Lately, and most probably as a result of George Bush’s election, many people on the left-side of politics have been pledging to leave and head to Canada. Many claim it's a better county than the US thanks to its Progressive (that’s a fancy word for retarded) governmental ways. Canada doesn’t offend any other countries, it is “inclusive” and “tolerant” and all that other stuff that people make up to keep minorities down and thinking that the man is out to get them.
Canada might not be so clean and innocent as one might think, however. I decided to lump all the facts and little neat things about Canada that I’ve been learning over the years. I think these things are a must know for those going over to the Great White North! Read up, cause these are the things…
Author: =][= Morok
Email: evilcanofjoy@kidsloveguns.com
Did you know that it is legal to fuck a fifteen year old girl in Canada? That’s right, you can go pluck a freshman in high school from her classes and bone her in a public place. And the cops will do is smile and try not to offend you. Why this is allowed is just beyond me. I can’t even imagine sleeping with children. This also begs the question, why hasn’t Michael Jackson moved Neverland up there? Oh, that’s right, his dick would freeze off. Which brings me to my next point…
It’s damned cold in Canada. Sure they do have summer that reach 90 degrees up there, only they are two months shorter. How many times have you heard people say, “Gee, I need to move to Canada and get away from this cold weather!” Some people say that it is temperate there. Those people probably have IQ’s in the teens (which numbers you should get aquatinted with, since that’s what you’ll be enjoying there). Let’ think of the states in America that border Canada for a second. Michigan, New York, Maine, Vermont, North Dakota, Wisconsin and Montana. Even been to any of those states? It’s fucking cold in the winter. Real fucking cold. Now, think about the fact that Canada is higher up than all of those states. This isn’t rocket-science.
Drugs will soon totally be legalized. Now, I’m not against this totally, even though I deplore the use of drugs. However, I’ll make my point that this is not a good thing to do by bringing up the Netherlands, who also decriminalize and legalized many drugs. Can we think of anything that Holland (aka the Netherlands, you fucks) is famous for besides drugs? Windmills, tulips and hardcore sex.
Canada builds monuments to soldiers running away from military service. They actually build monuments! I guess that since they never win any wars or fight in any wars, there is no glory to warrant building monuments! But, when you have America to fight all your wars for you, it’s easy not to get involved in anything. Oh, Canada did participate in D-Day when the Allies invaded Normandy. Of coarse they got the shitty beach the British didn’t want to invade. Come to mind, Canadians did all the nasty dying for the Brits in that war! So I guess when the shit really hits the fan and the British have to fight, guess who gets to be the cannon fodder? And where are you going to flee then? To America? We’re still looking to hang you’re ass for running from THIS war, hippie!
This brings me to yet another point. The Queen of England is still the sovereign ruler of Canada! She even has a Canadian official that rules in her stead (that means absence, stupid! Stop e-mailing me! That means Canada is still a colony of England! They couldn’t even Amend their constitution until they petitioned the Queen to let them! Canada is not really a sovereign nation, just a colony with rights. You could even argue that they are still fighting their own revolution and still trying to break away. More war for the peace lovers.
Canada tried to infringe of first amendment rights that we in America hold so dear and love to say that Georgey is trying to steal from us! Canada tried to ban words like “crackpot”, “weirdo” and “nutcase” because they offended people who were mentally and socially unstable! And you dare say there is censorship in America?
Canada has laws making it legal to go naked on beaches. This may sound great in theory and if you believe that there are beaches in Canada, but the sad truth is that when you go to the beach, who do you usually see? Old people and parents of nagging kids. Now, turn them naked and see how much fun swimming in ice water seems! This law is only nullified because Canada has no beaches. At least one’s you would like to go to.
You may get free healthcare (which isn’t as great as it sounds) but you get heavily taxed on everything you make, buy or might buy in the future. Many Canadians try to land jobs in the United States because of tax exemptions (something Canada legislated to suck the money from the US) and shop for food in the US because is cheaper than Canadian food, with or without taxes included. Taxes are phenomenal in Canada. Go there and check it out, it’s nearly as bad as Europe! And with high income taxes, you get to buy less with less money! A win-win deal!
Canadains pride themselves about tolerance. But that’s easy, since there are only 42 black people in Canada. Most can “be nice” since they rarely see any minorities (except Asians, but who hates Asians?). There are a lot of gay people in Canada, but mostly because they fled from America. And I think that you can consider most the French-Canadian populace gay.
And, God, there is so much more. I think these are the most interesting tid-bits of nasty on Canada. French-Canadians, mounted police (what’s up with that?) and the fact that 70% of the nation’s people live within 200 miles of the US border all just reinforce my point.
Canada has it’s dirty side too.
