"I can remember...the resident doctor sitting down, putting the tube in, and removing the contents. I saw the bloody material coming down the plastic tube, and it went into a big jar. My job afterwards was to go and undo the jar, and to see what was inside. I didn't have any views on abortion; I was in a training program, and this was a brand new experience. I was going to get to see a new procedure and learn. I opened the jar and took the little piece of stockingnette stocking and opened the little bag. The resident doctor said 'Now put it on the blue towel and check it out. We want to see if we got it all.' I thought, 'that'll be exciting-hands on experience looking at tissue.' I opened the sock up and put it on the towel, and there were parts of a person in there. I had taken anatomy, I was a medical student. I knew what I was looking at. There was a little scapula and an arm, I saw some ribs and a chest, and a little tiny head. I saw a piece of a a leg, and a tiny hand and an arm, and you know, it was like somebody put a hot poker into me. I had a conscience, and it hurt. Well, I checked it out and there were two arms and two legs and one head and so forth, and I turned and said 'I guess you got it all.' That was a very hard experience to go through emotionally." --former abortionist, Dr. David Brewer
"I'll tell you one thing about D & E. You never have to worry about a baby's being born alive. I won't describe D & E other than to say that, as a doctor, you are sitting there tearing, and I mean tearing- you need a lot of strength to do it- arms and legs off of babies and putting them in a stack on top of the table." --Dr. David Brewer of Glen Ellyn Illinois
This incident occured in September of 1993. A registered nurse, Brenda Pratt Shafter (who had thirteen years of experience), was assigned by her nursing agency to an abortion clinic. Since Nurse Shafer considered herself "very pro-choice," she didn’t think this would bother her. It did.
"I stood at the doctor’s side and watched him perform a partial-birth abortion on a woman who was six months pregnant. The baby’s heartbeat was clearly visible on the ultrasound screen. The doctor delivered the baby’s body and arms, everything but his little head. The baby’s body was moving. His little fingers were clasping together. He was kicking his feet. The doctor took a pair of scissors and inserted them into the back of the baby’s head, and the baby’s arms jerked out in a flinch, a startle reaction, like a baby does when he thinks that he might fall. Then the doctor opened the scissors up. Then he stuck the high-powered suction tube into the hole and sucked the baby’s brains out. Now the baby was completely limp. I never went back to the clinic. But I am still haunted by the face of that little boy. It was the most perfect, angelic face I have ever seen." -Brenda Pratt Shafer, RN. Partial Birth Abortion, 1997. http://www.apex.net/users/patriot/pa09002.htm.
"I remember an experience as a resident on a hysterectomy. I remember seeing the baby move underneath the sack of membranes, as the caesarean incision was made, before the doctor broke the water. The thought came to me, "My God, that's a person" Then he broke the water. And when he broke the water, it was like I had a pain in my heart, just like when I saw that first suction abortion. And then he delivered the baby,. and I couldn't touch it.. I wasn't much of an assistant. I just stood there, and the reality of what was doing on finally began to seep into my calloused brain and heart. They took that little baby that was making little sounds and moving and kicking, and set it on that table in a cold, stainless steel bowl. Every time I would look over while we were repairing the incision in uterus and finishing the Caesarean, I would see that little person moving in that bowl. And it kicked and moved less and less, of course, as time went on. I can remember going over and looking at the baby when we were done with the surgery and the baby was still alive. You could see the chest was moving and the heart was beating, and the baby would try to take a little breath, and it really hurt inside, and it began to educate me as to what abortion really was." quoted in "Pro-Choice 1990: Skeletons in the Closet"
"From May to November 1988, I worked for an abortionist. He specializes in third trimester killings. I witnessed evidence of the brutal, cold blooded murder of over 600 viable, healthy babies at seven, eight and nine months gestation. A very, very few of these babies, less than 2%, were handicapped...I thought I was pro-choice and I was glad to be working in an abortion clinic. I thought I was helping provide a noble service to women in crisis....I was instructed to falsify the age of the babies in medical records. I was required to lie to the mothers over the phone, as they scheduled their appointments, and to tell them that they were not 'too far along'. Then I had to note, in the records that Dr. Tiller's needle had successfully pierced the walls of the baby's heart, injecting the poison what brought death...one day, Dr. Tiller came up the stairs from the basement, where the mothers were in labor. He was carrying a large cardboard box, and ducked into the employees only area of the office so that he wouldn't have to walk through the waiting room. He passed behind my desk as I sat working on the computer, and he turned the corner to go around a short hall. He called out for me to come and help him. The box was so big and heavy in his arms that he couldn't get the key into the lock. So I unlocked the door for him, and , pushing the door open, I saw very clearly the gleaming metal of the crematorium- a full sized crematorium, just like the one's used in funeral homes. I went back to my computer. I could hear Dr. Tiller firing up the gas oven. A few minutes later I could smell burning human flesh. Mine was the agony of a participant, however reluctant, in the act of prenatal infanticide." --Luhra Tivis, on her experience in the abortion business Quoted in Celebrate Life Sept/Oct 1994 "Where is the Real Violence?"
"Saline abortions have to be done in the hospital because of the complications that can arise. Not that they can't arise during other times, but more so now. The saline, a salt solution, is injected into the woman's sac, and the baby starts dying a slow, violent death. The mother feels everything, and many times it is at this point when she realizes that she really has a live baby inside her, because the baby starts fighting violently, for his or her life. He's just fighting inside because he's burning." --Debra Harry
"One night a lady delivered and I was called to come and see her because she was 'uncontrollable.' I went into the room, and she was going to pieces; she was having a nervous breakdown, screaming and thrashing. The other patients were upset because this lady was screaming. I walked in, and here was this little saline abortion baby kicking. It had been born alive, and was kicking and moving for a little while before it finally died of those terrible burns, because the salt solution gets into the lungs and burns the lungs too." --Dr. David Brewer of Glen Ellyn Illinois
Hearing on H.R. 4292, the "Born Alive Infant Protection Act of 2000"
Testimony of Jill L. Stanek, RN:
"I am a Registered Nurse who has worked in the Labor & Delivery Department at Christ Hospital in Oak Lawn, Illinois, for the past five years.
The method of abortion that Christ Hospital uses is called "induced labor abortion," also now known as "live birth abortion." This type of abortion can be performed different ways, but the goal always is to cause a pregnant woman's cervix to open so that she will deliver a premature baby who dies during the birth process or soon afterward. The way that induced abortion is most often executed at my hospital is by the physician inserting a medication called Cytotec into the birth canal close to the cervix. Cytotec irritates the cervix and stimulates it to open. When this occurs, the small, preterm baby drops out of the uterus, oftentimes alive. It is not uncommon for one of these live aborted babies to linger for an hour or two or even longer. One of them once lived for almost eight hours.
In the event that a baby is aborted alive, he or she receives no medical assessments or care but is only given what my hospital calls "comfort care." "Comfort care" is defined as keeping the baby warm in a blanket until he or she dies, although even this minimal compassion is not always provided. It is not required that these babies be held during their short lives.
One night, a nursing co-worker was taking an aborted Down's Syndrome baby who was born alive to our Soiled Utility Room because his parents did not want to hold him, and she did not have time to hold him. I could not bear the thought of this suffering child dying alone in a Soiled Utility Room, so I cradled and rocked him for the 45 minutes that he lived. He was 21 to 22 weeks old, weighed about ½ pound, and was about 10 inches long. He was too weak to move very much, expending any energy he had trying to breathe. Toward the end he was so quiet that I couldn't tell if he was still alive unless I held him up to the light to see if his heart was still beating through his chest wall. After he was pronounced dead, we folded his little arms across his chest, wrapped him in a tiny shroud, and carried him to the hospital morgue where all of our dead patients are taken."
"It had two dark spots like eyes and a little skeleton not quite formed....I think about this often. I haven't talked about it to anyone. I feel quite empty." - 21 year-old student quoted in Hippocrates magazine, after taking RU486.
"Well the day came to have it done. I went down at seven in the morning had a urinalysis test and some lab done. It was amazing how many women were there, even a fourteen year old girl. I felt to terrible but at least I had my boyfriend there to cry upon and that is just what I did, cry. The second thing that happened is I went to have the sonogram done. I saw my baby for the first time...tiny little thing...seemed like nothing but it was something..something amazing. The lady said I was between 7 and 8 weeks just in the time frame to have the termination done. I just said yeah and thought back to the picts I saw of what my baby was to look like at that time period... Then my name was called to have it done. I went into the room, undressed from my waist down and told to lay on the table. I did and then waited for the doctor to come..while I was waiting the nurse was there to speak to me so I wouldn't be so nervous but I was...I was shaking so hard I thought I was going to fall off the table. The doctor came in...I told him I had the IV sedation so he gave it to me...I felt a little strange and then I felt the vacuum sucking away at my uterus.. I never felt anything like that...I screamed and shouted and cried. The pain was awful but awful isn't even the word for it. Finally they got me up and I had cramps that were so terrible I almost passed out. They sat me on a recliner, gave me pretzels and soda and then I was on my way. On the way out of the clinic I was crying and bent over because of my cramps so my b/f helped me into the car and we drove off. As we were driving a protester looked at me and waved, smiling, only saying good for her....and that was the thing I remember the most and it haunts me. When I got home I vomited several times and then fell to sleep. I will never have anything like that happened to me again...I made a big mistake for both parts and I learned. I pray to God to forgive me and hopefully I can put some of this behind me put I will never forget the whole thing. So here I am looking at abortion sites and other responses to hopefully make me feel better when I know it won't." Anonymous, February 2001
"As I walked into the abortion clinic in the Washington D.C. hospital on April 6th, 1988, I was immediately given a valium to calm me and probably to keep me from backing out. My $750 was taken from me right away and I could not get it back no matter what. In the waiting room there were at least 20 other women. One was 8 months pregnant and said she waited this long to save up enough money.
I thought to myself that that was too late to have an abortion. I was convinced that at 16 weeks, it was only tissue right now. A sonogram was given, but I was not allowed to look at it. I then had to have a psychological evaluation to make sure I was in good mind to go through with it. It took 5 minutes and even though I was crying and shaking, they said I was okay. When they saw that I might back out, they were like salespeople trying to make a sale. Then, it was time.
I was given no anesthetic and was strapped down to the bed. I then went through the most traumatic and painful experience I have ever had. I screamed uncontrollably and the nurses were screaming at me to "shut-up". If I moved, my cervix and uterus would be destroyed. I could feel pools of warm blood oozing down my thighs and the suction was so powerful that it felt like my entire insides were being pulled out. When I begged them to stop and asked if it was over, they replied, 'we have to make sure all the parts are here'. Parts?
I thought this was "tissue"? I pushed a nurse out of the way and there I saw, my precious baby boy in pieces. There were body parts just tossed in a beaker. They quickly hid the evidence from me and sent me to recovery. The room had a few other girls and we were all in the fetal position, weeping. I was sent home with no plans to recheck me later and as I walked to the bus, I bled so badly that it soaked through my pants and down my legs. I arrived home and my parents kept asking how I was. I convinced them that everything was great , it was easy.
Quickly, I crawled into my bed and wept feeling sad and empty and saying over and over, 'I am so sorry'. After that day, the abortion was never mentioned and completely blocked from my mind until I started experiencing Post Abortion Syndrome. May God have mercy on their precious souls."--Anonymous, April 1999
"I hated putting babies in strainers and rinsing them off and putting them in zip-lock bags."--former abortion clinic owner Eric Harrah
"Following [the doctor's] directions, I took the collection bottle and poured its contents into a shallow pan. Then I used water to rinse off the blood and smaller particles which clouded the bottom of the pan.
'Now look closely,' the doctor said. 'It is important that we have got all the stuff out.'
I looked in the pan to find that the stuff consisted of the remains of what had been, a few minutes before, a thirteen week old fetus. I could make out the remains of arms and legs and a trunk and a skull. I tried to piece them back together in my mind, to see if there were any missing parts.
Most of the pieces were so battered and bloody they were not recognizably human. Then my eyes locked upon a perfect little hand, less than half a centimeter long. I stared at four tiny fingers and a tiny opposed thumb, complete with tiny translucent fingers. And I knew what I had done."--former abortionist "Chi An" quoted in Stephen Mosher's "A Mother's Ordeal: One Woman's Fight Against China's One Child Policy" pgs 60-61
Describing an abortion that apparently did not prevent the child from being born alive, Dr. Haskell said this, "It came out very quickly after I put the scissors up in the cervical canal and pierced the skull and spread the scissors apart...in the previous two, I had used the suction to collapse the skull."--Dayton Daily News Sun Dec 10 1989
"I found much distress in the clinic, but it involved not only the women. I saw the pain of the babies who were born burned from the saline solution used for late-term abortions. I saw the bits of feet, bits of hands, the mangled heads and bodies of the little people. I saw pain and felt pain."--One time clinic worker Paula Sutcliffe in "Precious in My Sight" "Pro-Life Feminism: Different Voices" Gail Garnier-Sweet, editor
"The doctors would remove the fetus while performing hysterectomies and then lay it on the table., where it would squirm until it died. ..They all had perfect forms and shapes. I couldn't take it. No nurse could."--Joyce Craig, director of a Brooklyn clinic of Planned Parenthood. who assisted in abortion for two months, then quit. p 34
"You would just look in the buckets and see arms and legs. I have horrible dreams about that now. It was something you would see in a scary movie."--former clinic worker Kirsten Breedlove, World magazine, August 1995.
"There is no difference between a first trimester, a second trimester, a third trimester abortion or infanticide. It's all the same human being in different stages of development. I finally got to the point I couldn't look at those little bodies anymore."--Dr. Arnold Halpern, former director of a Planned Parenthood abortion clinic
"Nobody wants to perform abortions after ten weeks, because by then you see the features of the baby, hands, feet. It's really barbaric." --abortion doctor, quoted in M.D. Doctors Talk About Themselves by John Pekkanen p 93
"If a woman we were counseling expressed doubts about having an abortion, we would say whatever was necessary to persuade her to abort immediately." --Judy W., former office manager of the second largest abortion clinic in El Paso, Texas.
"Sometimes we lied. A girl might ask what her baby was like at a certain point in the pregnancy: Was it a baby yet? Even as early as 12 weeks a baby is totally formed, he has fingerprints, turns his head, fans his toes, feels pain. But we would say 'It's not a baby yet. It's just tissue, like a clot." -- Kathy Sparks told in "The Conversion of Kathy Sparks" by Gloria Williamson, Christian Herald Jan 1986, p 28.
"I was trained by a professional marketing director in how to sell abortions over the telephone. He took every one of our receptionists, nurses, and anyone else who would deal with people over the phone through an extensive training period. The object was, when the girl called, to hook the sale so that she wouldn't get an abortion somewhere else, or adopt out her baby, or change her mind. We were doing it for the money."--Nina Whitten, chief secretary at an abortion clinic in Dallas, Texas
"I was the only daughter of a doctor in Enid, OK. In August of 1971, when I was 16, I was born again at a Church of the Brethren church camp. During the last two years of highschool, I became angry at God for not giving me a guy who would love me. In 1973, I went to college, started drinking and lost my virginity while drunk. I dropped out of college and became involved in drug use.
Within two years I was involved in what I called a relationship and was pregnant at 19. The father said we would be married, but changed his mind. When I moved home, my dad started talking about abortion. I told my parents that I wanted to give the baby up for adoption. My mother took me to Kansas City because she and Dad had once sent a friend's daughter to K.C. to a home for unwed mothers. When we got there, she couldn't find it.
After we went back home, Mother didn't talk to me anymore about what to do. My father talked to me every morning about my getting an abortion, then came home at noon and talked some more, and every night, too. I kept telling my dad that I was 14 weeks pregnant and that it was illegal after 12 weeks. I was several weeks further along when I finally said OK, since I didn't believe they would do it that late. So my dad sent my mother and me to Houston. Mother took me to the clinic, paid almost $500 in cashiers check and then they told her to leave. I truly believed that they would say "you're too far along" and would tell me to leave and then my dad would have to help me find a home for unwed mothers. Of course, that didn't happen.
The counselor took all the girls (25) into a room and taught us about birth control. That was the last I saw of her. Then we changed clothes and were given shots of Demerol every four hours. Around midnight, the doctor came to my room injected saline into my uterus using a large syringe and long needle. I was so frightened. He barely spoke to me. The nurses never spoke to us any more than necessary, either. No one told us what would happen.
Sometime later, I went to the bathroom to have a bowel movement. I looked down into the toilet and saw my baby hanging from me by the umbilical cord. I began screaming for help hysterically. My roommate turned on her call light and after 15 minutes she went to the nurses station and got a nurse. God bless her for her mercy. I could hear the nurses talking and laughing at the nurse's station. The nurse came and I begged her to "take it away" but she refused saying she couldn't until I passed the placenta. She made me walk back to the bed with the baby dangling between my legs. I lay in bed for one to two hours, my legs bent and knees up trying not to touch the baby, screaming and crying hysterically. Finally they removed the baby.
At the abortion clinic, I wore new house shoes that my mother had bought me. They had blood on them from my walk from the bathroom to the bed. After I returned home, I wrapped them up in a towel because I couldn't wash off the blood and hid them under long dresses in the back of my closet. Every time I moved between dorm rooms and apartments after college, I moved them and hid them at the back of my new closet. After several years, I washed them but still couldn't look at them because could still see the blood. Finally, it came to me that I could throw them away.
I have never told my parents what happened at the clinic. I began college the next fall. I took lots of speed. I cried lots and lots. I seldom ate. My weight dropped to 90 pounds (I'm 5'8"), and I passed out in my room from anorexia. After I passed out, my dad came and got me and took me home to "get over the flu" and got a doctor friend to put me on antidepressants.
I kept the abortion a secret. I told the father and the people in Kansas that knew I was pregnant that I had miscarried. After the abortion, I hated men and seduced the baby's father back into a relationship and then dumped him when he thought we were going to have intercourse--telling him just what I thought of him. I continued that behavior with a lot of guys that I would meet in the bar.
The first year in college, an eighteen-year-old girl asked me to take her to the health department and wait in the car. She came out crying and I took her back to my dorm room. I told her that I knew what was wrong. I told her every detail of my abortion and then didn't tell another soul for many, many years. The father of the baby married her and I had a bridal shower for her though we had not been friends. Several years later, she went to my parents home looking for me and though I wasn't there she told my mother to tell me "thanks." I knew what she meant!
I met my future husband in 1977 and got my R.N. degree. James and I married in 1981. Immediately I started to try and get pregnant. We had years of infertility treatment. About a year after we started treatment, I was convinced that God was punishing me. Under extreme mental stress, I told my husband about the abortion. He was supportive and loving. Eventually I returned to church looking to God to give me a baby. A year later, He did. I had three sons and a daughter between 1985 and 1992. I couldn't get enough babies. I believe I was trying to replace the baby I killed. I had a hysterectomy two years ago.
I spent eight years after the abortion in destructive behaviors. I went to three different secular counselors, never telling them about the baby. I got off of antidepressants only two years ago. I am receiving counseling now at Birth Choice and hope to eventually be able to counsel others. I have judged myself guilty of murder for 21 years. I had received God's grace and forgiveness for my many sins, but I could not forgive myself, especially since I knew it was a baby. There is no statement strong enough to explain what it is like for a mother to kill her baby.
My counseling and healing continue to progress. For the first time in 21 years, I don't feel shame and guilt. I'm sad about the abortion, and I am sorry I was in sin, but I have finally been able to grieve for my aborted baby and can think of him without horror.
I've received the opportunity to tell a teenage boy who was pro-choice the truth about abortion. He was really receptive to what I said and verbalized a change in how he views abortion. A youth pastor's wife at another church told me about her abortion and how she can't forgive herself. I shared with her what I have learned. In six weeks I will receive training to work at Birth Choice. I'm looking forward to that.
Thank you for your pro-woman / pro-life work."--Hendrickson, Cindy. "Consequences." http://www.afterabortion.org.
