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THE GRAVITY'S CURRENT REPERTOIRE

  1. The Squirrel Song
  2. The Penis Song
  3. Goldfish
  4. Wisey
  5. Green-Eyed Joe
  6. Tough Crowd
  7. Ben's Not in This Song
  8. Back Again
  9. Just Playine Dumb
  10. Lack of Comprehension
  11. C.J.'s Orgasmic Fantasy (The Punky Folka)
  12. Paranormal Learning Devices
  13. What a Shame Mary Jane is a Pain in My Side
  14. The Animal Song
  15. Human Contact Paper
  16. Goodbye (But Not Forever)
  17. Confusion
  18. Stuff, Words, Punctuation Mark
  19. Crappy New Age Piano Music
  20. Michelle (Not By the Beatles)
  21. Alexis
  22. The Adventures of the Salty Seaman
  23. You're a Bitch
  24. Bimbos and Thimbles
  25. How Long
  26. That Girl
  27. Foot Fetish
  28. Thinking About It
  29. Johnny Depp
  30. Jennifer Killed a Bug
  31. Fiugzel
  32. Where's That Girl
  33. Have a Very Merry Easter
  34. And So the Cookie Crumbles
  35. Lemon Grove
  36. Saddled Horses
  37. Uncle Fester's Uncle
  38. Gorgeous Blonde CD Chick
  39. Karl's Computer
  40. Little Johnny Spacesuit

THE SQUIRREL SONG


Oh, squirrel,
You're dead behind the shed without a head.
Oh, squirrel,
You're dead,
Behind the shed,
Without a head.

CHORUS 1
Oh, squirrel,
I wish I could have known you,
But I was just a boy.
Oh, squirrel,
I wish I could have shown you your head.
Oh, squirrel.

When I looked to my left,
What did I see?
It was you,
And you were dead, without a head,
And I had to pee.

CHORUS 2
Oh, squirrel,
I wish I could have known you,
But I was just a boy.
Oh, Squirrel,
I wish I could have shown you my dress.
Oh, squirrel.

[spoken]
Oh, squirrel, I just wish I could have known you, man. But I was just a boy! And now, look at you, squirrel! You're dead! And for the love of God, you don't have a head! Why don't you have a head, little squirrel? Oh, God! Why couldn't you have just taken me instead? Let's go to the chorus, guys!

CHORUS 1

---

When people think of The Gravity, they think of "The Squirrel Song." It's that simple. It was the very first song that the guys made up as they went along, at the Cruise in Jay's backyard that fateful afternoon. It is based on a true account: behind Jay's shed, was a dead, decapitated squirrel. And it touched Ben so deeply, that he sang about it. And to this day, it stands as one of their best songs and biggest crowd-pleasers. The squirrel itself remained behind Jay's shed for quite some time, and served as a symbol of what the band was all about, until, finally, it went inside. The squirrel is no more, but its memory will live on in our hearts, and its legacy will be carried forth by The Gravity's music, forever.

THE PENIS SONG


I like penis in the morning. (morning!)
I like penis in the evening. (evening!)
Penis, oh how I miss you!
Penis, oh how I kiss you!

I like penis for breakfast. (breakfast!)
I like penis for lunch. (lunch!)
Penis, oh how I miss you!
Penis, oh how I Tristan you!

Penis, penis, penis, penis
Penis, penis, penis... ahhh!

I like penis in the morning. (morning!)
I like penis in the evening. (evening!)
Penis, it makes you feel mushy.
Hey, we could have sung about a big, wet... YEAH!

I like penis for breakfast. (breakfast!)
I like penis for lunch. (lunch!)
If you can relate, then let your penis drop.
If you can relate, then STOP!

---

This is a song that Jay wrote in a practice room at the 1995 Summer Drama Workshop in South Plainfield when Ben's then-girlfriend Heather asked him to make up a song as he went along. So, this is a song written for Ben's ex-girlfriend, but it's not about his penis. It's such an innocent song, even though it's about the worst thing you can write a song about. Go figure.

GOLDFISH

Goldfish
A big box of Goldfish.
Cheddar-flavored Goldfish.
Pepperidge Farm Goldfish.

CHORUS
Goldfish,
Goldfish,
Goldfish,
Goldfish.

Goldfish.
Pepperidge Farm Goldfish.
Cheddar-flavored Goldfish.
A big box of Goldfish.

CHORUS

[Jay's bass solo]
[Poot's drum solo]
[Murphy's guitar solo]

CHORUS

---

Murphy and Ben wrote this song one day, after being awestruck by a huge, economy-sized box of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers. Goldfish have actually become another symbol of The Gravity's legacy. They've also written a few other versions, "Breadsticks," "Anything," "Cornhusks," and "Wombat," which are basically the same song in a different musical style. This is a good song.

WISEY

Why's he green?
Why's he blue?
Why's he me?
Why's he you?

CHORUS
Wisey, wisey
W-X-Y-Z
Wisey

Why's he smart?
Why's he dumb?
Why can't I
Just get some?

CHORUS

Oh, wisey,
Oh, wisey,
Oh, wisey,
Oh, wisey.

CHORUS

Why's he short?
Why's he fat?
Why's he this?
Why's he that?

CHORUS

[funk]

CHORUS

Murphy:
Oh, Wisey
Oh, Wisey
P-Q-R-S-T-U-V
W-X, Y and Z)

---

This song was written by Murphy and Ben, during the same session as "Goldfish." Ben was intrigued by a plastic cup with a picture of Wile E. Coyote on it. The odd thing was that he was colored GREEN. So he asked, "Why's he green?" And Murphy replied, "You said 'wisey'..." And thus, this song was born. Later on, the funk ending was added, and suddenly, aside from asking many unanswerable questions, the song also let people know that the alphabet ALWAYS leads to funk. Also, The Gravity's biggest fans, the Lybians, invented the "Wisey Dance," a "YMCA"-type deal in which they form the letters W-X-Y-Z with their bodies throughout the song.

GREEN-EYED JOE

The other day
I was walkin' down the way,
And I saw a man standing there
In the alley!
He was eating hot ham and cheese
He said, "You can have some, if you please."
Now, I'm chillin' with Green-Eyed Joe in the alley!

Chillin' with Green-Eyed Joe,
Chillin' with Green-Eyed Joe,
Chillin' with Green-Eyed Joe in the alley!
Chillin' with Green-Eyed Joe,
Chillin' with Green-Eyed Joe,
Chillin' with Green-Eyed Joe in the alley!

Hot ham and cheese,
Hot ham and cheese,
Hot ham and cheese in the alley!
Yeah!

Yes, 2-3, YEAH!

---

This song is really something, mainly because of how the band is set up... BEN PLAYS BASS, FOR GOD'S SAKE!! And Murphy sings lead, and Poot plays guitar, and Jay plays drums? What the hell? Actually, this song was only played once for real, and after that, it was just used for comedic effect. For one thing, Ben just plays one note through the entire song, and he can't even do that right, thus proving that aside from singing, Ben has absolutely NOOOOO talent.

TOUGH CROWD

Well, we went to a party
And started playing.
But when we looked ahead,
All we saw filled us with dread.
We don't know,
It was a tough crowd to play to.
We got heckled, and laughed at, and booed.

CHORUS
A tough crowd.
It was a tough crowd to play to.
A tough crowd.
A tough one.

Well, we don't deserve this crap.
We're a whole lot better than that.
But you bastard fans just don't care!
I hate you all, you're not being fair!
Go to hell!
You are a tough crowd to play to.
You hurt our feelings, I'm gonna cry now, yes it's true.

CHORUS

A tough crowd, a tough crowd, a tough crowd, a tough crowd.
A tough crowd, it was a tough crowd, a tough crowd, yes it was.

I don't like this one little bit.
What is going on here? This can't be it!
I don't like this one little bit.
I think I'm going crazy... I feel like... YEAH!!!

[guitar solo]

A tough crowd.
It was a tough crowd to play to.
A tough crowd.
It was a tough crowd to play to.
A tough crowd.
COME ON, CUT ME SOME SLACK!
A tough crowd.
A tough one.

---

This song is a perfect example of the skill that The Gravity was formed around: the ability to make up a song as they go along. On August 13, 1995, they had their first live performance, and the crowd was, shall we say, less than responsive. A little peeved, they moved away from their set list and made this song up. The crowd didn't care. Since then, it's been touched up both lyrically and musically somewhat, but it is essentially the same. They're that good.

BEN'S NOT IN THIS SONG

Ben's not in this song.
Ben's not in this song.
We had to hear him crying all night long,
'Cause Ben's not in this song.

(repeat 2x)

Ben:
Ben's not in this song.
Ben's not in this song.
We had to hear him crying all night long,
'Cause Ben's not in this song...

Murphy: Wait a minute, if Ben's not in the song, then WE'RE not in the song!!!

All: We're not in this song.
We're not in this song.
We had to hear us crying all night long,
'Cause we're not in this song.

[continue to make up new verses for about ten minutes]

No one's in this song.
No one's in this song.
You won't hear anybody all night long,
'Cause no one's in this song.

---

This is another song that they've only performed in public once, and will probably never do again... unless they make a shorter version. When they closed their set with this the one time they performed it, it dragged on for a long time, and by the time it was over, even the few people who were actually paying attention were bored. Still, it was a cool concept.

BACK AGAIN

The sound of your laughter was like music to me,
But deep down, it tore me apart.
I knew that the laughter could only be there
At the expense of my broken heart.

And because you were laughing, I laughed, too,
Though the whole thing was definitely wrong.
It hit me deep down, like a bat on a ball:
The love you once felt was now gone.

CHORUS
I'll never find another in my life quite like you.
There's none higher, you're a perfect ten.
We're made for each other, I'm certain of this.
That's why I want you back again.

I tried to forget it, believe me, I tried,
But that's easier said than done.
It's not all that easy to get over the girl
That was supposed to have been number one.

How is it possible that a love such as ours,
Which was perfect from the very first day,
Could have a conclusion as painful as this?
How does such love fade away?

CHORUS

[guitar solo]

I pray that one day you will change your mind,
And you'll be able to see what I see.
There's just no escaping something like this:
A love that was so meant to be.

I'll never find another in my life quite like you.
There's none higher, you're a perfect ten.
We're made for each other, I'm certain of this.
That's why I want you back...
I'll never find another in my life quite like you.
There's none higher, you're a perfect ten.
We're made for each other, I'm certain of this.
That's why I want you back again.
That's why I want you back again.

---

This is one of the first Gravity songs that actually meant something. It started out as a poem that Ben wrote four days after his old girlfriend, Heather, dumped him. He later gave the words to Puterbaugh, who wrote the music, and then Ben added the melody. People in The Gravity's audience were visibly affected by this song the first time it was performed live, since most of them knew what it was about. It went on to become one of the most popular Gravity songs ever, since so many people could relate to its simple, heartfelt lyrics.

JUST PLAYINE DUMB

Silly Putty makes me silly.
Books they make me smart.
Fun-Tak, it makes me funny.
And beans they make me...
Happy Days makes me happy.
The Fonz helps me keep in style.
Well, add'em all up and I got you girl,
'Cause girl, you make me smile.

CHORUS
You make me smile,
You make me happy, both inside and out.
You make me smile,
You give me no reason to cry.
You make me smile,
Even if I'm eating saurkraut.
Girl, you make me smile,
But I don't know what I'm smiling about.

I guess I could justify this all
With a simple "I love you,"
But for me that would be a scapegoat,
And the usual thing to do.
So I guess I'll just sit back and watch you,
Relax and enjoy you for a while.
Your show, your books, your beans, your wombat,
Girl, it all makes me smile.

CHORUS

I must be so dumb if I don't know what it is that I'm feeling.
I must be so happy and my lips don't show no signs of congealing.
I must be so ignorant if I don't know just what this is.
I must be in love - will my soda go flat or fizz?

Silly Putty makes me silly.
Books they make me smart.
Fun-Tak, it makes me funny.
And beans they make me...
Happy Days makes me happy.
The Fonz helps me keep in style.
Well, add'em all up and I got you girl,
'Cause girl, you make me smile.

CHORUS

Girl, you make me smile.
Girl, you make me smile.
I'll eat my hotdogs a new way because you make me smile.

---

This is a song that is vintage Murphy. It's poppy, it's cheesy, it's about a girl... or, actually, it's about a couple of girls. And it's also a damn good song. It was very underrated at first, but then it was given a ska-like makeover, and now it's more popular than ever.

LACK OF COMPREHENSION

You think that we're friends,
But that will probably come to an end
When you find out how I really feel.
You think you can trust,
And in friendship, that is a must,
But you only know half of the deal.

CHORUS
What you fail to understand is that I'm in love with you.
What you fail to understand is that I'm in love with you.
Sometimes I swear to myself that you love me too,
So why do you fail to understand that I'm in love with you.

[Jay's verse, that no one knows the words to... not even him]

CHORUS

Why can't you see
What I want you to see?
Why can't you be
What I want you to be?

I wonder if you know,
I wonder if you ever will show,
The feelings that I wish you could feel?
How can you delay
The words I wish to God you would say?
If you only knew the entire deal.

CHORUS

---

This is another song that is vintage Murphy. It, like, "Just Playine Dumb," is poppy, cheesy, and about a girl. As a matter of fact, it, too, is about a couple of girls. It has become one of The Gravity's most popular songs that nobody remembers when the performance is over.

C.J.'S ORGASMIC FANTASY (THE PUNKY FOLKA)

I've been wandering, looking for a girl
Who has a shadow with purple hair.
I cannot find her, wandering 'round the world,
But I know that she is out there.
When I find her, I'll bring her home to you
So you can play with her purple hair.
We'll all sit around, making fun of you,
And you will fall into despair...

CHORUS
But I know the way you come across me slowly.
I know that you are really not out there. DING!
I know the way that you eat your baloney.
And I-I-I-I-I-I just don't care!

So now we're married, with eighteen little kids.
Each one of them is just a freak.
They all want Mr. Potatohead for Christmas,
And I can't get no sleep.
All these children running 'round the house
Breaking things and making lots of noise.
They've already killed a wombat and a mouse.
All those raucous girls and boys...

CHORUS

[skat chorus]

I'd been wandering, looking for a girl.
Who has a shadow with purple hair.
I cannot find her wandering 'round the world,
So I'll have to go look elsewhere.
If I find her, I'll bring her home to you,
But I wouldn't hold my breath.
I'll still sit around making fun of you
Every day until your death...

CHORUS (3x)

---

All right now, THIS is a song. Jay wrote this song while he was in college, and he brought it back to the rest of the band when they all reunited over Winter Break '95. They immediately in love with it. The song is a musical and lyrical masterpiece, thanks to Jay, Murphy, and Ben... but the only part of the song that really gets any credit is Puterbaugh's now-famous "DING!" in the middle of the chorus. This song has become The Gravity's staple song, and they close almost every show with it. The fans have the most fun with this one, too, especially since Ben invented the "storytime" version, in which everyone sits down around him during the verses, and then they all get up and dance during the chorus. The ironic thing about this song, is that Jay spoke of a purple-haired girl... and Murphy's roommate at college, C.J., had been obsessed with a purple-haired girl for quite some time. Hence, the title.

PARANORMAL LEARNING DEVICES

Books...
They're so good for reading.
They're so good for eating.
Books...

CHORUS
I love my books.
I love my books.
I love my books.
Books.

Books...
They're so good for learning.
I can hear my butter churning.
Books...

CHORUS

Books...
They're so good for writing.
Let's go fly a kite... ing.
Books...

CHORUS

No TV for me.
No movies for me.
No music for me.
Don't even have to eat or drink or breathe.
I don't even have to use the bathroom.

Jay: But if I do, I bring my...

Books...
They're so good for borrowing.
My life is full of sorrow... ing.

---

No one really knows why this song was written. It was created by Murphy and Ben one weekend when they were both home from college, out of the blue. It's a wild, fun-filled song, with everyone on vocals, one acoustic guitar, and some great harmony from Murphy and Ben.

WHAT A SHAME MARY JANE IS A PAIN IN MY SIDE

The psychopathic, pathologic liar from Mars,
She gets so high, she hangs out with the stars.
Who's problems are they now, well, they're sure not ours.
The psychopathic, pathologic liar from Mars.

CHORUS
Cloudhead, mental case and arms to prove it.
Cloudhead, had a chance, but now you'll lose it.
Cloudhead...
Tell me what would you do if I told you that I'd do it all the time?

She's a satanic girl with an angel's face,
And she's put all her family and friends to disgrace.
I thought she'd be a nice girl with doilies and lace,
But she's a satanic girl with an angel's face.

CHORUS

[guitar]

CHORUS (a capella)
Rachael, mental case and arms to prove it.
Rachael, had a chance, but now you'll lose it.
Rachael... Tell me what would do if I told you that I'd do it all the time?

---

This song has quite a history behind it. It was written by Murphy about a girl whom he and Jay both liked. It's original title was "Rachael," the name of the girl, but when she found out about it, she became very upset, and the title was changed to "What a Shame Mary Jane is a Pain in My Side." They played it that way for a while, and then Jay decided that he didn't want to play it at ALL anymore, out of respect for this girl, who was his friend. This was a controversial topic for a few months, until Jay suddenly decided to play the song again, this time with the original title. But then, he changed his mind AGAIN, and the title was changed back to "What a Shame Mary Jane is a Pain in My Side," although all the song's original words were kept. And then, all of a sudden, the song was once again reverted back to the original censored form. Whatever form it's performed in, it's a good song.

THE ANIMAL SONG

I like all the billy goats.
I like all the billy goats.
I like all the billy goats,
And the billy goats like me.

I like all the elephants.
I like all the elephants.
I like all the elephants,
And the elephants like me.

I like all the tall giraffes.
I like all the tall giraffes.
I like all the tall giraffes,
And the tall giraffes like me.

CHORUS 1
All these animals for you and me.
All these animals I can see.
All these animals in the zoo,
If they were free, wonder what they'd do?

I like all the puppy dogs.
I like all the puppy dogs.
I like all the puppy dogs,
And the puppy dogs like me.

I like all the kitty cats.
I like all the kitty cats.
I like all the kitty cats,
And the kitty cats like me.

I like all the parakeets.
I like all the parakeets.
I like all the parakeets,
And the parakeets like me.

CHORUS 2
All these animals for you and me.
All these animals I can see.
All these animals in the home.
Domesticated, not free to roam!

I like all the crocodiles.
I like all the crocodiles.
I like all the crocodiles,
And the crocodiles like me.

I like all the wombats.
I like all the wombats.
I like all the wombats,
And the wombats like me.

I like all the dinosaurs.
I like all the dinosaurs.
I like all the dinosaurs,
And the dinosaurs like me.

CHORUS 3
All these animals for you and me.
All these animals we've never seen.
Dinosaurs come from history
And...
Murphy: Ben, what the hell is a wombat?
Ben: Beats the hell out of me.

I like all the animals.
I like all the animals.
I like all the animals,
And the animals like me.

I love all the animals.
I love all the animals.
I love all the animals,
And the animals love me.

I WANT all the animals.
I WANT all the animals...

Murphy: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ben... that's sick, we refuse to accompany you on that verse!
Ben: What, no beastiality for you?!
Jay: Noooooo way!
Puterbaugh: Actually, I agree with Ben...

(Ben and Puterbaugh, a capella:)
I want all the animals.
I want all the animals.
I want all the animals,
And the animals want me!

Murphy: Oh, what the hell!

CHORUS 4
All these animals for you and me.
All these animals I can see.
All these animals are good in bed.
No, we're not sick in the head!

Ben and Murphy: Yeah, we are!

---

This is The Gravity's attempt at a children's ditty, although as you can see, by the end of the song, they kind of drift away from that theme. It's pretty cool, and although it's kinda repetitious, people like it, I guess because it's funny. Who knows.

HUMAN CONTACT PAPER

Sunflowers, sunflowers, sunflowers, ahhh...

(Love, love, love love...)
I'm tired of playing all these Jesus Christ games.
This could be as simple as the trees and the rain.
Disconsertingly I whisper, "You are not insane,"
As is love, love, love, love...

(Love, love, love, love...)
Sunflowers can grow in dirt as heartwarmed you should know,
But this is something here that I have never shown.
My flowers can growstone cold, most fertile in the winter
As is love, love, love, love...

Sunflowers, sunflowers, sunflowers, ahhh...

I have this little fantasy about becoming dirt,
And if I hold you in my arms I think that it might work.
But I'm afraid that you'll never depend upon my love again.

Random yellow Post-It notes, on your door.
Random yellow Post-It notes, you'd think it means much more.
Random yellow Post-It notes, just wait for what's in store
With those Random yellow Post-It notes on your door.

Random yellow Post-It notes, such a silly game.
Random yellow Post-It notes, driving me insane.
Random yellow Post-It notes, I guess it's kinda lame
To leave Random yellow Post-It notes when she doesn't even know my name...
(repeat)

Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will come back, and soften and purify the heart...
(4x)

[jazz section]

Murphy: Do I look pure to you?

(Ben:)
Random yellow Post-It notes, such a silly game.
Random yellow Post-It notes, driving me insane.
Random yellow Post-It notes, I guess it's kinda lame
To leave Random yellow Post-It notes when she doesn't even know my name...
(Jay:)
Sunflowers, sunflowers, sunflowers, ahhh...
(Murphy:)
Various ranting and raving

---

This is an incredible song that Murphy wrote about a girl from college. It's a song of epic proportions, and it's more than a little disturbing. As a matter of fact, when it was debuted at Hands Across Ben's Grandfather's Basement, it literally scared some people into leaving the party. The second time it was performed, at HAGBG2, The Gravity closed their show with it, and entranced the crowd again. It's really eerie.

GOODBYE (BUT NOT FOREVER)

Well, I remember when I was just a little boy.
Me and Jimmy side by side, he was just like a brother to me.
Hand in hand with my best friend,
And I thought the fun would never end,
Because that's the way it seemed it would always be.
Until that one day when my best friend Jimmy was gone.
His daddy got transferred and his family moved away.
Now, Mom said it would be all right,
But I cried and cried all through the night,
Just a-hopin' and a-dreamin' that Jimmy's family would stay.
It was only two towns over they would say
But to me it seemed a million miles away
But I know somewhere, somehow, I'm gonna see Jimmy again...

CHORUS
There's roads that you gotta take,
Choices that you gotta make,
And people that you meet along the way,
And though you may take the high road,
And I may take the low road,
I know we'll meet again someday.

Well, I had my first girlfriend when I was in the 9th grade.
Her name was Katie, she was the cutest girl I'd ever seen.
Now sometimes when I reminisce,
I can remember her being my first kiss.
She was the first girl who taught me what love was supposed to mean.
She also taught me that lovers, they come and they go.
She left me all alone, didn't even tell me why.
I thought to myself, "Oh, what a shame,"
When she told me she didn't feel the same,
And all I could do was just sit back and cry.
I swore to myself that I'd never love again,
When she told me she just wanted to be friends.
But I know somewhere, somehow, everything's gonna be okay.

CHORUS

My grandpa died later that year,
And I swore that I'd never bear the pain.
But then I remembered what he said
Before he passed away.
He said...

CHORUS

[guitar solo]

They told me that high school would be the best four years of my life,
But I had no idea that they'd go by so fast.
When I saw that big graduation crowd,
I knew I'd done my family proud.
But all the happy, laid-back times, well, they were now in the past.
I tried to keep in touch with my friends the best I could,
But college keeps me busy and they're so far away.
Will our friendships stay alive,
And the bonds we built, will they survive?
That's something that only Father Time can say.
Will our friendships ever be the same again?
Jay: Will I still have my pals Mike, Chris, and Ben?
As long as I try, I know it'll all go my way.

CHORUS (3x)

(Murphy:)
The years they pass, the time goes by.
People seem further every day.
Some they change, and some they just forget
As your childhood gets up and walks away.

---

This is a song that means a lot of everyone in The Gravity. It was written by Murphy and Ben, as an anthem-like song that they hoped would allow the fans to hear about things that have deeply affected their lives.... NOT! Actually, this song is a load of bullshit; it means nothing to any of the guys. But that didn't stop it from making people in the audience cry when they played it for the first time.

CONFUSION


[Ben: whistle]

One thousand superballs bouncing in my mind...
You just wouldn't understand.

I look up, see geese flying upside down and backwards...
I told you it's hard to understand.

I sleep with my head at the foot of my bed,
Shower with my clothes on.
You just can't understand;
Don't bother...

CHORUS
But when I listen to a love ballad,
There is no more dancing.
Tears roll down my face,
Angels fall.
I think, I suppose
You may understand.

When I read the letters grow arms and legs...
Don't try to understand me.

They grab hands, dance a waltz...
It's hard to understand.

I sleep with my head at the foot of my bed,
Shower with my clothes on.
You just can't understand;
Don't bother...

CHORUS

I rest all day, sleep escapes me at night.
(sleep escapes me at night)
I stay up writing long loud heavy metal sonnets
Till the sun rises, but the light doesn't shine.
(no cock-a-doodle-doodle-doo)
I won't let you understand this.

CHORUS

---

This song started out as a poem that Ben's ex-girlfriend Alicia wrote. For her birthday, he decided that it would be cool to turn it into a song, so he enlisted Murphy's help. Together, they put together a song with an amazingly poppy sound, initiated by the opening whistle, and punctuated by the a capella "You may understand!" that ends the chorus. That poppiness got even better when bass and drums were added. Although the music didn't exactly fit the mood that the poem was originally written in (Alicia meant it to be a more sad piece, but Ben interpreted it as happy), it managed to quickly become one of The Gravity's biggest hits.

STUFF, WORDS, PUNCTUATION MARK


Don't say a word, because there's no need to.
Don't make a sound when I'm not there.
Don't move an inch unless I go with you,
And don't make that face 'cause it's not fair.

CHORUS
I could have told you that this was not going well,
But if I'd done so, I'd have been lying like hell.
As far as I see it, everything is fine,
Because hey, I'm yours, and hey, you are mine.

I love how you look unlike any other.
I love how you move closer to me.
I love how you kiss, and I love to kiss you,
And I love how you love no one but me.

CHORUS

They said we'd never last more than a month and a half,
But as I look at us now, I throw my head back and laugh.
Not in a million years did I think that this would fly,
But now I just can't help but think that we'll be around a long time...

CHORUS

I would have told you that this was not going well,
But if I'd done so, I'd have been lying like hell.
As far as I see it, everything is fine,
Because hey, I'm yours, and hey, you are mine.
Because hey, I'm yours, and hey, you are mine.

---

The epitome of all that which is cheese, this is another song where Ben wrote the words and Murphy wrote the musical structure. It's the first song Ben wrote about Alicia while they were together, and, obviously, the words are incredibly corny. It was played a couple of times and was warmly received, but the band has since stopped playing it until they find a way to spice it up. But I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that.

CRAPPY NEW AGE PIANO MUSIC


There's a bug in the piano,
And it's screwing everything up.
There's a bug in the piano.
Can I please have a cup?

[spoken:]
Murphy: Just a cup?
Ben: Well, maybe with some kind of beverage in it. That would be cool.
Jay: Like, Mountain Dew, or Fresca?
Ben: Yeah... Fresca...

There's grass on the piano.
It kinda looks like a field.
Well, actually it doesn't.
Maybe more like an eel.

[spoken:]
Jay: AN ELECTRIC EEL!!!
Ben: Of course!
Murphy: This doesn't make any sense.
Ben: I know!

CHORUS
So I sit and look at that stupid piano.
I find a chair and I sit right back,
And I just can't help thinking to myself,
"What the hell's with all this crap?"

[spoken:]
Ben: So, Murphy, ya know what I'm talking about?
Murphy: Uhhh, no...
Ben: Jay, will you like demonstrate for us?
Jay: Okay...

[piano]

[spoken:]
Ben: So like, now ya know?
Murphy: Uh-uh...
Ben: Oh, well...

There's a butt on the piano.
My dear God, is it fat!
There's something awfully familiar about it...
I think it belongs to a rat.

[spoken:]
Puterbaugh: Fat...
Murphy: Shut up!
Jay: Hey, remember that time I was attacked by a big, 3-foot killer rat?
Ben: Wasn't that a wombat?
Jay: Oh yeah.

There's a girl on the piano,
But I don't think she exists.
[spoken]
Hey baby, wanna wrestle?
Turns out I swung and I missed.

[spoken:]
Murphy: Real smooth, Ben.
Jay: Ben, you have noooo talent!
Ben: I know. It's my lot in life.

CHORUS

[spoken:]
Ben: So, Murphy, like do ya know what I mean now?
Murphy: Nope.
Ben: Dammit, Murphy... that like crappy new age piano... crap!
Murphy: Sorry...
Ben: Jay, demonstrate one more time?
Jay: Nope.
Ben: Please?!?
Jay: Nope.
Ben: Oh, well... guess we gotta go back to the chorus...

CHORUS

---

This song also started out as a poem that Ben wrote in his 12 grade English class. His teacher, Ms. Pecora, had the students write the first thing that came to their minds, and she put on a tape of New Age piano music in the background to stir up their imaginations, or something. And this is the first thing that came to Ben's mind. He decided that they'd make a decent song, and he sent the words to Jay at school. And Jay went right ahead and wrote another musical masterpiece. It is an amazing-sounding song. Unfortunately, the crowd didn't really seem to like it much the two times it was performed. But who knows, maybe someday that'll change. I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that, either.

MICHELLE (NOT BY THE BEATLES)


The happy Christian goth with magenta hair,
I don't know what's going on in there.
She's such an innocent girl with bad intentions,
And a better half that's far too worse to mention.

CHORUS
Well, if it looks like a duck
And it acts like a duck
And it quacks like a duck
Then it's probably a duck:
That's what they always say.
Well, what if this duck
Who learns from a schmuck
And who has lots of luck
And whose life doesn't suck
But she calls herself a goth anyway?
(She's really not a goth; she's really not!)

The happy Christian goth with magenta hair,
Whose purse is so big she fits the world in there,
Is always wearing black unless she's wearing bright colors.
Sometimes she's so plaid, she reminds me of the Smothers brothers.

CHORUS

More anger than Rollins
More angst than Cobain
Darker than Reznor
But she can't say his name

CHORUS

Michelle...
Michelle...
Michelle...
She's really not!!!

---

This is a song that Murphy wrote in college, with assistance from his friends C.J. DeAngelus and Lucas Weiss. It was written about a girl who Murphy liked to refer to as "a walking oxymoron." The song, highlighted by its catchy chorus, is just beginning to get the credit it deserves...

ALEXIS


Coulda been a dream for all I know,
Self-induced by feeling low - oh!
I took a walk, took it into town.
I met a keen girl, but then I looked around,
And realized...

CHORUS
The middle half of my other half went to South Dakota,
And to the better half of these three halves, I wish I coulda known ya.
But oh, your cup was dry.
Couldn't say the same for my eyes.

Never liked coffee, no, no, no,
But my friends forced me to go - oh!
Forgot about Saturn for a while
For a mediocre look with an endocrine smile.

CHORUS

It's funny how people go away,
And it's a damn shame when they're the ones you love.
But I think its funnier and it hurts a little more
When they're the people that you're thinking of.

[Ben Speaks]

CHORUS

She dug on my Connect Four,
But before I knew it she was out the door.
"Catch ya later, Jeff" is all she could say,
And now I'm just hoping to see her again some night...

CHORUS (2x)

---

This is a song that The Gravity hails as "a classic Southern rock song, dammit!" It is vintage Murphy... written about a girl whom he met only once, when they had an encounter at the coffee shop near his school. The chorus is one that people will be dying to sing along with. This one could join "Goodbye (But Not Forever)" as The Gravity's big anthem-like numbers.

THE ADVENTURES OF THE SALTY SEAMAN


Supersonic, hypelectic, negatory Ben;
Ribbit, Skibble, psycho chew, a bear lives in a den.
Clench your teeth, grind your fists, and think a happy thought;
Travel to a bookstore where the hearty books are bought.

Never again will the people come see
Where hylem-or-a-romble, fruity cobble-lobble, wee.
Howdy-bowda jacket with a mutter-butterfly;
Kiss a whale, pinch his nose, throw him in the sky.

And fly away to England.

Whaling, whaling catch a big whale.
Catch a big whale right by his big tail.
Whaling, whaling in the blue sea.
Catch one for you and catch one for me.

I've got a piece of metal lodged into my brain,
I've got a piece of metal, oh-e-do-ordain.
I've got a piece of metal lodged into my brain,
And I feel quite, quite insane.

CHORUS
When I look around, I see your ol' face,
And now I didn't know you were here.
Then I look again, and what do I see?
Your face... it's disappeared.

I've got a tub-o-jelly sitting on my shelf.
I've got a tub-o-jelly, gonna eat it by myself.
I've got a tub-o-jelly sitting on my shelf.
And if I eat too much, I feel like I could ralph.

I hear a rooster calling: cock-a-doodle-doo,
I hear a rooster calling and he's throwing crap at you.
I hear a rooster calling: cock-a-doodle-doo,
And if you listen real hard, you can hear him count to two.

CHORUS (2x)

[dueling skats]

Whaling, whaling catch a big whale.
Catch a big whale right by his big tail.
Whaling, whaling in the blue sea.
Catch one for you and catch one for me.

---

This song actually started out as two different songs called "Whaling" and "Metal," both of which were written by Jay while he was in college. He brought the songs back to the others over Summer Break '96, and after some consideration, they decided to combine the two songs into one big, fun-filled romp. And that's exactly what they did. Poot likes to call it, "The funnest song EVER!!!"

YOU'RE A BITCH


I've got a feeling, a bad one inside,
About the negative things you always seem to hide.
I think about you girl, and then I want you done,
I would do it myself, but I don't seem to own a gun.

CHORUS
Why don't you call me anymore?
You never come around and knock upon my door.
Your idiosyncrasies are too big to ignore,
Girl, you're rotten to the...

So now I wonder where you spend your time.
To date a girl like you should be a got-damn crime.
Your little foolish games would make me jump and itch,
But now I know the truth: you're just a stupid bitch.

CHORUS

I can smell your perfume when I close my eyes.
I get so mad when I think about your lies.
You were good for me at first, but now I see the light.
I'm sick and tired of all this crap...
I'll live alone tonight.
I'll make it through all right.
Whoa...

Why don't you call me anymore?
You never come around and knock upon my old front door...
Your idiosyncrasies are too big too ignore,
Girl, you're rotten to the core...
Why don't you call me anymore?
You never come around and knock upon my door you never come!
Your idiosyncrasies are too big too ignore,
Girl, you're rotten to the...
CORE... CORE... CORE...

---

This song was, more or less, Gravitationally Spontaneous, and it supposedly has no hidden meaning, but there have been a number of different theories as to how Jay came up with the words. It's all speculation, though. For now, we'll just go with the idea that it meant nothing when it was written. But, there is no denying that it is one of The Gravity's most powerful, rocking songs, and it's even been considered by some to be among their best.

BIMBOS AND THIMBLES


What's in that birdcage?
Is it a robin, or it is a blue jay?
Can it fly, or will it just stay?
What's in that birdcage?

What's in it?
What's that thing in there?
Ahh, forget it.
I really don't care...

What is a beer nut?
If it's good, please, can I have some?
Come on, gimme more than a small crumb!
But what is a beer nut?

What is it?
I wish I had one now.
I'd like to eat it,
If I can figure out how...

[skat]

---

A Gravitationally Spontaneous song that the band came up with during their first practice session of the Summer of '96. It proves that no matter how good a band is, having four and a half months away from each other can take its toll. It also proves that the worst lyrics are not always about girls. The skat section is pretty cool, though.

HOW LONG


How long do you plan on loving me?
How long will it take for you to see?
How long till you knock upon my door?
It's been so long since I felt this way before.

CHORUS
I love you (oh, you know I do
I love you (you and only you)
I love you.

How long before you change your mind?
How long till I'm completely blind?
How long will your heart endure?
It's been so long since you felt this way before.

CHORUS

Love is such a silly word with tons of silly meanings
Honesty and an open mind with this willingness to make the change
You are such a pretty girl with a knack for wrapping bagels
You twist me around, find a smile in a frown, and make me rearrange
But now I'm asking you...

How long till the night turns into day?
How long will my heart be stowed away?
How long till my knees break on the floor?
It's been so long since I felt this way before.

I love you (oh, you know I do)
I love you (you and only you)
I love you (come on now, one more time)
I love you.

---

A beautiful Beatlesque song that Jay wrote for his current girlfriend, Jen. The guys fell in love with the song as soon as they heard it, and the crowd kind of dug it, too. It has the potential to be a big hit. The highlight of the song is probably the gorgeous harmonies of the simple chorus lyrics.

THAT GIRL


I know this girl.
I wish she was mine
'Cause then I would be
With her all the time.

I know this girl.
She's sweeter than wine.
I hope you can see
She's worth every dime.

CHORUS
And when I tell her that I love her
She's gonna say the same to me.
Then when I tell her there's no other
She's gonna say we'll always be.

I know that girl.
I've seen her before.
When she looked at me I felt
I'd committed a crime.

I know that girl.
She's here a lot more.
I'm hoping to see
That girl one more time.

CHORUS

[jam]

CHORUS

---

In August '96, The Gravity recruited a fifth member into the band, guitarist Jim Lister. This song was Jim's first major contribution to the band's repertoire. It's a rocking little ditty, and the guys fell in love with it as soon as they heard it. The song is highlighted by the catchy verses, as well as a couple of cool guitar and bass riffs. But now that Jim is out of the band, they probably won't be playing it anymore.

FOOT FETISH


CHORUS
My baby's got two shoes
My baby's got two shoes
I got a brand new baby, and baby's got two shoes
I dumped a girl with three and another with one,
But now I'm havin' so much fun,
'Cause my brand new baby baby's got two shoes.

Last week went dancin' with a girl on Mulbry Street.
Really funny, well read, this chickie could not be beat.
But when the band began to play I said "Too bad, maybe next Thursday"
'Cause I looked down and saw a shoe on just one of her feet.

CHORUS

In the spring I asked this young bird on a date.
She said she'd like to go and rollerskate.
Told her I'd swing by at 10 to 2 but she had to put on all three shoes,
So we didnt get going till 17 past 8.

CHORUS

Call me selective, call me elitist,
But it's not my responsibility.
I got my own problems, I got no time
For people with pedifunctional stupidity...

Next year I found a honey in the mall.
Was surprised to see that she was just three apples tall.
No heed, this date went pretty far but when we got green in my car
I was more surprised to see she had no feet at all.

CHORUS

---

This is a rare Gravity song that - get this - isn't actually about anything in particular. It's a little ditty that Murphy wrote about finally finding a girl who has two shoes. It has a strong country flavor to it, and a moderately catchy chorus.

THINKING ABOUT IT


While we eat take a seat right next to me.
Tie your hair to my arm and follow me.
Take a look in my eyes and smile at me.
Go to sleep when you're tired and dream of me.

CHORUS
That's how it was.
That's how it is.
Oh, that's how I'd like it to be.
That's how it could be.
That's how it should be.
Oh, that's what I would sure like to see.

Take a glance to your right and think of me.
Don't choose any other ones instead of me.
Make the face of a moon child and talk to me.
If I tell you I love you, will you stay with me?

CHORUS

There could be no now without then.
There could be no foes without friends.
There could be no lies without truth.
There could be no me without you.

CHORUS
That's how it was.
That's how it is.
Oh, that's how I'd like it to be.
That's how it could be.
That's how it should be.
Oh, that's what I would sure like to see.
That's how it goes.
That's what I chose.
Oh, that's what I'd like to believe.
That's how it might be.
That's how it will be.
Oh, that's what I would sure love to see.

---

This is one of The Gravity's most powerful, upsetting songs... but that's now how it started out. Ben wrote the words to this song over the summer of '96, while he was still going out with his then-girlfriend, Alicia. The words were meant to be happy, and the music was deep and touching. But not long afterwards, Ben and Alicia broke up, and the entire song changed thanks to the new context in which it was being used. The words were no longer happy, but sad and reflective. The music - which stayed exactly the same - was no longer deep and touching, but strong and bitter. It's an incredible emotional rollercoaster of a song, and the crowd was visibly affected by it when it was first performed.

JOHNNY DEPP


I wanna sleep with Johnny Depp.
They say don't do it,
'Cause it'll make ya feel funny.
I wanna sleep with Johnny Depp,
But Satan tells me
To sleep with Tom Petty.

Just wanna sleep, just wanna sleep,
Just wanna sleep, just wanna sleep,
Just wanna sleep, just wanna sleep,
Just...
Wanna sleep

I wanna sleep with Johnny Depp.
They say don't do it,
'Cause it'll make ya feel funny.
I wanna sleep with Johnny Depp,
But Satan tells me
To sleep with Tom Petty.

Just wanna sleep, just wanna sleep,
Just wanna sleep, just wanna sleep,
Just wanna sleep, just wanna sleep,
Just...
Wanna sleep

Johnny...
Johnny...
Johnny...
Johnny...!
I am Minty Boy.

JOHNNY DEPP!!

---

This is a song that was written long, long ago, during a time when there was no such thing as The Gravity, and a band called Skippyfish was the big thing in town. Murphy, Poot, and former Gravity mate Jim Lister were all in this band, along with another guy. Murphy one day decided that this song was too cool to leave on the shelves, so it was dusted off, Gravitationalized, and now, it's a Gravity song. I won't even bother talking about the meaning... I'd rather keep everyone guessing. Also, the song is only 1 minute, 10 seconds long.

JENNIFER KILLED A BUG


Jennifer killed a bug.
Jennifer killed a bug.
Jennifer killed a bug.
Jennifer killed a bug.

Why did you do it?
It never did nothing to you.
Of all the things you've done
That's the meanest you'll ever do.

Jennifer killed a bug.
Jennifer killed a bug.
Jennifer killed a bug.
I like orange gum.

I used to think that you were nice.
Now I think that you're as cold as...
WATER!

Jennifer killed a bug.
Jennifer killed a bug.
I like orange gum.
I like orange gum.

I used to love you
'Till I heard what you had done.
I used to love you
'Till I heard you killed a bug.

Jennifer killed a bug.
Jennifer killed a bug.
Jennifer killed a bug.
I like orange gum.

---

This is another song from Murphy, Poot, and Jim's past. It's a rocking little ditty that Murphy considers to be one of his finest accomplishments as a songwriter to date. That might be stretching it a bit, but there's no doubt that the song is a good one, not to mention fun.

FIUGZEL


Running 'round the house,
He's back, he's forth, he's forth and back,
He cannot make his mind up which way to go.
Jumping on everything,
He's up, he's down, he turns around,
And then he looks at you like you should know...

He's just a kitty cat,
A pretty little kitty cat,
And he wants to show you where he goes.
He's my kitty cat,
My pretty little kitty cat,
And he wants to tell you what he knows.

CHORUS
He's Fiugzel, a pretty witty cat.
He's Fiugzel, he's a maniac!
He's Fiugzel, a pretty witty cat.
He's Fiugzel, he's a maniac!

Sleeping in the daytime,
His mind is full of happy thoughts of
Birds and moths and lots of kitty chow.
Trippin' on catnip,
Kitty cocaine will drive him insane
And then he sees the purple cow...

He's just a kitty cat,
A pretty little kitty cat,
And he wants to show you where he goes.
He's my kitty cat,
My pretty little kitty cat,
And he wants to tell you what he knows.

CHORUS (2x)

He's a maniac!
He's a maniac!
He's a maniac!
He's a maniac!

---

This is a song about Jay's cat, who happens to be named Fiugzel. The cat is probably somewhat insane, because it runs around the house and freaks out more than any other cat ever. Although, always having to listen to the band practice and screw around might have something to do with that, too. In any event, the song rocks, and the chorus is one of the catchiest in The Gravity's repertoire.

WHERE'S THAT GIRL


Woke up this morning, 9:45.
Realized you weren't lying by my side.
Checked out the kitchen, and the bathroom, too.
The basement, the attic, but still I can't find you.

CHORUS
Why aren't you here?
Why aren't you here?
Why aren't you here?
Why aren't you here?
Don't matter if you're far or near
Baby you're still not here.

Checked out the library and checked out the zoo.
Asked both Jack and Allen and asked a kangaroo.
Drove 'round New Brunswick, checked out the local mall,
But you weren't in the park after dark, I just can't find you at all.

CHORUS

I pick up the telephone
All I hear's a dial tone
An operator in a minute or two.
She tries to get me a line,
But all she hears is me whine
'Cause I can't find you...

[guitar solo]

Laid down at my bedtime, 9:45.
Realized she wasn't talking on the line.
Looked out with the lights out and again with the lights back on.
But no matter, it's dim now, 'cause now my baby's gone.
Now my baby's gone.

Why aren't you here?
Why aren't you here?
Why aren't you here?
Why aren't you here?
Don't matter if you're far or near
Baby you're still not here.
Baby you're still not here. (oh yeah!)
Baby you're still not here. (come on, now!)
Baby you're still not here. (rock on, child!)
Baby you're still not here.

Still not here!

---

Here we have another song that is poppy, catchy, cheesy... it's vintage Murphy. It was written about his ex-girlfriend, Beth, when he went back to school after the Summer of '96. The harmonized chorus is the coolest part of the song, which actually sounds really good unplugged.

HAVE A VERY MERRY EASTER


Christmas time is finally here,
And the world is full of cheer.
What's going on 'round here?

Milk and cookies are still there,
And underneath the tree is bare.
Guess he doesn't care.

Yuletide log is burning low,
And still he doesn't show.
Oh, tell me where'd he go?

Children crying in the streets.
Uncle Fester's kinda neat.
You really think he's neat?

CHORUS
Christmas came, and Christmas went,
And still there were no presents sent.
Santa, what the hell happened to me?
I thought you were coming soon,
But then you sang an Easter tune.
Don't even try to plead insanity.
Can't you see...
That you really screwed up Christmas.

Reindeer running in the grass,
'Cause Santa's a dumbass.
Find your eggs at last.

Easter Bunny's pretty pissed,
Because it's Christmas Santa missed.
He's gonna use his fists.

[reading of the Chrismas list]

CHORUS

Rounds flew by in no time.
Santa's punished for his crime.
It came down to the line.

Jolly Saint Nick ain't no more
Because his guts are on the floor.
So much for folklore.

[that Band Aid song]

---

Well, it was only a matter of time before The Gravity became commercial, and they proved it by writing a Christmas song. Although, as you can see, this isn't your typical Christmas carol. It's probably one of the band's funnier, more entertaining songs, and it was one of the big hits of the night when it was first performed. Too bad it's only relevant once a year.

AND SO THE COOKIE CRUMBLES


You don't know what it's like to be happy.
Life's enough to make you sigh.
Looks like you need a shoulder to cry on
Before you curl up and die.
You didn't get a very good deal,
And you don't even really know why.
You don't know what it's like to be happy,
And therefore, neither do I.

CHORUS
I know what it's like to be confused about things,
To wish you were the one who was pulling all the strings.
I wish that I could tell you that it's gonna be okay,
But I don't have the power to make the heartache go away.
But I guess we should have known, because, hey, you know, that's life.

Love's a pretty risky endeavor.
I'll never know what to allow.
Why do they say, "I'll love you forever,"
When they don't even really know how?
There's something else to know about romance,
It's more than just a useless vow.
Love is a pretty risky endeavor,
But I guess you know that by now.

CHORUS

We rarely deserve what we get,
And yet we get it anyway.
And when it happens that something goes right,
We can't think of any music to play.
There's something 'bout the way that things go;
We shouldn't have it so rough.
It could've been a very good song,
But we didn't work on it enough...

CHORUS

---

This song has some history to it. It started out as a song that Ben was writing about his friend Pat, who was trying in vain to get over his ex-girlfriend. But after a while, Ben strayed from that idea, and started writing about the emotional problems of his ex-girlfriend, Dana (at the time, though, she was not his girlfriend). So, most of the song is about the problems she was facing at the time, but then there's the bridge, which refers directly to he and Dana. Yeah, it's a confusing subject, and it would be better explained in more than just a paragraph. But, what can you do. It's a great song. The music was written by Jim, but he allowed the band to continue using it even though he's no longer with them.

LEMON GROVE


There once was a Cow who fell in love with a Fox,
But the Fox made the Cow feel like he was trapped in a box.
The Cow knew not how he could win her, but now,
The Fox, she had found a Snake.
The Snake was a friend of the Cow for all time,
But the Fox stepped in there and became the fine line.
The Snake was a fake but he made no mistake,
And the Fox, she went went back to the Cow.

The Cow, how he tried to win over the Fox,
But the Fox led him on, oh-oo-whoa.
The friends of the Cow talked him out of the box,
And led him into the Lemon Grove...

There once was a Dog who knew nothing of love,
But that ended when he was introduced to the Dove.
The Dog tried his best to score points like the rest,
But the Dove knew him as only a friend.
The Dog sat and watched as a Wolf and a Sheep
Attracted the Dove in ways that were cheap.
There was never a break with this Dog's heart at stake,
But the Dove never thought this way.

The Dog would've liked to get close with the Dove,
But the Dove didn't know, oh-oo-whoa.
Nothing could stop him from falling in love,
But he still made a trip to the Grove.

CHORUS
Take a trip to the Grove when you're in need of a break.
There's lemons and friends and fun, all for free.
You'll always be welcome, so don't hesitate,
'Cause sometimes, that's all you really need.
Down at the Lemon Grove.

[instrumental section]

And then there was the big friendly wise old Owl,
Who thought he knew a lot about life.
He tried to help the others, and he was usually right,
But he couldn't help himself find a wife.
The Owl spread his wisdom around all the world,
And everyone was thankful, but you know,
When the Owl had a problem himself he realized,
That he'd better get over himself, and get over to the Grove, now...

CHORUS

There once was a Bat who was quiet and calm,
Until that one day when the Crow came along.
The Crow was obsessed by the way the Bat dressed,
And soon they both fell in love.
The Crow lived in a nest, the Bat lived in a cave,
But distance mattered not with the love that they gave.
But the Crow wasn't stable and the Bat wasn't able
To hold onto her for too long.

The Bat didn't want to let go of the Crow,
But he had no other choice, oh-oo-whoa.
The Bat was upset but he knew where to go:
To the place where the lemons grow.

CHORUS (2x)

---

Every animal in this song refers to a real person, and each verse refers to an actual situation. That's part of this song's charm. The idea for this song started long ago, during Winter '95-'96, when Ben started a personal tradition of eating a lemon before each performance. After a long time, he finally wrote the words, and then Murphy eventually put them to music. When the rest of the band got together on it, they fell in love with it (too bad the same can't be said for the fans; oh well). The instrumental section is perhaps The Gravity's finest musical accomplishment.

SADDLED HORSES


Don't bring around your hungry dog.
Don't drive around in really thick fog
'Cause summer comes real quick,
And panda bears will lick,
And Uncle John can talk to my frog...

Don't eat those funky Cheerios.
Don't cut off your face to spite your nose
Or ranky lubs will crush you.
Your fruit snacks will gush, too,
And who wants to wear my old clothes?

CHORUS
How do they know
Our little toes will show?
A bigger life with saddled horses.

We can't run around in tu-tu's made of crabcakes
And cocktail weiners.
Dogs, they really dig on cornflakes
And I know if you go to the shore you'll be surprised.

Don't come to my larger estate.
Don't bring around a big bowl or a plate
'Cause your riches don't amuse me.
Little pauper's don't enthuse me.
I'd say it's time to hit the road...

CHORUS (2x)

---

UNCLE FESTER'S UNCLE


Uncle Fester is the greatest guy we know.
We obtain a certain joy from every single show.

But there's something that we still wanna know:
Does Uncle Fester have an uncle?

CHORUS
If Uncle Fester had an uncle,
We would sure like to know,
And if Uncle Fester had an uncle,
Why was he never on the show?

Puggsley and Wednesday never had a fight.
Runnin' 'round the house, and occasionally they'd bite.

And they just might know
If Uncle Fester had an uncle.

CHORUS (2x)

---

GORGEOUS BLONDE CD CHICK


I went down to the shore, just me and a couple of friends.
We surfed, built sandcastles, the fun would never end.
But then I went and met the love of my life,
And then she ran away before I asked her to be my wife...

I met her at the CD gambling booth called Union Jacks.
She said she liked my luncbox, it was Animaniacs.
We said we wanted to go buy the Smoking Popes.
I said "Let's go see Weezer," she thought it was a joke...

CHORUS
Now I'm a Woodstock without mud,
An Elmer J. without a Fudd,
'Cause my gorgeous blonde CD chick went away.
My heart's in the lost and found,
And I'm feeling six feet under ground,
'Cause my gorgeous blonde CD chick went away.

The mystery of a new-found love is a feeling in itself,
And this Weezer-loving beauty seems to detriment my health
They always told me don't believe in love at first sight
But after meeting this girl, I might...

CHORUS

And now the worst thing is I never knew her name.
My trips to Seaside boardwalk will never be the same.
I'll go back next week and hope that she is there:
My gorgeous pink shirt CD chick with pretty blonde hair...

CHORUS

I went down to the shore, some pals and my ex-girlfriend.
We surfed, built sandcastles, the fun would never end.
But then I went and met the girl from Union Jacks,
And until she calls me, I'm gonna keep on coming back...

CHORUS

Now I'm a Woodstock without mud,
A wasckily wabbit without a Fudd,
'Cause my gorgeous blonde CD chick went away.
My heart's in the lost and found,
And I'm feeling six feet under ground,
'Cause my gorgeous blonde CD chick went away.
My gorgeous blonde CD chick went away!

---

KARL'S COMPUTER


I didn't think life was fair.
It treated me bad,
It made me sad.
I was down and just about out.
But then you came along,
And everything that was wrong turned right again.

Never thought I could be happy again.
Didn't think I could feel,
Thought my fate was sealed.
I wondered just what it would take.
And then I found you,
And now I know it's true that everything's right again.

I feel like I've been blessed.
A weight's been lifted from my chest.
I think you know the rest.
Now all I wanna do is be with you...

CHORUS
Now tell me, where did you come from?
I'm wondering, why are you here?
I've no idea how I've ever lived without you.
Now tell me, where did you come from?
I'm wondering, why are you here?
All I know is that I need you.

This kind of thing just doesn't happen.
Is it all a dream?
What does it mean?
Didn't know if you were real or illusion,
But then we finally met,
And now I'm willing to bet that things'll be right again.

I don't know what it is that you're made of.
You send chills down my spine,
You make me feel so fine.
You're everything I want in a girl.
I couldn't ask for more,
Because of that I'm sure that it'll all be right again.

The future's looking bright.
Nothing's ever felt this right.
Oh, what a glorious sight,
And I all I wanna do is be with you...

CHORUS

Where have you been all my life?
And where have I been all of yours?
How have we gone so long,
Without knowing that together is how we belong?

[harmonica solo]

I don't know what it is that you're made of.
You send chills down my spine,
You make me feel so fine.
You're everything I want in a girl.
I couldn't ask for more,
And because of that I'm sure that it'll all be right again.

The future's looking bright.
Nothing's ever felt this right.
Oh, what a glorious sight,
And I all I wanna do is be with you...

CHORUS

---

LITTLE JOHNNY SPACESUIT


Little Johnny Spacesuit, living out his dreams.
Little Johnny Spacesuit, realer than it seems.
Little Johnny Spacesuit suits up every night
In his little spacesuit for his intergalactic fight.

Fighting off the rebels, he comes up from behind
Shooting all the bad guys with his super space gun mind.
Laser beams and space machines defeat the evil Glot.
Johnny, he's the hero of this interstellar plot.

Little Johnny Spacesuit, plain Johnny Smith by day.
Little Johnny Spacesuit, likes it better the other way.
Little Johnny Spacesuit, daydreamer extraordinairre.
Little Johnny Spacesuit, more than he's aware.

Every night he fuels his spaceship and takes it for a ride
With his trusty partner Nairb Nekwah by his side.
Men, women, and children can sleep safe throughout the land
When these two guys are taking on big Glot and all his clan.

[dramatic interlude]

Searching for his sanity, his doctor's overworked.
Johnny's real life mother's love and patience have been shirked.
Looks like Johnny's fantasies are more real than they seem.
He is trapped inside of them... a prisoner of his dreams!!!

Little Johnny Spacesuit...
Little Johnny Spacesuit...
Little Johnny Spacesuit...
Little Johnny Spacesuit...
Little Johnny Spacesuit!!!

---

All songs © copyright 1995-1999 by Gravitational Music, because everything eventually goes inside...

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