And yet despite his intense aggression, the lock on the one door he does want to open won't give. Only a little more, he thinks, a little more power, a little more hatred. But before he can initiate a new assault ... he hears Tea's voice. She calls out his name - that's all it takes to get him to quit. Just his name ... and a plea riddled with sorrow and hurt and similar anger.

"Todd ... stop ... stop. Please ..."

Breathing hard from the exertion, Todd flips around and leans back against the door, trying to regain his meager hold on his self-control. Running his hands through his hair, he rocks slightly, inhaling deeply. Tightens his fists. No ... he hadn't been this angry in quite a while. In fact ... he believes the last time he got this ... furious ... had been the very last time he saw Tea. He's sure of it.

"What do you do to me?!" he groans loudly. "God ... what the hell do you do to me ..." Behind him, he can hear Tea's fingers tapping softly. He pictures her - hands on the door, as if to hold it closed. As if she can stop him from tearing into her life once again, like before. As if ... she can stop him from hurting her. Again. "It was you, too," he says raggedly, shocked at the ache in his chest ... to tears almost. It's paralyzing. Can't move away, can't leave right now - he wants to understand - he wants to know more ... "There was some of you in that mess ... you, too ..."

The door clicks and he pops up, turning around quickly. He stares at the doorknob ... waiting for the door to open again. It does. And for a second he wishes it shut ... Tea looks so closed off to him that he believes the physical barrier between them is easier to take.

"What ‘truth' do you want?" she demands, her eyes steely, her voice equally as hard. "The one about why I haven't contacted you in all this time? Or the one about how I've been on my own? Or maybe you just want the legal dilemma cleared up - the one which says we're still married. Which makes you a bigamist. Is that the truth you want?"

Todd is quiet, still recovering from his outburst. He sees Tea's bare feet and he remembers the feel of them close to his ... seeking out his warmth in the cold hotel room bed. Intertwining limbs, twisting and enfolding each other, warming ... learning ... struggling. He breaks away from the image, clearing his throat, and says, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ... I'm sorry." He quickly scans the vacant hallway, both directions. Gazes back at Tea. She remains firm there in the doorway, only the slight redness to her eyes giving away the fact that she isn't completely unfazed by Todd.

"My," she shoots back, "haven't you gotten polite in your marital bliss. But not polite enough to control that god-forsaken temper of yours." She gives the door an up-and-down glance, checking for damage, then redirects her eyes to him.

"It's not ..." Todd begins to counter but stops himself.

"It's not what? Blissful? Or your temper isn't all that god-forsaken?"

"Can I come in?"

"No. It's not a good time to come in. I told you."

"I wanna talk to you ... I need to talk to you. Come on ..." He tries to steady the tremor in his voice but can't. He's too vulnerable at the moment, too raw because too much anger has escaped - he'd been so good, so ... accomplished in towing the line. Tea really doesn't understand just how good he's been, how controlled, how calm ... how passive. But how could she? The shock of seeing her has more than worn off and, unfortunately, the absence of Blair has allowed him to expose his real feelings. Just like he said, things haven't changed all that much over the past year - Tea still has the inexplicable capability of bringing all that inside turmoil to the surface. Damn it, he thinks.

"You know, Todd, I would LOVE to talk to you ... to have a real conversation about your life, about mine, about EVERYTHING ... except it never has done us much good, has it?" She begins to close the door, the tears finally spouting out, wetting her burdened brown eyes. Todd knows she is trying to hide now, to run away - but no way is he going to let her. They've done enough of that ... for the time being. Right? He stops the door from closing with his hand and steps right in front of Tea.

"Listen to me ..." he says.

"Why?! What for?! My GOD ... are you forgetting the last time we ‘talked'?! Are you forgetting the sound of shattering glass, of ... of ... thrown furniture .... of ... of ... us? THAT was your version of ‘talking'!! Remember?!! I don't have it in me to ‘talk' that way again! Do you understand?!! Do you?!!"

"Yes! Yes, I understand ... and ... and ... I'm sorry for that ... I'm ... sorry. So ... sorry."

Tea laughs, tossing her head back, preventing him from explaining himself any further, "Oh ... you're ‘sorry' ... of course you are. Who wouldn't be? There was too much truth ... that's what it was. And here you are, at my door ... asking for more of that ... truth. How you love and need and thrive on the truth. Always so you can use it as more impetus to ‘run'. Run from me, from yourself ... from love."

"I'm not the only one who runs."

"Chicken or the egg ... whatever." She shakes her head sadly ... beginning to turn away. Changes her mind. "No ... wait, but you've found love haven't you? With Blair? Again? You have a baby on the way ..."

"It's not like that." He can't maintain the eye contact and Tea follows his eyes ... sees that he's looking at her bare feet again. She wiggles her toes and he looks up at her in response with certain sadness.

"No ... no ... you don't do ‘love,'" she says softly. "You do ‘convenience.' You create families for appearances, as a way to feel normal. Sane. We did it - once - why would this be any different? Stupid me ..."

He can't say anything to her. The words come up and tickle the back of his throat, scratches along his tongue ... and then evaporate into nothing.

"Never mind," Tea says. "Keep your oath of silence, don't tell me what kinda deal you've made ... it's maybe a truth I don't want to hear." All at once, Todd's features crumple into an expression showing he's on the verge of tears, he dropping his head down, so worn out ... and Tea ... she can't help but reach out to him. Just like before, just like always. "Damn you," she whispers, equally as emotional and tentatively touches his hand. Her gentle brush though isn't matched - without warning Todd grabs her fingers quickly like a shark, making her gasp. His eyes are piercing, cutting into her ...

"Why didn't you come back?" he grumbles. "So I got mad ... so what? Since when is my getting mad ... the end of the goddamned world?"

She tries to pull her hand away but he won't let her, gripping her in a way that brings back rough memories for both of them. They look at each other, both knowing exactly what vision they're sharing. Soon she relaxes within his stranglehold of her and answers him in a delicate tone, each word a chosen berry from a thorny bush, "It wasn't your anger that ended our world, Todd, it was your emptiness - your self-imposed isolation. OUR world, my love, was already gone by the time you ‘got mad.'" She pauses, her other hand reaching up to hold Todd's. "I tried so hard," she then concludes with tears rolling down her cheeks, "so ... very, very hard."

The two stood this way for some time, their hands entangled, their eyes trained on each other. They remember the details but don't understand what had happened to bring them to this moment which is filled with so much tension, so much loss. Further words escape them and there is only the wonder of skin against skin, the power of it. Tea tries to force him to loosen his grip ... she twists her hand in his, creating an accidental caress - a touch that is much more than a matter of control. She chuckles sadly, closes her eyes. They are lost for a moment in each other, connected by a wave of difficult love. They are touching each other and for an instant, they can feel something that they couldn't before. How strange, they each think, how punishing ...

Todd, captured by the swirling sensations, bends to kiss Tea, but she wrenches away. Yanks her hand out of his, finally. "What the hell is that?" she snaps, her voice too loud, too revealing. "Isn't she giving you enough at home?"

With that, she storms inside the hotel room, too stunned by the physical contact to bother closing the door. When Tea collapses on a chair near the fireplace ... the one she had confined herself to earlier ... she hears the door close. She thinks Todd has left and puts her hands to her face, growling in aggravation. She screams into her hands and stomps her feet childishly. And when she calms down, disbelieving in the fact that they nearly kissed - in light of everything - in spite of it all - she hears him in the room, laughing softly. She looks up with an expression of indignation.

"We ... don't change very much," he quips. "Years can go by, I bet, and we'll still get to each other. It's funny, I think."

"Didn't I tell you to leave?!"

"Is it true? We still legally married?"

"Yes! Yes ... yes.... now will you go?"

"What do you wanna do about it?"

"Get an annulment, a valid one, a real one."

Todd sniffs and looks away - then looks back at her. His face tells her everything he's thinking. "An annulment ... don't you mean a divorce?"

She clears her throat ... it's her turn to not want the eye contact. "A ... divorce ... sure ..."

He's standing too close for comfort now, having stealthily moved in on her ... "There is a difference, you know," he purrs.

"What are you doing?" Tea, snaps, pushing him away, he almost smirking at her obvious discomfort.

Shrugging, he then asks ... "Do you want to ... end ... what we have?"

She's shocked at his suggestion ... she's confused. "Well ...yes! We HAVE to end our marriage. I mean, that's something I'm sure you want. After all, you ARE married to Blair in every sense of the word - that IS your baby she's carrying ... supposedly ..."

He raises his eyebrows at her, she not sure of his meaning.

"Of course it's yours," she says quickly, thinking he's taking her comment as a jab against his machismo. "So then ... don't you want to assure that child the ... joy of legitimacy through ... legal termination of OUR marriage? I'm sure that you don't want to bring a bastard into YOUR world?" He's quiet, not answering her and she get's impatient. "What's the matter, Todd, you feeling mad again? Huh? Don't want to talk this way any more?"

Whatever lightness or even playfulness he was expressing only moments ago is suddenly gone, darkness quickly returning to his demeanor. "Cut it out with your sarcasm," he mutters, turning around and strolling to the window. From there, he stares down at the busy boulevard, silent. The scent of lavender floats about the room and Todd recalls a similar aroma, perfume on Tea's skin ... he touches the window frame with his hands and presses his forehead against the cold glass, closing his eyes. Why can't he answer her question, he wonders? What does he really want from her at this point? Talking ... at least he doesn't feel the compulsion to trash the room. At least there's that much to comfort him.

"Well?" Tea asks, her tone much more gentle, much more open. "I'm confused, is there something other than divorce that you want?"

But he doesn't answer her question, because he's involved in another conversation now, searching for explanation ... for justification ... a talk with himself and his response shows that he's in the middle of it. "I got married," he says softly, "... because there was nothing else for me. Nobody else ... for me. Starr ... needed a family. I ... needed ... something to ..."

"Something to ... what?"

He faces Tea, leaning back against the windowsill. He never thought he would see her again ... yet here she is. How does he explain Blair to her, how does he explain it all in any way that would ever make sense? He thinks, looking from her face to items in the room, back to her again. He shrugs. Smiles briefly - slightly ... then the hurt returns to his face. Matching hers. And with all the truth bundled in each word, with all his heart, he asks again, "Why did you leave me? I never promised you that ... things would be so different. I told you I would try not to push you away ... you say you tried hard ... well ... so did I. So did I, damn it."

Tears roll down Tea's face and she puts her head down, shaking it ... it was true. They had promised each other that they would try. BUT ... but ... that was before ... that was before the ‘truth' was undoubtedly, serpentinely ... clear. "I guess I'm just not strong enough for you, Todd. You need something ... [i] someone[/i] ... Herculean to push against - to rail against - I'm too delicate a creature for you." There is that continuing sarcasm amidst the truth in Tea's voice. "I break too easily."

"Christ..." He resumes his study of the cars passing beneath him, the red lights zipping one way and then another. Ironic that the only color that seems to catch his attention is the red ... the red of departing vehicles, leaving, taillights being an elementary symbol of separation and abandonment. Todd struggles against his inclination to punch the glass straight through. He doesn't want to go home right now ... he doesn't know where to go. The thought of Blair coming on to him in order to control him, to ‘tame' him, makes him physically ill. That was always her way and it was inevitable - especially with Tea in the picture now. How did he get here, indeed?

Simple, Manning, he thinks. It was easier than the alternative - easier than admitting that you'd underestimated just how much work love was going to be. With Blair, you just lie there and let life pass you by - Blair is ... easy pain. Easy torture. She just happens. No work - no self- exposure .... no soulful connections. Just simple, plain, historical pain. Damage in a box. Instructions inside ... read carefully ... blow yourself up. Pow. Bits and pieces of who you once were all over the expanse of Llanview. Nice. Satisfying.

He loses himself for a while in the explosive image he's created, wondering what it would feel like to really be blown apart - startles when Tea speaks. "It's late," she says. "Why don't you go back home? We'll get a fresh start in the morning - lawyers... the whole bit."

Todd remains at the window, unblinking. Asks, "Do you remember our first night after we left?"

A whisper barely makes it past her lips ... "Yes."

"I was so relieved ... I thought everything was gonna be all right ... yeah ... the great puzzle of my life was finally solved ... ha..."

"It's not ever solved for anyone - you know that."

"No ... I didn't." He leaves the window, walking slowly, watching Tea as he begins to pass her. "I had real hope ... back then." He stops and looks at her, up and down, smiled slightly. There is a gentle quality to his voice, a sweetness ... and Tea can't let go of him with her eyes - she keeps hold on him that way, they keep hold of each other. "What I remember about our drive out of Llanview - was how cold it was," he says. "We had music on ... something soulful ... blues-y ... and you kept telling me how sad it sounded and ... how sad you felt. I held your hand ... I told you that you made the right decision." He kind of laughs, kind of doesn't. "Who the hell was I?"

He is so close to Tea and he looks as sad as his description of her that first night out ... that ... first night. It had been cold as he said, bitingly ... Tea had been melancholy. She kept looking out the side-view mirror of Todd's truck, telling herself that she had no choice - that love often pushed you into places you didn't want to go, but you go anyway. How could she not leave with Todd who had bared his soul to her, who had reached out and asked her for a chance? That one chance ...

She cups his cheeks and stares into his eyes, looking for life there, looking for a re-connection with himself. She can see yellow streaks within the brown, blue specks ... his eyes are on her lips and then roam back to her own eyes. "I loved you so much," Tea says. "I would have waited forever ... but ..."

Without warning, he brushes his lips across hers ... and his breath catches, his brows crinkle in emotional pain ... and Tea feels herself giving in because she can feel him ... she can feel a bit of his heart in his warmth ... in his touching of her. Her mind is screaming to stop herself because this is how he fooled her the last time, this is how his kisses had felt ... this is how it was. Their lips press lightly and then slightly harder ... and she hears him take a breath harshly, his head tilting to get closer, a hint of urgency in his reaching to her ... to fit with her ... he's kissing her and they both are on the brink of too much emotion ... because it's going to blow up again, she thinks, she inwardly shouts.

"Tea ..." Todd breathes, "I ..."

"No!" She pulls away from him ... tearfully explaining, "I can't do this ... please ... you go."

"Don't ..."

"Please ... I don't have it in me ... go ... go..." She pushes him ... tears streaming ... because it's not possible. Too much has happened ... she knows that this will only lead to one place ... and that one place was darker and more frightening than either wanted to admit. He especially. HE ... didn't want to see it.

She pushes him out the door and closes it. Locks it ... leaving him alone, she knows.

Inside, Tea stands in the center of the room, looking at the darkness of the night sky out the window and says, "Abuella, you understand don't you? This ... you must understand."