The day after Thanksgiving,
Todd's apartment
Todd picks at the leftover stuffing Viki had given him. Strange day it had been. As always, he had felt outside the festivities, even though he was in the same room. At the same time, he appreciated being a part of it, even though he would never actually admit it out loud.
And then, there was Téa. It tore at him, being a witness to her pain. He remembered back to how she would talk about her grandmother, and how it was obvious that she loved her very deeply. He smiled slightly as he remembered meeting Mrs. Delgado. Even though he had only spoken with her briefly, he had sensed a strength about her, a strength that was also obvious in her granddaughter.
He thinks back to Téa's words, about how her grandmother could see the good in people, and how he had commented that she had inherited that gift. It was amazing, after everything, that she still seemed to be able to see it in him. He counted on it, truth be told. Even if it wasn't there, it was a nice dream for someone to believe it was.
Shrugging it off, he turns and glances around his gloomy apartment. Gloomy, hopeless...just like him. The rare occasions where Blair deigned to allow Starr to visit were few and far between, especially with him gunning for custody now. Starr, she lightened up the place. Viki, sometimes she did. And Téa, the time she'd been there, had. Wallowing, he was. Seemed easier than actually believing in something. Cuz believing in something, well it only hurts more when the other shoe drops.
A knock on the door distracts him from his thoughts. He walks over and opens it, only to find his perky sister carrying two loaded down paper bags.
"Do you have to smile so early in the day?" he grumbles.
Viki brushes past him, setting the heavy bags. "Just trying to bring some light into your life."
He chuckles dryly at the irony, at her reading of his earlier thoughts. "What's that?" he asks, gesturing to the bags.
"More leftovers, thought you might want them."
"You guys did cook enough for an army yesterday."
"Well, it was a wonderful day, wasn't it?"
"Whatever."
"So, where'd you disappear to?"
"None of your business."
"Hmm, not talking huh? I noticed you disappeared right around the time Téa did. Coincedence?"
"Jeez, what's with the interrogation?"
"Todd, I'm just interested. And hoping that maybe you two finally had the chance to talk."
"Viki, could ya stop with the Cupid crap?"
"Todd, I'm just trying to look out for you. You two obviously still have feelings for each other..."
"Stop, okay? Really, I'm not in the mood," he mutters, rifling through the bags she brought in order to avoid her watchful eyes.
"So, you aren't gonna tell me where you two disappeared to?"
"What makes you think we disappeared together?"
"Call it a hunch. And the fact that you're car was in front of my house when hers wasn't."
Todd rips open a plastic bag of turkey and pops a piece in his mouth. "We went to New York, Torquemada. You happy now oh grand inquisitor?"
"New York? Why?"
He leans back against the sofa cushions. "Her grandmother passed away."
"Oh no, I didn't realize that."
"Yeah, she was real close to her, so she's not handling it all that well."
"Well it was very sweet of you to go with her."
"Cut it out, I'm not sweet."
"Oh, but you can be, you can be. Did you two get a chance to talk?"
"Viki, I told you, there's nothing to talk about."
"Why are you being so stubborn?"
"Stubborn? I should just forgive her for walking out on me?"
"She forgave you."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"You know exactly what it means. You left Llanview after you're wedding for parts unknown, but when you came back, she forgave you, she LEFT with you."
"Not without giving me some lip."
"Maybe, but she still gave you another chance. Doesn't Téa deserve the same?"
Todd stands up and walks over to the window, staring out at the misty docks. He smirks slightly. No matter what the weather, the docks were always misty, you could COUNT on that. He wasn't sure there was anything else in his life he could count on.
"Maybe Téa's more forgiving than I am."
"I don't understand you."
"That's not news, Viki."
"There is a wonderful woman who LOVES you Todd, who wants to try and make it work with you, and what? You're too proud, too stubborn to let her in again? You know, you make think you're punishing her, but you're really punishing yourself. And sooner or later, even as stubborn and persistent as Téa is, she's gonna stop trying, and you will lose one of the best things that ever happened to you."
Todd whirls towards her. "What's the use Viki? I can't give her what she wants. Maybe I'm trying, for once, not to be a selfish bastard and let her go find someone that's good for her, that will make her happy."
"YOU make her happy, you idiot! Don't cop out by saying you can't give her what she wants. You CAN, you're just scared to, and I understand that, but there is risk in anything worthwhile Todd."
"Yeah, well maybe the risk isn't worth it."
"You don't believe that, I know you don't, because if you do, than you might as well crawl into some cave and live the rest of your life there. But you don't want to, I know that, you want a family, with Starr and Téa. But you're so afraid of getting ripped from you again that you're willing to just let it go."
"Well you don't miss what you don't have," he says quietly.
"But you COULD have it Todd. You still have a chance."
He raises his eyes to meet her slowly. "No, I don't Viki. I don't. This is it for me. The occasional visit with my daughter and the chance to look for a moment every now and then at the woman I love. And then I crawl back to my cave and wait for the next time it happens. That's it, existence."
"But you could have so much more Todd...if you'd only let yourself..."
"Well I'm not, so drop it," he barks, turning and looking back out the window. Viki watches him sadly, trying to think of something, anything, to change his mind.
To Be Continued...
