*****

John Sykes walks slowly through the dark Llanview night. The outskirts of town were pretty much abandoned at this hour, particularly where he was. He walks up to an old, somewhat run down abandoned building. He glances around quickly, just to make sure he wasn't watched. He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a key.

Sykes inserts the key in the lock and turns the large handle. He smiles, looking around at some of the preparations he's already made. The small radio. The icebucket. A large futon/bed covered with thick blankets. He reaches into his bag and pulls out the nightie he had retrieved from Téa's hotel suite. Walking over to the bed, he carefully lays it out. He smoothes the silky fabric with his hands, an eerie smile crossing his face.

"I'll make this so good for you Princess," he whispers, "you'll never want to leave."

*****

Manning House

"Maybe this was a mistake," she whispers sadly.

Her words hung between them, causing the silence to be most deafening. Téa, on the couch, leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. So, what now? Where did they go from here? Every second without a response from him causes her heart to break a little more.

What she didn't realize is that Todd COULDN'T respond. Her words had struck in him the paralyzing fear that she would leave him again. He stands, his back to her, his head leaning against the window. But his huge fear of hurting her wouldn't let him break through and say the words she wanted to hear, words that he himself WANTED to say, but somehow they couldn't find his voice.

Unable to take the silence any longer, Téa roughly wipes her cheeks free of the few tears that had escaped her eyes and stands up. Not really sure what to do, she walks to her pile of stuff in the middle of the room and begins picking through it.

Todd hears her, and thinks she's getting ready to leave. In a choked voice, he finally manages to get some words out.

"Why aren't you afraid?"
Téa's hand freezes over one of her bags. She looks up at Todd, who is still facing away from her.
"What?"
"Why aren't you afraid?"
Téa shrugs her shoulders. "Because I'm not."
Todd turns to face her. "I could hurt you. I HAVE hurt you. And it could happen again. I hurt everyone," he says, his tone almost lifeless.
His words light a fire in Téa. "Oh will you SPARE me the Todd the monster speech? I've heard it a zillion times, and you know what? I don't buy it...I KNOW better."
"Oh, you know better. Did you know better last summer when I hit you?" he yells back, then quickly stops. He wasn't quite sure what he had intended to say, but he was sure he hadn't meant for those words to leave his mouth. He watches as Téa's face registers first shock at his words, then sadness, and finally a quiet determination.
She takes a deep breath, and raises her eyes to meet his. "I hit you too."
Todd chuckles sardonically. "Oh, yeah, after I knocked you out and tied you up."
"And I threw the one thing in your face that I never should have Todd."
"You still didn't deserve to be hit."
Téa takes a few steps closer to him, her eyes locked with his. "Neither did you."
Unconsciously, Todd's eyes wander to the spot where his fist had connected with her face. He briefly closes his eyes, the memory too painful for him.
"I don't even know what happened," he says quietly, his eyes beginning to shine with tears. "I was so ....man strung out. I didn't know what to do....and you were screaming at me...and I couldn't think....I just wanted you to be quiet...so I could think of a way to get us out of there," he pauses, his eyes staring over her head and behind her. "I don't even remember doing it...really. It all happened so fast. The next thing I remember is seeing you, lying on the floor," he pauses and finds her eyes, filled with tears and painful memories. "I never hated myself as much as I did in that moment. I had sworn that I would never....hurt a woman again. And I did....and not just any woman...the woman I love." He slowly, tentatively raises his hand, brushing his fingers lightly against her forehead. "I'm so sorry," he whispers.
Téa closes her eyes briefly as his fingers touch her forehead, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry too," she says softly. "I was so angry at you....I wanted to hurt you....I wanted revenge...I wanted you to feel like I did. So I hit you with that shovel. I thought I'd killed you at first....I was so scared. God, if I could go back and change it..I would," she pauses, looking up at him. "But I can't, and neither can you. All we can do is deal with it and move on."
Todd runs his hand through his hair, slightly frustrated. "Delgado, don't you get it? I hit you once, what's to stop me from doing it again?"
"I don't think you will Todd...if I thought I was in any danger with you...I would NOT be here."
"But...but you want us to share a room...okay...so what if I hurt you?"
Téa shakes her head. "What does one thing have to do with the other? I just ....want us to be closer," she says. "Unless...that's not what you want," she finishes quietly.
"Téa...look I'm not good at this stuff alright?"
"Todd, I just want you to make me understand!"
He runs his hand through his hair, frustrated. "I still have nightmares."
"Okay...so ....then maybe I can help?"
"You can help? Remember what happened the last time you helped?"
Téa looks at him, not remembering.
"I popped you one...remember? When you tried to wake me up?"
Téa closes her eyes. "That was an accident Todd."
"It still happened."
"Is that what this is about? You're afraid that something like that will happen again?"
"Damn it Téa, I'm not gonna hurt you again!"
Téa throws her hands up. "So, what? We're gonna spend our entire lives in separate rooms on the off chance that when we sleep in the same bed, you're gonna have a nightmare...and during that nightmare you might accidentally do something to me?"
"What if I do?" he asks quietly.
"And what if you don't? What if you don't have a nightmare? What if you sleep good? What if the world ends tomorrow?" She pauses and walks over to him. "Todd, you have to stop being so afraid of yourself that you don't live your life."
He doesn't respond, just gazes at her, a slight light of hope in his eyes.
"Come on, we've slept in the same bed a couple of times since you've been back, and nothing happened," Téa adds.
Todd shakes his head. "That's different," he mumbles.
"Why?" Téa asks. Then, a thought occurs to her. A pained look crosses her face. "Oh, I get it. Cause they were one shot deals right? One night...then you didn't have to do it again. That was temporary. This is for good."
He doesn't respond. But Téa knows she's hit on something. Unable to take this conversation anymore, she turns and walks towards one of her bags. Todd watches, his face calm, hiding the fear inside.
"Look, I'm exhausted, it's been a long day. I'm gonna get some sleep," she says, grabbing an old t-shirt out of her bag. "Don't worry, I'll use one of the spare bedrooms tonight. We'll talk about this in the morning," she finishes quietly, and turns to walk upstairs.

*****

About an hour later

Todd has barely moved from his spot against the wall. His eyes fall on the spot in the room Téa had last stood. It ate him up inside, all of this. He wanted nothing more than to walk up to that room, crawl into bed with her, and wrap his arms around her. It killed him that he couldn't be more "normal" with her....all these walls that existed....walls of fear that had been ingrained in him all of his life.

He wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe in himself the way she seemed to believe in him. If she trusted that he wouldn't hurt her, why couldn't he trust himself? Why couldn't he let her in? He was starting too a little, telling her about his therapy and stuff. Part of him was afraid...afraid she wouldn't like what she saw in him and leave. But she didn't before...during their first marriage. He let her see stuff nobody had seen, and she stayed. Maybe...this time she would too.

And he thinks about how much just being in her presence means to him....calms him. And how much he wants to be near her....and she's right upstairs. It's his chance. He feels the familiar fear rise up again, but with determination pushes it down. Running his hand through his hair, he slowly heads for the stairs.

*****

An hour of laying in bed, and Téa is still wide awake. She is curled up on her side, quietly crying into her pillow. She can't help the small streak of rejection she feels. In her mind, she knows Todd's fear is real, she knows that it is a legitimate reason to him. But...a small part of her can't help but feel...that maybe it's her.

The annoying voice screams in her head....Maybe he just doesn't want to get close to you....but he doesn't want to tell you.

She shuts her eyes tight at the thought. It's a thought she can barely stand. All of her life, it had been the physical that translated into love for her. Todd had taught her, in their first marriage, that love could be so much more. But it still ate at her. Not because of sex, but because she just wanted to be physically close to him. A connection. She sighs, fruitlessly wiping away the endless stream of tears.

She hears footsteps coming closer in the hallway. She bites her lip, taking in a deep breath. She hears the door to her room slowly open.

Todd walks into the room, seeing her huddled form under the covers. He hears her breathing, ragged from crying. His heart twists at the thought that he'd caused those tears again.

Téa doesn't turn...afraid if she does...he'll disappear. She waits, still, to see what he will do. She feels the bed sink, on the other side.

Todd silently sits down. He pulls off his shoes and socks, and lifts himself up onto the bed. He slowly leans back, lying down next to her.

They lay silently, neither wanting to move or say anything, afraid the other will disappear.

Finally, Todd turns his head towards her.

"Delgado?"

Téa turns towards him.

"Look, I can't promise that this is gonna work, okay? But I'll try....that I will promise."

Téa smiles. "That's all I ask."

She reaches over and takes his hand, intertwining her fingers with his. Todd gazes at their hands, then back up at her face. He watches as her breathing becomes more regular, as she drifts off to sleep. Tentatively, he shifts closer to her.

He reaches out with his free hand and brushes a stray lock of hair away from her face.

"I love you, "he whispers.