The Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles

Of the Awful battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles
Together with some account of the participation of the Pugs and the Poms
And the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat!
The Pekes and the Pollicles, everyone knows
are proud and implaccable, passionate foes
It is always the same wherever one goes

And the Pugs and the Poms, although most people say
That they do not like fighting, yet once in a way
They will now and again join into the fray
And they
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
Until you could hear them all over the park!

Now on the occasion of which I will speak
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week
(And that’s a long time for a Pol or a Peke!)
The big police dog was away from his beat
I don't know the reason but most people think
He slipped into the Wellington Arms for a drink!

And no one at all was about on the street
When a peke and a Pollicle happened to meet.
they did not advance or exactly retreat
but they glared at each other and scraped their hind feet
And started to
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
Until you could hear them all over the park!
And they
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
Until you could hear them all over the park!

Now the Pekes
Although people may say what they please
Is no British dog but a Heathen Chinese!
And so all the Peke’s when they heard the uproar
Some came to the window some came to the door!
There was surly a dozen more likely a score!
And together they started to grumble and wheeze
In their huffery snuffery Heathen Chinese!

But a terrible din is what Pollicles like
For your Pollicle dog is your dour Yorkshire tyke!

There are dogs out of every nation
The Irish, the Welsh, the Dane,
The Russian, the Dutch, the Dalmation,
And even from China, and Spain;
The Poodle, the Pom, the Alstatian,
And the Mastiff who walks on a chain.
And to those who are Frisky and Frollicle
Let my message be perfectly plain
That my name it is Little Tom Pollicle
And you'd better not do it again!
And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters
And every dog-jack of them no table were fighters
And so they stepped forward with their pipers in order
Playing “When the Blue Bonnets Come Over the Border!”

Then the Pugs and the Poms held no longer aloof!
But some from the balcony some from the roof!
Joined into the din with a
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
Until you could hear them all over the park!
Huffary Snuffary! Huffary Snuffary!
Huffary Snuffary! Huffary Snuff!
Until you could hear them all over the park!

NOW!
When these bold hero’s together assembled
The traffic all stopped and the underground trembled!
And some of the neighbors were so much afraid
That they started to ring up the Fire Brigade!

When suddenly out from a small basement flat
Why who should stalk out but the
Great Rumpus Cat!
His eyes were like fire balls fearfully blazing!
He gave a great yawn and his jaws were amazing!
And when he looked out, through the bars of the area
You never saw anything fiercer, or hairier.

And what with a glare of his eyes and his yawning
the Peke’s and the Pollicles quickly took warning!
He looked at the sky and he gave a great leap
And they every last one of them scattered like sheep!
And when the police dog returned to his beat
There wasn’t a single one left on the street!

All hail and power to the Great Rumpus Cat!!

Jellicle CATS and dogs all must
Pollice Dogs and cats all must
Like undertakers come to dust