-
Home
- Team FRO
- West Coast Jams
- What is Fro
- Flatland Links
- Bike Links
- Flatland Pics
- Your Pics
- Staff
- Newsletter
- Articles |
Part 4
FLYING RAT FROM HELL
OK YOU EVER GO INTO AN RESTAURANT AND WONDER IF YOUR GOING TO SEE AN COACHROACH OR A RAT OR SOMETHING THAT WOULD BUG YOU OUT AND YOU WOULD NEVER EAT THERE AGAIN. WELL IMAGINE THAT HAPPENED BUT IT WAS BECAUSE A PERSON MADE IT HAPPEN AND NOT BY NATURE. OK IT WAS A TYPICAL DAY IN SAN FRANSISCO AND THE USUAL GROUP OF RIDERS WERE AT THE CLOCKTOWER-DRE,PETEB.,JASON HUGHES,CASPER(FRENCY FRED),ERIC,CARLOS AND MUTT AND WELL THEY GOT HUNGRY AND DECIDED TO HEAD TO YOSHI'S WHICH IS AN KICK ASS JAPANESE FAST FOOD JOINT JUST MINUTES FROM THE CLOCKTOWER. OK SO THEY ARRIVE AND ORDER THEIR FOOD AND SOME BUM IS GOING THRU THE TRASH COLLECTING LEFTOVER RICE AND JAPANESE FOOD AND PUTTING IT ON A YOSHI TRAY LIKE IT WAS A MAIN PLATE FOR AN FANCY RESTAURANT, THAT ALONE WOULD CUT OUT YOUR APPETITE. WELL MUTT SPOTTED THIS PIGEON THAT HAS WANDERED INTO THE RESTAURANT AND DECIDED TO SHUT THE FRONT DOOR AND THEN SCARE THE PIGEON SO IT FLEW ALL AROUND AND CAUSED TOTAL CHAOS AND PANIC. HEY OF COURSE THE OTHERS DID NOT THINK HE WOULD DO IT AND SURE ENUFF HE DID AND THERE WERE SOON PEOPLE DUCKING UNDER TABLES AND WERE REALLY SCARED OF THIS FLYING RODENT.
MUTT CONTINUED TO SCARE THE PIGEON INTO DIVE BOMBING PEOPLE IN THE RESTRAUNT AND BY NOW THE OWNERS WERE YELLING AND SCREAMING AND MUTT FINALLY TOLD THEM HE WAS ONLY TRYING TO GET THE FLYING HELL RAISER OUT OF THE RESTAURANT AND HE DIDNT KNOW WHO CLOSED THE DOOR AND MAYBE IT WAS THE WIND. PETE B. AND THE OTHERS WERE LAUGHING SO HARD WITH ALL THIS CHAOS GOING ON AND PETE DECIDED HE WANTED THE YOSHI POSTER HANGING ABOVE HIM AND TOOK IT DOWN QUICK AND LEFT IT OUTSIDE AND THE OWNERS DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT WAS GONE AS THEY WERE TRYING TO CALM ALL THE CUSTOMERS DOWN AND THE PIGEON BY THE WAY IS HAPPY AND IS IN SAN FRANSISCO SOMEWHERE AND AWAY FROM THAT CRAZY HUMAN CALLED MUTT. THEY OFCOURSE WILL BE GOING BACK TO YOSHI'S SOON TO EAT AND THAT PLACE IS SO GOOD AND WHO KNOWS WHAT KIND OF CHAOS THEY WILL CAUSE NEXT AND THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING GOING ON WHEN YOUR IN SAN FRANSISCO AND WITH MUTT THE KING OF CHAOS.
PUT THAT RUBBER DOWN YOUNG MAN!!
OK SO MUTT BRINGS PETE B. SOME TIRES SINCE PETE'S TIRES ARE WAY BEYOND HELP AND HAVE BIG HOLES SHOWIING IN THE TREAD AND THIS IS OFCOURSE AT THE CLOCKTOWER IN SAN FRANSISCO. SO PETE B. CHANGES THE TIRE AND THEN DECIDES THAT HE IS GOING TO MARK THE FLATLAND TERRITORY LIKE A DOG LIFTS HIS LEG UP TO MARK HIS TERRITORY BUT THE TIRE WILL BE UP ON A LIGHT POST SOME 30 FEET HIGH. OK SO HOW TO GET THE DAMN TIRE UP ON THE LIGHT POST SOME 30 FEET ABOVE HIM-OFCOURSE THROW IT UP THERE AND HOPE IT CATCHES WITH THE POINTED PART OF LIGHT POST. WELL AFTER 20 TRIES HIS LAST ATTEMPT LANDS IN THE TROLLEY STATION AND NAILS A LADY SQUARE IN THE HEAD AND SHE WAS HEARD SAYING YOU SHOULD TOSS YOUR RUBBER AROUND LIKE THAT. OFCOURSE MOST OF US ARE ON THE GROUND BY NOW LAUGHING HARD AS HELL AS IT JUST SOUNDS SO BAD AND LIKE SHE WAS COMING ONTO PETE B. WHO IS MACK DADDY WITH THE LADIES ANYWAYS BUT SHE WAS LIKE 50 PLUS. WELL PETE FINALLY SAID HELL WITH IT AND WENT ONTO FIXING HIS BIKE AND RIDING AND A STREET RIDER WHO HANGS OUT AT THE CLOCKTOWER FINALLY NAILED THE RUBBER(TIRE) ON THE POINTY PART WHICH ITSELF SOUNDS-WELL YOU KNOW....IF YOU EVER IN SAN FRANSISCO AND ARE DOWN NEAR THE EMBARCADERO AND SEE A TIRE HANGING FROM A LIGHTPOST THEN YOU KNOW THE STORY.
HEEEEEEEY YYOOOOOOOOOO YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITSSS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
OK WELL THIS IS THE USUAL THING PETE B. DOES WHEN HE SEES A GIRL HE WANTS TO TALK TO WHEN HE IS RIDING AT THE CLOCKTOWER AND WELL HE SAW THIS GIRL ACROSS THE STREET IN THE EMBARCADERO AND DID HIS USUAL CAT CALL AND USUALLY THEY WALK AWAY IGNORING IT WHICH IS 99% OF THE TIME AND THEN THERE IS THIS TIME WHICH BACKFIRED REAL BAD BACK AT PETE B. OK SO THE GIRL LOOKS OVER AT PETE AND ALL OF US AND SITS DOWN TO WATCH US ACROSS THE STREET AND SHE WATCHES PETE WHO IS SHIRTLESS AND YOU CAN ALMOST SEE THE DROOLING FROM ACROSS THE STREET. SHE SITS THERE FOR A GOOD 15 MINUTES AND THEN MAKES HER WAY ACROSS THE STREET AND WALKS THRU OUR AREA WE ARE RIDING AND PETE WAS RIDING SO HE DIDNT KNOW WHAT SHE REALLY LOOKED LIKE BUT MUTT AND OTHERS WERE CHECKING HER OUT AND SAW SHE WAS A AMAZON AND A PRETTY UGLY AMAZON AT THAT. WELL MUTT DECIDED HE WAS GOING TO PLAY A JOKE ON PETE B. AND STARTING TO SAY SHE WALKING YOUR WAY PETE,YO PETE HERE SHE COMES. PETE B. MEANWHILE DIDNT KNOW WHERE SHE WAS AND DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE AS HE SAW HER FROM A DISTANCE. MUTT SOON DESCRIBED WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE AND WHAT SHE HAD ON AND COLOR OF BACKPACK AND HE WENT OVER TO TALK TO HER AS SHE HAD STOPPED TO CHECK OUT PETE ONE LAST TIME. WELL YOU SHOULD OF SEEN THE LOOK ON PETE'S FACE WHEN HE SAW WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE AND AS HE LATER SAID"SOMETHING SMELLED LIKE SHIT AND IT SMELLED LIKE DOG SHIT" AS HE LOOKED AT MUTT. I THINK EVERYONE HAD A GOOD LAUGH OUT OF THIS ONE AND ESPECIALLY MUTT WHO ONCE AGAIN PULLED A PRACTICAL JOKE ON SOMEONE AND BE CAREFUL WHEN AROUND MUTT AS YOU NEVER KNOW-YOUR ON CANDID MUTT CAMERA.
Part 3
OK WELL THIS ISNT ALL FROM THE PARKING LOT BUT IS ABOUT RIDING SOMEWHAT AND IT IS A BUNCH OF LITTLE STORIES THAT HAS HAPPENED TO A TYPICAL FOREIGN RIDER IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS. OK EVERYONE KNOWS THAT "CASPER" AKA FRED THE FRENCHY AUBAILLY IS STAYING WITH MUTT AT THE NOR-CAL FLATLAND HOUSE. WHAT NO ONE KNOWS THAT A BUNCH OF THINGS HAVE HAPPEN IN THOSE FEW WEEKS AND SOME OF THEM ARE PRETTY FUNNY.
-OK MANY RIDERS STAY AT THE NOR-CAL FLATLAND HOUSE AND THEY COME FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD BUT FEW OF THEM KNOW THAT MUTT IS A NUT AND LIKES TO PLAY PRACTICAL JOKES ON PEOPLE AND HE HAS DONE SOME DANDY OF PRACTICAL JOKES ON PEOPLE AND ASK ANYONE WHO HAS STAYED THERE AT THE NOR-CAL FLATLAND HOUSE WHAT IS MEANT BY THAT. WELL POOR FRED WAS A VICTIM OF ONE OF THOSE MUTT PRACTICAL JOKES AND THAT IN ONLY THE 3RD NIGHT AT THE HOUSE AND HERE IS AN RIDER WHO IS VISITING FROM OUTSIDE HIS COUNTRY AND ALL THIS STUFF GOING ON IN THE USA IS NEW TO HIM. WELL MUTT MADE SURE HE ADJUSTED OK AND WAS AWARE OF ALL THE DANGERS OF BEING IN THE U.S. WITH A PRACTICAL JOKE THAT REALLY SHOOK HIM UP AND MADE HIM AWARE WHAT WAS GOING ON AT ALL TIMES. OK IMAGINE ITS 3AM AND ITS YOUR 3RD NIGHT IN A STRANGE HOUSE AND COUNTRY AND YOU START HEARING VOICES AND THEY ARE GETTING LOUDER AND LOUDER. WELL THATS WHAT EXACTLY WHAT HE HEARD AND MUTT HAD RIGGED THE DINNING ROOM PHONE WITH A MICOPHONE AND WAS DOING HIS SPOOKY VOICE AND LAUGH THRU THE PHONE. TO SAY FRED WAS SPOOKED BY ALL THIS WAS ENUFF BUT LOUD THUDS AND WHAT THE F""" WAS THAT AND WHAT THE F$#@%^ WAS HEARD IN THE OTHER ROOM AND MUTT MEANWHILE WAS ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING SO HARD HE COULDNT BREATH AND ALMOST HAD TO CALL 911. FRED WAS NICKNAMED 'CASPER" NOT ONLY BECAUSE HE WAS AS WHITE AS A GHOST WHEN HE GOT HERE AND THREE WEEKS LATER BUT BECAUSE HES A REAL SPOOK OF A GUY WHEN IT COMES TO VOICES IN THE NIGHTTTTTT HEE HEE HAW HAW MULAAAAHHHHHHHH MULAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
-FRED AKA "CASPER" HASNT ONLY HAD A HARD TIME ONLY WITH THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT AND THOSE NOISES YOU HEAR BUT ALSO HAD A FEW BUMPS WITH HIS BIKE AS HE HAS IN THREE WEEKS A BENT FORK,BROKEN AND BENT CRANKS, 3 FLATS AND A BLOW OUT AND THIS IS NOT THE END OF THAT. JUST YESTERDAY WHILE RIDING AT "THE SPOT' AND AFTER MUTT SAID -'HEYA DONT RIDE STREET AND YOUR GOING TO ONLY SCREW YOUR BIKE AGAIN AND YOU WERE OFF YOUR BIKE FOR THE TRIP ENUFF ALREADY". WELL KNOWING HOW SOMETIMES YOU GET BORED OF JUST RIDING FLATLAND IN A PARKING LOT FOR HOUR AFTER HOUR. WELL FRED DECIDED HE WANTED TO DO 360'S OFF THE BIG CURB AT "THE SPOT' AND WELL FLATLANDERS ARE NOT USUALLY STREET RIDERS AND WELL HE ENDED UP SCREWING UP THE 360 TAKING 8 SPOKES OUT OF HIS BACK WHEEL AND PULLING HIS RIM TOTALLY OUT SO THAT IT WAS UNRIDEABLE SO HE ENDED GETTING A NEW RIM,SPOKES AND FIXING THE HUB THAT ALSO GOT SCREWED UP. HE WAS LUCKY THAT MUTT PITCHED IN AND HELPED HIM ALONG WITH "SATAN'S CHILD" ALSO KNOWN AS ADAM AS HE GOT PRACTICALLY A NEW BACK COASTER WHEEL FOR NOTHING. LESSON IS TO EITHER HAVE A SEPERATE BIKE FOR FLATLAND SO YOUR FLATLAND BIKE DOESNT GET SCREWED OR BE DAMN SURE YOU CAN PULL THAT TRICK WITHOUT SCREWING YOURSELF AND YOUR RIDING DAY.
OK CERTAIN RIDERS COME TO CALIFORNIA AND OFCOURSE THINGS ARE SO DIFFERENT AND THE ATMOSPHERE IS SO KICKED BACK AND WELL WE RIDE AND RIDE AND RIDE AND WORK AND THATS ALL WE DO PRETTY MUCH. YOU WOULD THINK RIDING WAS OUR ADDICTIONS BUT THAT ISNT TRUE AND WELL FRED CAME TO CALIFORNIA AND ONE THING HE WILL GO BACK TO FRANCE WITH, AN ADDICTION TO DR PEPPER. HE IS HOPING TO BE ABLE TO FIND DR PEPPER IN PARIS AS HE DRINKS GALLONS OF DR PEPPER AND ALSO HE HAS BEEN ADDICTED TO EL BALAZO MEXICAN FOOD AS THEY MAKE THE BEST BURRITOS AND IF YOUR IN NOR-CAL, THEN HAVE ONE OF THE LOCALS TAKE YOU TO EL BALAZO AND YOUR GET ADDICTED TOO. FRED HAS EVEN TALKED ABOUT BUYING A BUNCH OF DR PEPPERS TO TAKE BACK HOME SO HE CAN STOCK UP ON THE DRINK AND MAN THATS ADDICTED IF YOU EVER SEEN IT.!!
OK WELL THERE IS A FEW THINGS THAT ARE STORIES OF CASPER'S STAY IN NOR-CAL AND THERE WILL BE PROBABLY MORE AND WE WILL KEEP YOU POSTED IF ANY FUNNY STORIES DOES HAPPEN. LATER...........
Part 2
OK MANY STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN WHILE YOU ARE RIDING AND HERE ARE A FEW OF THEM THAT HAS HAPPENED RECENTLY AT THE CLOCKTOWER IN SAN FRANSISCO. WHEN YOU ARE RIDING IN THE BIG CITY THERE IS ALWAYS THINGS HAPPENING AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE SOME 2 MILLION PEOPLE LIVING THERE PLUS THOUSANDS OF TOURISTS ROAMING THE CITY. A TYPICAL DAY AT THE CLOCKTOWER............
-OK TODAY IT WAS A WEIRD AS THE CIRCUS WAS IN TOWN I GUESS OR SOME SON AND DAD ACT AS THIS KID AND HIS DAD I GUESS WAS ALL MADE UP AS CLOWNS AND WERE RIDING 16 INCH BIKES AROUND AND YOU MIGHT THINK THAT WAS WEIRD BUT THE DAD HAD THE SON ON HIS SHOULDERS AND WAS RIDING AROUND ON A 16 INCH BIKE AND OLD SCHOOL GEORGE GOT THIS ALL ON FILM.
-OK THEN THERE WAS 'THE WHEELIE KING ' AS EVERYONE CALLS HIM AND HE WHEELIES AT HIGH SPEEDS AROUND TOURISTS AND ANYONE WHO HE CAN ANNOY AND IF YOUR DOING A SPINNING TRICK HE WILL WHEELIE AROUND YOU IN CIRCLES AT HIGH SPEED AND TO TELL YOU THIS LOOKS WEIRD IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT. "THE WHEELIE KING" THEN DECIDED TO TAKE OFF HIS FRONT WHEEL AND STARTED WHEELING WITHOUT A FRONT WHEEL AND HE SOON GOT BORED OF THIS AND DECIDED TO GO PIER 39 AND BACK WITHOUT A FRONT WHEEL AKA WHEELIE TO PIER 39 AND BACK WHICH IS A GOOD 3 MILES DOWN THE PIERS THRU MOBS OF TOURISTS ETC AND THAT WOULD BE A CHALLENGE. WELL NOT AFTER HE GOT NEAR PIER 39 THEN THE COPS SURROUNDED 'THE WHEELIE KING' AND ACCUSED HIM OF STEALING THE BIKE HE WAS ON AS THEY FIGURED HE HAD TAKEN THE BIKE BY UNDOING THE FRONT WHEEL AND THUS GETTING AROUND A LOCKED UP BIKE. HE WAS ABLE TO TALK HIS WAY OUT OF GETTING ARRESTED AND HEADED BACK TO THE CLOCKTOWER TO HANG WITH US WITH THIS STORY TO TELL.
-AN TYPICAL DAY AT THE CLOCKTOWER MEANS HARRASSING THE TOURISTS AND YELLING AT THE PRETTY GIRLS GOING BY AND PETE B. AND MUTT ARE THE KINGS OF THIS AS THEY HAVE PERFECTED THEIR YELLING AND CAT CALLS TO THE PRETTY GIRL BUT I DONT THINK THEY WERE EXPECTING ONE OF THE GIRLS TO BE THIS. IT WAS A TYPICAL AFTERNOON RIDING AT THE CLOCKTOWER AND PETE B. SPOTTED THIS GIRL WHO HE THOUGHT WAS A BABE AND SHE WAS WAY BEYOND A BABE. I MEAN IF THERE WAS A PERFECT GIRL THEN SHE WAS IT WITH HER NICE TITS AND HER BODY AND SHE WAS AN ASIAN WHO WE KNEW WAS A COVERGIRL MATERIAL AND GEORGE AND PETE B. DECIDED THEY NEEDED TO GET HER ON FILM. WELL GEORGE GRABBED HIS CAMERA AND A BUNCH OF US TOOK OFF AFTER HER AND WE SOON WAS JOINED BY SOME STREET RIDERS AND HAD A GROUP OF 15 RIDERS CHASING AFTER THIS GIRL AND YOU WOULD OF THOUGHT A PACK OF 15 FREESTYLE RIDERS CHASING A GIRL WAS FUNNY. WELL WE ENDED CATCHING UP TO HER AND ASKING IF WE COULD GET HER ON FILM AND SHE JUST IGNORED US AND WE LATER FOUND OUT SHE WAS INDEED A MODEL AND A FAMOUS ONE AT THAT FOR MACY'S DEPARTMENT STORES. MAN IF ONLY WE HAD PLAYED IT COOL AND NOT HAD 15 RIDERS CHASING HER WITH TONGUES WAGGING, AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU WILL MEET IN SAN FRANSISCO RIDING AT THE CLOCKTOWER, DO YOU??
Part 1
"another day in static city aka san fransisco at the clocktower"
it was another session at the clocktower on a typical weekday with pete brandt, mutt, fred the frenchy, eric, dre, will, andre and a few others riding at the clocktower and then some real asshole started to honk his horn and i mean alot and the traffic was backed up since it was rush hour for workaholics going back home and ofcourse the clocktower sits on a island between lanes. well the "a" hole was honking his horn and was yelling at this girl that mutt was checking out and it was bad enuff he was giving this cute girl a bad time by honking at her and yelling but also was also annoying the riders who were trying to ride and especially mutt who was then very annoyed as he couldnt ride and this guy was harrassing a cute girl on top of that. well mutt went over to the guys truck and told him to shut the hell up or else he will find a peg in his door, to shorten it up mutt and this guy almost came to blows and they ended up yelling at each other and meanwhile the guy had stopped and parked his car in the middle of the lane thus blocking traffic. soon enuff more horns sounded forom behind all this yelling and by now pete brandt was annoyed and was yelling at the guy to shut up and leave before a bike was thrown thru his windshield and a good size crowd was forming as with all the yelling and horns blaring it was just unreal. by now several 'im going to kill you by pete brandt who was about to grab the door and yank this a hole out and beat him down and the guy was yelling im calling the police shit. it was too bad he was breaking the law by honking like an idiot and blocking traffic and he was the one who ended getting busted. it turned out the guy finally got the truck rolling after all this static going on and didnt roll far before getting pulled over by a motorcyle cop and getting a fat ticket. yeah this is what you get for being an asshole and screwing with flatlanders. by the way the girl came back and thanked the clocktower locals and yes you know mutt was stoked.
story 2-a typical day in static city aka san fransisco at the clocktower
ok san fransisco is this hugh tourist trap and i mean all theses tourists walk around and take pics of the plagues and everything you can think about and with all this going on san fransisco decided to put in theses public bathrooms made in france. you put a quarter in and the door opens and it is self cleaning and self flushing with self hand cleaning and blower. it is suppose to be the extreme public bathroom and well half the time the doors on these bathrooms dont work so you have to make a dash for the other public bathroms at the corner but when your riding and have to cross the street to get to public bathroom #1, well you barely make it alot of times and that is if that damn door works. well mutt has found the door doesnt work like half the time so he has this method he uses to open the door. it is not to cheat san fransisco out of 25 cents and man is that a lost-25 cents. well mutt crams open the door a bit and pushes in and it opens just a little and he then gives it a swift kick and it totally opens and it is not really harmful to the door as it is a heavy duty door. well some undercover cop saw mutt do this and came over and told him basically he was going to arrest him for public bathroom fraud and destruction of city property and this over a 25 cents. mutt basically laughed at him and told him he had better things to do then harrass him over 25 cents and a swift kick to the door. heya i guess when you have to go,you have to go and that means getting into a public bathroom anyway you can. mutt did get out of getting arrested anda ticket with a warning and i guess his outlaw days are not over and mutt still uses that method to get in that public bathroom but not as much. the outlaw days is another story that will be told in thses articles-'the outlaw days of nor-cal most wanted". stay tuned to f-r-o as we will be adding stories of various "TALES FROM THE PARKING LOT".
|
|
|
