I'd been staying with Debbie, But I'd have to leave soon. I was definitely overstaying my welcome. I kept track of Nick and the rest of BSB by getting teeny-bopper magazines, watching MTV and surfing teeny-bopper sites (AN: Would this site qualify???). They're upcomming tour was comming to Atlanta, and I had 5th row tickets. I loved Nick, and thats why I had to leave. If I had stayed, I'd have ruined his life. I shouldn't have ever stayed with the Carters in the first place.
*~*Nick's P.O.V.*~*
When Katie left, I couldn't go after her cuz I couldn't walk. I couldn't sing, cuz every song reminded me of Katie. I knew she was in Atlanta cuz AJ had heard her tell the taxi where to go. I just didn't know where. Our tour was starting in a week, and I'd have to sing, so I started to forget Katie.
*~* Two Weeks Later *~*
We were going to Atlanta. I e-mailed Katie, as I'd been doing every day since she left. She never answered me. Didn't she get that she was ruining my life? Steph, who was now AJ's steady g/f, got e-mail from Katie once and a while, so we knew she was alive. Steph promised she'd say something to Katie for me.
*~*Katie's P.O.V.*~*
'Welcome, You Have New Mail!' I signed on about once a month to check my e-mail... 30 from Nick, 1 from Steph. I never deleted Nicks e-mails. I read every one of them. I just needed him to let go... so I didn't write back. I read Steph's first.
Hey, girl, whats up? Nuttin here.
Nick wanted me to tell you that he misses you terribly.
Katie, you're ruining his life!
He can't sing any of the love songs
without thinking of you and bawling like a woman!
You have to call him or write to him
or come back or something!!! He needs you!
He said you complete him or some sappy shit like that.
He's a lump... he doesnt do anything but look at old pictures of you two together.
We all need you to come back for Nick's sake.
He won't be able to go on tour... they'll replace him
with an O Town Reject!!
Well, c-ya later,
Steph
Dear Katie,
I love you more than anyone! Why do you keep ignoring me? I need you! Please write back to me. I need you more than anything! You mean the world to me. I don't know how I'll live without you. Please come back to me. You're my light in the darkness, your my warmth when its cold, you're my inspiration, and when you're not here, you take parts of my heart and soul that can never be replaced by anyone but you. You complete me. Living without you is like living without air. When you left you ripped my heart out. I know we were never 'together' but we would have been, could have been, should have been. You were the first person at Orlando Junior to give me a chance, even when trust was the last thing I would have expected you to give to anyone. You're one of my few real true friends, and I love you more than anyone. Why can't you love me back? Please... I need you. I love you. I want you. I can't loose you again. You're my world. You'r my life and if I loose you there's no point in living. The thought that I may see you again makes getting up in the morning worth it. You make me so happy. I wish I could see you again. Please...
I love you,
Nick
I had started to cry. That was so sweet. Debbie walked into the office and saw me crying. She scanned the e-mail and said, "I think he's serious. You should go back. Or at least write back. Thats some serious shit. Without you there's no point in living? Damn! He really is serious about you. Trust me. I'm older and wiser." "Just 7 months..." "Still, I'm older." "Fine. I'll see him at the concert."
I wrote to steph and told her to have Nick tell me something he'd only expect to hear from me. I'd have a poster saying that at the concert in a few days.
*~* The Day Before The Concert*~*
I'd gotten an e-mail from Nick that told me that Steph had told him to tell me what he'd expect to hear from me only. He said that he wanted to hear "I'm sorry, I love you, and I want you back." So I bought a piece of poster board and I painted:
I'm Sorry!
I Love You!
And I Want You Back
*~*Katie*~*
*~*At The Concert*~*
The guys were great. Nick didn't seem at all upset when they sang "Show Me The Meaning..." Then they did solos. First was Howie, then AJ, then Brian, then Kevin, and finally Nick. He came out on stage and took a deep breath like he wasn't sure about what he was about to do. Then he walked almost all the way downstage (the front of the stage) where the mike was. Then he said, "This is very hard for me to sing because, recently, a very good friend of mine left me. This is the first time I'm singing this song this tour because, I'm hoping she's here tonight, since she moved to Atlanta. I'm sorry if I can't finish." Then he started singing "Heaven In Your Eyes." His eyes panned the crowd, and when he was looking at me he stopped and finished singing looking directly at me. He had seen me. I knew it.
*~*Meanwhile, Nick's P.O.V.*~*
As I was singing, I scanned the crowd for any sign of Katie. I stopped when I saw a sign that read:
I'm Sorry!
I Love You!
And I Want You Back
*~*Katie*~*
I looked around it and saw Katie. She was looking right at me. I didn't mean to, but I looked at her while I sang the rest of the song. My eyes filled with tears. When I finished, I ran off stage and found a guard, who I instructed to go and get Katie, even if he had to carry her. Then I went back out to sing "Let's Have A Party." I wasn't supposed to even have gone off stage.
*~*Katie's P.O.V.*~* I lowered my sign a little, because I knew Nick had seen me. A minute later, a security guard came up to me and said, "Excuse me, miss. but you're going to have to come with me." He picked up the poster and pulled me out of the crowd by my arm. When I realized he wasn't bring me outside, I pulled my arm away and took a step back. "Where the fuck are you taking me?" "The talent requested you be brought backstage." "Which talent?" "Mr. Carter." I took another step backwards, and said, "No fucking way in hell." Then I started running. Nick was just supposed to know I read his e-mails, not find me totally. Within 5 seconds, the guard had his arm around my waist and was carrying me, kicking and yelling to be put down, backstage. When we got backstage, he let me sit in a folding chair next to him to see the rest of the show.
After everyone had left and the guys had changed and showered, Nick was running around yelling, "Did you find her? Where is she?" until he saw me. Then he ran over and picked me up, swinging me around in a hug. "Oh my god, Katie, I didn't think I'd ever see you again!" Then he kissed me, but I pushed him away instead of kissing him back. "No, Nick, we can't..." "But, I thought... the sign..." "It was to get your attention... so you'd know I still read your e-mails, not to get back together." Nick let go of me. "So you don't love me?" Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. I hated having to do this. I'd never really dumped someone I wasn't dating. "I do, Nick but-" "Then why can't we be together?" "I love you, thats why. And I swore I'd never love anyone, because I'd just get hurt. I loved my parents, and look what happened. I never expected to see you again after the cliff thing, but I did. I saw that I was falling too far for you and that you had fallen for me, so I had to end our relationship before I got hurt again. You're the first person I've ever loved. I was hoping you'd forget about me, but you didn't. I tried to forget about you, but you haunted me in my dreams. I needed closure, and that's what this is." "But Katie, I'd never hurt you!" "You don't know that." "Yes I do." "Nick, don't do this again. Don't fall for me again. Just forget about me. Pretend I never existed. Do whatever you have to do, but don't fall in love with me. Love is an illusion I can do without." "Katie, you've never felt real love before, and thats why you're afraid of it. Don't be. Let the illusion blind you. Because you'll never really be happy if you don't." "OK, know what Nick? Fuck off. I never want to see you again. Love isn't real. It IS an illusion. It keeps you from seeing all the pain behind it until its too late. I waited too long, and now I'm leaving." I pushed past Nick and walked out the stage entrance door into the parking lot out to the bus stop where the bus was just about to leave. I got on and went back to the condo. I couldn't help wondering if Nick was right and that love was a good illusion, though.
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