing