Note: Not mine, not yours, blah blah blah...
CHAPTER FOUR: 1996
Sneaky!
Ranma woke up and peered around the room. “Aw, shit,” she declared.
It was morning. Bright light shone in through Akane’s window and lit the pale yellow room cheerfully. Ranma’s hair was still slightly damp; she’d left it in her braid overnight, causing it to retain a lot of moisture. Grumbling lightly to herself, she pulled the dragon’s whisker from her hair and tugged her red hair free of its pigtail, shaking the red curls slightly and running her fingers through it in hopes of drying it out a little more quickly.
She was also still in her regular clothing, and smelling a little rank – not like sweat, but like fear and pond-water. Her grumbling increased in volume. She stood, straightening Akane’s bed, and moved to the door.
“Where’d Akane sleep, then?” she wondered to herself.
That question was answered by a small murmur off to her left. Sure enough, Akane was ensconced in a bedroll on the floor, her short hair tickling the back of her neck.
“Hey, tomboy. Tomboy!” Ranma nudged the sleeping figure with her foot.
“Hn?” Akane’s eyelids fluttered open. “Ramma, what’re you doin’ here?” she slurred, obviously having forgotten last night.
“Come on or you’ll miss training!” Ranma urged. “I’m gonna go find some clothes... gi... somethin’.”
Akane was suddenly wide awake. “Training? With you!”
“No, with the Loch Ness Monster,” Ranma replied. “Let’s go, let’s go!”
Akane was on her feet, a wild-eyed expression decorating her face. “O-okay! Uh... lemmie change.”
Ranma meandered from the room, realizing she’d already made another mistake but not able to do much about it. She’d just have to explain it to her father later on.
Pops, she reminded herself forcibly.
That started a chain reaction going in her brain; suddenly she knew her next course of action. Provided, of course, that she could get Akane to go along with it.
Moments later, Akane arrived in her yellow gi, panting with the speed at which she’d gone through her early morning ablutions. Her hair was flat on one side from where she’d lay on it in the night.
Ranma tried hard not to laugh. “Easy, killer,” she advised with a welcoming grin. “You act like this is the first time we’ve fought together.”
Akane straightened. “Well... well, because it is.”
Ranma took a deep breath. “Not really. I mean, we fought... that Orochi together, didn’t we?”
Akane’s smile returned. “Yeah, that’s right.”
“So let’s go for it.”
“What about the dojo?”
“Aw, there’s more space out here, right?”
“Right.”
“So let’s go!” Without further ado, Ranma attacked.
Akane brought her arms up to block against the redhead’s flurry of attacks, surprised as she was literally pushed backward by the blows. Akane ducked around the redhead and hit her on the back.
Ranma winced, but offered her a small smile. “Point to Akane!”
Akane’s smile could have lit up the world. “And ten million to Ranma,” she tacked on wryly.
“Let’s go!” Ranma repeated, and the two began the exchange of blows.
A half an hour later found Ranma and Akane grinning at one another like maniacs. Akane had a dozen or so new bruises, mostly on her forearms; all Ranma had was a sheen of sweat across her face. “You’re not as bad as I thought,” the redhead commented with a wink.
“How could you think I was any good or awful? You’d never fight me one on one before, and that’s the only way to really know! Did that knock on your head shake something loose?”
Ranma’s grin died. “Maybe.”
Akane’s lips twitched and her own smile disappeared. “You okay? That headache coming back?”
Ranma shrugged. “A little. Anyway, I think that’s enough for now.”
Akane, who had been maintaining a brave front up until that point, slumped. “You said it. You’re so fast! Mou... why can’t I be faster?”
Ranma draped an arm over Akane’s shoulders. “You will be. Let it come in its own time.”
Akane flushed at the close contact. “Uh... your hair...”
Ranma shrugged. “It was still wet from yesterday.” She removed her hand from Akane and backed off. “Come to think of it, I’ll bet I still stink like pond scum!”
“N-no,” Akane stammered softly.
Ranma frowned at her, quickly flipping her hair around and around until it was in a tight coil. Then she wound that coil into a bun, which stayed there the moment she removed her hands.
“Huh?”
Ranma rolled her eyes. “It’s no big trick. I’ll do it on Kasumi’s hair later and show you.”
Akane’s frown reflected the redhead’s. “Uh... okay.” She shrugged. “Anyway, you can have the furo first. I’ve got some homework to finish up from last night.”
Ranma gave her a nod and a wink before disappearing into the bathroom.
Akane stared after her fiancee. “Exactly how much did that knock shake loose?” she wondered.
When Ranma emerged from the furo, clean and male, Akane felt inexplicably relieved. “There you are,” she said. “I was beginning to wonder if you’d drowned.”
Ranma rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, smartass. You try getting pond scum outta your hair. Anyway, it’s all yours.”
Akane’s eyes followed him as he walked away. Masculine stride, masculine speech, and he’d even insulted her. And not in that catty girly way that he’d insulted her the last time he’d gotten knocked on the head.
It’s not like last time. It’s not!
She’d lost some time in her daydreaming, and had to do battle with a half-naked Nabiki in order to lay her claim to the bathroom. “It’s mine!” she cried, trying to keep the door open.
“You snooze, you lose!” Nabiki announced, trying to close the bathroom door behind her.
“Girls can share,” Kasumi said placidly, opening the bathroom door and causing Akane and Nabiki to fall into one another.
Meanwhile, Ranma was re-braiding his hair and re-tying it with the dragon’s whisker. It had already begun to grow, and was just about waist-length. Shaking his head in consternation, he moved the tie up to its usual place and wandered into the kitchen in search of a pair of scissors.
Genma was in the kitchen. “Ready boy?”
“Sorry, pops, I already trained this morning. Admittedly the workout was a little light, but...”
“What do you mean you’ve already trained? Just because you’ve worked on form doesn’t mean that you have experienced the heady rush of combat!”
Ranma halted his father mid-rant. “Sorry, already sparred this morning.”
“Ah, with that Ryoga fellow.” Soun nodded wisely, chomping down on his morning pipe.
Genma stroked his chin. “I see. Well, he is a worthy opponent. I suppose I’ll have to let it slide this time.”
“Yeah, thanks pops,” Ranma replied, eyeing his father with fond amusement. “I really appreciate your sacrifice.”
Genma obviously had never heard of sarcasm. His eyes teared like he was going to follow in Soun’s footsteps, and he hung onto the other man’s shirt. “Oh, my son is so dutiful and respectful!” He paused and glared at the pigtailed boy. “Wait a minute. What’s wrong with you?” His frown deepened as he glared behind Ranma. “And what the hell’s up with your hair?”
Ranma laughed. “I just forgot about the Dragon’s whisker for a sec. And I’m lookin’ for a scissor, but...”
“What do you mean you forgot about it?” Genma demanded. “That’s not something you forget.”
At that moment, Nabiki swept down the stairs. “Whoa, Raaanma,” she drawled. “Didn’t know you went for the whole bishie look. That’s nice.” She strode up to him boldly and took a hank of hair in her hands. “Wow. It’s real soft, too.”
Ranma rolled his eyes. “Listen, Nabiki, I do not go for the ‘bishie’ look. I just misplaced the dragon’s whisker is all...”
When Akane and Kasumi come down the stairs, Ranma found himself repeating the same story over again.
“Why, Ranma, it actually is truly beautiful,” Kasumi said.
“Kasumi, you don’t happen to know where the scissors are, do you?”
Kasumi blinked. “Scissors? Why, no, Ranma, I don’t believe we have any scissors in the house.”
Even Akane snickered, but Ranma had had enough. “Fine, fine, whatever. I’ll pick some up on the way to school.” Shaking his head ruefully, he sat down at the kitchen table.
“What’s for breakfast, Kasumi?” Soun inquired.
“Oh, this and that,” Kasumi replied, putting a gorgeous feast on the table as usual.
When Nabiki, Ranma and Akane went off to school, Ranma paused for a moment at the door.
“What is it, Ranma?” Akane inquired, as Nabiki ran on ahead.
“Aw, I just always feel so bad leaving Kasumi to clean all of that up.”
“Huh?”
“I mean, really. If she’s gonna cook all of that every morning, the least we can do is help her clean it up. I’ll lay money on that Soun and Dad don’t even lift a finger.”
Akane blinked. “I never thought of that before.”
Ranma shook his head, finally beginning to walk again. “I’m serious, Akane. That girl does too much. I mean, she’s only a teenager, like us, and she does the shopping, the cooking, the repairs... pretty much everything. Kasumi’s only three years older than you, you know. She’s just a kid.”
Akane frowned in thought. “Wow. I never thought of Kasumi as a kid before. I mean, even when she was. And she’s not, now. She’s an adult. She’s out of high school, right?”
Ranma shook his head. “Yeah. Whatever. That chick is headed for a breakdown before she’s twenty-five. Anyway, I’m gonna try to do more around the house. And if pops thinks it’s ‘unmanly’, he can kiss my ass.”
Akane giggled. “All right. If you do, I will, too.”
“That’s my girl,” Ranma replied with a sunny smile. “So... honestly. What about the hair? Is Kasumi right, or is it just stupid lookin’?”
Akane blinked as Ranma turned around for her to view the cascade of wavy, pitch-black hair that winked and caught in the sun. “Uh... er...” she stammered.
“Yeah, it’s stupid, huh?”
“Stupid doesn’t enter into it...” Akane mumbled.
“Ah! The sunlight doth shine more brightly at the sight of the beauteous Akane Tendo... and... excuse me, sir, but what shall I call you?”
Ranma covered his mouth with his hand. “Er... hi, Kuno-sempai.”
It was indeed Tatewaki Kuno, in all his glorious glory. Or something. Apparently, he had decided to meet up with the beauteous Akane Tendo and the winsome pigtailed goddess on the path that led to school, rather than by the gates.
“Wonderful,” Akane breathed.
“It’s me, Kuno,” Ranma said patiently. “Saotome Ranma.”
“The foul sorceror? Nay! Though you may be his brother, you cannot be he; for his hair is but shoulder-length, while yours... may I say... goodness, it’s long.”
Ranma was giggling behind his hand again. “This guy’s more fun than anybody,” he confided to Akane. “Ahem. Well, you could say that I know him very well. The pigtailed girl you like so much is my sister. We’re both enslaved by the evil sorceror!”
Akane and Kuno gasped in tandem.
“Lo! That the foul sorceror should stoop so low as to enslave a young man in the prime of his days, as well as a young lady in the flower of her womanhood!” Kuno intoned. “But worry not; I shall save you and your sister both!”
Ranma nodded gravely. “Oh, thank you, Kuno-sempai!” He batted his eyes, and dragged Akane away.
Akane felt like she’d been turned to stone. “What... the... hell... was... that!” she demanded, planting her feet and refusing to move.
Once Akane had decided she wasn’t going anyplace, it was hard to gainsay her. Ranma tugged on his fiancee’s arm to find that it wasn’t helping. “What do you mean?”
“You actually built on his delusion! What the hell’s wrong with you!”
Ranma sobered almost immediately. “Gee, Akane, I’m sorry; I had no idea you’d take it like this. I just thought it’d be funny.” He shrugged. “Look, I’ve tried everything I can think of to get him off my back; I thought, any way I can get away from him is cool, you know?”
Akane shook her head. “You don’t understand! Now he’ll be after you even more than ever!”
“Not while I’ve got long hair, he won’t. Now he wants to protect me, instead.”
Akane’s mouth slid open. “Well... well, yeah... but...”
“But what? I know it’s rude to tease a madman and all, but what else am I supposed to do?” Ranma straightened. “Here, I know what’ll make you feel better.” He released Akane’s arm and strode back to Kuno. After a small exchange, Kuno shrugged and nodded.
Akane blinked rapidly to see that the two of them were heading straight for her. “W-what?”
“Ranma here has informed me that the pigtailed goddess will not be making an appearance today, if the evil sorceror has anything to say about it,” Kuno explained, “so I may go inside.”
When Akane turned to stare at Ranma, the long-haired boy gave her a peace sign and a wide grin.
Akane found herself staring at her fiance all throughout English class. Ranma wasn’t paying attention, of course, but he wasn’t sleeping, either. Instead, he was staring at the board with every appearance of quiet deep thought, but she could see that his eyes were glazed over: his mind was far from the subject of conjugating irregular verbs. She wondered what was going on in his head. If only Tofu-sensei hadn’t gone missing recently, she’d drag him off right now. There was no doubt he’d been acting different lately, and seemingly as a direct result of hitting his head.
“Akane!”
Akane stiffened in her chair. Uh oh.
“Stare at your fiance on your own time,” Hinako-sensei admonished. “Buckets!”
Akane started in her chair, feeling her face heat. “I wasn’t–”
“Buckets!”
Akane rose, grumbling about fiancees and stupid koi ponds. She stomped outside the classroom and began contemplating her existence.
She didn’t have long to contemplate. “Sorry, teach! Those pressure points are impossible to resist!”
Akane’s face learned new shades of pink as the entire class could be heard tittering from behind the closed classroom door.
Moments later, Ranma emerged, a pink handprint standing out on his left cheek.
“Ranma!” Akane snapped. “What –”
“Figured I’d keep you company,” Ranma replied, balancing the bucket of water on his head with a cheerful expression. “Figured we could talk.”
“T-talk?”
Ranma nodded. “Whup!” he exclaimed, weaving his body to re-balance the bucket before it fell from his bobbing head.
Akane couldn’t help but smile. “Idiot.”
“Guilty. Anyway, what was up back there? I know you’re too much of a tomboy to have any kinda romantic notions about me, but you sure were staring.”
Akane flinched, but did her best to hold her peace. After all, she really did want to know what was wrong with her fiance, and talking to him... would seem to be the only way of finding that out. If she... and he... could survive a conversation longer than five minutes, that was. “Er...”
“Take your time.”
Akane stomped her foot. “Well... well, don’t you see how different you’re acting since you fell?” Her voice came out one part petulant, one part defiant.
“That so?”
Akane nodded eagerly. “Yeah! All... I don’t know. Help me out here!”
Ranma shrugged. “More... self-assured?”
Akane nodded again. “Hey. That’s a little egotistical, isn’t it?”
“Not from my point of view. How else?”
“I don’t know,” Akane filled in with a worried frown. Truth was, she did know, but she didn’t know how to say it: Ranma just wasn’t acting as sincere as he usually did. Whether he was insulting her, beating someone up, or saving her life, Ranma was always flat-out truthful – no matter how much it hurt him or others. Somehow, she got the feeling that had changed.
“Hey... hey, tomboy. Where’d you go?”
Akane snapped to attention again. “I dunno, Ranma. I just... I just wish you’d tell me what’s going on.”
Ranma’s features softened, and he put a careful hand on her shoulder. “Aw, Akane... you know that whatever happens to me, we’ll always be cool, right?”
Akane blinked up at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just that...” Ranma took a deep breath. “Never mind, you’ll just say I’m acting weird again.”
Akane’s heart was thumping in her chest. “Go ahead. I won’t make fun. I promise.”
Ranma’s hesitant smile set her heart pounding even harder, like a bass drum. “What I mean is, even if we never get married... even if you moved far away... even if we don’t ever even kiss for real... I’ll always like you.”
Akane felt the bottom drop out of her world. “R-Ranma...?” Tears pooled in her eyes. “W-what are you saying!”
Ranma viewed her with concern. “What did I say now?”
“What would make you say those things? Are... are you leaving Nerima?”
To Akane’s relief, shock gave way to amusement and then outright laughter on Ranma’s face. “Leaving Nerima? That some kinda joke? I’d have a whole entourage outta the city!”
Akane felt herself relax. “It’s true,” she admitted wryly. “Damn it, you’ve already made me cry twice this week!”
Ranma’s expression shifted back to concerned and more than a little vulnerable. “I’m sorry, Akane.” He squeezed her shoulder. “I do this to you way too often, huh? I’m sorry.”
Akane flushed again. Ranma sure was putting her through her paces, today. She didn’t recall when she’d last been so embarrassed or confused. Probably when the redhead had first made her appearance.
Speaking of redheads... Akane’s eyes traveled to Ranma’s currently masculine form. “Noticed you avoided getting splashed today, somehow,” she commented, trying to regain her equilibrium. “Isn’t balancing that on your head just tempting fate?”
“Fate screws me over anyway. Why not fuck around with ‘er?”
Akane blinked at him. “Ranma... we’re in school.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t curse in school, Ranma. We’ll get in trouble.”
Ranma shook his head. “But, Akane...”
The water fell of course. The real kicker was that Kuno appeared shortly thereafter, in search of his pigtailed girl.
Ranma, spotting the kendoist ahead of the startled Akane, grinned. “See? She’s got it in for me, either way.”
“Oh, pigtailed...!” Kuno cut off. “Wait a moment. Whysoever is your hair...?”
Ranma smiled sweetly at him. “You must be Kuno!”
Akane and Kuno stared at the redhead, who had just turned on her cute-as-a-million-puppies act. “Huh!” they demanded in unison.
“My brother and my sister have told me sooo much about you!” Ranma tacked on.
Kuno frowned. “Wait a moment,” he repeated, as if attempting to get the ‘facts’ straight. “So, you are the sister of the pigtailed maiden and of the longhaired bishonen I conversed with earlier?”
“That’s right!” Ranma exclaimed with a well-don’t-you-get-a-prize smile. “I’m also in thrall! My sister told me you try to save her all the time! By groping her, of course, but I’m sure you mean well.”
Akane’s jaw dropped. “Ranma, what are you...!”
“And... and you are all called Ranma?” Kuno inquired. “The pigtailed girl hath uttered it thus occasionally, and occasionally I have heard others call her thus. And yet... three siblings, all with the same name?”
“Four!” Ranma supplied.
Akane’s buckets dropped to the floor in shock, splashing her shoes thoroughly.
“That’s right, Akane, didn’t you know? The foul sorceror Saotome is our brother, too! In fact, we all work the magic a little, it’s just that big bro is so much better than we are. He can make us do anything he wants.”
Kuno’s eyes blanked, briefly; he was obviously imagining just what it was that Ranma’s older brother Ranma did to she and Ranma and Ranma when no one else was around. “Surely not!” he exclaimed, a bit of drool hanging off of his lip.
“Sorry, but it’s true! Even Ranma’s bore the sorceror’s attentions with grace, hoping to save his poor sisters the humiliation.”
Akane’s jaw, which didn’t seem like it could have possibly fallen further... well, fell.
Kuno’s fists clenched and his arm shook with the force of his revulsion. “Never you fear, Ranma. I shall save you from the evil clutches of your older brother, once and for all!”
“Why, Kuno-sempai! Don’t say that where my sister can hear. She has quite the crush on you, you know.”
Kuno blinked. “She... does?” He appeared amazed by this turn of events, but only for a moment. “Of course! Bwah hah ha! Never shall I disappoint her love! But... perhaps there is room in my heart for... three women?”
“Don’t even think about it,” Akane hissed.
“Verily, two is probably more than enough,” Kuno ammended hastily as Akane’s battle aura flared up, catching on to a female’s anger for what was, perhaps, the very first time.
“Sure is,” Ranma agreed cheerfully. “Besides, I don’t mind. I think of you as an older brother-type, Kuno-sempai!”
Kuno seemed to grow inches taller. “Well. I see. Then let me console you with a brotherly hug!”
Akane watched in horror as Kuno nearly smothered Ranma in his arms. The redhead put up with it with good grace, though, merely twitching a moment before letting the hug dissolve naturally.
“Oh, Kuno-sempai, I owe you forever! Now, I must go back to class, all right?”
“Oh, she of the proud and cheerful spirit!” Kuno exclaimed, backing away from her as though he could not bear to take his eyes from hers. “She that speaks of going to school and doing well despite the torments she endures from her very own brother! My heart aches for thee, Saotome Ranma!”
“Bai bai!” Ranma waved enthusiastically until the older boy rounded a corner in the hallway, exuding an aura in the visible spectrum. Akane, only familiar with auras based on confidence, depression, and righteous anger, didn’t recognize the kendoist’s, but she likely didn’t care.
“’Bai bai!’” she quoted dangerously.
“Don’t tell me you’re upset about messing with Kuno again,” Ranma protested. “I mean, seriously. The guy’s several bricks shy of a load.”
“That’s precisely why it’s not right to egg him on!” Akane exclaimed. “You’re just built on his fantasy world again! What’s wrong with you, Ranma! You’ve been acting deceitful and... and sneaky!... ever since you woke up!”
“Sneaky?”
“Sneaky!” Akane confirmed, her face right in his. “Like you’re hiding something!”
“Heh! Maybe I am, and maybe I ain’t.”
“What’s that supposed to mean!” Akane demanded. She’d reached her breaking point a long time ago; and she was yelling instead of hitting simply because the expression on Ranma’s face when she did so gave her more of a feeling of satisfaction and relief that physical violence. He seemed to be flinching with every word she said.
That should’ve given her pause, but Akane, when angry, was not the pausing kind.
“Just what it sounds like. I don’t know exactly what happened to me,” Ranma finally snapped. “I’m really confused, all right? I’m...” The redhead lowered her voice with difficulty, as one of the other teachers opened a classroom door to find the source of all the noise.
Akane, with a guilty yelp, grabbed her buckets and tried to look innocent.
“...I’m hovering at the edge, here, Akane,” Ranma said, almost quiet enough so that Akane wasn’t sure that was what she’d said. “Don’t lemmie fool you. I’m... I’m in real trouble, and I might need you real soon.”
Akane’s anger seemed to drain out of her. “Need... me?”
“Yeah, and anyone else who’s really my friend. Understand?”
The youngest Tendo didn’t. She looked back to the redhead, whose damp hair was falling across her forehead in drying ringlets, plastered, in one spot, to the redhead’s cheek.
It was the first time Akane had seen Ranma-onna with long hair. She was even more beautiful than usual. A roiling in Akane’s stomach signaled approaching jealousy; her own hair, after all, had been taken from her by force. A heat in her cheeks and a thumping in her chest signaled something else entirely.
“I’m your friend,” Akane said, and at the moment she sincerely meant it. There was something about Ranma when she was a girl, something that reminded Akane forcibly of that very first, hesitant, shy, awkward smile Ranma had given her. Right then and there her heart had melted. Ranma had the same expression on her face now, quiet and troubled and more than a little nervous.
It just wasn’t right that he had the ability to pull this on her.
Those blue eyes were boring into hers. “Will you be my friend no matter what?”
“What’s that supposed to mean? If we’re friends, we’re friends! I’m not the type of girl who changes friends that easily, you know!” she snapped.
To her surprise, a hint of a smile reasserted itself on Ranma’s face, despite Akane’s harsh words.
What do you know? Somehow I said the right thing! “Uhhh...” Akane stammered, finding herself fidgeting under Ranma’s growing smile.
“Even if I turn out to be a pervert for real?”
Akane stiffened. “What would make you say that! You’re just teasing me again, aren’t you?”
“Ha! Look at how uncomfortable you are! Just say the word ‘pervert’ and it’s like there’s a chain reaction in your brain.”
“You are teasing me! I knew it...” Akane mumbled something derogatory under her breath, stamping her foot in embarrassed anger. It never failed. Any time she felt she’d given the slightest bit of her heart to Ranma, he pulled the rug out from under her. Next he’d say he loved her and tell her later on that he’d been kidding!1
“You’re the most insecure girl I’ve ever met!” Ranma fumed.
“What’s that supposed to mean!” Akane screeched.
“What it means is that no matter how I put things you assume the worst of me. Or at least, that’s what I used to think. But now I know that it ain’t got nothing to do with me. You can’t stop yourself from thinking someone’s insulting you, because that’s what you’re telling yourself.”
“That makes no sense!” Akane shot back, without considering it much.
“I tell you I’m going through some serious shit and this is what you shoot back at me!” the redhead accused. “Some friend!”
Akane’s mouth snapped shut so quickly that her teeth clicked. “Wait a minute... you started it!”
“How? By asking you to trust me? By asking you for your support!”
Akane, who often forgot the beginning of an argument by the time she was halfway through it, paused. “You called me insecure.”
“No. I used the word, ‘pervert’. That’s what started this whole mess.”
Akane considered that. “It’s not a dirty word in and of itself.” Her voice was slightly conciliatory. “I just... I know I call you perverted, Ranma... but you must be the least perverted guy I know.”
Ranma winced. “Right...”
“No, it’s true. Not like all men aren’t!” she suddenly cried. Her features smoothed, calmed. “But as men go, you’re pretty good about laying off me. I... appreciate it.”
“Not like I’d ever assault you along with the hentai horde,” Ranma agreed, but her tone was defensive.
“That was how this argument got started!” Akane exclaimed, with a ‘eureka!’ expression on her face. “Kuno! You teasing Kuno!”
Ranma sighed. “And here I thought it started with you calling me a sneak.”
Akane blinked. “Oh... uh...”
“Can we just start this conversation again?” Ranma queried wearily.
This sounded like a good idea to the youngest Tendo girl. “How about this whole
year?”
Ranma froze. “No!”
“Okay, then, I guess I sort of see your point, there,” Akane conceded. “So the conversation. I just promised to be there for you...” she blushed. “And... and wasn’t.”
“Old habits die hard,” Ranma told her gently.
“What did you mean by... by would I like you if you were perverted?” Akane inquired in almost a whisper. “You... didn’t mean anything ecchi by that, did you?”
“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Ranma joked. “What exactly were you thinking of?”
Akane’s face heated. “Well...”
“Let me get this straight,” Ranma continued. “I say the word ‘perverted’ – you think perverted thoughts – and then you yell at me for being a pervert.”
Akane’s blush deepend. “Wait a minute!”
“No, think about it.”
Akane did. Her blush became a four-alarm fire. “But you were thinking, too... uh... weren’t you?”
“I can’t let you know until you tell me what you were thinking of.”
“Is this just some kind of trick to get me to talk dirty?” Akane managed.
Ranma laughed. “So you do have a sense of humor about this!”
Akane grumbled softly to herself. “Well, all right. I was thinking... that maybe you were wondering... about what we’d do as a married couple?”
“You mean how we’d have sex?”
“Shh!”
“Okay, okay.”
“Yeah, like... like if you wanted to... uh... as a... like you are now.”
Ranma looked down at her female form. “I see. So that’s what you thought.”
“And that wasn’t what you were referring to?”
“No.”
Tears gathered into Akane’s eyes. “You mean, all this time I’ve been the pervert?”
“Akane, don’t take it so hard. Most of the guys at Furinkan are way perverted. Much more than you.”
Akane sniffled.
“No, really! But you should keep this in mind: any time you decide a boy must be thinking something... in particular... realize that the thought had to be in your own brain, first.”
Akane’s eyes widened, and she nodded slowly to herself. “It’s true. It’s not like... a boy is... projecting nasty thoughts... is he?”
Ranma shook her head with a gentle smile. “Nope.”
“Ugh! I feel...”
“Don’t blame yourself. It’s the whole hentai horde thing that’s got you thinking this way. You’ll get over it once you get to college and get that whole nightmare out of your system.”
“You think?”
“Sure! Though if I was you, I’d probably have a problem liking any guy after all of that.”
“Do you know, sometimes, I...?” Akane blinked. “Wait a minute. There you go again! All... all manipulative...”
Ranma blinked. “Ha! So much for helping you out!”
“No! I mean...” Akane subsided, a blush heating her cheeks. “I don’t know how long this new maturity of yours is gonna last, so... keep going.”
“Maturity. Thanks; I like that.”
“Sometimes I’ll look at a boy and think he’s... cute, or something. But the moment they get too close, I feel... violated. Violent. Angry!”
Ranma nodded. “’Course. That’s the Furinkan High version of romance!”
Akane giggled. “Ha! Maybe.” She peered at Ranma through her bangs. “Listen, Ranma... uh... I know you don’t want to talk about all of this now, but if you do later on I’ll listen to you.” She smiled. “I’m not good at being your friend, but maybe if we practice some more I’ll get better...”
Ranma smiled doubtfully. “Hope so, Akane. And I hope I’ll be better about not saying... upsetting things.”
“And Kuno?” Akane wanted to know.
Nabiki grinned as her cash cow sauntered through the classroom door. “Kuno, have I got a deal for you!” she exclaimed.
“Do you have a group picture?” Kuno inquired.
Nabiki blinked. “A what kind of picture?’
“Dost though have a photograph of Ranma, her brothers and her sister?”
“Brothers and sister?” Nabiki inquired blankly. “What would you want with Ranma’s picture anyway?”
“Fool woman! That’s whose picture I’ve been buying from you since she arrived!”
Nabiki blinked. “Wait a minute. But you’ve been denying that your pigtailed maiden is Ranma since she arrived!”
Kuno scowled. “Two people can certainly have the same name. Why, the number of ‘Akane’s I met last summer was preposterous! Ranma and Ranma simply have the same name; not to mention Ranma and Ranma. Do you not think that it is a strange family to begin with, that named four siblings ‘Ranma’?”
Nabiki choked on air. “What!”
“I know; it’s insane, isn’t it?” Kuno inquired in what might be mistook for the voice of reason in anyone else. “If you don’t have any group shots, I shall commission a pair. 10,000 yen is my limit this time, woman. You’ve already sucked my finances dry for this month.”
“Now you want a pair of group photos of whom, exactly?”
Kuno stared at Nabiki as though she’d lost her mind. “Can it be you do not know of Ranma? Or Ranma, either?”
Nabiki returned the favor. “That’s the same person, Kuno.”
“No; rather, the same name.”
“So who is this again?” Nabiki repeated patiently.
“The pigtailed goddess,” Kuno explained, echoing her tone, “has a younger sister. She is a sweet and darling...”
“Nude shots?”
Kuno looked shocked of all things. “How dare you seek to pervert the innocent cuteness of such a one? I won’t forgive you!”
Nabiki blinked. “Sooo... okay. So you want a picture of these two girls... together?”
“In the same shot,” Kuno repeated ominously. “Not ‘together’ by any stretch of the imagination. And with their brother, of course.” He colored. “I assume... that a family portrait will be more...expedient?”
“With their brother. And that would be...?”
“Ranma!” Kuno paused. “The long-haired bishonen boy I glimpsed earlier this morning.”
“Let me get this straight. Does the girl Ranma have long hair?”
Kuno nodded eagerly. “And so does Ranma. But Ranma and the sorceror have hair that is... how to say? Shoulder-length. Braided, usually.”
Nabiki worked hard to keep her face inexpressive. “And... and they’re all called Ranma?”
Kuno nodded again. “Yes.” He frowned. “Perhaps it is easier to call them the foul sorceror, the pigtailed girl, Ranma-chan and Ranma?”
“Whatever works for you,” Nabiki murmured in disbelief.
“I do wonder what their parents call them around the house?” Kuno inquired.
“Is that logic I hear?” Nabiki asked suspiciously.
Kuno shook his head vehemently. “Never would I doubt the word of anyone so pure, so lovely, as Ranma-chan.”
“Are you sure you aren’t ill?” Nabiki inquired. Kuno’s delusions had grown by leaps and bounds seemingly overnight.
And all because Ranma now had long, luxuriant hair!
The way home from school is always fraught with peril. Ranma, who had managed to change back during the course of the school day, nearly made close and intimate friends with one of Mousse’s shuriken from lack of attention.
“Ranma!” Akane screeched, warning the martial artist just in time. Ranma flipped through the air, his long hair swishing in the breeze.
Mousse flipped on his glasses and stared intently at Ranma. “Dear lord... miss, I’m so sorry!”
Ranma flinched. “What!”
“I thought you were someone else!” Mousse cried and fled the scene.
Akane began to giggle.
“Shut up, you idiot,” Ranma demanded, fingering his long hair.
Akane began to guffaw.
“Shut up, I said!” Ranma ordered, but her laughter rang throughout the streets of Nerima all the way to the Cat Cafe.
AUTHOR’S NOTES:
I almost stopped posting this story.
The reason is simple: I was flamed. It was my first real flame, and so now I know why people always say that they want C&C, but no flames. And I think I understand why it’s called one. I read the bad review – no, not just a bad review, but an actual insult – and my cheeks heated. I turned bright red. What am I doing writing? I thought. I’m lame, totally lame...
Many critics aren’t writers, but those who are know that putting your stories up for everyone to see is a lot like showing yourself naked. Online, it might be like showing others a picture of yourself naked. At least you’re not around when they say, hmm... well, is this any good?
Still...
I’m about to release a stream of stories I consider... controversial, so I should get a thicker skin. The fact that this story bugged somebody means it had an effect, stirred someone to life, and that’s the idea. So I’ll keep doing it.
As for my take on Ryoga... I think I may make character pages on my website to discuss that. My analysis of his character would probably be about as long as this chapter, but I’ll attempt to sum up. Ryoga started off pretty noble in the series, with some severe impediments like an awful sense of direction and a hopeless nervousness around girls his own age. He was strong and resourceful, but that was all he had going for him. Moreover, he found Ranma’s theft of his sandwiches so devastating that he followed him across a foreign continent – he was physically strong, but so weak emotionally that he was by turns funny and pitiful.
This does not make him a good rival; it makes him an object of ridicule, and sometimes of admiration. Think back to the many, many fics which have examined Ryoga’s suicidal depression as a serious, dark, moody thing; the fics which have idolized Ryoga, made him stronger and faster and better than Ranma. They evolved naturally from canon, the way counterculture does from a culture.
This was no good for the canon story as a whole. We can get pissed at Ranma, exasperated at Ranma, but in the end we can’t hate him. He’s the main character. Takahashi realized she’d made Ryoga’s character far too noble, and, heck yeah, pitiful. Thus, his character undergoes a particularly nasty alteration.
The koi rod episode was the lowest point in his history as a character. The tea kettle, near the end of Ranma 1/2, was the highest. Ryoga also spans everything in between. It’s viable to take him as a diabolical villian, a challenging rival, a friendly rival, a friend, or... more. I’ve seen excellent stories that see Ryoga as one of each of these, or that show him progressing from one position to another, as he sporadically does in canon. I don’t think there’s another character in the Ranma 1/2 universe that has more ambiguity, except perhaps Cologne.
Other than hating Ranma, Ryoga’s emotional vasciallations can simply be taken as part of his ‘weak’ emotional nature. Ryoga isn’t steady in anything else, emotionally; why should his feelings towards Ranma, or his good/evil leanings be any different? However, as an author, I can smell a plot device a mile away, and Ryoga’s sudden malevolence seems particularly transparent.
-K
1 Well... er, Ranma does do that, I’m afraid. Just not yet. For those of you who are really into strict canon, this is a hint as to when my fic really takes place.
Back to Happily Married
Thanks for visiting! Questions? Comments? Would anyone like a mint?
Back to the Garden
