PREVIOUSLY

[Camera shows Todd standing up quickly.]

Todd: I'll be right there, Shorty! (Slams the phone down. To Starr, in absentia:) Daddy's coming! (He runs out of his office.)

[Camera shows Dorian putting the phone down and approaching Starr and Mel, Starr refuses to look at her, breathing heavily and sobbing loudly.]

Dorian: (Getting worried now:) Starr? That was your Daddy. He'll be right here.

Starr: (Glares viciously at Dorian, all business, yells:) Hebetterbe!

[Scene ends.]

*****

[Scene: Several minutes later. Todd arrives and bangs on the door loudly, nostrils flaring, fire in his eyes.]

Dorian: (Answers door without checking who it is, stands safely behind door.)

Todd: (Rushes into the house and right to Starr and Mel, saying:) Starr! It's ok! It's ok. I'm here now, Shorty. (Holds her tight, grabbing her out of Mel's arms.) Ohhh, Daddy's here, sweetheart.

Starr: (Teary:) Daddy!! I heard them yelling and something loud went bang and then more yelling about you! I'm scared to stay here, Daddy! (Cries into his shoulder.)

Todd: (Holds her close, burying his face in her shoulder and holding her head on his shoulder.)

Dorian: (Crosses entryway to Todd:) You're not taking her with you, you know!

Todd: (Whips his face up, looks at Mel, who gives a sympathetic look, and whirls around at Dorian.) Watch me! Not another night in Cramer Hell, I swear!

Mel: (Acting fast:) Todd? Let me hold Starr while you discuss things with Dorian, ok?

Todd: (Whirls around to Mel carefully, still holding Starr close.)

Starr: (Has a death grip on Todd, legs and arms both wrapped tightly around him.) No, Daddy! No!

Todd: (Anguish crosses his face as he faces Mel and hears Starr.) Sweetie, I promise I'm not leaving without you tonight. Shorty, look at me.

Starr: (Lifts her head to look at Todd.) Promise?

Todd: (Trying to remain composed, his features at once softer and hardened in anger.) Oh, yes. You're coming home with me, tonight, Shorty. Right now, I have to talk to the Wicked Witch of The East, ok? I'll tell you what: how about you and Mel go upstairs and pack your things, ok?

Starr: (Morosely:) Ok. You won't leave me?

Todd: I won't leave you. (He kisses her cheek, closing his eyes as he does so.) Ok, Mel. (He hands her to Mel, Starr has a hard time letting Todd go, he hugs her tight again.) I love you, Starr. Take Uncle Mel upstairs, ok? I'll be right here when you're done. Can I kiss Fred? (He kisses the frog. He takes a deep breath and lets it out as they go.)

[Mel takes Starr up to her room, Dorian and Todd watch them go. Dorian indicates the parlor. They enter and she shuts the doors.]

Todd: Ok, what happened here, Auntie Grizelda? Why is my little girl so scared and angry? What woke my daughter in the middle of the night?

Dorian: (A little huffy:) We were having a discussion.

Todd: No, you weren't! You were having a heated argument. Look, whatever you two do for foreplay is up to you, but if it scares my kid, you do it somewhere else, or she lives with me. Blair is hardly ever here, and I'll be further damned if I'll let you raise my daughter!

Dorian: I'm a far better parent than you'll ever be, Todd!

Todd: Oh? Gee, Cassie turned out real well, Witchy-Poo. She's sane and walking around and everything.

Dorian: That's a low blow!

Todd: And what do you call coming into my home and trying to steal my kid out of my house during the custody fight? I call it house invasion and attempted kidnapping.

Dorian: I was not kidnapping her!

Todd: No, because I got there in time to prevent it and my lawyer gave you an earful about the illegalities of what you were trying to do! You're damn straight you're not taking Starr from me, and if I have anything to do with it she'll never have to spend another minute in your company or under your roof again.

Dorian: Oh, we'll just see about that, Todd.

Todd: I can get Blair for neglect, and you for child endangerment, and for the damaging emotional climate in this house. Not to mention her physical safety being in question. (Pointing through the wall to the broken vase in the next room.) I've told you before, I'd rather have her raised by wolves. At least they have a maternal instinct.

Dorian: I love Starr, there's nothing emotionally damaging for her in this house, and you know it. I'm not a rapist.

Todd: (All innocence, masking his rage:) The vases just break themselves near people's heads here? They fly through the air on their own? No one gets angry at anyone else? Someone peels your grapes for you and drops them in your mouth, chewed, while you lounge on the dais in your toga?

Dorian: No, the vases don't break themselves!

Todd: Then you have a poltergeist? It's out of your control?

Dorian: We don't have a poltergeist! What're you talking about?!

Todd: (Grins nastily at Dorian.) Then that big pile of broken pottery out in the lobby got broken during a fit of pique tonight? Or was it another of your famous tantrums? I really hope Mel thinks the sex is worth this.

Dorian: How dare you, you who are frigid, impotent, make any sort of comments on my private life?

Todd: My private life is an open book, read my rap sheet sometime, dig out the newspaper clippings on me. Whether I'm "frigid", or even "impotent", or not is between my wife and I. I will say, she says (moving very close to Dorian, who backs away a step. Icily stares her down, slickly:) I'm very good. Too bad I'm not the type to share, or you'd find out for yourself. (Looks her up and down, appraisingly and with disdain.) Then again, you're definitely not my type. Your loss. My wife is very sexually satisfied with me. We don't have to throw crockery at each other to get in the mood, or scare little kids, either.

Dorian: What do you do, Todd? Mount her like a buffalo? Over in a moment?

Todd: (Sarcastic, but appalled:) That just told me more about your sex life than I cared to know. Poor Mel. Maybe it'd be a favour to tell him you think he mounts you like a buffalo, even after you've played "catch the crockery" to lead up to the big event?

[Knocking on door. Dorian opens door, Mel is holding Starr, a child's suitcases can be seen near his feet. Starr has Fred in her hand and a cardigan sweater over her nightgown. She wears slippers with socks.]

Starr: Daddy?

Todd: Yes, sweetheart? (Reaching for Starr and holding her close.) I'm right here, Shorty. We're almost ready to go, ok?

Starr: (Nodding, a little sullen:) Ok, Daddy. (Lays her head on Todd's shoulder, tired.)

Todd: (Snuggles her and nuzzles her, saying:) You feel any better now?

Starr: (Nodding her head against this shoulder:) Yes, Daddy. Can we go home now? I wanna see Tee.

Todd: Right now, Shorty. (Carries her out of the room and picks up some of her luggage. Mel carries the rest. Starr carries Fred. Fred kisses Todd's cheek as they approach the front door, and Todd kisses Starr's forehead tenderly.)

[Mel, Todd and Starr exit the house. Dorian is seen in the livingroom doorway, looking sad but haughty. She crosses to the front door, wheels on the ball of one foot and slams the front door shut. Scene ends.]

[Scene: Mel finishes putting the luggage in Todd’'s trunk and waves goodbye, retreating into the house again. Todd sits with Starr on his lap in the back seat.]

Starr: Daddy? What's wrong? Did that scare you, too? (Nods his head against her shoulder. Pulls himself together as best he can, looks at Starr.)

Todd: (Putting her in her seat. Buckling her seatbelt. He holds her hand.) Yes. Sometimes Daddies get scared, too. I don't like Dorian, and she doesn't like me. She sounds like my Dad, only her voice is higher. (Kisses her cheek. Gets into the driver's seat.) Let's go home, Shorty.

Starr: Yes, Daddy!

Todd: (Starts the engine and flips the lights on.)

[Scene ends.]

[Scene: Todd carries Starr in asleep, and some of her luggage. He adjusts Fred, who has slipped in Starr's grasp. He brings her upstairs to her room and lays her out on her bed, taking off her slippers and tucking her in tenderly. He kisses Starr goodnight on the forehead and smoothes back her bangs gently, even though she is deeply asleep, and then stands to watch over her for a few moments.]

Todd: (Whispering to Starr:) I will never let you get hurt, Starr. I love you.

[Todd goes downstairs to the livingroom. Tea emerges from the kitchen quietly.]

Tea: (Trying to connect with Todd:) Are you hungry?

Todd: (Clearly tired:) No. I don't have any appetite right now. It's been a hard day's night.

Tea: How'd it go? Briggs said you went tearing out of the office.

Todd: (Sadly, a little sarcastic:) I just spent a day in Hell. Well, a night, anyway.

Tea: (Tries for levity:) Oh, did you visit the gift shop?

Todd: (Bitterly sarcastic:) No. I was too busy seeing the sights.

Tea: (Sees he's serious.) Oh?

Todd: (Grimly sarcastic:) Mostly I was very busy with the rides, truth be told.

Tea: (Grins briefly, but suppresses it.) Did you ride the Handbasket?

Todd: (Groans loudly:) Yes.

Tea: Dorian?

Todd: In living colour, if you can call her alive.

Tea: She can definitely get on a high horse.

Todd: Yeah. She was on one tonight all right, prancing around as if it were one of those really big, fancy, German dancing horses. (Gestures with his hands, describing something large.) I learned more about her sex life than I ever wanted to know. Poor Mel.

Tea: (Wistful:) Wouldn't it be great if she just got on her horse and rode off into the night?

Todd: (Morose:) I'd believe a broom.

Tea: (Laughs.)

Todd: (Smiles mildly, clearly very tired, not looking at her.) She scared my little girl half to death tonight screaming at Mel. I can't allow that, Tea.

Tea: No, we can't. Where was Blair?

Todd: Who the hell knows?

[Scene ends.]

[Scene: Saybrooke Mansion, same night about two to three hours later. Blair arrives, sets her suitcase, laptop attache', purse and jacket on or near the hallway table. Crosses to the living room, stops short a moment and does a take when she sees the remains of the broken vase, enters livingroom/parlor. Looks around room.]

Dorian: (Enters in a robe, slippers, and pjs.) I thought I heard your car.

Blair: What happened to the vase?

Dorian: Mel and I had an argument.

Blair: (Tired:) Whatever. You know that story I've been working on?

Dorian: Yes.

Blair: Well, it seems Asa may have something to do with it. I just don't know how. I almost ran into him yesterday.

Dorian: Who do you think is behind these anonymous tips?

Blair: I have no idea. How could Todd let a story like this slip out of his hands? This is the kind of story he loves, especially if he can stick it to Asa.

Dorian: Maybe he's the source?

Blair: Maybe he sent me out on assignment anonymously so he could -- ooooo! That snake!! He sent me out of town so he could spend more time with my little girl! What were you fighting about? Todd?

Dorian: Who else?

Blair: Well, I don't know. It could have been about Viki, or about Kevin and Cassie.

Dorian: Mel doesn't believe that Todd is the Bad Seed. We obviously disagree.

Blair: I'd appreciate it if you'd keep that away from Starr. Starr loves her Daddy.

Mel: (Appears in doorway.) I'm afraid it's too late, Blair. She heard us.

Blair: Did you get her settled down? I don't hear her, maybe I should go check on her.

Mel: After That Woman (gesturing at Dorian) threw that vase, Starr woke up and came downstairs. Starr threw rather more than a mere snit and refused to return to bed.

Dorian: Until you made me call that wretched man.

Blair: Todd? Todd has Starr?

Mel: (To Dorian:) She was making herself sick! (To Blair:) She's fine, Blair. He took her home with him a few hours ago. She's probably fast asleep now, you can check on her in the morning.

Blair: In the morning?! You let him take Starr?

Mel: Yes. I'm sure she's fine, Blair. Let her sleep, she's had a hard night.

Blair: There's something you're not telling me, isn't there?

Dorian: Starr is fine, she's just with her psycho father, that's all.

Mel: (Sharply:) Dorian!

Dorian: (Smirks.)

Blair: When did he take her, again?

Mel: Two or three hours ago, I think. Why?

Blair: He could be in New Jersey by now, or almost to New York City by now! He's taken my daughter!

Mel: Blair, she's fine!

Blair: Fine! I'm leaving. (Crosses to front door.)

Dorian: Blair! You just got home!

Blair: (Over her shoulder:) I've got to go see my little girl, Dorian! This is your fault! (exits house)

[Scene ends.]

[Scene: Penthouse Master Bedroom (Todd's room). It is very late at night and except for the lights from Llanview, it is dark. Todd and Tea lie sleeping, Tea's head on Todd's chest, on top of the covers. Todd holds Tea's hand to his chest. Blair opens the door, and turns on the light. Todd awakes with a start and immediately has trouble breathing, clutching his chest with Tea's hand in his as he sits bolt upright. Once his eyes adjust he begins to breathe more easily and steadily and gets angry at Blair.]

Tea: (Looking at him with concerned alarm:) Are you alright, Todd?

Blair: (Mockingly:) Are you alright, Todd? Ugh!

Todd: (Looks at Tea:) Yeah. (Looks at Blair:) What the hell are you doing here, Blair?

Blair: I still have a key.

Todd: I'm changing the locks in the morning, I swear. What the hell do you want, Blair? Tea finally gets a moment's sleep and you show up!

Blair: Starr. I want Starr.

Todd: NO. You'll have to go through me first.

Blair: Yes. She's not living here with you and your little chiquita, here.

Todd: Yes, she is. This is her home, we're a family.

Blair: She has a family, at Dorian's.

Todd: No, see, that's not a family. What kind of family has flying vases for pets, huh? Dorian has a little coven, not a family. Regular Witches of Eastwick. My kid's not being raised in Cramer Hell!

Blair: And you would know a normal family? Your father was Atilla the Hun!

Todd: And your father was the Invisible Man!

Tea: Ok! Break it up! Do you want to wake Starr?

Todd & Blair together: No. (They look briefly at each other and then at Tea.)

Tea: Then, let's compromise. At least for tonight.

Blair: I'm not compromising on anything with you, Tea!

Tea: You will, if you still want to share custody with us.

Blair: "Us"? Do you honestly want me to buy that there is a "we" to you and Todd? Todd bought you.

Todd: She loves me, Blair, something you used to say you felt for me, and I was stupid enough to believe and to think I felt for you.

Tea: You found us asleep here, together, Blair. If there were not an "us", why would you have found us in bed together in the middle of the night on one of your surprise visits? Hmm?

Blair: Todd?

Todd: What she said.

Blair: I can't believe this.

Todd: It's true, Blair. That proposal at the Palace all those months ago was the real thing. The wedding last fall was the real thing, too.

Blair: (Laughing:) Real? It was a farce! That casket --

Todd: Because you let that tape play!

Blair: (Laughing still:) You popped out of a casket!

Todd: Ok. It was weird, I admit it.

Tea: (Looking at Todd:) It was downright creepy. (Looks at Blair.)

Todd: But it was real, and so is this marriage, Blair. I love Tea, Blair.

Blair: You're not capable of love, Todd.

Todd: Speak for yourself.

Tea: Are you here just to wake us up and harrass us, or do you have a purpose? Because right now this looks a lot like harrassment, Blair, and home invasion.

Blair: I only came here to check on my little girl, and I have a key.

Todd: Only under supervision, and she's asleep.

Tea: (To Todd:) We could go with her down the hall.

Blair: Not you.

Todd: Fine. I'll go. Let's get this over with, Blair. It's the middle of the night, Tea was sleeping, and the kid's asleep.

Blair: Like I care about Tea? Since when do you sleep, Todd?

Todd: I wasn't asleep. I was keeping Delgado company while she slept. We gonna check on Shorty or not?

Blair: Fine.

Todd: After you, Blair.

Blair: So you can watch my every move?

Todd: Why else? Do you want to see her or not?

Blair: (Opens the door and steps into the hallway, followed by Todd.)

[Starr's room. Todd and Blair stand in the open doorway looking towards Starr's bed. Todd looks angry and uncomfortable standing behind Blair. Blair crosses to Starr's bed.]

Blair: (Leans down and kisses Starr's forehead, smoothes her bangs back, tucks her in again. Whispering:) Mommy and Daddy love you, Starr, no matter what happens and no matter where we are. I love you, Starr.

Todd: (From the doorway in a stage whisper:) Ok, Blair. You said what you wanted to to her, now go.

Blair: (Taking her time rising, touching Starr one more time.)

Todd: (Squirms.) Blair.

Blair: (Irritated at him, hissing:) Alright, Todd!

Todd: I just don't want you waking her up. She lives here now.

Blair: (Passing him in the doorway. Hissing, sotto voce:) We'll just see about that, Todd.

Todd: (Sotto voce:) Just go, Blair. Shorty's heard more than enough arguing for one night.

Blair: I'll be back.

Todd: You don't scare me, Aaahhhnie.

Blair: (Sneers at him, heads down the steps, leaves the Penthouse.)

Todd: (Closes Starr's door part way, follows Blair to make sure she leaves.)

Tea: (Meets him at the bottom of the steps, coming up behind him. Quietly:) It's ok, Todd. We can win this again together. (Strokes his cheek.)

Todd: (He turns around to look in her eyes.) I'm tired of having to fight for my kid, Delgado. I just want to raise her... with you.

Tea: (Takes his hand.) Let's get some sleep.

Todd: You go ahead, I can't sleep anymore.

Tea: This really shook you up.

Todd: You don't know the half of it. Get some sleep, Delgado. I'll be all right. Don't worry, I won't get smashed or anything.

Tea: Have you been drinking in all this?

Todd: No. To my horror, I've stayed sober through all of this. I'm not sure what I'd do if I got drunk right now. I'd probably dream again, and I can't risk that. Or worse.

Tea: You're not suicidal?

Todd: No. I probably should be.

Tea: Well, I need to go back to sleep. You're sure you're ok alone down here?

Todd: I can't sleep now. I gotta make sure Blair doesn't come back for Shorty. Don't worry, I won't smash anything.

Tea: I almost wish you would. I wish you'd come with me, more. (Kisses his mouth passionately, he responds. Tea reluctantly goes back upstairs. She looks back to him more than once, longingly, on her way up.)

Todd: (Doesn't take his eyes off of her, even after she's disappeared upstairs.)

[Scene ends.]