~By Better Days

*****

November 11, 2000
Llanview,
St. James Church

He hates weddings.

God how he hates them. All that frilly girl stuff, all the hugging and kissing....all the memories.

Screw it. Look where it had gotten him? After 15 months alone he had convinced her to give him another chance. And three months later, she had ditched him. Typical. Everyone leaves Todd Manning sooner or later, even Téa Delgado.

So why did he still think about her? Llanview had certainly suffered enough over his pain at Téa's abandonment. And yet, here he was sitting here, at the wedding of his niece to Cristian Vega, constantly glancing towards the back doors of the church, waiting for her to walk in. Knowing that she would, with her relationship to the Vegas. Wouldn't matter, though. She'd get a good old fashioned taste of the 'cold shoulder', Todd Manning style.

He slumps a little lower in the back pew of the church. Viki had wanted him to sit up with the family, but since 'the family', with the exception of Viki and her new husband, pretty much hated him, he had declined. Besides, all this love crap made his teeth ache.

He hears the organ start up, and sees everyone rise around him. He stands up, and allows himself a small smile as Jessica appears, beautiful in a flowing white gown, clinging to Clint's arm. Despite himself, his mind immediately flashes back to Téa's third and final trip down the aisle towards him. Man, had she been pissed. But, ironically, that had made him somewhat proud. She never let him get away with anything. That certainly hadn't changed.

He had tried to make her happy, to surprise her like he promised. But there was a part so deep in him that was downright terrified of hurting her. Of tainting her with his past, his demons. Yeah, he knew she wasn't innocent, but compared to him, she was so...clean. He felt so connected to her beyond the physical, and he tried his best to show her that that was his love for her. But ultimately, it hadn't been enough. Téa had always placed sex so high in the relationship tower, he knew that. He had tried, in his own peculiar way, to show her that there were other things that were more important. And it wasn't that he hadn't wanted to, truth be told he was incredibly attracted to her. He was just so terrified that his past mistakes would be repeated with her, and that couldn't happen. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself had it happened. So, he lost her. But at least she was still 'clean'....still safe from his past, his taint.

Not that he wasn't angry as hell. Abandonment was not something he took lightly, especially by the woman who had captured his heart and soul. So, Llanview had borne the brunt of his pain. But he had also managed to get back in Sam's and Viki's good graces somewhat. And he had managed to spend some precious time with his daughter, although if Blair and her hubby had their way, it would be even less than the miniscule amount he saw her now. But he would change that, that Blair could count on.

He slumped a bit lower as Andrew started speaking. Yet another reminder. Of course, Viki had wanted Andrew to perform the ceremony, never mind that he had boffed a married chick and was a well known hypocrite. But Viki had a soft spot for the less than perfect, in fact, truth be told, it was something Todd counted on.

He hears the door open softly in the back, and in a blur a figure quietly pushes into the pew next to him. He turns, intent on giving the invading person a glare they'll never forget...but instead of a glare...

the only look he can muster is open mouthed shock.

Of all the pews in all the churches....she had to slide into mine... he thinks sarcastically.

Téa glances at him, about to silently apologize for the intrusion. Her eyes widen when she realizes who exactly is next to her.

Smooth Delgado...real smooth...

Their eyes lock immediately, the shock evident in both. Téa raises a shaky hand and pushes a stray lock of hair that had escaped from her upswept hairdo out of her face. Todd notices the shininess of her eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes. Okay, sure he knew she would be here, but he hadn't expected to be sitting right next to her. He thought maybe he would be able to glance at her from across the room when she wasn't looking, and fixing her with his patented icy stare when she was.

Téa is the first one to break the stare as she quickly looks down, and back towards the front of the church. Trying to forget that the only man she would ever truly love was sitting next to her. Trying to forget how he hadn't loved her the way she needed, and how she had left him. Like his mother left him and her mother left her. Repeating the same mistakes of the past. She tries hard to concentrate on Cris and Jessica in the front of the church, but all they do is blur through the tears in her eyes.

Seeing his face again, it brought back all those memories of the day she had left him. How she had stolen one last look at his sleeping face, her heart breaking in two as she quickly headed for the door. She had to do it before he woke, otherwise she wouldn't have the strength. One look in those eyes, one word from those beautiful lips, and she would never have been able to leave. And she had to. He was refusing to let her in, and it was hurting her too much to stay, regardless of the fact that she loved him so much it was physically painful. She tried not to think of his face when he woke up and found her gone. She tried to focus on the fact that he was shutting down on her and that was more than reason enough to leave. But the thought of him waking up abandoned was so hard for her to take, because she knew better than anyone what that felt like.

She had also felt a great sense of failure. She felt like Todd had 'chosen' her to break through his walls, and for some reason she just couldn't. And part of her felt that by leaving she'd be saving them both. But if that were true, then why was the pain still as fresh five months later?

Todd turns back towards the front as well, his slumping posture now much more rigid, tense. His pain was still so real, not only from her, but from everything, and part of him just wanted her comfort. And the hurt part of him, the abandoned part, wanted to hurt her, to punish her for leaving him. And part of him just wanted to look at her so her face would be fresh in his mind again.

It would have been fine with the two of them if the ceremony had lasted forever, to avoid talking. They could watch Cris and Jess and pretend that it was another time, another place, and they were just getting ready to start their lives together. But, the ceremony was quick, and before too long, Todd and Téa noticed everyone standing around them as the happy couple made their way back up the aisle.

Friends and family started mingling about wanting to give their best wishes to the newlyweds. Téa sat back down, content to wait til the crush had passed. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Todd sit back down as well. People continue to file out of the main part of the church and out into the brisk but pleasant November air. A few stare as they recognize the two of them sitting there, but they say nothing. Walking up the aisle, Viki's eyes widen at the sight. A small smile plays on her lips as she sees them sitting there, heads down, studiously avoiding each other. She had hoped against hope that Téa would be back for the wedding, if for nothing more than to settle things with Todd. But Viki hoped for so much more, because she saw the pain her brother was in without her.

All too soon, the buzz fades and the silence is deafening in the church. Téa continues to study her hands, while Todd's eyes glance wildly around. Neither sure what to say, or do.

Finally, Todd turns towards her. "Aren't you gonna go congratulate the love birds? Oh wait, I know, you're waiting for me to nod off before you make your exit, right Delgado?"