*****

Kevin walks up to the door of RJ Gannon's apartment, looking at the piece of paper in his hand one more time to check the address. Nodding, he shoves the paper in his pocket and knocks on the door. No answer...he knocks again, a little harder. Still no answer...he rolls his eyes, about to pound on the door one last time, when he hears the sound of shuffling feet, getting louder. He grins...

...and bangs on the door anyhow. He hears RJ groaning on the other side and cracks up...then quickly changes his expression when the door opens suddenly.

"RJ! You ARE home," Kevin says, in the most annoyingly nice voice, knowing full well how early it is.

As soon as he recognizes him, RJ slams the door shut as quickly as he opened it...which leaves Kevin standing there gaping like an idiot.

Inside, RJ is about halfway back to his bedroom, when Kevin starts yelling...

"RJ!!! I REALLY have to talk to you, man!!!"

...but he doesn't even break stride. Outside, Kevin waits for a few seconds, then tries again.

"It's about TEA!!!!"

RJ stops dead in his tracks...slowly, he turns around, looking toward the door. Kevin starts pacing around outside, knowing that probably got his attention. Finally, the door opens again, more slowly this time. RJ leans on the doorframe, folding his arms...raising an eyebrow at him, but saying nothing.

Kevin moves in closer, nodding. "So...you DO still care. That's really sweet."

RJ rolls his eyes. "WHAT...about Tea?" he asks, impatiently.

Kevin smirks back, pointing at him. "You're gonna like this. Can I come in?"

RJ looks at him like he's got five heads. "No."

"Oh, come on...we got a lot to discuss."

"Don't start with me this early in the morning, man. Say what you gotta say, and get outta my face."

Kevin sighs...then shrugs. "Okay. But first you gotta promise me...that this stays between us."

RJ stands up straight, hand on the knob. "I'm not promising anything."

"RJ...I'm telling you right now, this is SERIOUS. If you really care about her, you WILL promise me," Kevin says firmly, suddenly very serious himself.

RJ studies his face for a moment...then shrugs. "Fine. Promise...whatever. Now WHAT IS IT??"

He notices that Kevin's face darkens considerably. "Todd's back in town..."

It takes a few seconds for that to really sink in...then RJ's eyes widen.

"WHAT???"

Kevin nods, then holds up a finger. "...WITHOUT Tea."

Again, RJ has to take that in for a minute...then his jaw sets hard, as he steps closer to Kevin.

"You better not be jerkin' me around here, Buchanan. How the hell do YOU know all this?"

"Because I've SEEN him."

Kevin notices the wheels starting to turn in RJ's head...and he smirks.

"Of course, the big question is...where IS Tea? An even bigger one might be...what happened to her?"

RJ nods. "Well...thanks for the info. I'll take it from here," he says, starting to close the door again. Kevin quickly juts an arm out and blocks him.

"Whoa, whoa...not so fast."

"Hey...he's in town, that's all I need to know. I'll be MORE than happy to track that FREAK down and beat the crap out of him. Now if you'll excuse me."

"RJ...I think it's more important that we find TEA."

"Oh, I think the little weasel'll give up the info nice and quick...but even if he doesn't, I'll ENJOY beating it out of him."

Kevin pushes against the door as RJ tries to close it. "No, you don't get it, man...HE'S looking for her, too! She LEFT him...he has NO idea where she is!"

RJ looks at him strangely. "What?"

"Yeah...she's gone."

RJ thinks a moment, trying to put things together. "Well, what the...then why didn't she come back here?"

"I'll tell you why...because she doesn't wanna be found. She knows Manning better than anyone...she knows the first place he'd look is right back here."

Kevin watches RJ's reaction closely...still confused...but definitely concerned. He lowers his voice, for dramatic emphasis.

"She's too scared to come home, RJ...that much is clear..."

RJ looks up at him, listening.

"...so...what're we gonna do about it?"

RJ makes a face at that. "What---we? The hell you talkin' about?"

Kevin grins back. "I've got a plan."

"Oh, YOU'VE got a plan," RJ repeats...then rolls his eyes. "...yeah, well, that's all fine, but I've got my own plan. So like I said, thanks for the info, but I'll handle this myself. I'M the one who's got the score to settle with that little punk-ass."

"Oh, now, see...that's where you're wrong..."

RJ cuts him off. "Look, Buchanan...I don't have time for you, okay? So you're pissed off at Todd, so what? Take a number. But he didn't steal your woman from you...he didn't take away the only good thing you had in your life...and he SURE as hell didn't shoot at YOU, did he?"

Kevin wags his eyebrows, unable to disagree with that...then he shakes his head.

"No...no, he didn't. But he's caused my family a lotta grief...especially my mother."

"Uh-huh," RJ replies, unimpressed. "...well, your mother's a big girl...I think she can handle Todd."

"No...she can't," Kevin snaps back. "...that's just the problem. She has NO willpower when it comes to him, and I'm sick of it."

RJ cocks an eyebrow. "Jealous, are we?"

Kevin squints at him. "...oh, in your dreams, man. Look...this is how it goes with Todd, okay? He USES her, and she LETS him, because he holds that 'abused child' thing over her head. He's done it a million times...and every single time, she buys into it...and ends up getting burned. He gets away with murder...or at least, attempted murder...and she STILL refuses to see him for what he really is."

RJ folds his arms, leaning against the doorframe again. "Oh, I see...and this 'plan' of yours...is designed to do what, exactly?"

"Well, if it works...and I think it will...it'll ruin Todd for the rest of his miserable life...and hopefully, my mom will FINALLY see just what a scumbag he really is."

There's a short silence as RJ looks him over with a slightly amused face. Kevin stares back at him, then shrugs.

"What? Isn't that what YOU want, too?"

"What, to RUIN Todd? Oh...no. No, no, no, no, no..." RJ replies, laughing to himself.

"...no, I don't wanna RUIN him. I'm gonna KILL him," he finishes, his tone frighteningly serious.

Kevin makes an impressed face. "Oh. Well...you could do that. But YOU'D end up in the slammer...and it'd be so quick. Don't you wanna torture him a little? Make him suffer, like you have been?"

"I never said it'd be a QUICK death," RJ says, still with that chilling edge...then he makes another face, his tone changing.

"...and besides...the hell do YOU care, anyway? What's in it for you?"

"I already told you---"

"Oh yeah, yeah, right...protecting your fragile mother...mmm-hmm. Why don't you tell me why you're REALLY doing this?"

Kevin's thin veil of attitude slips off, and he glances down, sort-of laughing to himself.

"Well...I guess when it comes right down to it, I just hate the sonofabitch."

Now it's RJ's turn to make an impressed face. "Wow...you actually sent a teeny chill down my back there, Kev. I almost believe you."

He laughs again, shrugging back. "Look, I don't really care if you believe me or not, RJ. Fact is, I wanna see Todd fry...big time. That's it, and that's all...and I don't think that *I* NEED a good reason, other than for the good of humanity..."

RJ can't help but raise an eyebrow in agreement, as he continues.

"...but, listen. I just thought, that since he'd been targeting you personally, and since this has EVERYTHING to do with Tea...that you'd want in. But, hey, if you'd rather just go off half-cocked and get yourself tossed in the can, be my guest..." he says, casually, backing away from the door.

"...but Todd...he's goin' DOWN...and I'm putting him there...with or without your help."

With that, Kevin turns and starts to walk away...still slouching against the door, RJ watches him for a moment, then stands up straight.

"Hey...Buchanan."

Kevin smirks to himself...then turns around. RJ takes a few steps toward him.

"You still haven't told me what else you know about Tea."

"YOU didn't give me a chance."

RJ makes a face. "Well, I'm giving it to you now."

Kevin shakes his head. "Uh-uh...I'm not wasting anymore time with you...one of these friggin' macho-men who thinks he has to do everything ALONE...RJ Gannon, the lone-Todd-slayer, oooh. Look, I told you I had a plan, but you didn't wanna hear it, so..." he trails off, shrugging, starting to walk away again.

Stunned, RJ watches him go for a second...then throws his hands up. "Oh, for...will you...will you come back here??"

Kevin cracks up at himself, then turns around again. He and RJ exchange looks, then Kevin walks back toward him...RJ shakes his head at him, then steps aside to let him through the door.

Kevin stops just before going in. "You gonna listen to me now? Or are you just gonna get your cape and go?"

"Oh, man, shut the hell up. Get in the house," RJ snaps, pushing him inside. He sighs, frustrated, then shuts the door behind him.

*****

The morning commuters rush down the sidewalk outside Del's apartment building. He steps outside with Tea, who looks around anxiously...her hair unusually up, swinging back and forth in a sloppy ponytail. He squeezes her hand, making her look at him.

"Somehow I don't think he's lurking around here."

Not even realizing what she'd been doing, she gives him an embarrassed little smile, nodding. Del gently tugs her hand, leading her down the steps and into the sea of people. He puts a protective arm around his sister, walking slowly as everyone else rushes around them.

"Don't you have to go in today?" she asks, still looking around at everyone.

He nods. "Uh-huh...but not 'til tonight."

She nods too. "Where are we going?"

He cracks up at her tone. "Well...I thought I'd take you to jail. You'll be safe there."

She looks at him, in shock...until she gets it. She cracks up too, laughing nervously.

"Ohhhh..." she starts, sighing. "...sorry. Sorry."

He squeezes her tightly. "We're just goin' to get some breakfast. Relax."

She rests her head on his shoulder, letting him lead her a few blocks away to a small, greasy diner. A little bell jingles as they walk in, and Tea instinctively looks around at all the faces. She feels Del's hand on the small of her back, gently pushing her toward a booth in the corner. A college-student-age waitress grabs two menus and the coffee pot, following them over. Del turns and recognizes her as Tea sits down.

"Heeeeyyyy, baby...whas'goin' on?" he says smoothly, to the pretty, young woman.

The waitress smiles, smacking her gum. "Hey, Del," she says sweetly, then glances at Tea...somewhat disapprovingly.

"Who's this?"

Del laughs, patting her arm. "Hey now...be nice. This is my baby sister."

The waitress suddenly brightens. "Oh! You're Tea?"

Tea offers a polite smile, nodding, as Del sits down and grabs the menu. The waitress pours coffee for them, then puts the pot down to grab the pen out from behind her ear.

"Well, it's real nice to meetcha. So, what'll it be then?"

Del hands the menu back to her. "Eh, the usual."

"Uh-huh," she says, then turns to Tea. "...how 'bout you?"

Tea looks at the menu, overwhelmed...then she looks at the waitress, shrugging.

"What do you recommend?"

She shrugs back, her gum smacking obnoxiously. "Eh..." she starts, tossing a look over her shoulder toward the kitchen, then leaning closer in.

"...I'd stick with scrambled eggs if I were you...at least it'll be cooked."

Tea grins, looking at Del. "That what you're getting?"

"That's my usual," he replies, sipping his coffee.

"Then...scrambled it is."

The waitress grins back, scribbling the order down and walking away. Del looks after her, checking her out. Tea leans on the table, head in her hands.

"Little young for you, isn't she?"

Del looks back at her suddenly, busted. "Oh, what...Janice? Oh, she's nice...but...yeah, yeah...definitely too young for me."

Tea cracks up, shaking her head. Del points at her. "Hey...you're laughing. That's a good sign."

She closes her mouth, sitting back in the booth...she grabs her coffee cup and takes a sip.

"Yeah, well...haven't had much to laugh about lately."

Del wags his brows at that, nodding...and they sit there for a while, not talking. They pass the time drinking their coffee and watching all the people. Del studies his sister's face, growing more concerned by it every day...all the pent-up feelings there, none of them good. Finally, he shifts around in the booth, still looking at her.

"What'd you take him back for?" he asks, quietly.

Tea's wandering eyes suddenly look back at him, surprised. She does a take...but doesn't answer. Del sits up, leaning on the table.

"I mean, really...how did that jerk even get in the damned door with you, after what he did?"

Tea glances down for a moment, tracing her finger around the cup rim. Then she shrugs, weakly, looking back up at him.

"I missed him."

Del makes a face at that, half disbelieving and half disgusted. "Gimme a break."

She shrugs again, looking away. "I know how pathetic it sounds, but it's true. I really missed him."

"The hell for? Certainly not 'cause he treated you so well."

Tea makes a face at him. "Oh, keep rubbing it in, Del. Thanks."

"Hey," he replies, grabbing her hand. "...I'm not rubbing your nose in anything. I'm just trying to get you to wake up."

She looks at him, hurt...but unable to argue. Just then, the waitress approaches with the food, and Tea pulls her hand away.

"Here you go," she says, as she hands out the plates and slaps the check on the table. "...you need anything else, just holler."

They both nod, smiling at her until she gets out of range. Del sighs, shaking his head at his sister before turning his attention to his plate. Tea picks up her fork and starts moving things around on her plate, but doesn't eat anything. She just watches her brother, with her head still tipped down, for a long time. She can feel the urge to confide in him, welling up with the tears that are starting to form in her eyes. She wants to just talk to him, and tell him everything, but she was still afraid of what his reaction would be.

As the minutes pass, though, she finds it almost impossible to concentrate on anything else. And even though they're sitting in the middle of a public place, with people all around them, Tea finds her vision narrowing to just Del. The people disappear, the noise disappears, the place disappears...and suddenly, there's just the two of them, sitting together alone, in their own little empty space. Her eyes locked on her brother, Tea reaches for her coffee. Without even looking, she grabs the cup and takes a big sip...as if the coffee were liquid nerve. Then she puts the cup down, and takes a deep breath.

"Y'know the biggest problem with us...is that we can never be happy," she says, barely above a whisper.

Del looks up suddenly, caught off-guard with a full mouth. He chews and swallows quickly, pushing his plate away and leaning in closer.

"Did you just say something? I can barely hear you," he says, then becomes more concerned, as he looks at her. Tea just stares back at him, her big eyes glassy with tears...concentrating on him like he was the only other person in the world. He grabs her hand again.

"Tea? You okay?"

She only blinks in response, her mind completely focused on the task at hand.

"When he came back to get me...that's what he told me. We're not meant to be happy."

Del looks around quickly, then squeezes her hand, worried. "Okay...okay...let's get you outta here, okay?"

He starts to get up, but she tugs his hand back. He sits back down, looking at her...and she shakes her head.,p> "It's okay. Just listen to me...please."

He leans over the table again, as much as he can. "Look, I don't think this is the place. You need some privacy, okay? Let's just go back to the house."

She shakes her head again. "No...I don't care where we are, it doesn't matter. It's just gotta be now, or I'm never gonna do it. So PLEASE...just...listen to me, okay?"

Del looks around again, uncomfortably. Then he sighs, reluctantly settling back into the booth, keeping a hold of her hand. Tea wraps her other hand around his...looking down at them, as she continues.

"I remember thinking at the time... 'what an awful thing to say.' I mean, how much more painful can you get?" she says, with a self-depreciating laugh...then the smile fades, and she continues.

"...but he was right. He knew...and I guess I just didn't believe him, until now."

Del watches her, a hand over his mouth. "Tea..."

She looks up...and he shakes his head, sadly. "Baby, I have no idea what you're talking about..."

She laughs again...nodding. Then Del leans in to meet her, letting his free hand join their little pile of entwined hands.

"...but let me ask you this. Who the hell is HE to decide that for YOU?"

"He wasn't deciding anything for me. In the end, I went with him because I WANTED to."

"So, let me get this straight. He flat out TELLS you that you're never gonna be happy together...and you go with him anyway?"

Tea looks away for a moment, not knowing how to explain any of what she knows or feels.

"Del, it wasn't an insult...it was the truth. There's a difference."

"But even so...why would you do that? Why would you go back to him, when you KNOW...it's never gonna work?"

She swallows hard at that...at what a good question it was. It makes her think, long and hard, before answering.

"Because..." she starts, then sighs heavily...biting her lip, as the tears start to fall...she looks up to keep most of them in.

"...because I...because I love him...and because...even after everything...I still want to believe that there's hope for us," she whispers, barely able to get it all out.

Del watches her sadly, as she bows her head, to hide her face. He squeezes her hands tightly.

"Then why did you leave him, Tea? If you really love him so much, even after all the crap he's pulled on you...why did you leave?"

"Why does anybody leave?" she says, right back, as she wipes her eyes and looks back up at him.

"I left because I got scared."

"Scared of what? What ELSE can this guy POSSIBLY do to you that he hasn't done already?"

Tea looks down again, at their hands, holding onto each other, hesitating. She takes another deep breath.

"Did I ever tell you...that in all the time I was with him, we never ONCE slept together?" she finally asks, looking up at him again.

"...did I tell you that?"

Del looks back at her, somewhat surprised...and unsettled...by the sudden turn in the conversation...he shakes his head.

Tea nods back. "It's true...and it's not that we never discussed it, it was always a sore point, especially with me. But the thing is, that Todd...he has..." she starts, trying to think of the right words.

"...a LOT of issues...big ones. Some of them I never even knew about until I was too involved to get out. He was an abused child, Del...did you know that?"

He shakes his head again, but his eyes have covered over with suspiciousness. Tea sees this, and nods.

"Yeah, I...I know...and he certainly used it to his advantage. But at the same time, I don't think that even HE knows how badly it's affected him."

"Look, Tea...I've seen your boy in action...and I'm not sure I buy it. But hey...if it IS true, then the guy needs help, plain and simple. PROFESSIONAL help."

She nods, somewhat guiltily. "Yeah...I know that too."

"Then you ALSO know, that it's not YOUR responsibility to make him 'all better.'"

She nods again, head down. Del lifts her chin, making her look at him.

"Baby...I don't doubt that you love him, okay? But you CANNOT let him hold you with that kind of guilt. You just can't...'cause it's not gonna do either of you any good."

She can only keep nodding, at her brother's sound advice...then she takes his hand again, squeezing it.

"I already know all this, Del, I do. But...I'm...I'm actually getting away from the point, I think..."

Del wrinkles his brow, listening, as Tea continues. "...I'm trying to tell you why I ran," she says, finally letting go of his hands and bracing them on the table, as if she were getting ready to do something she didn't want to, taking deep breaths.

"...okay. After we left Llanview, we drove straight here. We checked into this really nice hotel, and...just stayed there, for at least a week...might've been longer, I can't remember now. And it was so quiet between us...I don't think we spoke for most of that time. I don't think we knew what to say, or what to do. So we just...did nothing, for days and days and days. But the weirdest thing...was that I was perfectly comfortable, for the most part. I was actually happier sitting in a room with Todd, doing nothing and saying nothing...than I was at home, with RJ, and with my family, my friends, my job..."

Del rests his head on his hand, completely absorbed by her whispered words...by the truth in them and the pain behind them. Tea takes a second to wipe her eyes again, sniffling...then she sits back in the booth, her eyes far away, her mind back in the hotel with Todd.

"...anyway...that last day...it was so strange. I mean, it passed like all the others, but...it was like, we both knew...that...we had to decide...something. Something had to happen, otherwise...we were just...gonna stay that way, hovering in that limbo. And as comfortable as it was, we knew it couldn't stay like that. The whole day felt like that...this decision, hanging over our heads like a big cloud. I took the longest bath in history, and I...just sat there, thinking about it. And at first I thought...maybe it's me...maybe this was a mistake, maybe I should go. But I...I didn't want to. I thought of everyone, and everything I'd left behind...and it all seemed so...meaningless...like I didn't really have anything at all...or at least...nothing I really wanted. And I realized then, that I was really stuck... 'cause what I wanted was the impossible. What I wanted...what I STILL want...is a life with Todd."

She stops there for a moment, sniffling again. Del says nothing, and just continues to watch her closely.

"...so I finally got out of the tub and got dressed...and the day went on, it got dark, next thing I know, I'm curled up in a big, fluffy robe, falling asleep on the bed. The lights were off, and I couldn't see Todd, but I knew what he was doing. He was watching me...that's what he spent all the other nights doing, he didn't sleep. He would just sit there, and watch ME sleep. I remember when I was first with him, and he did that...it really creeped me out, I didn't like it. But I got used to it...and when he left, I really missed it. I remember laying there, knowing he was watching me...and I felt...safe. I must've drifted off for a little bit...then I could feel him, getting on the bed with me...something he hadn't done before. He was really trying to be careful, but I could feel him...and I think I surprised him when I opened my eyes, 'cause he froze. He probably would've taken off if I hadn't stopped him."

She pauses again, taking a second to look around at the diner. The breakfast rush is dying down...and those who are left don't seem to notice her tear-stained face, so she looks down again.

"It's so funny, Del. It's so funny, and it's so hard...to explain this to you. I know you're sitting there, listening so patiently...but you really don't understand. And it's not your fault, nobody does...nobody WANTS to understand Todd, because they don't think there's anything TO understand...they see what he does, and that's enough for them. And I can't blame them, because the things they see are pretty awful. I've seen all these things too...but I've also seen other things. Other things...that still somehow manage to give me hope...and that's what keeps me going back. Like that last night...he made what other people would consider a small move...but it wasn't small. It was huge. And I could see it in his face, he was terrified. So was I, to be quite honest, but...I knew...and so did he...that this was it. We were gonna take the risk, and we both had to be brave. So I just...looked at him, and I kept saying, over and over in my head... 'I trust you.' I trust you..." she repeats, trailing off...her mind clearly back in that moment. She laughs a little, to herself, before continuing.

"...now I know this is gonna sound hokey, and I don't wanna make you uncomfortable with details, but..." she stops for a second, and Del notices the most amazing...but wistful...smile appearing.

"...what can I say. I've been with a LOT of guys, I've had a LOT of sex in my life," she says, with a somewhat embarrassed laugh.

"...but this...I can pretty safely say, was the very first time I ever really made love to someone."

Del smiles a little at that...but it fades quickly, knowing she still hasn't told him everything. He makes another face, kind of skipping ahead in his mind and guessing what she's going to say...and dreading actually hearing it. Tea takes a long, deep breath, letting her head rest against the back of the booth. It takes her a while to get up the nerve to continue...she can feel her chest tightening up, the sharp details in her mind causing her physical discomfort.

"...anyway, um..." she starts...but the words are failing her now, and she finds it hard to form a complete thought, as the tears start falling again in full force. Del moves in as close as he can, so he can hear her clearly.

"...um, I...it...okay. I always knew, in the back of my head, that Todd had...he...he'd been convicted of rape. I never forgot that. But I also know, that he's fully aware, of the atrociousness of his actions...and he knows that there is nothing he can ever do, or say, to really make up for it. He IS aware of that...of that I'm sure. But what I DON'T think he's aware of...is how that, and every other horrible thing he's ever experienced in his life, has affected him. I thought I had some idea...but I didn't, I didn't know anything...not until that night..."

Del sits there, chewing on his lip, just waiting for her to say it...feeling his blood starting to boil already.

Tea wipes her face roughly. "...but the strangest part is...that what happened, a lot of people would probably just consider it to be...really good sex. So I guess, it's kind of...all in my head. But it didn't feel that way at the time."

Del's heart sinks at that, and his eyes flash with the anger that's just beneath the surface...as he points at her, carefully.

"Tea...you tell me right now, straight up..." he says, just barely keeping his cool.

"...did he rape you?"

She looks back at him, blinking slowly...then she looks away, shaking her head.

"No," she whispers.

Del reaches across the table and turns her face back, making her look at him. A few of the remaining people sitting around notice, and start to watch them.

"You LOOK at me, and tell me that..." he says, in a loud whisper. "...don't you dare lie to me, Tea, not about this. I'm gonna ask you one more time, and you look me in the eye. Did that...did he...rape you?"

Tea closes her eyes for a second, to let the tears out...then opens them again, looking at him directly.

She shakes her head again. "No, Del. He didn't," she whispers back, pulling herself out of his grasp.

Del lingers on her eyes for a moment...then sits back again, relieved...but still wary.

"Well then what? He obviously did SOMETHING."

"Yes, he did..." Tea replies, coming right back at him, somewhat defensively. "...but it wasn't rape, so you can relax."

"Hey...don't be pullin' attitude with ME, baby girl...I'm just here to help you."

She sighs at that, calming down...she nods. "I know...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you."

"I just wanna know what the hell happened," he says, losing patience.

She nods again. "Okay...what happened...is this. We were...in the middle of it, and...he...sort of...grabbed me by the hair. He..." she stops, her hands gesturing, as if she were using them to help her come up with the words. Her voice drops to a whisper as she continues.

"...I...I was, on my back. But he pulled me up by the hair, and not really roughly, but enough to, y'know...and it just kind of ...it took me off-guard, because...up until that point, he was really...gentle, really careful...and it just surprised me, that's all. Then it was fine, he was really gentle again, and I relaxed. We were...sitting up, now," she says, looking down...too embarrassed to look her brother in the eye.

"...and I remember...I had my arms around him. My hands were in his hair...and my eyes were closed, I couldn't see his face. It got...uh...more intense, and then...I felt him pulling my hands away. I opened my eyes, just as he leaned in to kiss me, and...he kept a hold of my wrists. I didn't think anything of it, I was too busy kissing him back. But then, I could feel his grip tightening...and, uh...all of a sudden, he just pushed me down, on my back again. I wanted to, just...get my arms around him again, but I couldn't, he wouldn't let go. And it was just...for an instant, y'know? Just ONE second, that I felt it. But I'd never felt it before with him. I was scared. I looked in his eyes, and it was like...in that SAME instant, that SAME one second...he'd checked out...he wasn't there. And for the first time, I was afraid of him."

"Did he hurt you?" Del asks, gently. Tea shakes her head emphatically.

"No, no...he didn't. And as soon as I felt it, that quick...it was gone again. I looked at him again, and he WAS there. He let my wrists go, and just...held onto me, as gently as he had been before..." she says, her eyes suddenly far away again.

"...I put my arms around him, and I could feel him shaking. So I just...held him...and let him fall asleep inside me," she whispers.

Del lets out a long, overwhelmed sigh, running a hand over his head. Nothing is said between them for a while. Tea clears her throat, sniffling as she wipes her face for the millionth time...then she just stares off, her mind still in that moment.

"You left after that?" he suddenly asks. She looks over at him, snapping out of her trance, then she nods.

"Yeah, I...I sat up for hours afterward, just watching him...and I started panicking. All I could think of was that one second. It completely wiped out everything else...being scared for that one, stupid second. And then, I got angry at myself for getting scared in the first place. And THEN...I just felt..." she sighs, at the tears that are still managing to form and fall, even after all the crying she'd been doing.

"...I just felt like it was hopeless...absolutely hopeless. I was sure then, and I'm still pretty sure...that I've...that I pushed him into something he wasn't ready for. I know that he only did it because he was afraid of losing me...and in that one second, I saw just how fine a line he walks...how dangerous it was for him, taking that risk. And I'm still afraid...that I pushed him over. And even if I haven't...I just don't see how we're ever gonna make it..." she says, with a long sigh.

"...it's just like you said, Del. He needs help...help that I can't give him. And I think the best thing I can do for him...is to remove myself from the situation entirely."

She stops there, suddenly grabbing the check and looking at it, still crying. She pulls a twenty out of her purse and throws it on the table, getting up suddenly. Del gets up too, but she stops him.

"I gotta be by myself for a while, okay?"

He gets up anyway, shaking his head. "Oh, no. I'm not letting you outta my sight, not in the shape you're in."

She smiles, sadly, wiping her face again. "I'm okay, really...I just...need some air. I'll be back later, I promise."

"Tea, please don't do this..." Del whispers, holding her hand. "...don't start shutting down on me. You need somebody to be with you now."

She smiles again, standing on her toes to kiss his cheek. "I know. But I just need a little while, that's all. I swear, I'm not suicidal or anything, I just...need to take a walk."

He makes a face, but says nothing. She touches his cheek gently. "I PROMISE, I'll be back before you know it."

Against his better judgment, Del lets her go...she walks away from him, and out the door, leaving him standing there. He looks around at the few people left in the diner, all staring at him now. He rolls his eyes, making a beeline for the door. When he gets outside, he looks down the street, but doesn't see her. He looks all around, uselessly, knowing he can't possibly spot her now anyway. He stands there for a second, shaking his head, still reeling from what she told him...then he heads back to the apartment, hoping he's doing the right thing by leaving her alone.