Starr led us all in the door, holding a still sleeping Terri. My parents were both sitting on the couch. They looked kind of surprised to see us all there. Starr smiled at them, and motioned upstairs. She walked upstairs to put Terri back to bed.
Tyler, Taylor, and I sat down. None of us said anything, all just staring at each other in the awkward silence. Starr came back downstairs. She walked over to my mom and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Then she sat down next to Dad, giving him a hug.
"Okay," she began, "these guys came to me to talk...but I really think they need to talk to you."
Dad rolled his eyes at Starr. "My daughter the therapist," he said quietly, a slight smile on his face. Dad always seemed to joke like that in these kinds of situations. I don't know....I guess it's a defense.
Dad looked at Mom and cleared his throat.
"Okay...guys....listen. I did some awful things...some unspeakable things. I'm not gonna make excuses for them, I'm not gonna deny them. And I have to deal with what you guys think about it. I've always known this day would come...but I also knew that all I could do was accept it. If I could go back and change it...I would...for all of you...but I can't. I can't," he ends quietly.
Taylor, Tyler and I listen, our heads down.
"I understand how hard this must be for you to hear," Mom says, "but...you also have to remember...the father and mother you've known all your lives. Your father and I can't go back and fix things anymore than you can forget the love you've had growing up."
Tyler lifts his head. "I'm ...I'm trying to understand...but Mom it's not just gonna go away in one night...you know?"
My Dad nods. "Yeah...believe me I know....it's followed me my whole life."
"I mean," Tyler continues, "you just can't kiss this and make it better."
"I know that Tyler, we both do," my mom answers, "but we can try and get you to at least understand. Hear us. And do with that what you will."
"Starr says," Taylor begins quietly, "that you guys got counseling and stuff....so...you're all better right?"
Dad just shakes his head. "Taylor....there is nothing more in the world that I wish I could tell you. But...I'm never gonna be "all better"....everyday is still a struggle for me...but you...Starr, TD, Tyler, Terri...and your mom....you make it easier. Like Tyler said, unfortunately this stuff just does not go away. Yeah your mom and I had therapy and stuff...and we deal with stuff differently than we used to...but this isn't something you can cure you know? It's something I have to deal with everyday. I do know this....I have never hurt my children....and I never will. And," he stops and turns to Mom, "I'll die before I hurt you again Delgado."
Mom smiles softly, reaching out to stroke his cheek. "I know Querido...and the same goes for me."
Tyler and Taylor looked up at my parents.
"Ummm...is it okay if we go upstairs?" Taylor asked quietly.
"Yeah," Tyler continued, "I think we've had quite enough for one night." The bitterness was still there....it would take a while to go away, but I could see he was trying.
"Sure," my mom said, "get some rest."
I stayed in the chair across from them. Starr reached over and kissed Dad on the cheek, and he grinned at her.
"Well..I'd say my work here is done," she says, slightly smiling. Dad stood up and hugged her.
"Thanks Shorty," he said, using his old nickname for her.
Starr just smiled. She went over and hugged my mom.
"Take care of him Tee," she said, her eyes sparkling. My mom just smiled.
"Thank you Starr," she whispers. Starr came over to me.
"You need me...you call," she said. She grabbed her keys, and with one last wave, walked out. My parents sat back down on the couch.
My mom shifted closer to him, and stroked his hair. He turned and looked into her eyes.
I watched their interaction closely. It was incomprehensible to me that at one point they had hurt each other like they described. And maybe that was the key. Maybe I just had to deal with what I've known all my life, the connection that was right in front of me. Not that I still didn't have questions. Starr had told us about our father being abused and mom's crappy childhood. But maybe we had all been through enough for one night. Maybe that could wait.
My thoughts turned to Amy...and her father's words.
"TD?" my mother questioned softly. She always could read my expressions.
"Huh?"
"Are you okay?"
I shrugged, not wanting to get into it. "Yeah."
My mother and father both turned disbelieving eyes to me. How did they do that?
"Dad?....ummm everybody knows about...about this stuff right?"
He nods. "Oh yeah...it's not a secret."
I just nodded, silent.
"Somebody say something to you TD?"
"Forget it Dad.."
"No," he said, "tell me."
I shook my head, but I could tell I wasn't getting out of this one.
"Amy's dad...said he doesn't want me to see her anymore."
I saw a flash of anger in my father's eyes.
"Because of me?" he asked, almost rhetorically.
I looked at my mom, then back at him. I didn't really want to tell him that, I mean it would only make him feel more guilty.
But I could also see he already knew the answer....so I nodded.
"Damn!" he muttered. Then, he stood up, picked up one of the sofa cushions, and threw it across the room.
To be continued....