"...don't you cry at the moon, little Angels, don't you cry at the darkness ... for it can only harm you up close and now it's far ... Don't you cry at the light, little Angels ... for it will only make you sleep ... it's the heat of truth you must run from ... it's the heat of truth ... sleep now, little Angels ... for the sleep of death awaits you ... at the hands of love ..."
Carlotta steps off the elevator, walking up to the door of the penthouse, trying to shift the big load she's carrying to knock...but it doesn't work, and she ends up kicking the door instead. After a moment, Todd answers and the two of them stare at each other uncomfortably for a second ... as they always did. Finally, he notices the bags in her hands and starts taking them from her.
"Hey...c'mon in," he says.
She smiles politely, stepping inside ... and looking around, as only a mother-in-law-type would ... like she was inspecting the place. Carlotta's brow creases a little as she examines the familiar setting, as she notices that something is eating at her, something ... indefinable. But she shakes away the nagging concern as Todd starts for the kitchen with the bags.
"So what's the damage on all this?"
"Oh..."she replies, turning and following him, digging for the receipt in her purse as she enters the kitchen.
"Ummm...just throw me a hundred, that'll be fine."
Todd plunks the bags down, some of them falling over, spilling their contents out ... mostly cans of formula. Carlotta starts picking them all up as he digs in his pocket for the money.
"Hey listen ... thanks ... I know you don't exactly have tons of cash to pay for all this. It's just that---"
She waves a hand in response, shaking her head. "It's all right, I know you guys don't have time to go grocery shopping."
He nods back, handing her the bills ... she takes them and pockets them. "So...where are those beautiful boys hiding? I've been dying to see them again."
Todd grins a little at her indirect compliment ... then he tips his head toward the door.
"Tea's with them upstairs. Go ahead, I got this."
Carlotta grins back, then walks out, heading upstairs. As she gets closer to the master bedroom, she starts to hear the babies, making happy, unintelligible noises. She steps up to the door quietly, peeking through the crack before she knocks. She sees Tea, lying on the bed in sloppy clothes, on her side, with the boys laid out in front of her, squirming and kicking happily. Tea smiles broadly, making goofy faces at them both, playing with their tiny hands and feet. Carlotta watches her for a moment, touched ... and relieved to see her surrogate daughter so peaceful ... so ... happy, further dispelling her earlier concerns. She remembers back over the years, to the many times she doubted that Tea would ever get to this place in her life.
But there she is, she thinks, with a smile ... then she knocks on the door, stepping inside. Tea looks up and smiles ... a tired smile, but still a nice one.
"Hi, mija..." Carlotta says gently. "...how are you?"
Tea nods, sitting up. "Hey! I'm good...come say hi," she replies, pulling Carlotta down on the bed with her. Brendan and Evan turn their heads to look at Carlotta, who smiles big and wide, bending down to kiss them both.
"Ohhhhh .... there's my guys! Gimme a kiss!" she gushes, in between sloppy kisses. She picks up Evan, lifting him up ... he looks down at her, with a wide open mouth, legs kicking ... then she lowers him down, and seats him in her lap, sitting up. Tea scoops Brendan up, doing the same thing, so that both women and both boys are facing each other. Carlotta plays with Evan's little hand, looking up at Tea.
"So you should be all set for a while, I think. I bought tons of formula, tons of diapers."
Tea laughs a little, sighing. "Thanks. I really appreciate it ... I just ... can't seem to get outta this house long enough to do anything productive."
"Well, why would you wanna go anywhere? If I were you I'd stay home with these guys all day, too," she says, nuzzling Evan's fine hair.
Tea smiles. "So ... you leave Todd with the groceries?"
"He told me to come on up..." Carlotta replies...then pauses before letting Tea in on her thoughts.
"...you know ... I'm really surprised by him. He's gotten so ..." she starts, trailing off.
Tea waits for the rest, then decides to finish for her. "...mellow?"
Carlotta nods, eyes wide. "Yeah! That's exactly it...I mean, I'm not complaining, it's great. I just wish..."
Tea's smile fades, knowing what Carlotta is going to say ... and for some reason it reminds her of the dreams she's been having, the ones she'd been working so hard all morning to forget. Carlotta shrugs, looking down at Evan as she continues.
"...I just wish he hadn't wasted so much time being so ... I don't know. Anyway... it doesn't matter now."
Tea nods, smoothing Brendan's hair, soothingly. "He's such a good father, Carlotta...he loves the kids more than anything."
Carlotta nods back. "Yeah...I can see that. I know he was always good with Starr."
Tea smiles at the mention of her stepdaughter, at the lovely young lady she'd become. Then her thoughts drift again, back to that last awful dream ... she closes her eyes, sighing ... wondering if there is anything she can do to purge it from her brain. It just won't leave. Silently, she picks up Brendan, laying him on her shoulder as she gets up and starts walking him, rubbing his back gently.
Carlotta picks up Evan, standing up. "You okay?"
She turns around, nodding...absent-mindedly. "Yeah...fine. Just tired, y'know."
Carlotta nods, beginning to feel that concern again, that "mother's intuition" pecking at her as Evan starts fussing, squirming unhappily because he can't see his mother. Tea immediately walks over to tend to him.
"Oh, Ev..." she sighs. "...here, can you take Brendan? C'mere, bean-and-cheese...fussy little thing."
"What??" Carlotta asks with a laugh, as they switch loads. Brendan settles into her arms, quietly, without a sound ... just looking up at her. Tea just laughs back as she puts Evan on her shoulder ... who quiets down as soon as he's in his mother's arms.
"Oh, that's...it's a long story, but that's his nickname...bean-and-cheese...burrito."
Carlotta gives her the strangest look. Tea giggles a little harder, patting Evan's back.
"Basically, all I ever wanted when I was pregnant was Taco Bell. So we just came up with the names...especially when we first got them home, and they were all wrapped up in those blankets...like burritos. So, Evan's bean-and-cheese, and Brendan's big-beef," she explains, still giggling ... knowing how silly it sounds. Carlotta looks down at Brendan, who reaches up to swat at her nose with a flailing arm. She laughs, bouncing him gently.
"Ohhhh...big beef, huh? That mean you're the strong one?" she asks him.
Tea smiles, nodding. "Yeah...that's exactly what it means. He's the quiet one...hardly makes a sound...not really fussy at all. Not like bean-and-cheese over here," she says, nuzzling Evan's neck.
"They show their personalities early, don't they?" Carlotta replies. "...it was like that with Cris and 'Tonio ... even when they were babies, they were pretty much the same."
"Oh, please...they're ALWAYS gonna be babies to you," Tea says, teasingly.
Carlotta does a slight take ... then nods, knowingly. "Oh yeah? Well ... just like these guys are always gonna be babies to YOU, so ... so there."
Tea takes the hit back, with a nod, just as Todd walks in. Both women turn to look at him, babies in their arms.
"Jeez, it's like the mommy convention in here," he mutters, as he walks over to Tea. She looks at him expectantly.
"What's up?"
"Gotta head to the office for a while ... then I gotta pick up Starr," he says quickly, getting in close, by her ear ... lightly nuzzling the loose strands of her hair. Tea turns her head toward him as she sways back and forth with Evan. Carlotta watches them with interact with a little smile...amazed at how the sparks still fly between them, even after everything. She grins wider, then turns away with Brendan, giving them a little privacy.
Tea looks up at him, touching her nose to his. "... 'kay...I'll see you later," she whispers.
"You gonna be okay?" he asks.
She smiles back, nodding. "Yeah...Carlotta's here...and the guys are pretty mellow, so...we're good."
He looks down at her, their faces just an inch or so apart...he breathes her in, and suddenly wishes they were alone. Then he makes a face, mostly at himself... realizing that this was the first time since the babies came home that he really had any thoughts like that. They were just too busy, too tired to pay much attention to anything but the boys. Tea rubs her nose against his, quickly diverting his attention back to her.
"Go on ... we'll see you in a while."
He leans in to kiss her, and she closes her eyes as their lips make contact. Everything around them seems to vanish for just a moment as they both get drawn deeper into the kiss, lingering. Tea sucks on his bottom lip, gently...remembering too, how long it's been since they made love. A tiny sigh escapes her mouth as she wishes they were alone, too. Then suddenly, as it had been doing all day...the horrible image from her dream snaps to the front of her mind...
...of the demon in the long coat...the demon that took her children...
...the demon...that was Todd. The memory of it forces her eyes open...and she pulls back, abruptly severing their connection...ruining the moment. Todd opens his eyes, surprised, as she turns her head away, wiping her mouth. He stands there for a second, looking at her strangely. She looks back at him, guiltily...then takes a step away, unconsciously placing a protective hand on Evan's head.
Carlotta turns back around just in time to see all this. She makes a face at the obvious change in mood between them ... it was apparent that something was wrong now. She sways back and forth with Brendan, watching them communicating silently.
Tea finally sighs. "Uh...don't forget to pick up some dinner," she says, avoiding his eyes...she could feel them piercing her face.
Todd sighs too, glancing over at Carlotta ... knowing he can't get into it with her right then. So he nods ... then he sniffs, reaching out to touch Evan's little head. He nods at Carlotta...then with one more lingering look at Tea, he turns and leaves. Carlotta watches Tea, who seems to stay frozen in place... until she hears the door open and close downstairs. Then she lets out a long, deep, stress-filled breath, turning around with Evan to face Carlotta ... and finds another pair of piercing eyes staring at her. She does a slight take...then turns her attention back to Evan to cover up. Carlotta walks past her to the basinettes and gently sets Brendan down in his. She rubs his tummy soothingly, then turns back to look at Tea, a hand on her hip.
"Wanna tell me what that was all about?"
Tea looks at her ... then lets her head drop, resting on Evan's. She hugs him tightly, kissing his hair ... then walks over, and sets him down too. She lingers on her boys for a moment, just taking in the sight of them, laying there quietly ... safe. She smiles sadly ... then looks at Carlotta.
"What was THAT all about?"
"Mija ... I could feel the temperature drop in here. What's wrong?"
Tea stares at her, debating ... not sure if her nightmares, her fears ... if they were something anyone else should be hearing about. She lets out another deep breath, waving a hand like she was swatting at a bug.
"Oh ... it's just me, y'know ... I've been ... really moody since I came home. I feel bad, 'cause I don't mean to ... be cold, but I ... I can't help it," she says, settling for telling her a half-truth.
Carlotta nods, thinking she understands, hoping she does. "Oh ...oh, right. Yeah, I remember...the hormones are so outta control for a while after..." she says, rubbing her arm soothingly.
"...but it's okay, it'll pass...you'll feel more like yourself again soon. Just takes time."
Tea nods, walking over to the table next to the boys' cradles to turn on the baby monitor. She checks on them one more time, making sure they're okay. Evan has already drifted off, a hand draped lazily by his head. Brendan just stares up at her, blinking ... keeping the watch, as usual. Tea smiles at him, shaking her head ... then she kisses her finger and touches his nose.
"Don't look so worried, O wise one," she says gently, then turns away and looks back at Carlotta.
"I could really use some coffee right now," she says, taking her hand and leading her out of the room ... closing the door part way. The two women walk downstairs, into the kitchen. Tea eases herself into one of the chairs, but then starts realizing she's made it appear as if she expected Carlotta to get the coffee.
"Here, relax ... I'll get it."
"Carlotta ..." Tea protests. "... you wait on people all damned day. I can get it. Really...I am mobile, ya' know."
But Carlotta just waves her off, already halfway through the process of getting the coffeemaker going. She grabs two mugs out of the cupboard and sits down, with a sigh, finally relaxing herself. She reaches out, wrapping a hand around Tea's hand.
"Listen...I wanted to tell you something."
Tea wags her eyebrows, waiting...Carlotta takes another breath. "Um...I got a letter the other day...from Roseanne."
Tea's face changes instantly...steeling...she wags her eyebrows again, but says nothing. Carlotta pats her hand.
"I know. I was surprised she even bothered...last time I saw her, I made it very clear that I didn't want to have anything more to do with her."
Tea studies her face for a moment. "You're gonna go see her, aren't you?"
Carlotta opens her mouth, but nothing comes out...so she shrugs instead. Tea lingers on her face...then sniffs.
"Well...it's certainly not my place to tell you what to do. But just...do me a favor, okay?"
Carlotta nods, waiting. Tea leans in a little closer. "Just...don't...tell her anything about the boys. I don't even want her knowing their names. I don't want her to have any knowledge of them...she wanted them dead before they were even born, that bitch..."
Carlotta drops her head sadly, at the understandable anger in her voice...then looks back up at her as she continues.
"...Roseanne and I...we are NOT family...not anymore. So I don't care WHAT she says, you don't tell her ANYTHING about my sons. Do you understand me?" she asks, her eyes full of fierce protectiveness. Carlotta nods, rubbing her hand gently.
"To be honest, I hadn't really decided what I was gonna do, but...if I DO go, I'll keep my mouth shut, I promise."
Tea nods back, her face softening at Carlotta's promise. They look at each other for another moment, then Carlotta gets up to grab the coffee pot. Tea stares down into her empty mug, letting her finger trace around the rim. Then she shudders, as a chill runs down her back. She rubs her arms...feeling suddenly cold...and she doesn't know why.
*****
The late afternoon sun shines into the yard at the women's correctional facility, warming the chilly air a bit. The inmates fill the yard, enjoying their hour of out of the cells...most of them strolling around, talking, smoking. Roseanne sits on top of one of the tables, indian style, leaning back on her arms...letting the sun hit her face. She still couldn't believe how good she was feeling...she was in prison, for god's sake...shouldn't she be writing woeful songs about her life, instead of sunning herself? She grins at the thought, as she opens her eyes...
...to find Oba, standing in front of her...having just appeared out of nowhere, it seems. Roseanne jumps a little, then touches her chest.
"Oh! Hey...didn't think you were coming out."
Oba tips her head slightly, eyeing her knowingly...Roseanne raises an eyebrow.
"What?"
But Oba just grins like a cat...then holds out a pack of cigarettes, offering. Roseanne looks down at it, then back up at her.
"Oh, no thanks."
Oba cocks an eyebrow. "No? In prison and jou don't smoke? Hmmm," she says, pulling one of them out with her teeth. Roseanne watches her carefully, studying her as she lights the cigarette, getting it started...then she takes a long drag, and tips her head back, eyes closed...holding the smoke in for a long time, before blowing it out. Roseanne squints...amazed at how smooth her moves are...how effortless. Even the smoke seems to flow out of her with a gracefulness, dancing up into the air before it dissipates. Oba taps the cigarette, knocking the ash off...then takes a seat on top of the table next to her.
"So...where you from, cher?" she asks, taking another drag. Roseanne stares at her for a moment...then shrugs, feeling more at ease with her now.
"Puerto Rico...by way of New York."
"Ah...da big apple, no?" Oba says, with a laugh. Roseanne nods, leaning back on her arms again.
"What about you? You never did tell me where you're from."
Oba glances off to the side, to blow the smoke away from Roseanne. She sniffs, tossing her long braids.
"Well, I was born in Haiti..." she starts, with a pronunciation of 'Haiti' that only the natives use.
"...but my mother...she brought me to America when I was just a little girl...and we made our home in New Orleans. Even after she die, I stay there for a long time. I loved it there."
Roseanne listens, completely engrossed. Oba glances at her, and grins. "Jou ever been to New Orleans, cher?"
Roseanne shakes her head.
"Well...I tink dat if you ever get outta here, you should go..." she says, with an eerie calm...blowing more smoke into the air.
"...it 'tis a beautiful place...and I tink dat jou would be...very happy dere."
Roseanne smiles, nodding...then she makes a questioning face. "Is that...where you learned to...to do it?"
Oba stares at her for a long time, without answering...and Roseanne can't help but be a little creeped out by it. But she feels like she can't move from the spot, and can't look at anything else...like Oba's stare is holding her in place. Finally, Oba sighs, breaking her stare to stub out the cigarette and flick it away. She looks back at Roseanne just as the buzzer sounds for the end of their hour.
"I learn many tings dere," is all she says, as she gets down off the table and walks away, back toward the facility. Roseanne watches her go for a second, still floored by the power the woman oozes from every pore. Finally, she looks away, glancing at the setting sun...and smiles. She jumps down off the table and runs up beside Oba, who gives her another one of her knowing smiles, as they walk back together. She can see the excitement in Roseanne's walk, the emotions painted all over her face...the girl was only too happy to go back to that cell.
Oba laughs. "I never see anybody so 'appy to be in jail."
Roseanne giggles like a kid. "It's crazy, I know...but...I feel...wonderful. I dunno what happened last night, but...I don't ever remember feeling this good before.
The guards prod them all into single file as they walk inside, in a nice, neat line, back to their cells. The doors open, and they step back into their little hovels, the doors slamming behind them automatically. Roseanne immediately lies down, wanting to take a nap ... wanting to be well-rested for her...meditation... later on that night.
Yes ... tonight would be another wonderful, satisfying ... night of meditation...
In the shadow of her bunk, Oba watches Roseanne carefully...her eyes piercing through the dark like a hawk's. A slow, ever-widening grin spreads across her face...full of a frightening power...and a horrible malevolence, sitting just under the surface...that Roseanne, in her naivete, just couldn't see...
...yet.
Tea gets up off the floor when she hears the knock at the door, glancing down at the boys before stepping away. On a fluffy baby blanket in the middle of the room, the twins rock around, doing what babies do...kicking, squirming, babbling. Tea grins and sprints to the door, thinking that Todd might have sent Starr up while he parked the car. She opens the door and immediately looks down...
...but only sees legs. She looks up to see RJ staring at her. Her eyes widen, and she smiles...reaching out and hugging him tightly. RJ hugs her back, lifting her off the ground a little. He closes his eyes, always relishing these rare moments when he could touch her...and be close to her. But he dreaded it just as much...because it always reminded him of what he could never have. He lets her go, holding her away.
"Girl...look at you."
Tea beams at him. "Where have you been? I missed you."
He looks down for a moment, touched and hurt by that at the same time...he touches her cheek gently, stepping into the foyer.
"Sorry...just figured you guys needed space, you know."
Tea nods, then grabs his hands, leading him into the living room. "Come see..." she says. RJ stops short when he sees the kids, laying there on the floor.
"Wow," is all he can say.
Tea gets back down on the floor, pulling him down with her. RJ squats down, his long coat settling around him. She makes note of it...the long braids...the long coat...what WAS it with her and long-haired guys who were partial to dark clothes and long outerwear? She laughs to herself, able to do it for once that day, without remembering her nightmare.
RJ reaches out to Brendan, holding a finger out for him to grab onto. Both boys stare back, fascinated by him...at how different he looks.
"Hey, little man...and which one are you?" RJ asks, as Brendan wraps his little fist around his finger. Tea smiles, affectionately wrapping an arm around his arm.
"That...is Brendan...and that...is Evan," she says, pointing at them, making her typical goofy faces at them to make them laugh. Both babies see her and respond, kicking happily, making bubbly noises. RJ laughs a little, tugging on Brendan's arm.
"Hmmm...Manning, the next generation," he says, sitting all the way down on the floor. Tea laughs at that...the easy, comfortable laughter that always came out of her when she was with RJ. They sit there on the floor for a while, just admiring the twins...then RJ lets go of Brendan, turning to Tea to take care of the business at hand.
"So...tell me...how you been?"
Tea sighs. "Okay, I guess...tired...really tired...tired all the time...but otherwise..." she trails off, with a shrug.
He nods...wondering if he should lead in to the subject more...or just say it. After a moment, he tosses his head, taking a deep breath.
"Listen, Tea...I, uh...I gotta talk to you about something."
She makes a face. "Wow...this is my day for news...first Carlotta, now you."
RJ's brow creases. "Why, what'd she have to say?"
She shakes her head, looking at the babies. "Guess Roseanne was feeling lonely...wrote her a letter."
He lets out a humorless laugh at that...then a growl. "If I never see that girl again, it'll be too soon."
Tea nods, playing with Evan's feet...he kicks back at her playfully. RJ hesitates for another moment, then reaches out, turning her face toward him.
"Look, I'm sure your man's gonna be back any minute, so...let me get to it, alright?"
She looks at him questioningly, eyes on him, listening. RJ looks toward the door instinctively, before saying anything.
"I just want you to know...your phones are bugged...all of 'em."
Tea takes that in, then nods. "Oh...well...I figured Bo might do that."
RJ shakes his head. "Not Bo...ME. I'M the one who's doing it."
She makes a face, confused. "Y-you? Why you?"
"Let's just say...we're keeping an ear out for Shelton."
Tea blinks back...then, as she looks into his eyes, she realizes what he's getting at. She looks away from him, quickly...covering. RJ tosses another look toward the door, then leans in closer to her. She looks up at him, their faces close.
"We? As in you...and Todd?" she whispers.
RJ nods...then whispers back. "I know you've talked to him...I know he called here last night. I heard everything."
Tea shuts her eyes at that. "Please tell me you didn't say anything to Todd."
He sniffs, shifting around. "No...I didn't. Not yet, anyway."
"Not YET? No...no-no-no..YOU...are not gonna say ANYTHING...ever."
RJ's eyes widen, tipping his head slightly. "You gotta be kiddin' me, girl---"
Tea turns herself around to face him. "No, wait, just listen to me for a second...if you heard everything, then you know I told him never to call here again. I'm not...sticking up for him, I'm not protecting him...I just..." she starts, struggling with the words. Finally, she shakes her head.
"...you don't understand. Todd and I...we're like...like a tightrope act. It's a very, very delicate balance...and it's a constant struggle for us to keep each other from falling...y'know what I mean?"
RJ just stares back, listening, but not really understanding. Tea sighs.
"If you tell him about this, he's...he's gonna go nuts. You know that. You MUST know that..."
He looks down, wagging his eyebrows in silent agreement...she bends slightly to stay in his view.
"...and you heard the conversation, Dean's too smart to get caught...even by you two. So what's the point in telling Todd about it? *I* can handle Dean...I DID handle him. He won't bother us again."
RJ stares at her, not believing what he's hearing. "Ohhhh...you're worse off than I thought."
She does a take at that. "And what is THAT supposed to mean?"
"Look, Tea...I know you've been through a lot...but...we've been friends for a long time, so I'm just gonna be blunt, here. You ARE protecting him...whether you know it or not."
Her mouth falls open, trying to protest...but he just points a finger at her, silencing her.
"Since WHEN did you start callin' that asshole by his first name? Huh? When did you become that familiar...that friendly?"
Tea swallows hard, not even realizing that she'd slipped up. She tried hard, made sure she never addressed him that way...to avoid something just like this. Then she looks at him guiltily, knowing there's no excuse she could give that he wouldn't see through...they'd been friends too long, and RJ was way too street-smart.
He nods. "You see what I'm saying?"
A silence passes as Tea looks back down at the babies, shaking her head. "I don't know what to do, RJ. I really don't."
RJ turns her face back toward him. "Well, *I* do...WE do."
She shakes her head, more emphatically. "No...NO. You are NOT gonna do what I think you're gonna do...NEITHER of you," she says, standing up...she takes a few steps away, turning her back to him.
RJ glances at the kids, then stands up too, stepping up behind her. "Tea, look at me."
She bites her lip, hard...before turning around, folding her arms.
"What IS it with you and this guy? What's he holding over you?"
Tea lets out a short breath at that, feeling her temper starting to flare. "RJ...just DROP IT. RIGHT NOW."
"No...not when it's this important. Do you understand...how dangerous this guy is? 'Cause I don't think you do."
"The hell are you talkin' about...OF COURSE I know how dangerous he is...*I* was the hostage!!!"
Tea covers her mouth, suddenly realizing that she's yelling. She looks down at Brendan and Evan, who are both looking up at her. She shuts her eyes, and takes a deep breath to calm herself down. RJ takes a step closer, putting his hands on her arms, holding her in front of him.
"Yeah...you were...which is EXACTLY why I think you don't see him for what he really is."
She looks up at him, eyes filling up. "Please...please...let it go. Don't pursue this, I'm...I'm asking you."
"What, would you rather we just let him go? Let him stay out there, so he can keep harassing you? No...no way."
Tea buries her face in her hands for a moment...then looks back up at him, tears streaming down her face.
"RJ, PLEASE...I just...for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm actually starting to HAVE a life. I have a family now...and Todd and I...we've worked so hard to get here..."
RJ listens, but with a confused face. Tea rolls her eyes. "What YOU don't seem to understand is what's gonna happen if Todd goes after Dean. I will LOSE him...because he's not gonna want to just beat the crap out of him and leave it at that, you KNOW that. Yeah, I understand how dangerous Dean is...but I also understand how---"
She stops, mid-sentence, the image flashing through her mind again...she glances at Brendan and Evan, feeling a twinge of that awful fear...then she looks back at RJ.
"---I also understand...how dangerous TODD is. I understand perfectly...and I am NOT gonna just sit back and watch the life that I've worked so hard for go down the toilet because of some stupid vendetta! You understand me now??!!"
He stands there, floored...and has to look away for a moment, to take all that in. Tea takes another breath to settle herself down, then walks up to him, wiping her face.
"Do YOU see what I'M saying? If Todd goes after Dean, he will KILL him...DEAD...as in not alive anymore...as in bashing his brains out, shooting him fifty times, or throwing him off a thirty-story building. And THEN...he'll go to prison, or be on the run, for the REST of his life...and EITHER way, I'm gonna lose him. I'm gonna lose my husband and Brendan and Evan, and Starr...will lose their father...forever..."
RJ lets out a long sigh at that, as Tea sniffs back the rest of the tears, not wanting to cry anymore.
"...and maybe Dean deserves to die...and maybe he doesn't. But you tell me...which is worse?"
A silence hangs over the room for a moment, as the two of them look at each other. Finally, RJ reaches out, touching her face gently.
"Okay...I see what you're saying...I do...and you have a point, but...fact is, there's not a helluva lot I can do about it...and you know that. Even if I agree to stay out of it, even if I agree not to tell him about that phone call, doesn't matter. I can't stop Todd from doing anything. The man is hell-bent on finding Shelton, 'cause...he's convinced that he's still getting to you...that he's still a threat..."
Tea turns her face away, her whole body sinking. RJ steps to the side to stay in her view.
"...so...it's up to you, baby. YOU'RE the one who's gonna have to stop him, not me. You're the only one who CAN stop him."
Just then, they hear the distant sound of the elevator bell outside. Tea shuts her eyes, feeling like a huge weight has just been dropped on her. RJ reaches out, pulling her to him, wrapping her up in his big arms.
"God, RJ...what am I gonna do..." she whispers, into his chest.
He lets his head rest on hers for just a second. "You're gonna talk him out of it...you're gonna tell him what you just told me. You're gonna convince him that it's not worth it...that's what you're gonna do."
And with that, he lets her go...just in time, as they hear keys in the door. Tea and RJ both step away from each other, and Tea wipes her face roughly, as she gets back down on the floor with the boys. The door opens, and Starr comes bounding in.
"HI!!!!" she yells, glancing at RJ with a smile...then she tosses her overnight bag on the floor and makes a beeline for her baby stepbrothers...doing a running skid, and nearly tackling Tea.
"HI TEE!!!"
Tea looks up at RJ as she wrestles with an unusually hyper Starr. "Hey! How are YOU?" she says, giving her a smacking kiss.
"Fiiiiiine," she says, happily, then turns to Brendan and Evan, making the goofiest face at them.
Tea gets up, and stands next to RJ...watching with a sad smile, as Starr takes over, just showering them with affection...planting sloppy kisses on their cheeks...lifting their shirts to blow raspberries on their tummies. The babies giggle, kick and flail uncontrollably...deliriously happy with the attention.
Then the door slams shut, and both RJ and Tea look over to see Todd, arms full of takeout. He makes an apologetic face at Tea.
"Sorry...didn't mean to slam it. Hey, man," he says to RJ, looking at him curiously.
RJ nods back...then leans down, kissing Tea on the cheek. They make eye contact...and she nods at him. He rubs her arm affectionately, then reaches out to grab one of the bags from Todd.
"Just came by to check out the new arrivals," he says, as he takes a whiff...and nods approvingly, setting it down on the desk.
Todd nods, but still looks at him suspiciously...as he moves over to Tea. She looks up at him, noticing the lightness in his mood...it always happened when he was around Starr...he simply got happier. She smiles, and reaches out, touching his face gently. His face softens, gazing at her...picking up on something...but he wasn't sure what. He turns his attention back to RJ.
"So...whaddaya think...think they're WWF material?"
RJ lets out one of his famous deep, loud belly laughs at that. Tea cracks up too, looking down at the kids on the floor. Starr giggles at the remark...then stands up, hands on her hips, looking down at the babies.
"YEAH!! BODYSLAM!!!" she yells.
Unable to move quick enough to stop her before she jumps down on them, Todd, Tea and RJ all gasp...until they hear the unmistakable sound of the babies' laughter. They exchange glances, letting out sighs of relief. Tea runs a hand through her hair, still feeling the flutters in her chest.
"Uh...just how much sugar has she had today?" she whispers.
Todd shrugs. "Dunno...picked her up from school, they'd been having a party or something. She told me she had a few cupcakes, soda, you know."
"Oh...well, that would explain it, yeah."
RJ cracks up, then elbows Tea. "I'm outta here. Catch you kids later."
Todd tosses him a nod. "Later," he says...still wondering what RJ was doing there in the first place. He watches as Tea walks him to the door...then he shrugs it off for the moment, turning his attention to the kids...all three of them, having a grand old time rolling around on the floor...looking at them all. He finds himself grinning like a kid himself...amazed at them...
...what was that Tea said before...about miracles...? Yeah...we deserve this...after all the shit we've been through...we're entitled...
Then the grin fades for a second...as the bad comes with the good...and he suddenly feels a twinge of fear...that it won't last. He takes a breath, pushing the thought out of his mind. Then he looks at Starr...his first...his beautiful, not-so-little girl...and taps her shoulder. She looks up at him with Blair's eyes...bright and blue. He grins down at her.
RJ steps out into the hall, looking back at Tea. "You call me if you need anything."
She nods, leaning against the doorframe, tiredly...he lingers on her face, then turns and heads for the elevator. Tea watches him for a moment, then quietly closes the door, turning around and propping herself up against it. She looks into the living room and sees Todd with the kids.
"Yeah, you...think you can take me?" Todd says to Starr...teasingly, talking to her like a bad-ass.
She sticks her tongue out through her smile, knowing the game...she stands up, hands on her hips...only coming up to his waist. She looks up at him with a fake snarl, like the wrestlers she currently loved watching on TV.
"AnyTIME, anyWHERE...I'll kick your butt!"
Tea cracks up at that...then Todd suddenly reaches down and grabs her, scooping her up in his arms. Her smile fades...and her gaze becomes transfixed on them...watching Todd toss Starr around, as she thrashes about wildly, pretending to fight him...laughing hysterically...
...but all Tea can see now are his dark clothes...his hair, flying around...and the coat...flapping around him, settling on the breeze, then lifting up again...
...and all she can hear is his growling...as he pretends to chew on his daughter...and she screams...those high-pitched, little-girl screams...
Tea's chest flutters with sudden anxiety...and she looks away for a moment, shutting her eyes. She rubs the bridge of her nose, feeling her head getting heavy with the stress. Finally, she hears the fussing cries of one of the babies...and instantly, looks over, to see Brendan crying for once. She runs over, stepping around Todd and Starr, who have dropped to the floor to wrestle some more.
"Whoa...guys...GUYS!" she says, squatting down to pick up Brendan.
Todd and Starr both look over at her, through tousled hair...Tea takes a breath, then smiles as best she can.
"Um...sorry...I just...need to get the twins upstairs, okay? Then you can...go back to...y'know...smackdown."
They look at each other, then Starr jumps up, fixing her hair. "Okay..." she says, out of breath.
"...I'll help! Can I carry Brendan?"
Tea smoothes some of her hair, still distracted by her thoughts. "Uh...actually, why don't you...um...get your stuff settled upstairs first, okay? Then you can...help me give 'em a bath. Sound good?"
Starr blinks at her...then shrugs. "Okay! Be right back!" she says, grabbing her bag and running upstairs.
Todd watches Tea let out a long, stress-filled sigh...then she attempts to pick up both babies. She gets Brendan on her shoulder, shushing him as he fusses...then Todd moves in and scoops up Evan. She looks at him...and as Todd rests Evan on his shoulder, he makes a face, noticing how jittery she is all of a sudden.
"What's up, Delgado?"
Tea furrows her brow, then shakes her head, standing up with Brendan, in full unhappy mode now, crying his little heart out.
"Nothing," she says, unconvincingly...then she picks up the blanket and throws it on the couch. She tries to walk past him to get to the stairs, but he stands in front of her, holding Evan.
The two of them stand there for a moment, silent...Todd trying to get into her head, Tea trying to keep him out of it. She finally attempts another smile...and it catches him off-guard long enough to let her get past him.
"Gotta get him changed, he's probably soaked, poor thing," she tosses off, in a casual mutter, as she walks up the stairs.
Todd watches her disappear into the shadow of the upstairs hall...wondering what the hell was going on now. Then he looks to his shoulder, rubbing Evan's back...the baby squirms about happily, smacking him with flailing arms and legs. Todd grins at him...then carries him upstairs.
"Do you hear the melody of love in her voice? Do you feel the delicate tones caress your soft skin, Angels? Rock, there in the moonlight, there in the breeze. Rock in your cradles, breathe in the silence ..."
It's midnight and the moon is out, the stars, too; they look eerie because dark clouds are passing over them, drifting. The haunting image makes Tea shiver and she pushes away the beginnings of panic, recalling briefly her being in captivity - being taken away from those she loved. She pats her childless abdomen, remembering the singular comfort she would get from the babies being inside of her. She was never alone while in the clutches of Roseanne, of .... Dean. The boys had been with her ... kicking ... shifting ... letting her know they were indeed alive, telling her with their amniotic movements that she had a purpose for going on, for surviving.
Never alone ... there in captivity...
The boys are finally sleeping, for once, at the same time. Finally sleeping ... god ...
Tea is so tired, so worn and ... feeling somewhat beat up by RJ. His threats had stung her ... his warning her about her feelings, but Todd's "threat" was greater, sharper; he was ... lethal. She had left him upstairs, collapsed on the bed after assuring himself that both boys were definitely out again. She had left him spread out like a proverbial golden eagle so that she could wander the darkness of the Penthouse, so she could disappear into and amongst the unlit rooms ... in the unstable moonlight. After a while, she soon finds herself standing at the mantel above the fireplace, playing a music box, the pings seeming to bounce about like metallic bubbles on draping piano strings .... all around her ... clear strings ... of musical beauty ... tying her up ...
"The moon prays for you, the night calls for you, your mother's song lives for you. Do not be afraid, Angels, because you are not alone ..."
"Damn..." the word slips out under her breath, thinking of herself and Dean, "caught on tape." Damn Todd, damn RJ ... damn Dean.
Closing her eyes to the continuing tune playing, she breathes in the scent of babies, of talcum powder ... of that unique connection between a mother and her children. Her own connection to her mother had been interrupted so that, as an adult, she had often felt ... less than capable. That she ... would never live up to her own version of what a mother was supposed to be. Would she fill those shoes that she herself had sewn? Would she?
With emotional heaviness pressing on her heart, Tea re-winds the music box and ... can almost hear words to the music ... can almost hear the sounds of the beach back home in Puerto Rico ... the saltiness of ocean water spray on her lips. She can almost remember the scent of her own mother, the sound of her voice ... she was so beautiful, yet must have carried the sadness of a million lost souls to walk away from her children. She must have been so very .... empty.
"Don't you cry little babies ... don't you fret ... mama is here with her arms around you and her kisses on your chin. Don't be afraid of the ghosts howling in the wind ..."
She does not hear him approach her; he'd barely made a sound coming down those stairs ... but it isn't a surprise. Todd is that way sometimes, like a lithe cat, tiptoeing into your life, quietly, seductively, rubbing up against you. Mewling for you, crying for you. And when he leaves after getting what he wants, what he needs, when he saunters off back to where he has come from, you look down and find small festering scratches ... scarring wounds ... changing your essential being forever.
Yes...when Todd rubs up against you, your life, you are never the same again.
Tea breaths in shakily as his fingertips touch her stiffening nipples beneath her gossamer gown lightly, having slipped his hand down the front ... as his lips softly kiss her neck. He wets her skin with his cat-like tongue and then breathes gently on the moistness, sending sexual shocks through Tea's body. His palms continue their light touching of her breasts, then he moves his hand to hers, grasping them wholly.
"It is not the light of the moon you should be afraid of, Tiny Angels, but the heat of love ..."
She had been afraid in the darkness of the Penthouse, listening to the chimes of the music box - how funny that her husband has come along at the right moment. To seize her, to rescue her ... rescue ... to carry her soul up into his loving arms ... like he always does. Appearing when she needs him ... there with strong arms ... rescuing her ... she had felt him, had always known he was behind her because she had been able to feel his heat, that energy that he always emits.
Tea leans her head back into his chest, letting him run his fingernails up and down the length of her exposed arms, closing her eyes, thinking how safe she felt, how ... rescued from her own darkening thoughts.
Rescued ... rescued .... saved ...
.... rescuing me from that horrible place ... from those horrible people ... those criminals who tried to rape me ... who dirtied me ... who violated ME ... rescuing me from Roseanne ... he had saved me ... had picked me up in his arms and saved US ... me and my babies ...
As his arms wrap around her, the whispered words flow into her mind, accompanying the music perfectly...in such a tender harmony...warm and slightly wet, from the heat of Todd's mouth, right by her ear...
"...you're so beautiful, Tea...I...I love you..."
Tea sighs at that, and at his increasingly sensual kisses...then makes a face...because the voice...didn't sound like Todd...it sounded like...
...wait...
She starts to turn her head, wanting to see his face...Todd's face...but he prevents her from doing it, still kissing her neck, his arms still holding her in place. So she reaches up, and grabs onto his hair...running her fingers through the long strands, fine and soft...definitely her husband's hair. She sighs again, relieved...easing back into the mood, closing her eyes again as Todd sucks on her earlobe, and whispers to her again...
"...I love you...want you so bad..."
Sigh she does, at his murmuring of his desire for her ... his desire ... Dean's... desire ... no .. no ... it's Todd kissing her ... it's her husband ... it is he who smells so good ... who feels so ... good
. Not the other ... it is Todd ... Todd ...
"...it's been so long..." she whispers back, as she turns her cheek into his lips, relishing his warm kisses.
"...too long..." is his reply, whispered breathlessly as he turns her around, immediately going for her lips. She takes a quick breath in, feeling him pressing her to him, feeling his erection against her through the soft material of his underclothing ... she can feel his tongue begin to taste her, delicately suckling at her lips. Reaching up, Tea touches the silkiness of his long hair and imagines them on that beach ... the breeze carrying their lovemaking sounds. She can see the babies in their cradle-like hammocks ... the two sleeping in the moonlight - peaceful and loved.
"Her song is one of love and with it comes promises. Let her sing to you, let her nuzzle you ... she loves you. Don't be afraid while in her embrace ... don't be afraid of the ghosts ... of the biting wind ..."
As they continue to kiss deeply, hungrily, Tea moves her fingers through his hair, grabbing on and letting go to grab again...his long, silky hair...that suddenly starts to feel...short...spiky...
...wait...
Todd moans and Tea bites down on the inside of her mouth at that...because she is being reminded of Dean, of HIS hair, of HIS mouth, gripping her body to his as he had carried her away from that house, as HE had rescued HER ... rescued ... saved ... as his muscles had strained with her helpless weight ... holding her firmly ... holding her babies through her ... saving ... protecting her, and them ... all of them.
...wait...no ... no ... I HATE him ... I HATE what he did to me ... he took me from my home, took me away from Todd...he hurt me ... he HURT all of us by allowing Roseanne to do what she did ... by helping her accomplish her sick goals ... god...what's wrong with me...ohgod...
"...ohgod..." Tea cries out unconsciously... as Todd moves down her chest and, through her delicate nightgown, tugs on her nipples with his heated mouth, moving from one to the other, needing her, practically whimpering at his own loneliness for her.
"I missed you," he pants, pulling at her shoulders, dragging her down to the floor...and when she's there, he crawls on top of her, covering her with his body, making her feel him as he grinds into her with his hips, pushing apart her thighs. She fights a surge of emotional pain running through her, because he is suffocating her with his urgency ... he is ... closing her in, devouring her.
She opens her eyes, reminded ... reminded of too many things. There in the dark, as he kisses her mouth, as she touches his body like he was begging her to do, he pulls away slightly, to breathe, to lift her nightgown, to strip himself down so he could push his aching hardness inside of her ... and, although she doesn't reveal it, it hurts her when he does that, when he penetrates her at last. She isn't healed enough yet ... it hurts ... because her body hasn't fully recovered from the babies ... even though they'd been cut out of her ... she ... isn't wet enough ... and it hurts.
"Todd..." she tries to object, but it doesn't sound like an objection - it sounds impassioned. And his own passion ... well ... what she sees in it, what she hears, what she feels he is doing to her is changing in her own mind. His growing passion isn't passion ... no ... it's something ... significantly different. She can imagine him grinning as he dominates her, can imagine his perverted enjoyment of her lack of readiness - of her pain.
From her dream, she can hear the wind swiping at his long coat noisily about his ankles ... she can see him bearing down on her babies ... on them ... suffocating them.
Suffocating... them ... killing them.
"It is the heat of Death ... it is the heat of Death's hand of love you should be afraid of. His song, his howls, his fury ... Little Angels ... close your eyes and sleep in the fire of Death, in the heated song of ... Death ..."
Todd thrusts into her and Tea opens up for him impulsively, wrapping her legs around him, in a vain attempt to try to control his efforts. He is no longer kissing her, just resting his forehead on her chest, his mouth opening slightly on her skin, breathing hard as he tries to be gentle, as he tries to accommodate Tea's pained grunts. But he needs her too badly ... he wants her to know that he loves her ... that he still loves her ... and he wants to know that she loves him back ... that she's not been changed by what happened to her ... that she still wants him.
"Tell me it's okay..." he pleads, in a strained, halting voice...holding himself still, trying to hold himself deep inside of her. "...tell me you love me...."
Tea has to shut her eyes at that, at the love in his voice, the need...the vulnerability. He really loved her...and tried so hard to be everything she wanted...and gave her everything he had...so how could she even think about making her own pain...her physical, mental, emotional pain...how could she even think about making that known now? If she did, it would hurt him so much...as much or even more than it was hurting her right now.
"I love you, Todd..." she whispers, as forced, silent tears spill out, which she knew he was unaware of, as he was beginning to pump her ardently once again. She loves him all right; she is loving him ... the Devil ... Satan ... he is suffocating her and her babies ... and she is letting him. Dean ... Devil ... Satan ... Todd ... who is on top of her now? Who is taking her soul, now?
"...not hurting you, am I?" he asks fearfully, slowing down, but ... Tea can't hear his fear ... can't hear his concern anymore ... all she can hear is ... his forcefulness ... in his groans. She says nothing in response, only moaning, and he, taking that for a, "no, you're not hurting me," for carnal acceptance, grabs her enthusiastically by her backside with one of his hands to lift her to him, asking, "Can you come ... can you come? I want you to feel good," but his words are lost on her. She is hurting and choking and wants to be rescued, she wants her babies and herself to be saved ... because Satan is killing them ... stealing them from their cradles in the wind on that black beach ... in the moonlight ... in the starry, deathly light ...
Nooooo!!! Don't hurt them!!!
She can see Todd storming towards them ... trying to get to them ... she can feel him grabbing her wrists ... then throwing her back as he lifts the small babies out of their cradles by their tiny throats ... shaking them at her, grinning ... his teeth reflecting in the light ... his hair glimmering, his mane whipping about in the wind as he pronounces wildly...
"They're mine!! I OWN THEM!!! THEY ... ARE ... MINE!!!"
She can hear her own screams, her own wails then...soulful, deep wails, as he smashes the babies against the swaying trees ... over and over ... and then walks away ...
"NO!!!!! Ohhhh...please...god...no...
...leaving them dead...and leaving her in the sand ... screaming ... screaming ... suffocating ... there ...
Todd's whole body shudders and he moves even harder inside of her, quickly coming, growling as he does so; but ... then he realizes quickly that Tea is sobbing into him, crying hard and he pulls out of her. She lets out a breath as he does, and slaps her hands over her eyes...crying...and his face crumples at her pain.
"...oh no ... what's the matter?! Did I hurt you??"
She can't talk ... all that come are her sobs, her pained, terrified cries... mourning a loss that hasn't taken place ... mourning her babies ... her soul ... everything. She keeps her eyes covered as Todd sits up and pulls her onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her, holding her tightly.
"...jesus ... I'm sorry...I'm so sorry ... I ... I thought you ... you were okay...I'm so sorry..." he whispers, suddenly finding himself crying, too, not understanding ... afraid ... worried that he'd done something wrong ... he just didn't know. But then he begins to formulate his own reasons for her uncontrollable tears, his own theory ... and pours it out to her, that it isn't him ... that it's those bastards that had taken her ... that it's Shelton who is making her cry, now ... Roseanne ...
"I know ... I know you're scared...but they won't hurt you anymore, I promise...I'll make sure of it..."
Tea finally lets her hands fall away from her eyes at that. Shaking her head as she works to regain her composure, she wraps her arms around his arms, turning her face into his...whispering, trying to quell his rising fury...
"...no, it's okay, it's okay...it's just me, Todd...it's just me...it's okay..." she whispers, urgently...more to herself than to him...trying to deny what she just experienced, what she just thought and felt so severely.
"No it's not!!! I just...missed you so much...I just wanted...to make love to you ... and you end up ... like THIS!!!" His words end not in rage, but in pain ... this ... is ... too much. But his anger renews itself after hearing her tears for a few moments.
"...gonna fuckin' destroy them ...BOTH of them..." he promises, quietly...furiously.
"No...please..." Tea cries, holding him, the two entangled in one another. "...stop...don't talk like that..."
Their fears, too, are tied up, strung up ... manacled ... as evidenced by Tea's silence, by her inability to tell Todd what it is that is truly frightening her. The moonlight and starlight and darkness seeks to cover them as they try to comfort each other's hurt ... as they try ... so very hard. Todd rests a hand on her head, bringing their heads, their faces even closer together...and Tea grabs onto his hand, holding it there...holding them there.
"I love you, Tea ... god ... how could they could have done this to you ... bastards ... god damn bastards..."
"...shhhh...no more...no more....please..."
"Death's love for you is powerful and eager ... his song is hypnotic ... you cannot fight him, Tiny Angels ... there in your cradles. Relinquish yourselves to him ... then listen to your mother's song of pain ... listen listen listen ...."
*****
Sleep ... after meditation ... is the most peaceful there is, Roseanne thinks, as she drifts off gratefully, oblivious to the cell, oblivious to her own entrapment.
It sure is peaceful.
To Be Continued...
