Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, and Chyna quotes

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Jericho

"I'm not bouty bouty or rowdy rowdy, nor do I want to be." - Chris Jericho

"Nash would tear a hamstring just picking up the phone." - Chris Jericho

"I wrote some of these lyrics, but I forgot them, because I land on my head for a living." -- Chris Jericho on the WWE Originals DVD.

"In true rock star fashion, I had insomina last night and I didn't sleep at all. So all I need is a bottle of Jack Daniels and some groupies, and I'll be just like David Lee Roth." -- Chris Jericho on the WWE Originals DVD.

"Got milk?" Chris Jericho to Stone Cold Steve Austin the Smackdown after Austin was attacked by Kurt's milk truck

"The magic word is 'ho.'" Chris Jericho on the Oct. 8, 2001 RAW (talking about Stephanie)

"Now you're the Queen of Hardcore, but Movies don't Count!" Chris Jericho to Stephanie

Vince: "OK!! Now go out there and kick DDP's butt, Junior!!"

Jericho: "OK, Ju--- Senior!"

"Y2J has an 'I' of his own--I wish that you would shut the hell up." --Jericho to Kurt Angle

"Thanks Stephanie, you're the breast... I mean best!"

Christian: "What, Jeff Hardy and HBK think they're so coool 'cause girls scream when they take their shirt off? Girls have been screaming FOR YEARS every time I take my shirt off!"

Jericho: "Yeah; It's obvious to them that you are ONE SEXY BEAST!"

Jerry Lawler (in commentating booth): "They're probably screaming for him to put it back on!"

Eric Bischoff: "What do you people say that this Sunday at pay-per-view for the Intercontinental Title, it's Chris Jericho versus Chris Jericho inside of this fifteen foot high steel cage?"

Christian: "What do you think about at Unforgiven, one-on-one, for the Intercontinental Championship, Christian versus Chris Jericho in a…wait for it…wait for it…no countout match! Listen to them. Listen to them. They're going Boo-yah!"

Chris Jericho: "There's a very, very simple recipe, Eric. You take vacant Intercontinental Title. Suspend it freely. You mix in a large, metal, climbing apparatus. You dump in a big, steaming pile of C.L.B. Then you add a huge helping of freshly squeezed Y2J. You mix it up, you shake it, you bake it. Out comes a tasty little morsel known as the Ladder Match!"

"When I became the champion, I beat two guys in one night. I didn't get the title from some cheeseball ceremony."

"Oh my god, I killed Juvi"

"Chris Benoyt, you seem to take yourself very, very seriously."

"It's time to put up..or shut..the hell..up."

"I like Blackman beating Benoit with various appliances! That’s what I call entertainment!"

"They're real special friends, if you know what I mean!" Jericho talking about Shane and Benoit

"You know it is so nice to see in this holiday season even the Radicalz have found that special somebody to cuddle up to. I mean you have Perry Saturn and his girlfriend Terri the Tramp, and then you have Dean Malurkel and his when hell freezes over and platypusses fly outta my butt gurlfriend Lita, and then you have Chris Benoit. Mr Roboto, I was so excited for you when I found out that even you too found that special someone, and judging from this photograph, you two are a perfectly matched couple. *A pic of Benoit and Rosie the Robot from the Jetsons appears on the ovaltron* That is a beautiful shot, and now that you've found her, I guess all you want for Christmas is your one front tooth..."

"Hell, I'm not even gonna come out here and call you a gap toothed jackass!" Jericho to Benoit

"Jupiter, would you please shut the hell up! It sounds to me like your story is even more crooked than your eyeballs are. But since your ego is obviously more inflated than Terri's chest, I say step into the office, it's go time junior"

Coach maybe? "This Sunday at King of the Ring, four men have the opportunity to be crowned King of--"

Jericho "No no, you're wrong - three men and the King of the World! And this Sunday it's gonna be Chris Jericho against WAB VAN DAM - and the winner of that match, who most certainly is gonna be me, moi, Yours Truly goes on to face the winner of Test and Brock Lesnar. But talk about dangling the proverbial carrot in front of the Y2Thoroughbred - because this year, the winner of the King of the Ring gets a chance at SummerSlam to become...the Undisputed Champion. I could regain my Undisputed Championship, and that's why the King of the Ring this Sunday means *everything* to me. So after I beat R-V-D - how cheesy is that? - I'm gonna go on to face Test, 'cause we know he's gonna beat Brock Lesnar and make it an all SmackDown! final, as a matter of fact even better, an all-Canadian final - and I am going to win the King of the Ring, and I am going to regain what is mine - the WWE Un - Disputed - Championship...junior."

"Before I addres the almighty Hulk Hogan, I wanna see the now legendary footage of the night that I changed Edge's life forever. It looks like I have a bit of a decision tonight, huh? A choice? Maybe I'll just put Hogan into the Walls of Jericho and make him submit. Or maybe I'll hit him with my world famous Lionsault and pin him, 1, 2, 3. Or *maybe*, just maybe I'll finish off Hulk Hogan the exact same way I finished off Edge."

"It sounds like MSG is jam-packed full of Jerichoholics tonight! Well even though the WWF title is still just barely around the oh-so-huggable waist of Stone Cold Steve Assclown, Y2J's quest to become the WWF Champion has not, nor will ever...EVER be over. And since I've got so much pent up aggression towards old Stevarino, tonight, Tajunior, I'm gonna have to take it all out on you."

Jericho "Can you believe what happened to me? To me, Chris Jericho? Huh? The King of the World? When I looked up last week and I saw Edge standing there, I mean the way I hit him with that chair he should been out a lot longer than three weeks. And he came back just as I was about to end Hulkamania, just as I was about to put out Hogan, and he came back with my own ring music, with my own entrance, with my own pose, who the hell does he think he is, huh? Huh?"

Vince "You seem - you seem to be obsessed with Edge."

Jericho "Oh, I'm - I'm upset!"

Vince "No, I said obsessed."

Jericho "Well, I'm upset, too."

Vince "So I'll tell ya what."

Jericho "What?"

Vince "You're gonna get Edge just like you want him - in a one-on-one matchup at Vengeance."

John Cena enters "You wanted to see me?"

Vince "Yeah, John Cena."

Cena "Yeah."

Vince "How ya doin'."

Cena "Good."

Vince "Don't be nervous. It's all right. Okay? Listen, I wanted to let you know...how impressed I was with your performance last week. You had a lot of that ruthless aggression I'm looking for. Where ya from?"

Cena "Actually, uh, from right here in the Boston area."

Vince "Oh yeah - oh, excuse me. John Cena, this is Chris Jericho, the first ever Undisputed WWE Champion."

Jericho "Who the hell do you think you are, huh? You know what you're doing, you're coming into this office interrupting me? I am the Undisputed Champion, the very first Undisputed Champion. I think you should show me some respect, you talk about ruthless aggression. Pffft - ruthless aggression with your green tights, your nice little haircut - what kind of ruthless aggression do you have, Junior? Huh?"

Jericho "Vince! Vince - Vince, I have got a huge dilemma, I've got a big problem... Yeah, I can tell, you know my pain - tonight, you put me in a match against Faarooq - just ten short days after I beat the hell out of Triple H in the Hell in the Cell, I'm feeling too, I'm so beat up right now, look - I still got the stitches in my shoulder from that cage match, it was barbaric, and then tonight you're taking one of your most valuable commodities (Chris Jericho) and putting him in a match with Faarooq?"

Vince "And you wanna know why?"

Jericho "Of course I wanna know why!"

Vince "You think I might be abusing you, is that it?"

Jericho "Yes - taking advantage of me!"

Vince "Look at it this way - since I know the kind of competitor you are - and I know that Triple H is looking forward to his match tonight with Test - Triple H, the same man that was in the same match you were in ten days ago, I'm not *about* to let Triple H outdo you!"

Jericho "That's RIGHT!"

Vince "You're Chris Jericho!"

Jericho "That's right!"

Vince "And you're tough, and that's why you're gonna beat Faarooq's ass tonight."

Jericho "That's right, I am tougher than Triple H, Vince, you'll see. I'm tougher - I'm TOUGHER!"

Vince "I have no doubt..."

"Mitchell Cole, would you PLEASE shut the hell up! Now I've accomplished many things that I'm proud of in my WWF career. I've been the former three-time intercontinental. I'm currently the WWF tag team champion. Hell, I've even told Vince McMahon that he has a very small penis! But the greatest accomplishment that I'm proud of is when I beat Triple H for the World Wrestling Federation championship last year on RAW - now even though that decision was subsequently reversed, for a very short time I had the greatest feeling I've ever had in my entire career - and it's a feeling I wanna have back agayne. Now the current champion tells us week after week that 'mah name is Stone Cold Steve Austin - and I don't deserve to be treated like this!' Well what do you deserve, Steve? Y2J says that you deserve to LOSE the WWF Championship! Y2J says that you deserve to have your jackass handed to you! And Y2J says that you deserve to be treated like the soul-selling SLUT that you really are! Now MY name is Chris Jericho, and tonight, I deserve to be the WWF Champion - and THAT'S the bottom line, because ALL of the Jerichoholics said so!"

“Oh, so what you're saying is YOUR name is Stone Cold Steve Austin. Well Stone Cold, MY name is Chris Jericho. And on behalf of EVERY single Jerichoholic in this arena...I would like to ask you, no, I would like to beg you, would you PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP. You know ever since WrestleMania, the eternal question has beene WHY. Why'd ya do it, Stone Cold? Why'd ya sell your soul to Vince McMahon? *Austin taps the belt on his shoulder.* But after all the theories and all the questions, hell after two months of speculation, to be honest with ya I really don't give a DAMN why you did what you did. Besides I have a little theory of my own. You did it because you're nothin' more than an angry, vengeful, 100% bona-fide JACKASS! And besides, I've gotta hand it to you - in selling your mind and your soul and your body to Vince McMahon, you've achieved the impossible - you've managed to become an even bigger slut than Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley!"

Jericho: What happened before was a disgrace, but it'll be ok. It gives you more of a reason to beat the hell out of Edge. And it gives both of us the reason to destroy HHH and has-been Hogan. I can't wait to see you put HHH in the ankle lock, suck the life out of him and make him tap.

Angle: What did you just say?

Jericho: You're gonna put him in the ankle lock?

Angle: No after that.

Jericho: You're gonna make him tap?

Angle: No before that.

Jericho: You suck the life out of him?

Angle: Don't say that!!

Jericho: You suck?

Angle: I don't suck... The crowd chants: You Suck!

"You want reality? The reality is that you are a joke, you are a farce! The reality is that I am not the has-been! You are! Hulkamania is over grandpa. It went out with the Rubik's Cube and "Where's the Beef?" You have a title shot, I am a living legend and I don't have a match? Who in the hell do you think you are? What have you ever done for the WWF? So you sold a few t-shirts, had a cartoon! BIG DEAL! I was the first WWF Undisputed Champion in WWF HISTORY! I was until HHH robbed me of the championship and for that I despise him! I'm gonna enjoy it when he destroys you though. Cause at least HHH beat the best in the business. what about you? You've had one single one-on-one match and you blew it! You lost! You still have these mealy mouthed morons chanting your name over and over again?!" Jericho about Hulk Hogan

"Welcome to RAW is Jericho! And I was just listening to your list of problems and grievances that you have with all my Jerichoholics, and I have a solution - and that solution is to SHUT THE HELL UP. But finally, Al Snow, tomorrow people WILL be acknowledging you - they WILL be talking about the greatest moment of '99 - they'll be talking about the night that Al Snow was brutally beaten by the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah."

"Come on, Kirk Angel. Don't sell yourself short. Because in my mind and in the minds of all these Jerichoholics…" Chris Jericho

"Oh please. A Jerichoholic doesn't have a mind." Jerry `The King' Lawler

"You know, Baldcore Holly, you seem like quite an intelligent man. See you have to understand that we don't need to be hitting each other over the head with steel chairs anymore...I mean, what we should do is sit down like distinguished, intelligent gentlemen and discuss our differences. You can bring some cognac out for me...and I'll bring some Rogaine out for you...but then again, considering that you're such a goofy jackass, I don't think that I could ever, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER let you off the hook that easy!"

"Dammit Vince. You'd think with a multi-billion dollar company you could get a microphone that works."

"Eeked? That's not even a word. You're a sportscaster. Read a thesaurus, dammit!" Chris Jericho to Michael Cole

“X-Pac, I am thrilled that you were able to hook up with Tori! I mean, for the first time in your entire life, you finally got to kiss a girl!”

"My actions tonight? My actions tonight were designed to send a message to Triple H - a message he needs to understand and listen to. You see, on Sunday, for the Hell in the Call, everybody's thinking it's gonna be the big, bad Game - the man who retired Mick Foley in a match just like this one - against the loudmouth, long-haired, arrogant, gum-chewin' rock star who's finally gonna get his mouth shut and get his comeuppance for good. *spits out his own gum* That's not what's gonna happen. Because on Sunday, the man behind the image is gonna peel off the mask, pull back the curtain and expose the ruthless, vicious, merciless competitor that Chris Jericho really is. You know, when Triple H tore his quad...was it the marketing of Y2J who put Triple H in the Walls of Jericho on the announce table and put him out of the business for eight long months? When Triple H was beaten down and bloodied last week on SmackDown!, not once, not twice, but three times, was it the image of the Ayatollah or Rock and Rollah who executed the deed? No. On Sunday at Judgment Day, Triple H is going to face the real me when he's locked inside of a steel cage with Chris Jericho. Hell...in a Cell." Chris Jericho talking about him and HHH Hell In The Hell match

Chris Jericho "Ah, Faarooq - this is perfect, you're just the guy I've been looking for."

Faarooq "Man, are you high? Or drunk? Oh, I know what it is - you just got hit too many times in the head at Hell in the Cell."

"First of all, I'm not high. Second of all, yeah I got hit in the head too many times at Hell in the Cell, you can tell, obviously I got the beating of my lifetime at the Hell in the Cell, and tonight four days later I show up and I have to work? I have to work tonight? It's ridiculous. I mean, I got a pounding headache, I can barely walk - no wonder Mick Foley retired after his Hell in the Cell match - it's a brutal, barbaric match. I got stitches in my head, I got stitches in my arm, I got bumps and bruises and most importantly of all, I have no desire to fight anyone tonight, so I need some protection."

"Protection?"

"Yeah, protection - isn't that what you do, protect people, listen let's not make this a tough negotiation, okay? I got a lotta money. I mean, I've got a lot of money so just tell me how much I have to pay, 'cause I don't wanna defend myself tonight."

"Listen, man, the only thing you better pay is attention." He walks off

"What's that supposed to mean? What are you talking about, who's my opponent, you know something I don't know, huh?"

Mark Henry, standing behind Jericho "Hey sugar britches! You sure got a pretty face. It's a damn shame it's gonna get all busted up...by me."

Vince, after Jericho interrupts to ask why exactly he's in a match, half a man. "Listen, I appreciate what you did in Hell in the Cell - but this is an opportunity. This is an opportunity for you to take another step in your legacy. Chris Jericho, CAN YOU BEAT the World's Strongest Man?"

Jericho says of course, and then "...but what did he mean when he called me 'sweet britches?' "

"Michael Cole, you are the most inefficient, unequivocally worst announcer I've ever seen!"-- Jericho to Michael Cole while Jericho is doing color commentary on the Hughes/Shamrock match

"Kane, first of all, I have no problems wrestling you, but I realize that Tori is your girlfriend and you believe everything she says. But in this case, she's a liar! I mean, I don't mean she's a liar... what I mean is... this is all Chyna's doing. I saw what she was pulling on the monitor. She's trying to cause trouble between us. I don't want that. Believe me from the bottom of my heart when I tell you there is nothing even remotely attractive about Tori to me... no no no, I don't mean that. I don't mean that. I mean, you'd have to be half-retarded to think about her that way. Not that you're retarded! Or I mean... nobody's retarded! But, she's just not my type. I like prettier girls, I mean... no... I mean, she's not that ugly, but... what I'm trying to say is I like girls with a little more intelligence... not that she's stupid, but... Kane... face it, she's... she's no good for anybody, she's nothing but a lunatic psych-- gahh!" Chris Jericho, being cut off by a choke from Kane

“Hey JR, Jericho beat Austin ! What? Jericho beat Austin ! What? Jericho beat Austin ! What? ha ha ha” The Living Legend Chris Jericho to (poor, poor) JR

“Quit your whinning” JR

“IM NOT WHINNING” Jericho, whining obvously..

"They call this guy Silver King... and if he wins twelve more matches, he'll be upgraded to Golden King!" Jericho

"Mitchell Cole, would you please SHUT THE HELL UP? And Kane Kane Kane Kane Kane Kane Kane. After all we've been through, I don't hate you - no, I would like to thank you. Yeah, I wanna thank you for everything that you've taught me, I mean my whole life, first my father taught me how to shoot a hockey puck, then my second grade teacher Mrs. Yakovitz taught me all about pathogenic oculodissonance and now, Kane, you taught me how to go through a plate glass window using only my head, and you taught me how to go through an announce table using only my ass. So in return, after our match last night at Survivor Series, I decided I would teach you a few things. So I taught you what it felt like to have your head rammed through a steel garage door, then I taught you what it feels like to be beaten mercilessly about the head with a and upper torso with a 2x4, and then I taught you how to get up close and personal with members of the steel pipe family. And now, since I'm not stable enough to have a one-on-one match with you, we have a tag match, so it looks like, Kane, that Y2J's lesson in violence is not going to end tonight. No, as a matter of fact, as far as you're concerned, jerky, this lesson will never....ever....end."

"And this is exactly what I was talking about last week. You two giant slugs have been out here for what, three, four minutes? And already you've forced these poor people to drift off into their own little worlds, completely oblivious to what you're saying, and completely oblivious to you. I mean you two morons couldn't string together two intelligent words and I was forced to come out here and save this segment! Personification of evil... ha! I say personification of BOREDOM! The only thing scary about you two is the amount of TV time you get which causes the people to pick up the remote and change the channel, looking for a hero. Well STOP changing the channel because your hero has ARRIVED! Chris Jericho has come to save the WWF... finally, there's a man who's entertaining enough and exciting enough to bring this company back to prominence and make some money for this beleagured promotion... and I'm here to say that 'RAW is SNORE' is now dead and buried and long live 'RAW is JERICHO!'"

"And most importantly, you don't have the legs for it!" Jericho to Saturn on wearing a dress

"Steph...I have a confession to make. Last year for about 2 and a half seconds, while I was recovering from a serious head injury, I found you moderately attractive."

“How can a man whose name is short for testicles have absolutely none?” Jericho to Test

"You're nothing more than a filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal, skanky, bottom-feading, trash-bag ho!" Jericho’s famous words to Stephanie (even though Tracy thinks...erm... ‘knows’ that he loves her...)

"Bossman, I'm sure that your mother once told you if you can't say anything nice about anybody, don't say anything at all. Well, tonight Y2J is telling you, if you can't say anything entertaining, then shut the hell up!"

“Who better than Kanyon? The answer to that is easy, every Jerichoholic in this building is better than Kanyon!”

"X-Pac, I've gotta hand it to you - in your four month absence from the World Wrestling Federation, you have really changed. I mean, you've gone from being a greasy-haired, cheesy-bandana-wearin' jerky in black and green tights to becoming a greasy-haired, cheesy-bandana-wearin' jerky in black and RED tights! But one thing hasn't changed, and that is the fact that Y2J still thinks that you suck, and all of these Jerichoholics still think that you suck, and whether it's you, or Eddie Guerrero, or your newly found just incredibly bald-headed, buck-toothed, jackass buddy, one thing is for certain: none of you will ever, EVER take this championship from the gorgeous waist of Y-2-J."

"Hold on one second - hold on a second, junior - okay? As much as I'd like to believe it was your scrawny ass who ran Austin down, I think if you watch that videotape, you'll see that it was impossible for you to be driving that car, yeah, that's true because you were to busy involved in the valiant and brave task of setting Austin up and locking him in the parking garage in the first place. I think - I think that Mr. Kirk Angel had the best point of all when he brought up motives. Who had the biggest motive to take Austin out of the picture? Who hated Austin more than anybody else? Who's problem with Austin transcended business and became 100% personal? Mick, I think if you look at it that way, it's quite obvious, *especially* after what Austin did to her nerdy brother...what Austin did to her genetic jackhammer of a father...and especially what Austin was going to do to her soon-to-be husband at the time - well, I'm not one to name names, Mick, but I think it's obvious that your culprit is a FITHY, DIRTY, DISGUSTING, BRUTAL, BOTTOM-FEEDING TRASHBAG TRAMP NAMED STEPHANIE McMAHON-HELMSLEY." Jericho answering Mick Foley's question if he (Y2J) had ran Austin over.

"My my my! What a motley-looking crew this is! This reminds me of the cantina scene from Star Wars... I mean, you've got a couple of Vanilla Ice wanna-bes, you've got a freak of nature and her Mini Me little buddy, you got a bleach-blonde buffoon, and you got a really fat guy in a diaper... this is disgusting!" Chris Jericho, insulting Too Cool, Chyna, Miss Kitty Kat, Hardcore Holly, and Rikishi

"Why don't you be chivalrous for once in your life and let ME wear the belt?"

"Chivalrous? What do you think this is, medieval times?" Chyna and Chris Jericho bickering backstage

"Welcome to RAW is JERICHO! You know, I was standing backstage listening to this ridiculously unfunny, unentertaining display between you two idiots - and I came to one conclusion. Rock, maybe you should accept the marriage proposal of this retard - I mean, I think that you would be perfect as the woman in a male and male relationship.
Let's look at the evidence! Your ridiculous, effeminate hairstyle - your flashy, yet oh so sassy Versace wardrobe collection - and the worst example of all, your obsessive fixation with sticking inanimate objects up other male's anusses! I mean it seems obvious to me that you ARE a little -- so go ahead! Unite yourselves! That way you two idiots can get on your horse-drawn carriage, ride off into the sunset, and never, EEEEEEEEEEEVER waste the time of Y2J or all his Jerichoholics Agaain."

"Welcome to RAW is JERICHO! And Kirk Angel, Rikishi may have a giant ass, but you ARE a giant ass! And we would love to see you get the stinkface one more, a-gain..."

"All right, New York City! Welcome to Madison... Square... Jericho! And after tonight, when I become the true, undisputed Intercontinental champion, the Jerichoholics of the Big Apple will throw a celebration party that will make the millennium bash in Times Square look like my sister's seventh birthday party! It'll be a celebration so huge, so grandiose, so spectacular, that it will never, EEEEEEEEVER, be forgotten again!"

"I've got news for you... both those idiots [Al Snow and the Rock] aren't your friends! They hate you! Everybody hates you! All the people at home, all these people in the arena hate you, and most importantly, Y2J hates you!" Chris to Mankind

"The only reason anybody bought your book in the first place is they were hoping you would die at the end of it!" Jericho continuing to rip on Mankind

"Please accept my challenge of a match tonight! And that way, when I write MY highly-anticipated autobiography, I can entitle the first chapter, "Anaheim: the Night I Ended That Pathetic, Feeble-Minded Mike Foleys Career!"

"Tazz... Raisin... would you please SHUT THE HELL UP! You know, for the last couple of weeks, I've had a table broken over my stomach, I've had a pair of nunchuks whack me over the head, I've been smashed in the face with a glass bottle, but none of those things were half as painful as sitting back there and listening to your brutally boring speeches! What *about* you? What *about* Raisin? I mean, you might as well ask 'What about the plight of the African anteater?' Or, 'what about the price of back bacon in Saskatoon?' Or how about 'what about the fact that nobody cares about any of those questions and nobody gives a damn about either one of you?' "

“Welcome to… Austin… is… Jericho! And I know that all of you Jerichoholics are wondering why I’m coming to the ring like this! Well, being a legendary champion and a bad mamma jamma, it makes no difference whether I have one hand tied behind my back, or if I decide to tie both arms, both legs behind my back, set up the two Holly pins, roll down this rampway, and score a 7-10 idiot split, becoming the Ayatollah of Rock-and-Bowlah!”

"Maybe they'll have them be safety guards for kids maybe, yanno, put a Y2J cut out there..or maybe they'll use them to fill up a few empty seats at shows or maybe they'll use it for, yanno, to make a crowd scene in a movie..I dunno, I mean who's to say now there's hundreds of thousands of Y2J lifelike clones..maybe I'll attach them behind me one day and see what reactions I would get.." Y2J on his stand-up cut-outs

"X-Pac, I feel terrible that you have to come out here and defend the integrity of a woman who has absolutely none. I mean as far as Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley is concerned the word honor means jump on her and stay on her. Well, let's spell that word H-O-N-E-R. I guess Stephanie is half of that. After all she is a filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal, skanky, bottom feeding trash bag H-O. And no amount of defending will ever, EVEEER change that!"

"You can complain about the fact that you have a midget head on a normal sized body, or you can complain about the fact that Benoit in French means 'chipped toothed jackass'!"

"....Whether you realize this or not Mick, you are the president of a very prestigious club. Yeah that's right. You're the president of the "I Just Beat the Living Hell Out of Triple H and Left Him Lying Within An Inch of His Life Club." And you know what? I want in! And I understand that it's a very very exclusive club. I mean I know it's much easier to get in to the "My Wife is Still a Filthy, Dirty, Disgusting, Brutal, Nasty, Rancid, Reeking, Putrid, Foul Smelling, Festering, Trash Bag Tramp Club...."

"Kirk Angel, don't sell yourself short because in my mind, and in the mind of all these Jerichoholics, you're already a King. I mean, you're the King of goofy, ugly ring attire. You're the King of all the Nerds. And most importantly, you're the King of all 30 year old virigns! And as far as we're concerned, you're already a royal pain in the ass! And that is true, Jerky!"

Chris Jericho to Chyna: "You gave me a very severe and serious concussion. I had a HORRIBLE Thanksgiving - I couldn't eat, I was vomiting all over the place, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think, I couldn't even play with my children - and for what, Chyna? Was it really worth it? All I did was give you a love tap - break your fingernail - and you try and smash my skull with a sledgehammer? How dare you! How dare you! I can't face you tonight, but after some intense physical therapy, at Armageddon I am gonna give all these Jerichoholics what they want - and that is the end of your ridiculous embarrassment of a career!"

Chris Jericho: "So Chyna, what I'm gonna do is, after our match at Survivor Series, I'm gonna let YOU be MY personal ho. And I know it's something you're excited about, because, heh, I know you've got a sexual crush on Y2J. And with a gorgeous face like this, can you blame her? I also know you like to lay on your back - hell, you've slept with half the boys in the dressing room already. But your dream of a lifetime is gonna come true - when after our match at Survivor Series, when I'm all dirty - and sweaty, and I make you get down on your knees, pucker up your lips and kiss my big, shiny......Intercontinental Championship belt, you will never, EEEVER forget it."

"Congratulations, Vince - after 647 consecutive run-ins during my matches, you have decided that due to outside interference, in the interest of fairness, it's time to play it safe. Well maybe if you woulda had that Socratarian wisdom the night Stephanie was conceived, the world we live in would be a much less slutty place."

"Stephanie I'm absolutely estatic that you feel that way. I mean I've been thinking about nothing but that wonderful, wonderful kiss. For the last two weeks it's thrown my life absolutely upside down. To be honest I've been waiting, I've been pining for the day when I get to taste the wine of your ruby colored rose colored lips once again. And now my dreams are coming true again! My heart is racing, my blood is pumping and I'm coming out there. Provided I don't embarrass myself, I'm going to give you the biggest smooch you have ever EVER had in your entire life. I'm coming right out sugar muffin you wait right there for me!" Jericho being scarastic

"I am Chris Jericho, your new hero! And I am the new millenium for the World Wrestling Federation!"

The Rock "How dare you, little jabroni, come on the Rock's show, and not even have the class to introduce yourself? What is your name?"

Y2J "I told you, my--"

The Rock "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!"

"It's my biggest dreams, and now it's my biggest reality" Jericho on WrestleMania X8

"You’re telling me that all these Jerichoholics didn’t just see me kick your ass in that ring? Is that what you’re telling me? I guess we can believe that. Then I guess it’s also no true that your wife hasn’t slept with half those guys in the back. I guess we can’t believe that either." Jericho to HHH

"AAAH! Who did this to my poster of Dean Dean?! I left it in the locker room for 5 seconds and this is what happens! I will find out who did this! I want names!" Chris Jericho in WCW

"What I'd like to do right now is bring out J.J. Dillon, the "pwesident" of WCW. So listen to what I have to say Dillon, if you're back there at the training table put down the hotdog and the piece of pizza, get off your butt, waddle on out here,and listen to what I have to say pal. You tubby, fat, white haired, moronic, imbecilic, pretentious goof. Get out here and listen to what I have to say you son of a ---" Chris Jericho

"Jo-Jo Dillon and Stinko Malenko are examples of two stuffed shirts who just don't get it. I try to bring some good cheer to WCW, flash my pearly whites for the fans and vary my hairstyle a bit, and everyone tries to ruin my career. What's up with that? If this conspiracy continues, Canada's favorite son might have to dish out a little British Columbian justice. And believe me, I have the Official Royal Canadian Mounted Police Manual handy!"-- Chris Jericho

"Stinko Malenko, I question your integrity sir. I know that you kissed a lot of butts to get the job to be special guest referee in my match at Sturgis, but me and all my Jerichoholics don't think that you're qualified and we don't think that you have the integrity or the honor to referee this match. So what I wanna do is, I want you to prove to everybody that you could be an unbiased, untainted offficial and I want you to call this match straight down the middle. I want you to call things exactly how you see them. Do think you can do that jerky?"

"Welcome to Monday Night Jericho. And ladies and gentleman I most definately am the walrus coo coo cachu. And I promise to never ever treat you Jericholics wrong just because I'm better than all of you. Thank you."

"You can't do this to me! This is a conspiracy!"

"You can't stop rock 'n roll and you can't stop Chris Jericho either."

"I'm not going to have a good time in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. In fact, I don't think a good time has ever been had in Sioux Falls, but they're making me go there."

"Well, let me tell you this: You're not the only guy from the streets brotha. I grew up on the mean streets of Calgary, Alberta Canada. I am one baaaad mamma jammma." Chris Jericho, talking to Stevie Ray

"When you get put in the crushing power of the Lion Tamer, you will submit and I will show you that I am really the greatest showman and champion in WCW. Thank you and good night."

Chris Hudak of Happy Puppy: It's an obvious question, but it has to be asked: What is it like to see yourself in a game where you're this combatant--especially where you have to watch somebody who's not such a good player--and to see your arch-rival beating the crap out of you?

Chris Jericho: First of all, it's cool because it's kinda like something I was always hoping to get into--I always wanted to have a doll, you know, and a video game! You just basically described it: When I first got the game, I got it to have myself in it and play it--to play with myself?--and after about three or four seconds, I would lose every time and get completely destroyed. The first guy I chose to work against was [fellow WCW wrestler Chris] Benoit, and after two seconds he'd kill me, and it would say: "Benoit Destroys Chris Jericho." And I was, like, "Well, that's just like real life," so I never played it any more. So now I never pick myself anymore...I pick somebody else, and when I lose, it's not so bad.

"First of all Steavone you adress me by my real name. Lion Heart Chris Jericho. The man of 1004 moves, Lord and master of the Jerichoholics across the globe!"

"I want you to want me!!!"

"I'll rock down to electric avenue and I'm going to take it higher. Thank you."

"Ralphus wants you to want me. You know, it wasn't too long ago that the Bad News Bears played their fateful game right here in the Astrodome and it wasn't too long ago that I destroyed that filthy Texan, Bobby Duncum Jr. Why? Because I hate cowboys! And that in turn means that all you faithful Jericholics also hate cowboys. And even though Bobby Duncum Jr. is from Texas, tonight due to all the wonderful people here who make me their hero, their role model, their paragon of virtue. I am the true hometown hero y'all!"

"Now we all saw two weeks ago right here in this ring how that baby Huey look-a-like, Konan, robbed me of my championship belt. Now first of all Konan, I gotta congratulate you man. You are definately the greatest latino rapper since Gerardo.You are Rico Suave. Now you know I can't understand what you're talking about. I am definately not rowdy rowdy. I am definately not bouty bouty, nor do I want to be. But, I am, however, 235 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal and Ralphus, you know exactly what I'm talking about. So what I would like to do is re-enact the travesty that befell me. I'm gonna show you people exactly what happened because Konan used a foreign object to steal my belt away. He asassinated my title reign. He might as well have been standing on a grassy knoll and I'm gonna explain to you the Magic Foreign Object Theory!"

From WrestlingOnTheFringe.com
Patty: "Yeah, you got some wicked chops too. You gave some as well, you both walked away red and welted."

Jericho: "Typical Benoit. You could have put a picture frame around my chest and called it a Hawaiian sunset it was so red."

"Well Chris, tonight's the night. Let's not forget where we came from and what we sacrificed to get here? Remember being down in the dungeon with Stu? Just how bad we wanted it - how bad we wanted to make a name for ourselves in this business? All the time we spent in Japan, in Mexico, in Europe, all the CRAP we put up with down south? It's all boiled down to tonight. Tonight is our night. Let's go out there and show them who we are, and why we're here, and what we're all about. You got my back?" Y2J

"Yeah, you're damn right I got your back. Let's do this, Chris, this is our chance, and it's our only shot - let's make it count." Benoit

Jericho "When I was watching and discussing the events that transpired last Monday on RAW with Chris Benoit...we came to two conclusions. And the first one was that we positively, most expubentantly, unequivocably enjoyed beating the hell out of Vince McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin! And the second was that ever since we won these World Wrestling Federation tag team championships ten days ago, that we've neglected to give the former champions a rematch. But unfortunately, Triple H is laid up in bed...WRITHING in pain! SUFFERING in agony! And out of commission for six long months! So it seems that Austin doesn't have a tag team partner, BUT we came up with a little idea of our own. We thought it would be cool if little Stevie teamed up with a man who's an even bigger jackass than he is, and that would be the chairman of the World Wrestling Federation, Mr. McMahon himself! So...'in the interests of fairness,' Y2J and the Rabid Wolverine...wanna defend these championships against Stone Cold (beep) Austin, and Vincent K. McMahon, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, TONIGHT on SMACKDOWN!"

Benoit "Hey Austin, I know you're in the back there somewhere, hiding behind the power of the owner of the company...but on behalf of everyone here tonight...I'd like to welcome you to THIS BUILDING. This building - where Mark Messier won the Conn Smythe trophy! This building - where Wayne Gretzky broke the NHL all-time scoring record! This building, where the Oilers won four of their five Stanley Cups! So Austin, my question is: in this building, the house of champions...will you accept our challenge? Will you and Vince McMahon fight us in my home town.... Edmonton, Alberta, Canada?"

"And as far as tonight is concerned...As far as tonight is concerned, I think it's time that the Two Man Power Trip became two time losers when Chris Benoit & Y2J beat you for your tag team championship titles! Because, after tonight, junior, neither you nor Triple H will EVER, ever be the same agayne."

“For you summer slam is usually a quickie on a hot summer night!” Jericho to Stephanie

"At SummerSlam I'm going to take care of that smelly, greasy, nasty animal...and I'm going get you too Rhyno." Jericho to Stephanie

"You've got a man beast, and a hoe's beast. I mean we're dealing with the gore, and the whore!" Jericho's name for Stephanie and Rhyno

Chris Jericho. "Embarrassing moment at the hands of Ric Flair, embarrassing, you think it's embarrassing, Ric Flair thinks it's funny that he pulled down my pants and strutted around woooo! woooo! like a jackass? Huh? I don't find it funny at all, and I'm gonna show you how funny I find it. Flair thinks he's the greatest of all time? I'm gonna prove that I'm better. I'm gonna show what a multidimensional, multi-talented superstar does. First off, next week my band Fozzy is going to play live right here on RAW - that's multitalented. Secondly, at SummerSlam, Flair, I'm challenging you to a match to settle this once and for all! To prove that you are nothing more than what I say you are, which is a washed up has-been, and to prove that I am exactly what I say I am, and that is the true KING of the WORLD!"

"You know Benoit, ever since I was a tiny Y2J, I wanted to be the Intercontinental Champion"

Chris Jericho 9-13-01 Smackdown: "To be quite honest, I'd rather be in New York City going through the rubble and seeing what I could do to help right now; but since I'm not, maybe, just maybe we can help in a different way. Maybe we can begin with ourselves, and maybe we can learn from this and become a more peaceful nation and a more peaceful race in the long run.... I think it's one thing that we've learned from this is that we never know what's gonna happen tomorrow, in the next five minutes, in the next ten minutes. And maybe above anything else, maybe tonight if we could all just hug our loved one a little bit harder, or give him or her an extra kiss. Be a little bit nicer to a stranger on the street. Be a little more kind, a little more gentle. Our fate and our destiny lies in our hands now..."

Chyna

"How about we see if your bite is as bad as your bark?" Chyna to the British Bulldog

"Oh, sorry Trish, Jan (the makeup lady) didn't bring the sandblaster to take away all your wrinkles today." Chyna to Trish Stratus

"I think Chris Jericho's ego is getting just as big as Rikishi's butt." Chyna talking about Y2J and his ego

"Just a woman? Try me, Triple H." Chyna to Triple H

"Eddie, stay out of my cleavage. I can't hear you." - Chyna to Eddie Guerrero

Chyna: "Kitty, you are gonna be the fourth competitor in the Evening Gown match. I'm gonna be busy, I have to throw Chris Jericho around, you're it. I signed ya up."

Miss Kitty: "No! You can't do that! You don't understand! That means I might get stripped down to my bra and panties!"

Chyna: "Kitty, what's the big deal? Who cares?"

Miss Kitty: "No! Chyna, you don't understand - I don't wear underwear!"

Chyna: "Well, Kitty you're just gonna have to win, aren'tcha?"

"Oh, and if one of you boys do happen to pick up an issue of Playboy and see my ass, you can kiss it too." Chyna to RTC

"No matter what happens, keep filming. You understand me, eh? This isn't too funny of a situation, is it Chyna? It's not as funny as walking to the ring with some hedge clippers, maybe? Making some penis jokes with your little buddy? It's not so funny anymore, is it - not as funny as causing me to lose another match in front of millions of people and embarrassing me again? Not as funny as embarrassing me like you did yesterday? Huh? Tell them! You understand me?! TELL THEM!" A pissed off Jericho

"Screw you, Chris." Chyna
Jericho brandishes a hammer and demands again. Chyna says she won't lie to him. "You do what you have to do."

"I guess you called my bluff - I guess you are the better - I could never - I could never hit a defenseless person's...hand - I guess you really are the better person, I could never-" then he BREAKS HER HAND!
Chyna: "I wear the pants around here!"

Chyna: "Chris Jericho, you seem to have a real problem with a woman being the Intercontinental champion, which I don't really understand because it seems to me that YOU'RE the one coming out here every week, whining and crying like you've got a yeast infection."

Lawler: "No - it's called, Chyna Envy! That's what Y2J has!"

Chyna: "I'm wondering if you're crying because, maybe...I'm a little bit more muscular than you are; bigger than you are! I'm wondering if you're crying because, even though the heels on your boots are bigger than mine, I'm still taller than you are! And I'm wondering if you're whining and crying because, frankly Jericho, I'm better than you are. I think I've proved it and I think if you ask any male WWF superstar, they will tell you that I definitely am a worthy Intercontinental champion. But Jericho, if you need me to prove it, I'll give you a second opinion when I bitchslap you around the ring at Survivor Series!"
Chyna: "Only a woman? You can kiss my ass!"

"The average woman is a size 12, not a size 2," Joanie Laurer

Chris Benoit
"I haven't got any catch phrases. Haven't got nothing fancy to say. Nothing cool way to end this interview." - Chris Benoit
"I am a very focused, very intense individual. Wrestling is a passion for me. In time, the cream rises to the top. And I know I'll be there too!" -- Chris Benoit, 1998.
Benoit: “Wrestling is my mistress. It’s my passion.”
Benoit to Flair (after he had been sent to an insane asylum) WCW: "We were committed to this *holds up 4 fingers* while you were being committed!"
Benoit: "You're not going to give me a ride? C'mon, one last time!" Eddie: "GET YOUR HAND OFF MY KNEE, HOLMES!"
"I'm from the City of Champions, and I'm going to give you a good Northern Atlantic ass-kickin'." -- Chris Benoit, trying to get a rise out of Chris Jericho.

Stephanie: "I did see it..."

Benoit: "He held me down - he held my arms - in that stink face...he laughed at me. Nobody laughs at me. I demand a match with Kurt Angle at Unforgiven!"

Matt Hardy interrupts: "Stephanie - I've gotta talk to you - right here and ...right here, now."

Stephanie: "Matt, you can WAIT. You know what, Chris, you're right. There is no match I would rather see. At Unforgiven, it is gonna be Chris Benoit versus Kurt Angle."

Benoit "At Unforgiven...when Kurt Angle sees my smile, he will FEEL my PAIN."

"Now Benoit - I realise that my precious gold medals - my poor gold medals are resting comfortably against your genitals - and personally, I think you're sick! But not nearly as sick as the match that I have in store for you. This Sunday at Judgment Day, I will face you...in a straight up...wrestling match! No catches, no crazy stipulations, just you and me, the ring, and no excuses. How do you like that, Benoit?" Kurt Angle

"You know, Kurt Angle, your idea - it reminds me an awful lot of you - it really sucks! You know it's like this, Kurt - I say I'm better than you, and I say that the fact that I have your gold medals proves it. You know Kurt, you really disappoint me. I'd'a though that you come up with a lot more creative of a way than having a straight wrestling match? No, I say we settle this once and for all, no ifs ands or buts about it - this Sunday, we fight two outta three falls. First fall, pinfalls only - second fall, submissions only, if that's okay with you, Kurt." Benoit

"Hey, that's fine with me, I have no problem with that. But let's just say, maybe uh, maybe you cheat again and you manage to squeak out a win, then what happens, Benoit?"

"Well you know, Kurt, that's really simple - LADDER MATCH." Benoit says with his "evil smile"

"Ladder match?!" Angle not believeing what he just heard

"If it's tied at one, we take the medals, suspend 'em above the ring and the first man to climb up the ladder and grab them...gets the gold." Benoit

"Hold on a second - whoa whoa whoa - a ladder match, no frickin' way Benoit, no way." Angle says getting scared...

"Are you scared, Kurt?" Benoit asks

"Whoa whoa whoa. I'm not scared--" Angle says getting defensive

"Are you scared, Kurt?" Benoit repeats

"I'm not scared - I'm not scared of anything - if you want a ladder match for the third match, you've got it Buster - and to be honest with you, it's not gonna get that far. Now let's get on with this match tonight!" Angle

"Steve Austin - we haven't met. I'm Chris Benoit, the best damn technical wrestler in the world today! Now we can all stand here and talk aboot some injustice that took place ten months ago, but I'm here to address an even greater injustice that took place last night. For the second time in my WWF career, my name was announced as WWF Champion. I became a two-time WWF Champion, only to have it...taken from me. Robbed from me once again! You wanna talk aboot payback? You wanna talk abbot retribution? If anyone deserves payback around here tonight, it's me. I want the Rock tonight for the WWF Championship! If anyone deserves justice around here, it's me!" Chris Benoit to Austin after he (Austin) came back

"If anyone deserves a shot at the title tonight, that would be me - the world's greatest technical wrestler, and that's just the way it is! The WWF title is gonna be on the line, then *I* will be the one fighting for it, because there's no one standing in the ring, or anyone in the back that can prove me wrong. I'M the one that deserves a shot at the title tonight!" Benoit

Chris Benoit: "You know Kane, no matter how you look at it, tonight, you and I have to function as a team - a tag team. Regardless of who becomes #1 Contender, tonight is aboot you and I working together. Hey, I understand you don't play well with others. Maybe that started at an early age. Maybe you weren't the most well-liked on the playground, maybe your report card read 'does not get along with others,' maybe you were the last one picked at kickball - but that doesn't matter, 'cause tonight is aboot the Rock and Undertaker - and us tearing them apart. Understand?"

Kane: "Benoit - I was NEVER picked last."

Benoit: "What?"

Kane: "In kickball. I was NEVER picked last!"

Benoit to Lilian Garcia (who he secretly likes..Shh!) "Game plan? Game plan? Let me ask you a question, Lilian. What do you THINK my game plan should be, with all your wisdom of the WWF, what would your advice be?"

Lilian "Win?"

Benoit "Very good, Lilian, WIN, because that's what it's all about - and how should I do that? How should I win? ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!"

Lilian "Uhh - uhh - by beating him?"

Benoit interrupts Kurt and is thoughtfully stroking his nonexistent beard and proudly showing off his shiny new WrestleMania X-Seven jersey "Kurt Angle. I've got some good news for you, and I've got some bad news for you. The good news is I don't have an opponent at WrestleMania, just like you! And the bad news is I don't have an opponent at WrestleMania, just like you. You know, listening to you complain and whine and moan reminds me of the fact that I've had to listen to you complain and whine and moan for over a week now. To be honest with you, Kurt, your voice....it annoys me. But, what annoys me more is your claim to be the best wrestler in the WWF! That annoys me! YOU annoy me! But what annoys me more than anything above and beyond everything is the fact that I know if you give me just a little bit of your time, I could make you tap...tap...tap...like the ass that you are, it's true, it's true."

"Anticipation of is worse than pain itself." Chris Benoit

"Fact of the matter is, you DO need some help here, Mick, so here's your main event for tonight: Chris Benoit versus the Rock! But... BUT... there's a very special stipulation involved. One that's almost unheard of here in the WWF since you've been commissioner. I will fight the Rock... heh, heh, heh... now here's the real crazy part...I will fight the Rock in a... are you ready?... one on one WRESTLING match in the middle of a WRESTLING ring, where the only people in the ring are the WRESTLERS and the referee!" Chris Benoit

"I don't look at reality through any veil, nor do I look at the truth through any veil. It is what it is, things are as they are and I am who I am... When I rest, I rest in reason, when I move, I move with passion." Chris Benoit with some good advice

"Yadda, yadda, yadda ... talk to the hand!" Benoit to Eric Bischoff

"Sturgis, the Crippler will 2 time, 2 time, 2 time kick your ass."

Chris Benoit returning on RAW 5-27-02 "You know, it sure as HELL feels good to be back! You know, a few months ago, I was drafted by Vince McMahon to be on SmackDown! Well, there is absolutely no WAY the WWE is going to come through MY hometown...without havin' the Wolverine! You know, I'm only a few weeks away from comin' back to doing what I do best - proving what I prove best - being the best damn technical wrestler in the world today! You know, there's an awfully good reason why I came here tonight--"

Eddie Guerreo interrupts "It's good to SEE you, ese! It really is! You know what, Benoit...I missed you, homes. I really MISSED you, ese. But you know what I missed most of all? Your *jealousy*. That's right, ese, you were ALWAYS jealous of Eddie Guerrero. 'cause you know that out of ALL the Radicalz...I'm the one with all the talent. I'm the one with all the...charisma. But you know what, ese? Most of all, I'm the *only* one with Latino Heeeeeat. You know what, ese? Your jealousy has always blinded you, man. You were ALWAYS trying to hold me back."

"Is that so."

"Yeah... ... you know what, ese? Since you been gone, I have accomplished a lot, ese - I AM the intercontinental champion! I beat RVD. But you know what, ese? Last week, I was able to accomplish what YOU never could...I laid out Austin! I laid him out...stone cold!"

"Well, congratulations...Mr. Lateeno Heet. You are the Intercontinental Champion...and unfortunately, that's a reality I can't change. But tonight, RVD can. As far as you being a *better* wrestler than me? Hehehehehe - well tonight, we're gonna find out if you can have a better *ladder match* than me. And what you did to Stone Cold Steve Austin...well it takes a real tough guy to hit someone from behind - and then run."

"Orale. You know what? I'd like to hit YOU right now."

Benoit and Eddie about to fight when Ric Flair comes out "Well, well, well....well, well, well! Benoit...can't you do anything civilised? I let you walk out here, suck up to all your home town fans...and what do ya do? You start a fight. Typical Canadian. You realy think I'm gonna let Chris Benoit get it on with Eddie Guerrero tonight? Let's ask everybody in Edmonton - do you want to see Chris Benoit against Eddie Guerrero? CROWD CHEERS You want to see Stone Cold Steve Austin walk down that aisle tonight? CROWD CHEERS Too bad! 'cause according to JR, Austin's wife Debra got a family emergency - he can't be here. And even if he was stupid enough to interfere in my program, I have a special welcoming committee waitin' on him. So Austin, you might as well stay home anyway - you're benched. But Benoit...you're not benched. But if you think for one minute I'm gonna let a SmackDown! guy walk in here and get it on with a superstar from RAW, much less the intercontinental champion...you're wrong. So unless you got a ticket - and you don't - get outta my ring right now."

Val Venis "You know something, for the last two months the Big Valbowski has been repressed by the single most repressive regime in the history of the World Wrestling Federation - the McMahon-Helmsley Regime! And week after week after every damn week, as the Big Valbowski strolled through the arena doors, he heard the exact same excuse: 'Val, as of right now we just don't have any plans for you.' Well, as of tonight, the Big Valbowski has decided...he'll make his own damn plans. So just to refresh your memories, it was just last year when this waist was decorated in intercontinental gold. So with that in mind, the Big Valbowski issues a challenge for next Monday night on RAW to whomever is the intercontinental champion after Judgment Day!"

Chris Benoit " 'Whomever?' Let me make something clear, Val. There is no doubt in my mind that after Judgment Day, I will be intercontinental champion. You say you've had Intercontintal gold? Good for you. You fell like you've been passed over? Tough break. You think you deserve a title shot? You got it. Not only will I accept your challenge - I say we do it right here...right now...before I lose my patience-"

Jericho cuts him off "There's only one little problem, Chris Benoyt! While you're on your way to retaining that intercontinental championship, you may run into a little bit of a roadblock - you may run into a....wall. Because after you experience the Walls of Jericho, you're not going to have to worry about that championship, because the Crippler is going to become the crippled! And after Sunday at Y2Judgment Day, the only way you're going to properly walk is if you're cooking Chinese food! So on Monday night, it's gonna be the Big Lebowski versus the Big Bad Mamma Jamma!"

Hardcore Holly "Now, Chris Jericho, why don't you shut your hole for just a minute! And Val... what gives you the right to come out here and start making challenges? If anybody's got the right, it should be me. I should be the one facing the winner Monday night - not you!"

Jericho "Hold on a second, Baldcore! Since Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, who just happens to be a filthy dirty disgusting brutal skanky bottom-feeding trashbag ho, wants me to choose a tag partner, and since you're so unhappy, Val - and most importantly of all, since you're here - I choose YOU. Let's dance, baby!"

"Whoa whoa whoa - easy, Eddie, easy. Hey I'm not gonna let you talk to Ric Flair like that. Go easy. This man is a hero. This man is a legend. Most importantly, this man...singlehandedly...took away MY opportunity. Took away MY dream, took away MY hope! I've been sittin' at home for one year because Stone Cold Steve Austin broke my neck. Do you have any idea what HE took from me? Huh? Like Eddie said, he left on YOUR watch. And I'm holding YOU personally responsible for ruining MY life. Do you hear what I'm saying? Do you hear what I am saying?"

"You know, last week...I made a very special appearance on RAW - just to see Stone Cold Steve Austin. You know, the only reason I'm not able to wrestle tonight - is because of Stone Cold Steve Austin. You know, just over a year ago at King of the Ring, I was about to achieve my ultimate goal - winning the WWE title! And Austin...you took that away from me - YOU took that away from me! You know I've had a whole year, sitting at home with nothing but time and patience - well I've run out of time, and I sure as hell have run out of patience! Austin, last week was the beginning of a very long and painful PAYBACK."

Vince McMahon "Just before your match, now calm down already. I wanna emphatically state that look, I've gotta keep these matches separate, and you know that. I've made an exception for you. I want SmackDown! over here I want RAW over here, I like competition - and I know you do as well. As a matter of fact, you know what ruthless aggression is all about, Eddie Guerrero, so ah, tell me, in Spanish, do the translation for me, ruthless aggression, what is that?"

Eddie Guerrero "Padrone - boss, you asking me what the translation is? It's Eddie Guerrero, that's what that is."

Vince "Of course it is, and it's Chris Benoit - yeah. That's who it is. You have been out of the ring for over a year, Chris Benoit, I'm glad I'm not gonna be one of your opponents tonight, but now that you're the property of RAW, I gotta make it up to the SmackDown! guys somehow. But I wanna know...you realise you owe me, right?"

Benoit talking before his first match back "And I will - WE will - pay you back tonight tenfold, out there in the ring."

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa ho, YOU covering ME? You may be chairman of this company, I respect that - but the next time you step into this ring with me, I will beat you to within an inch of your life!"

Benoit "Those son of a bitches are going to pay!"

Latino Heat "Ese you don't think I'm annoyed too, ese? I mean, come on, man. first the Dudleys come in on my match, holmes? And then Booker T & Goldust come in on yours, ese? I mean, what's going on, man? Ese, can this night possibly get any worse, ese?"

Benoit "Well what the hell do you want?"

X-Pac: "What do you mean, what do I want, man? Chill out, Benoit. Damn, man!"

Benoit "What'd you say?"

Show: "Hey, Wolverine. He said take it easy. Okay?"

X-Pac: "Hey, you know - they have been gettin' their asses handed to 'em all night."

Nash: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, listen. As good as you two are, remember - there's strength in numbers."

HBK: "And by the way, Big Daddy Kev's got some important things to say - you two...might wanna listen up."

Eric "Chris Benoit! Man I've been waiting to see you again! It's been a long time, I gotta tell ya - hey, what a match you had last night, table match - you are tougher than hell. Which is why I've got no problem making a match tonight between you and Booker T, I mean, do you remember that series we had in WCW betwen you two? It was classic."

Benoit "Best of seven."

Eric "Man, it was classic, and I wanna give the fans here on RAW, my show, I want Eric Bischoff to bring that same sense of excitement, that legacy of Chris Benoit, Booker T... to RAW. Now...there's a bright side; the winner gets a shot next week right here on RAW at the new unified intercontinental championship and Rob van Dam, and buddy, that could be you - and YOU, my friend, are all about ruthless aggression, which is why I love ya. Take care and good luck in the match tonight - I know you can do it. You the man - you are the man!"

Latino Heat talking to Loyd while Benoit looks on and flexs his muscles "Shut up, man! Don't you have any manners, ese? You know what - look who you're talking to, man! Look who you're talking to! We're the homies that were on TV last week, beatin' Rock and beatin' Edge ese ese, this man right here ese vato, he had the Rock tapping like this 'Oh no, Mr. Benoit, oh no Wolverine, I'm sorry, Latino Heat!' Ese, man, c'mon, look at him, holmes - he's the master of submission!"

Angle "Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa hold on a second! Excuse me. PLEASE. Peep this, 'holmes.' NOBODY makes people tap like Kurt Angle, get it? I'M the master of submission around here, pal. And John Cena would have been tappin' if it weren't for you guys comin' down and ruinin' the whole match! What's the big deal here, pal?"