random thoughts

Tonight

Tonight is the most glorious night of my life.

Alone I sit alone in my life

Alone I sit...alone

I lie here alone on the loneliest night of my life

Loneliness, glorious sorrow

Alone in my thoughts...so alone in my thoughts.

There are too many men who pray to be alone in their thoughts

They ask their girlfriends for space...for time to think

Those men are fools

I envy them on this loneliest night of my life

For they do not know the sorrows inherent in being so alone in their thoughts

And for them to pray for loneliness in their thoughts surely means

They are not alone tonight

Of course not

No one is as lonely as I am tonight

They envy me and I envy them

Those fools

Those stupid fools

For they do not know the loneliness that I feel tonight

For there to be a tonight must soon mean that there will be a tomorrow

And the loneliest fools say that it is always darkest before the dawn

Is it not?

Say it is true

But what if the sun suddenly ceases to rise

What if?

What if I scream into the night.

Whatever shall I do?

On this never ending night the loneliest night of anyone's life.

The Storm

My life is right in the path of the tornado

I just didn't know the storm would last forever

It just continues endlessly spinning with such veracity, causing such pain and torment.

It spins out of control for all time

It pulls in souls and then tosses them

Tosses them with so much force only I can withstand it

because I must

It is my life

My life with the violent twists and turns

such veracity that no one else could possibly understand

How could they understand?

How is it possible?

They cannot.

They with lives of calm summer days

And warm sultry nights I am left here

Alone

Alone in my storm for all of time

My storm that I could only withstand

Alone forever in my storm

Where is my sunshine I scream into the wind

Where is she that will cause the clouds to break, the winds to cease, and for the warm graces of happiness to overtake me so that I may recover from the worst storm of all....MY LIFE

Snowfall

Why do I love it so when the snow does fall?

The snow is white, cold, treacherous, deadly even

But it is also good, it is pure, it is silent, graceful, majestic

Falling from God's Heaven

it is pure beauty

Why do I love it when the snow does fall?

I am a child

Playing

Fun

Joy

Throwing a snowball

Building a snowman ...hey Frosty!!!

But with everything else the snow does cease

It is death

The snow becomes dirty with the pollution of our societies

The pollution is like a plague

Where has the beauty gone???

It has begun to melt.

No more snowballs to be thrown

And Frosty, poor Frosty, where has he gone?

He has left me alone in the messings of God's creation

After it has been tainted by man's society

Suddenly the snow is gone

I have grown up

The world is different it is so noisy and frightening

Where has the silent majestic beauty of my snow gone?

I have grown up

My only hope is for my unborn children to see the snowfall

And for them to love it as much as I

To play, to laugh, to throw snowballs

Frosty will live again.

If only for a time

Have fun my children, have fun...play

For soon enough

Your snowfall will cease too

Society's pollution will ruin your snowfall as well.

It is an inevitable, inescapable fact of life.

You too will soon grow up

And I only can pray for their children to see the snowfall

And for them to love it as much as I.

Inevitable Future

I do not know where I shall lay

Where I shall live

Where shall I stay

I do not know where I am

Where I have been or where I am destined to go on this day

My sweet what does the future bring?

I only hope it is truly a place where my heart

where our hearts truly can sing

Sing it shall with all the wonders and joy

Of life, of love, of all the happiness, and the hope that the future does bring

This is not my life now my sweet

The future, as is life, is sorrow, longing, the loneliness of the past... the present

For I have not met you yet my sweet.

I thought I did once it was not you.

I had my heart torn asunder.

I was robbed of my innocence, and my soul, my belief that people can be good, that someone you care for could possibly feel the same for you.

Where are you?

Who are you?

Do you even exist?

Ahh the future what shall it bring

Surely not que sera sera as my mother does sing

She does not sing because she does not believe in love

She has been beaten, scorned

And she has taken it out on me

Not that she means to or at least I truly hope that this is not the case

But she too has driven me to the brink of despair, to loneliness, such great distress

My innocence is not totally gone.

And my belief in those that I care for is not dead.

It is just waiting for you my love.

For you who shall love me the way in which I love you.

And understand me in a way that I do not even know myself.

I know I am asking a lot of you my love.

But if you are truly my love, I shall give you my heart, and my soul.

I shall live for you.

I will listen to you and I shall understand you, as you do not even understand yourself.

And we shall share this love and understanding for all of time.

I know things will be better because I will meet you some day my love

With my luck we shalt be star-crossed lovers ...and I will truly be fortunes' fool

But I must go on with my belief that you do exist and that I will find you...I must

And that we will live happily ever-after : )

Ahh the future what shall it bring?

As long as I have you my sweet and my dear friends, I know I shall go on I shall go on to see what our future our inevitable and glorious future shall bring.