HIS EYES WERE BRIGHT

His eyes were bright. His skin was taut. His body was lean. As he spoke, his voice was clear and strong. Without hesitation he presented himself as sincere. I was deeply affected by his words.

“Sir,” he said, “ I don’t know if I can say this.” He looked down. His desert hat fit comfortably on his knee. His hands held it gently by the edges. He continued, “ I am not afraid and I am not lonely. I know what I signed up to do and I understand that I volunteered. I appreciate what everyone has done for me. I appreciate the training. “ He paused and stopped speaking. I waited. It seemed like a long time. The urge to break the silence was strong.

As I looked at this soldier, I wondered what would come next! Why had he come to see the chaplain? What would he say? God! He is so young.

“My mom is a good woman. She works hard outside the home. And my dad… My dad is a good man. He does his best.” He spoke softly and the words came from his heart. “I just hope I don’t die over there. It’s so far away. And if I die over there, it will break their hearts.” He stopped again and the silence was painful.

“Chaplain, I go to church and I love the Lord.” He figgeted with his hat. “I know that we are supposed to pray, and I do…you know, prayers before meals and prayers at bedtime. But I never really pray for anything really important. But this is important.”

When he looked up his eyes met mine. They searched for understanding. He knew what he wanted and he understood his feelings. There was a certainty in his voice which indicated he was not in crisis.

“Is it selfish to pray not to die? Other guys are going to die. I never feel good when people thank God they weren’t on the plane that crashed or standing on the corner when the car careened out of control. It always sounds like we are saying we are glad it was them and not us. So what I want to know is….when I ask God to keep me alive does that mean that I am praying that someone else should die instead?”

It seems that I never have answers. Like this young soldier I have a lot of questions. Where are the answers?

What were we doing, as we spent those moments together? We weren’t engaged in questions of theology, or spirituality, or morals or ethics. We were not involved in a Sunday school class discussing a selected bible passage. He wasn’t really asking a question. He already knew that there was no satisfactory answer.

In those very sacred moments, he shared with me something about himself. He allowed me to see into his heart. He opened up a crack in the door to his soul. He had come to chapel to see the chaplain because he wanted to reveal to another human person something of the secret of his life. He came because he trusted the chaplain. And I was, yet again, profoundly humbled by the awesomeness of the moment.

He said what he didn’t think he could say. It was done and the seconds that followed were awkward. I asked him to pray with me. We stood shoulder to shoulder. I held his hand. With bowed heads, we waited upon the Spirit. Finally, I asked him to start the prayer. He hestitated and I could feel the flush of sweat on his hand and strong beat of his young heart. He prayed and then I prayed. He thanked me and then he went out.

I saw him at McGuire air base. I went there with Chaplain Womack to see them off on their flight. He looked up as we entered. We acknowledged each other with a look, then he continued doing his crossword puzzle.

Attending the Service of Holy Communion we celebrated in the lounge at Mc Guire, he stood in the back. Later, as I passed through the waiting room, a voice called out, “ Hey, Chaplain, can you help us?” I looked around toward a person I had not met. He was standing and with a warm friendly voice asked, “What is the name of Jacob’s brother? It starts with E and ends with U.” I laughed, “Esau.”

“See!” He exclaimed to his friend. “I told you the chaplain could help us.”

“Yeah,” he replied

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” I asked. The seated soldier looked up with a smile and said,
“No, Chaplain, not today. “ And with a laugh he said,” but you sure can keep on praying for us.”
“And you keep praying for yourself.” I quipped back. “ I will.” he said.

FLASHFALL

“Why do people always get in my way? Why is everybody trying to stop me? Why can’t people just let me alone?”

The soldier sat across from me and continued his litany of questions. The root issue was simple frustration. He wanted to serve in the Army. He wanted to deploy to Iraq. He had no issue with the training and no trouble working with other soldiers. However, a whole series of incidents frustrated him. It started with his family care plan, continued with his medical readiness, and was graduating toward involuntary release from active duty.

As a chaplain I often meet with soldiers who want to “get out of deployment.” On the other hand, I do meet with soldiers who want to deploy but are coping with a myriad of challenges. In both cases, the soldiers are annoyed, upset and emotionally stressed. They often rely upon anger to express themselves. Sometimes these “warriors” are moved to tears. Always, they want other people to allow them to carry out the direction of their lives without interference. It is the responsibility, the duty, of the active leader and the concerned peer to do the opposite. Our duty demands that we stop people from doing what they desire if it is not in the best interest of themselves or the unit.

At times this means telling the soldier who hesitates it’s time to go. At other times, we must temper our desire to make every soldier “deployable”. If a soldier is ill or thought to be ill, it is important that people advise them that their health issues outweigh their desires to serve. If a soldier’s desire to serve will have an extremely negative impact upon their family life, we should bring that to their attention.

In today’s Army, our soldiers voluntary submit to a number of rules. They agree to wear uniforms, to cut their hair short, to participate in mandatory rituals, and to live under a unique code of law. The Soldier’s agreement to all of these restrictions is mostly unconscious. Conflict may arise when a soldier thinks that he or she is being misunderstood, falsely accused or intentionally mistreated. Frustration increases because the soldier has already agreed to these restrictions and ultimately believes that the latest circumstances are intolerable. We must identify these issues long before they reach their boiling point and address them wholeheartedly.

The elements that shape our lives are varied and often subtle. A true leader, a true friend will tell us the facts, even if those facts are not what we want to hear. Sometimes life is so complicated that we do not see clearly and we can make decisions that hurt us, our families and our futures. A friend is someone who cares enough to risk our wrath in order to help us to think clearly and make prudent decisions.

As a chaplain I will always be concerned for the welfare of soldiers. This should be the philosophy of all leaders and not only chaplains. Being idle as your fellow soldier intentionally or unintentionally brings harm upon themselves is unconscionable.
If we really care about each other, if we really want to help each other get the best out of life. If we really want our fellow soldiers to succeed, we must get involved and risk rejection. After all, we may be giving them a future.

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