Todd throws it into park, shutting off the engine...about to take the keys out...but he suddenly feels her hand on his, and looks over at her.

She shakes her head at him. "Thank you, but...you're not coming in."

He sits back. "What?"

"You heard me."

Todd pushes back a bit, up against the door. Tea holds his gaze, amazingly steady, considering how woozy she feels.

"You wanna tell me who that was?" she asks.

Todd hesitates, squinting at her...then he shrugs. "What do you care? You were gonna fuck him no matter who he was."

A short silence...then Tea laughs, humorlessly, shaking her head as she lets herself out of the seatbelt, bending down to gather her purse and jacket. Todd watches her for a moment, waiting for a response...but she doesn't give one. She clutches her purse, throwing her jacket over one arm...then she goes for the door handle.

"Whoa...wait a minute!" he says, loudly. She stops...taking a breath before looking at him again. Todd sighs harshly, running his hands through his hair...pulling on it, to relieve some of the stress...then he leans in toward her.

"Look, um...that was a really...mean thing for me to say...sorry," he says, noticeably calmer now. Tea's face softens a little, but she keeps her hand on the door, ready to go at any second.

"His name is Colin McIver...and, um...he's a little...pissed at me for some stuff that happened back in Llanview. He told me he'd get back at me by trying to get to you."

Tea takes that in for a second...then she sits back a little, folding her arms.

"What happened?"

Todd rolls his eyes at that. "Do we really have to get into this now?"

"Well, considering this is the only time you're gonna have to tell me, I'd say yes."

His shoulders sink. "Delgado...y'know---"

"WHAT HAPPENED??" she interrupts, raising her voice above his. Todd glances away, reluctant...and after a moment, Tea shakes her head at him.

"So it's all true, what he was saying."

"NO," he replies, a little too quickly.

"Well then WHAT??"

Another silence...then Todd sighs again. "Alright, look...I was on my way back to see Starr, like I said. I stopped into this club for a beer, and the band started playing. I look up...and there's JESSICA, of all people, up there singing..."

Tea makes a face at that, but continues to listen.

"...I know, that's what *I* said. Then I find the pretty boy twins tagging along with her...that Vega kid, and Sam's kid, Will. Turns out, ol' Asa's been gunning for the whole Rappaport family...wants to run 'em all outta town...which is fine with me, y'know, 'cause if you ask me they're all annoying...even Sam has his moments...but anyway, Asa had some bogus charges brought against Will, so that's why they were there...they were all on the run. So I...I helped them out."

Tea squints at him...unconvinced. "Uh-huh...by stuffing Will in a box and shipping him to Ireland?"

"Wasn't like that."

"Then what WAS it like?"

"Look, Will had to get out of the country, fast...and without being traced. So I couldn't exactly put him on the Concorde. The cargo ship was the best idea."

Tea's eyes widen at that...and she half-laughs, rubbing her forehead. "Okay...ohhhkay. Y'know, I don't think I WANNA know anymore about that, so...why don't you just skip ahead to Nora?"

Todd rolls his eyes again. "Yeah, well...that's what he's REALLY pissed about. And they all turned it around on ME, y'know...like it was all MY fault that Nora ended up the way she did. I wasn't the one holding her hostage in my house."

"What??" Tea says, totally confused.

"I didn't KIDNAP her," he replies...then pauses. "Well...not REALLY. I RESCUED her from that...psycho."

"Alright, wait a minute. Back up. How the hell did HE end up with Nora?"

"Ah, well...see, what the good doctor McIver isn't telling you, is that he and that crazy bitch Lindsey cooked up this whole plan to make everyone think Nora was dead. She'd been in some train wreck or something...and since no one could find her body, everyone assumed she died. I got back there, and Sam was a wreck. Kept going on and on about how he just knew she wasn't really dead, and blah, blah, blah. So I did him a favor, went looking for her, and I found her...unconscious...in McIver's bedroom. So I got her outta there."

Tea waits for more, but nothing comes. She raises an eyebrow. "And?"

"And what? I got her back to Sam. So now McIver's on the warpath 'cause the cops are after him...and he's all pissed at me 'cause I took back something he stole."

"So what did he mean when he said you had no intention of bringing her home?"

"Oh, like he knows what my intentions were."

"What did he MEAN, Todd?"

Todd looks away, and starts shifting around uncomfortably...but Tea moves her head to stay in his line of sight.

"Well??"

"I just---I didn't bring her home right away, that's all."

"What were you waiting for?"

He scowls at her. "Y'know, I don't like being interrogated, Delgado."

She scowls right back at him. "Well, too bad. I'm a lawyer. Deal with it. You either answer me truthfully, or I get out of this car right now."

They stare each other down for a second...then Todd sighs, looking down.

"I just wanted Sam's undivided attention...and I couldn't get that if he was all whacked out over Nora, so---"

"So you figured, if you got Nora out of the way, you'd have Sam all to yourself. Right?" she finishes...then adds... "And Will, too...that's why you did what you did to him. Am I right?"

He wags his eyebrows in response. "Guess it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do...but...what the hell's the difference, anyway. They both got home alright. They're both fine."

"Yeah...no thanks to YOU, I'm sure," she fires back. Todd makes a face at her, but she just continues on.

"So...what about Blair?"

"What ABOUT Blair? I already told you everything."

"I seriously doubt that. Does she know you're gonna try to get full custody of Starr?"

Todd rolls his eyes at that, and Tea nods. "That's what I thought. So...what, she just thinks you're remarrying her out of the goodness of your heart, or something? Just to keep the mother of your child out of jail...or..." she starts...then she pauses, as she suddenly realizes something...then she looks down, hurt.

"...or are you...really in love with her again...and you just can't figure out how to tell me?" she asks, quietly.

His eyes widen, in disbelief. "What??!! NO!!"

"Then WHY?"

"I already EXPLAINED that! God---didn't you hear ANYTHING I said to you out there in that...that stupid hallway??"

"Yeah...I heard your explanation. I heard it..." she replies, leaning in closer.

"...you were...what was it...feeling TOO good? Getting a little TOO happy? You weren't paranoid about my cheating on you anymore, and you didn't hate the world anymore...so you got scared."

He stares back at her, unsure if she's being serious or mocking him...not agreeing or disagreeing...she nods.

"You got scared and you left, because YOU don't think you deserve to have me. In fact, YOU don't think you deserve to have ANYTHING good in your life at all, because of the things you've done...because of who you are," she says, then pauses, studying him. After a moment, she glances away, half-laughing to herself.

"Yeah, well...know what I think? I think you're full of shit," she says...and Todd's mouth falls open, stunned speechless, as she continues.

"I mean...does Starr know that you're planning to take her away from her mother?? Huh?? Have you let HER in on this big master plan??" she asks, and when Todd doesn't answer right away, she points at him.

"No...OF COURSE NOT. Maybe because...that's not really the plan??"

Todd's shock finally melts away, giving way to frustration. "What are you talking about?? THAT...is NOT true, and you KNOW IT!!"

"Oh, do I?? Actually...I don't think I know much of anything anymore."

"I AM NOT in love with her...and if you think I actually WANNA stay with her, you're nuts!! I'm doing this for Starr!! I want my kid back, and I don't want her to have to suffer when her mother gets hauled off to jail!! That's it, and THAT'S ALL!!"

Tea just shakes her head. "No...no...nope...I'm not buying it," she says, and Todd throws his hands up.

"Well, what the hell else can I say to you??!!"

"MAYBE...you should just try BEING HONEST!! MAYBE you should just TELL ME that you reconciled with Blair!!"

By this time, the two of them are nose-to-nose, over the armrest. Todd slaps his hands over his eyes, growling in frustration...trying desperately to keep calm. Tea wipes her face, taking a breath.

"Look, Todd...you seem to forget...that I've been down this road with you before. You didn't have to MARRY her to get custody rights, and you KNOW THAT."

Todd sighs heavily, from behind his hands. "Starr wanted it," he finally says, muffled...then he drops his hands away from his face.

"From the minute I got there, she was on me about the whole big happy family thing...and when she came out of her room that one morning and saw us..." he starts, quickly trailing off, as he suddenly realizes what he's about to say.

"...well...I was just trying to make her happy."

A long silence follows...and as Todd looks at her, he gets the feeling that he didn't catch himself fast enough. But he waits, as Tea stares into him...and after a moment, he can see the realization...and the tears, forming in her eyes.

"Oh my god...you...you slept with her...didn't you?" she whispers.

For a moment, all Todd can do is look guilty, swallowing the huge lump in his throat...then he tries to speak, but...the sounds won't come out. And as Tea continues to look into him, deeply...seeing everything...her breathing starts to pick up speed, and the tears start streaming down her face again. So Todd starts with the damage control, shaking his head in protest.

"Tea...wait, listen to me...it wasn't---"

"Don't bother. I don't wanna hear it," she says, quietly...turning away from him. Instinctively, he reaches out, grabbing her arm...but she wrestles out of his grip.

"I can't BELIEVE you have the balls to pass judgment on ME...when YOU'RE the one who left!" she says, her voice rising. "Ohhh, but...what am I thinking...it's always about you, isn't it?? All about YOU, and what YOU want, and when YOU want it. You NEVER stop to think before you do ANYTHING, do you?? You don't even know what a consequence IS!!" she yells...and Todd backs off as she continues, still glaring at him.

"And you have no idea what your leaving did to me. NO IDEA...and you don't even care! Not really...I mean, you only came up here because of McIver...because he 'threatened your territory!' Well, y'know somethin'...I'm not your territory anymore. So go home, Todd. Go home to Blair!!"

He shakes his head again, trying to approach her again. "Wait a second, you don't...you don't understand...I love y---"

Her eyes widen, suddenly flashing with white-hot anger. "Oh, fuck you...FUCK YOU!!!" she yells at the top of her lungs, as she shoves him back, hard. Todd takes a sharp breath in, as she starts hitting him as hard as she can, over and over again.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME!!! YOU DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF THE FUCKIN' WORDS, YOU FUCKIN' LIAR!!! CHICKENSHIT BASTARD, I HATE YOU!!!!"

Todd has his arms over his face, protecting himself, while trying to grab a hold of her at the same time.

"HEY---STOP!! GODDAMMIT, STOP IT!!" he yells back, but to no avail, as Tea continues to slap him wherever she can get one in, crying hysterically.

"GET OUT OF MY LIFE, YOU FUCKIN'...ASSHOLE!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!" she screams, with one last hard shove. Then she falls back against her door, panting.

Todd stares at her, in total shock, breathing hard now too. Tea's hair sticks to her face, covering it like a wet blanket, hiding her eyes...and all he can hear are her cries, as she grabs her stuff and opens the door, almost falling out. Todd jumps out of the car on his side, running around to catch her...but she's already out, and standing on the sidewalk, wobbling a bit. She only takes a few steps before the tequila-induced nausea finally hits her...then she runs back to the curb, holding onto the car as she doubles over and throws up. Standing there on the sidewalk behind her, Todd just watches, helplessly, as she heaves again and again, until she doesn't have anything left in her system. Then she straightens up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand...letting the night air cool her down before she turns around. Todd tries to approach her, but she backs away, pointing.

"You stay where you are," she says, swallowing to calm her stomach. Closing her eyes, she takes a few deep breaths...then she opens her eyes again, and looks at him. A breeze flows through between them just then, and she sees a piece of his hair get blown into his eyes. Her first instinct is to run over and gently push it behind his ear...the way she always did. But she stays there, rooted to the spot...and all she can think, despite how angry and hurt she is...is how much she still feels for him...how much she misses him. Moments pass between them without a word...and Tea chews on that familiar spot on her lip, fighting the urge to cry again.

Finally, she sniffs the tears back. "Go home, Todd. I'm not gonna tell you again."

Todd stares at her...hearing his own voice inside his head, screaming out to DO SOMETHING...but like her, he feels frozen. Helpless, too...almost like he's watching her drown...watching her slip out of his grasp, and he's not strong enough to hold on to her...

...not strong enough...and not brave enough. He suddenly feels guilt rushing warm into his face, his inner voice chastising him...

You're never brave enough. You make these half-assed attempts to keep her in your life...but you never follow through...you FAIL her, time and time again...and if you fail again now...

...it's all over.

Slowly, Tea backs up a few steps, before turning to go. As she digs in her purse for her keys, she fights the urge to turn back around and see what he's doing...but just as she gets her hand around her keyring, she feels him coming up right behind her. She ignores him, sticking the key in the lock, and starting to turn the knob. Then somehow, she loses time...mentally checking out for just a second. But in that second, Todd gently turns her around to face him...and moves in to kiss her before she can do anything.

The initial shock keeps Tea from reacting too severely, and she relaxes...responding to it, in spite of herself. Todd wasn't giving her the chance to break off anyway...he wouldn't let go. He just keeps kissing her, over and over...lingering, and passionate, instead of his usual short and tentative. Tea can feel herself getting lightheaded, but still can't pull away...and as the seconds pass, she finds...that she doesn't want to let go. They hadn't kissed in so long...and it just felt too good. This is what she dreamed of every night since he left...that warmth, that closeness...surrounding her, wrapping her up...keeping her safe...

...but for how long? How long will it last this time? How long before I wake up and find myself alone again? How long...?

The thought makes her pull back, finally. But Todd has his hands on her face, preventing her from getting more than an inch away. She looks up at him, lips swollen, tears streaming down her face. He wipes at them with his thumbs, in a tender, soothing motion...then moves in to kiss her again. But this time, she turns her face to the side, dodging him.

"No...you can't keep doing this," she whispers, trying to pull his hands away. "You can't just keep sucking me in and then leaving me. It's not fair...and it's cruel."

Todd sighs, but still holds her close. Tea makes another weak attempt to move his hands away, but eventually gives up...settling for just looking away instead. They stay like that for a moment...intimate, quiet...their foreheads touching. Tea closes her eyes, rubbing her cheek against his hand.

"I miss you...and I love you...but it's gotta stop," she whispers, looking at him. "It has to stop. I can't do this anymore."

She tries again, to pull away...but Todd just keeps readjusting his hold on her, moving from her cheekbones to the back of her neck, pulling her back.

"Don't do this now...don't shut me out...please," he replies, with that face, that look that always got to her...that mixture of hurt and longing.

"You're the one who left. YOU'RE the one who shut ME out. So...what, I'm not allowed to do the same?"

"I didn't..." he starts, but she shakes her head, finally pulling his hands down, as she backs up a step.

"No, you did. When you made that decision to leave, instead of trusting me enough to confide in me about whatever it was that was bothering you...YOU...shut ME out."

Todd holds her gaze for a moment, then looks down...unable to respond.

"Things have never changed between us, y'know that? We've had this fight so many times already...and we just keep going around and around. And it's never gonna end...unless one of us does something about it. And since you won't...*I* have to. I have to cut you loose, Todd...or else I'm gonna spend the rest of my life on this insane roller coaster ride with you...going from feeling blissfully happy when you decide you're secure enough in yourself to love me...and then...feeling...completely empty when you decide you're not."

He looks up. "Tea, it's not like I DECIDED these things on purpose...to hurt you. I just...I get scared...I get scared, and I run, you know that...but that doesn't mean I don't..." he says, trailing off...afraid to finish the sentence.

She feels a familiar tightening in her chest at that...what she always felt when she watched him struggle to open up. It was like watching a child who's just learning to walk...holding her breath...hoping he wouldn't lose confidence and fall. She waits for a moment, then nods, slowly.

"Yeah, I know...I do know that. And don't think I don't know how hard this is for you...to say what you just said. I know all these things...but..." she whispers, stopping to wipe her face again. Todd bends to stay in her view, not about to let her stop...or give her the chance to slip away from him.

"What? But WHAT?"

Tea shakes her head, avoiding him...so he gets back in her face, reaching for her again...but is careful not to grab her too tightly.

"No...no...you look at me."

After a moment, she does, reluctantly...and as soon as she makes contact with that unblinking, intense stare, she looks down again. Then she pulls out of his gentle hold, backing up against the door...feeling cornered now...but wanting so much to give in to him, at the same time. Wanting to say...

...okay...I don't care what you did...I forgive you...I'll forgive you anything...anything...just don't leave me...don't ever leave me again...

...wanting to say it so much, wanting to forget everything and start over...again...but...

...BUT. That word again...that doubt...that fear. The letdown. The real world. The truth.

"I know you try..." she finally says, hearing the words coming out of her mouth before she even realizes she's made the decision to speak. "...I know you don't mean to do what you do...and I know...that you think you love me. But do you know...do YOU know...that I miss you so much...so bad that it HURTS ME? Physically? So bad that I have to use every ounce of strength just to get out of the goddamned bed in the morning? And that half the time I don't succeed?? Do you know that??"

As she continues, she steps forward...forcing Todd to back up.

"Do YOU know...that it hurts so bad that I can't stop crying? That I can't eat? That I...that I'll do just about ANYTHING to make this pain go away? And that seeing you now...is only making it WORSE?? Because I know...I also know...that all this knowing won't change a goddamned thing. We could stop arguing and make up right now, and it won't make any difference. Six months from now, a year from now, ten years from now...doesn't matter. The day will still come...when you'll get scared again. And instead of...turning to me...instead of trusting me...you'll leave...again."

The words run over Todd like a train, paralyzing him. There was nothing...absolutely nothing he could say to that...because she was right. He blinks slowly, his face changing in confirmation. Tea nods again, wiping the tears from her chin uselessly.

"And the thing is...no matter what happens, you have Starr. You have a beautiful daughter, who will always be there for you, no matter what you do or say. But...I don't. I don't have that. I don't have anything like it. All I had...was you...you were my world. But now I don't have that either. So all I REALLY have...is myself," she says, stopping for a moment to look in his eyes...those beautiful eyes...it was killing her to do it, but she lingers there, staring into that deep, deep well of sorrow, pain, longing...on, and on, and on...a pool of emotions so overwhelming that it always sucked her in. She always wanted to just jump in and pull him out...pull out the person trapped beneath all that.

And she had tried...but it never seemed to work. No matter what she did...she just ended up losing herself...and he still remained trapped.

Her eyes drift around his face, studying the features she already knew so well.

"I'm not saying that this is all your fault. It's not...it's my fault, too. I should never have gone with you in the first place. I had a feeling that something like this might happen...but I was...hoping...that we could do it. That we could make it work," she whispers, approaching him...allowing herself to do what she wanted to do, as she clears the hair out of his face, pushing it behind his ear.

Todd watches her do it, his eyes shining with tears...still unable to say anything...just listening, and feeling her light touch as she smoothes his hair back, again, and again.

"I wanted that so badly. My dream...was just to be with you...and I know that's what you wanted too. God...it's such a...simple thing...you wouldn't think it'd be too much to ask. But it is...and the longer we try to deny that, the worse it's gonna be...for both of us."

No...no...Todd repeats the words in his head, seeing that drowning image again...and feeling again, like she's slipping out of his grasp.

"No..." he says, the thought spilling over into spoken word. Tea just smiles...sadly...then glances away for a second, like she's just catching up with herself...and just realizing what she's telling him. She makes a slightly confused face, and Todd sees it. He reaches out, holding her face in his hands again, and makes her look at him.

"...no, you listen to me. Now, you think I don't know what it means, when I tell you I love you...but I DO. I DO KNOW...and I DO love you...I'm just...I don't know how to do this right. I don't know how to do anything right."

Tea glances away, laughing a little...but Todd turns her face back.

"And I know it seems like...it's impossible, and it's never gonna work. And I know I'm not helping...but...Tea, I can't...I can't live with that. I can't just let..."

"...let me go?" she finishes. He nods...and there's a silence, as he tries to find the words.

"I can't...live the rest of my life like this. Without you. I can't do that."

Tea lets out a sharp breath at that...then she shrugs, weakly. "Well...you better try."

Todd shuts his eyes tightly, suddenly feeling the depth of the hole he's dug himself into. Tea watches him for a moment, fighting with herself...fighting the urge to just wrap her arms around him...to hold him and not let go.

"We're not the only ones involved here anymore. You have...a family, now. Whether you want her or not, BLAIR is your wife...NOT ME. And just because you're realizing NOW that you made a mistake, doesn't automatically erase it. SHE is your wife now, and she will STILL be your wife...tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that," she says, moving his hands away...she backs up another step, her voice cracking.

"...this is not what I want...but you...you've made the decision for both of us. And now we have to live with it. I-I have to...I have to get on with my life...and you...you have to let me. I...I know you want to...protect me from McIver, but...I...I can take care of myself. Now you...have to go. You have to let me go...because you...have a responsibility to Starr...and to Blair," she says, whispering now, barely able to get the words out.

With that, she turns away, finally...trying to get the door open as fast as she can, with shaking hands. Reaching around from behind, Todd places his arms over hers, preventing her from opening the door. Then he hugs her tightly, burying his face between her neck and shoulder.

For a moment, neither of them say anything...or do anything, except stay locked together. Tea closes her eyes, and lets her head fall against his, crying so hard now that her whole face hurts. Todd just holds onto her, feeling her skin against his nose and mouth...sweating a little, from the close contact.

When Tea opens her eyes again, they've covered over...unfocused...and the tears have stopped. She feels her arm moving, even though she doesn't think she's told herself to do anything. She watches her hand turn the key again...then the knob. Then she slowly, slowly...pulls out of his embrace, as she pushes the door open. Todd tries to hold onto her, but she just keeps moving forward, with enough strength to overpower him...almost as if someone were pulling her from the other side, away from him.

She stands there in the doorway for a second, her back to him...staring vacantly ahead as she lets the door go. The heavy door swings shut fast, locking Todd out before he can stop it. He fights with the knob, uselessly...then starts banging on the door...seeing her through the glass, her back still facing him.

The sounds make her blink...but the vacant stare hasn't disappeared. She can hear him, banging on the door, yelling...something...but to her, it sounds far away now. She feels her feet moving, her legs starting to walk. And she wants to turn around...but can't. She's a passenger in her own body now, just along for the ride...and before she knows it, she's back in her apartment.

Tea looks around at everything...then feels her legs buckling. She reaches out for the nearest chair, but she misses, and goes down. She feels the pain shooting through her knees, as they smack against the hard wood. Then her face hits the floor, and her hair settles down around her.

She looks out from behind her eyes...but there is nothing she can do...except lay there. She can't move...like a puppet, whose strings have been cut.

...I did the right thing...I did...she thinks...repeating it, over and over...but at the same time, she feels everything leaving her...her will, her strength...her spirit...her life...being replaced by a cold numbness. The room gets dark, darker with each passing second...until finally, her eyes...which have been just staring ahead, start to flutter...flutter...then close...

...covering her with unconsciousness...but the whole time, the thought repeats, like a lullaby, convincing her to sleep.

...I did the right thing.

To Be Continued...