TOOT TOOT
     By J. Wilder Konschak
     
     In case you didn't know: this campus has a television station all its own. 
It's called Intran, and it floats around the dial, currently hovering around 
Channel 7, though I can't be sure, since I haven't checked in the last 30 
seconds. It's student run. It airs a sparse selection of delights: the WWC, 
various talk shows (appearing and dying as quickly as good talk shows should), 
the Cooking Network, and of course, late-night porno. There are plans of airing 
the action-packed adventures of the Community Council, in session, but I don't 
want to spread juicy rumors. 
     Aside from the consistency of the WWC and its biggest competition, "dead 
air," Intran's never been very regular. It spurts a load of programming. Then it 
gets real constipated and doesn't show a thing for five weeks. There was CTV. 
There was the Bratwurst Farm. There are periodic showcases for special works and 
bizarre films. But all considered Intran is sporadic at best. The station's an 
underused (and, thus, under-watched) resource on a campus desperately needing a 
solid means for disseminating media. It's so underused that the Omen's attempt 
to make a TV-guide for it FAILED-failed utterly-because there were only three 
shows to guide.
     Seeing this situation, I'm here to toot my own horn, because no one seems 
to toot anyone else's horn around here (aside from the occasional sexual 
equivalent), no matter how much the tooting's deserved. So here's the tune I'm 
tooting: Intran has a regular show now! Not only does it have a regular show, 
but a damn good, hardcore, well-done show. (Maybe that's not so regular, since 
regular tends to mean "ass sucky") 
     The show is called Darwin's Kids, and if you haven't heard about it yet, 
blame your "campus news sources" (the sporadic Forward? The phantom Daily Jolt? 
The bizarre invisibility that posters acquire when hung on Hampshire bulletin 
boards?), because Darwin's Kids has been on the air for two semesters. And gosh 
darn it, people like it. They laugh. They cry. They feel that warm mushy feeling 
you get when you see something that relates to you on the glowing screen. 
     Yes, Darwin's Kids is about Hampshire students, weird kids a bit too much 
like you and me. They read the Omen. They use the Forward as a dinner mat. They 
don't finish their Div I's. They take too much acid during Jan Term. They don't 
sleep at the end of the semester, they hallucinate giant lobsters, they hate 
Saga, they wish they could transfer, and of course, they lose their minds, 
become Nazis, kidnap modmates, and plant bombs in the bathroom. 
     That's the fun little ditty I'm tooting. It's catchy. Go hum it to your 
friends.
     How about more dry details? Darwin's Kids airs a new half-hour episode 
every two weeks in ASH AUDITORIUM, usually Friday Night at 7:30 PM, then again 
at 8:30 PM, the same night. All the episodes air every weekend, Saturday Night, 
at 7:30 PM. (Tune in early to catch the new episode, or a little later to see 
all the past episodes in sequence). You can toss yourself into the series at 
anytime. You'll catch up quick. Fuck, add it to your Simpson's addiction.
     Better yet, Darwin's Kids isn't a closed-system. On the contrary, its 
beautiful and sexy members are fucking desperate to include everyone they can 
get their groping hands on. This means YOU. Not only is the show an EPEC course 
(bringing you Div II credit for two semesters), it's now a funded Hampshire 
Organization (though not listed in the directory ... hmmmmm.) And you know what 
that means don't you? Free pizza. Fucking free pizza. Oh, and premiere parties. 
(Here's a tip: get involved now, so you can be part of the season finale party. 
You'll be so glad you did.)
     Anyone with any (or no) talent to offer at all (writing, postering, 
promoting, art, computers, actors, singers, starfuckers, caterers,) is welcome 
to join at any time, even 4:00AM on a Monday night. Just give a call to x4373, 
or e-mail darwinskids@angelfire.com. Check out the website at 
http://www.angelfire.com/ma2/darwinskids. . Come to the open meetings, every 
Tuesday at 10PM, in the Library KIVA (not that there's a KIVA anywhere else on 
Earth).
     If that's too much work, just come and watch the show. Stop into ASH for 
that popcorn picture-show feel. Plop in front of your tube for a hall-bonding 
experience, where you can get drunk. It's Drugs, Sex, Rock-n-Roll, Hampshire 
Style. 
     (PS: If you don't go to the show, I'm gonna be forced to keep writing 
articles in the Omen about it. You don't want that now, do you?)