Wells, I'm 15/f (i'm now 16 but i'm keeping this page as i wrote it at 15 years old) and I'm still unsure of my sexuality... and I have a feeling I will be for a while. Online has helped soooo much cause it enabled me to ask for advice (annoymously) from some of the best people that could give it. Like this one wonderful lady, who I found through some lesbian web search thingie... and I just asked her all these questions be4 she even knew me... wells she's helped soooo much! If you need help or whatever just e-mail me and I promise to write back asap... If It's something my 15 year old mind can't answer mabbe I will foward it to the lady that has helped me for her advice. Otherwise I'll answer it myself... well I can't say answer, but I'll try to help atleast.

You don't have to make the decision right now. Wait 5 months, 5 years, 5 decades... whatever. Love is up to you and don't let yourself settle for anything less than what you want to make you happy. You only have one life and very little time to find happiness, so don't waste it trying to "fit in" or do what everyone else wants you to do. In the long run it isn't worth it.

For most of us confuseys we have gotten these crushes on either older, role model like women... (teachers, older friends, etc) or even on some of our close friends... (for me it is the first one.) It's really hard to ignore when your heart started beating quickly when that beautiful woman walks by you and sometimes you feel like kicking yourself for feeling that way. Then there are the lingering stares, the smiles that you give and think "oh, does she know... is she gay? If she isn't does she know I am and that I like her?... do I really like her or is it just envy, cause she is the most beautiful person on earth... so that is normal isn't it?" etc, etc... ever thought these things?

And another thing is "peer pressure" and being forced into going out with a guy when you know you aren't attracted to them at all... this goes for str8 gurlls as well as the dykes and bi's... well it actually goes either way... just feeling like your forced into doing something you don't really want to... well it isn't like sex, or drugs, or alcohol.. but it still hurts and majorly beats up at ones mind... it makes life difficult... and then there is when you are going out with that guy for over a month and that kiss is long due... but you really aren't looking forward to it and have done your best to avoid it... then it happens sometime when you have no excuse and you just stand there while your mate enjoys this long kiss and you are thinking about when it will end and what you are going to wear the next day... And It's hard to say no to stuff like this cause it's just considered normal and you really don't see logically why it is such a bad thing.

But believe me, I know it hurts... I've been hurt by it. And then we get into the sexuality issue which is now in the proccess of being fucked up by our raging hormones. It amazes me how open I've become to thinking about sex and talking about it (well online, atleast)... it seems so natural now... I go around and stare at couples at the mall and resturaunts and say to myself "he's done it... and she's done it... and they must be planning on doing it tonight..." so it's a normal thing... not something sick and perverted like part of our society makes it out to be... Us girls have to deal with keepin all our sexual issues hidden inside... life is unfair, right?

I also admit that I am afraid of sex and afraid of becoming commited in a relationship. I do envy those couples that can just make out in the hall as if no one else was around... but I just can't be like that. Mabbe it's cause I'm a lesbian or just not attracted to my boyfriend... but still... I just can't picture myself doing anything like that in public.

I bet you are wondering what I look like, who I am in social status... if I'm just one of those "freaks" or some real shy butch gurrrl. Actually I'm neither. I'm 5'4, brunette, hazel eyes, 130lbs, artistic and very femme. (This was not meant to sound like a personals ad!) Suprised? Shocked? Amazed at the fact that you can be very femme and still unsure of your sex? Yup... it's all possible.

I do have a pic and another website which is my "non-out" site... (doesn't mention ne thing about my sexuality (but will soon).) Just in case you were wondering, at this point I consider myself bi, though at times I still think that I'm a lesbian, and other times I think I am straight.